Disclaimer: Still not ours
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Genesis/Rufus, Tseng/Lazard
Warnings: not many this chapter. Language, and lots and lots of drama and conflict.
AN: Thank you to everyone who is reading, alerted and favored.
Special thanks to reviewers: Mix Golden Phoenix, BunnyNeko, Hikaru, Vivimouse, Khfujoshgirl98, KirasTastefulTragedy, Kiti Renentine, Requiem's-Razor, Athenaion, and Soyna. You are all loved dearly
Genesis, Lazard, Sephiroth (AlexJ69); Tseng, Rufus (Whiskeya)
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Genesis stopped by his apartment to drop of the items he'd gotten for himself at the mall, and for a quick outfit change. Regardless of the status of his relationship with Sephiroth, he always looked professional when meeting with the general; he knew Sephiroth would have it no other way. Besides, he liked the look in Sephiroth's eyes when he was dressed in his full SOLDIER attire. For some reason the uniform turn on the silver general – not that Genesis was out to seduce him or anything.
Adoring his black sleeveless turtleneck, matching leather pants and knee high bucked boots, the SOLDIER brushed out his hair, and added a quick spritz of cologne – not too much or too heavy a scent seeing how the SOLDIER senses were heightened and strong smells could offend – then deemed himself fit to face his superior.
The trip to the general's office was nerve-wracking, more so than usual; he could already picture the fight in his head, and sadly, he was well aware that he would be the one to start it. Sephiroth would stand there stony-faced, not an emotion flickering across his features, not even a flash of rage in his emerald cat-slitted eyes, and that stoic countenance would drive Genesis insane.
He would let his passion get the best of him, and start yelling, and all the while Sephiroth would stand there and take it, with a silver eyebrow raised, watching Genesis as if he were a spoiled brat. Yeah, this one's going to be a doozy…
Genesis stepped off the elevator, and onto the floor that housed the general's office. The pit of his stomach was churning and his heart was slamming into his chest. It had been months since he and Sephiroth had been alone together, and he had to wonder if that was the reason he'd gotten dressed up, and maybe he was lying when he told himself he wasn't out to seduce his general.
'Stop it,' he chastised himself, 'I have a new lover, one that I am falling for, and I should stop thinking about Sephiroth in a manner that is inappropriate for someone who is in a new relationship.' As his stomach clinched with excitement and anxiety, and he thought of turning away, it was the memory of his young lover pushed him onward. The sooner he concluded this business, the sooner he would be able to get back to Rufus.
He swallowed down his nerves, not even sure why he was so worried. It wasn't like Seph and him hadn't been through this song and dance before. It was just one of the many ways they communicated. He would have his outburst – was free to rage and know that Sephiroth wouldn't hold it against him – while Sephiroth would wait patiently for the tantrum to end. Genesis had to admit, there was no one who knew and understood his complexities as Sephiroth did, no one he could relate to in the ways he did the general; which was why he worried about the panic he was feeling.
No one understood him in all his many facets as did his silver haired ex-lover. Yet, they could not be together. Sephiroth was in love with his career, putting Gen second, and Genesis wanted to be number one in the eyes of the person he was with.
Even before knocking, a low, calm voice from inside invited him in. Without missing a beat, the auburn warrior turned the door knob and proceeded inside.
"Good evening, General," the redhead purred, flushing with an emotion he wished wasn't there. He stood at attention, and saluted his superior officer.
"At ease, Commander." Sephiroth felt his blood raise in the presence of the auburn one. Having missed him terribly over the months of his mission, and feeling put out knowing Genesis had taken a new lover, he had yet to raise his head. He feared that if he looked at his second in command right away, he wouldn't be able to carry out the discipline that was required. "Please, have a seat," the silver demon of Wutai intoned, while composing himself, hardening himself to do what needed to be done.
He waited until Genesis was seated before lifting his head and continuing. "SOLDIER First Class Rhapsodos," Sephiroth noted how apprehensive the redhead had become due to the use of formalities. And as he spoke all he could think of was how beautiful Genesis looked sitting there, wringing his fingers. He wished his words were calming, but alas, that was not the case, "I demand an explanation of your actions over the last week. The reports that Director Lazard has filed are rather... displeasing to read. There is one in particular that concerns me gravely. Sexual harassment against a member of the board. Explain yourself."
Genesis was struck. His mouth fell open, and for the longest moment all he could do was blink. He hadn't thought that what he'd done was that bad. He hadn't just used Rufus, he was now in a relationship with him. Then it sank in; Lazard filed sexual harassment?
"Permission to speak freely, Sir?"
Sephiroth couldn't deny that such a simple statement sent a thrill racing though his body. It proved the power he still had over Genesis, and he did enjoy the redhead having to submit, even if it was only in a professional sense. "Granted."
"Seph," Genesis ceased using formalities and began to state his case, "I didn't sexually harass anyone. And if it says in the report that I refused to go to Junon, as a First Class, it is my right to refuse missions."
Sephiroth steepled his fingers, gaze boring into Genesis. How he loved watching the auburn warrior squirm in his seat. He deserved it for breaking his heart as he had. Anyone who thought the silver general couldn't be petty and vengeful was gravely mistaken.
"I could care less about the mission to Junon. You are correct, you have that right. However, SOLDIER Rhapsodos, what concerns me is that you went to the vice president in the first place to have him override that mission's orders. And there is still the issue of sexual harassment. It was a complaint filed by Tseng of the Turks, in the name of Rufus Shinra himself."
"What?" Genesis was on his feet. If Sephiroth had plunged Masamune though his chest, he wouldn't have felt more betrayed. "I didn't harass Rufus. He's my boyfriend for crying out loud." The red SOLDIER was growling. "You are only even taking that report seriously because I have a new boyfriend, and it's not you."
"You are out of line, Commander." Sephiroth hadn't meant to raise his voice like he did, but he had never been fond of his subordinates questioning his authority, even if it was Genesis, especially since it was Genesis. The silver general took a deep breath. He knew that his ex wasn't going to make this easy for him, however, Sephiroth had a job to do, and he would not be shaken by Genesis' outburst.
"Genesis, this has nothing to do with our personal relationship; it has everything to do with your misconduct." Even as he spoke the words, Sephiroth knew he was lying. He probably would have dismissed the report if he hadn't ran into Genesis and Rufus at the mall. He was feeling replaced and Genesis would pay for it.
"Seph," Genesis cut in, "I haven't done anything wrong, just go ask Rufus. He will tell you." There was a hint of desperation in the redhead's voice.
Sephiroth held up his hand, demanding silence, and for once, Genesis complied. "Genesis, the entire thing is too suspicious. You refusing your mission, then going to Mr. Shinra, on top of that getting this grievance filed against you. You have tied my hands here, Commander Rhapsodos." Sephiroth's heart shattered before he even levied the sentence. While he had being content to watch Genesis squirm, and had even taken pleasure listening to his auburn ex-lover try to defend himself, he had not wanted to destroy the man. Therefore, what he said next was as shocking to himself as it was to the redhead. He forced out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding."You are hereby demoted to Second Class, Genesis Rhapsodos. I expect you to turn in your uniform immediately."
Genesis stumbled; thankfully he was gracefully enough to catch himself before he fell. "Seph... you're not serious. You can't be. I haven't done anything wrong." He could not, however, catch the tears that were starting to slide down his cheeks. "Please, Sephiroth, don't take my career. Whatever you want," he was having a hard time filling his lungs with air, "I'll do it."
"I'm not the one doing this, Genesis, you did it to yourself. Now please, go change." Sephiroth knew what being a general entailed; it was he who had to make the hard choices, and this was one of them. He had thought it would make him feel better, hurting Genesis as he had been hurt earlier, but he was wrong. The silver general wanted to take the red warrior into his arms and kiss away the tears, wanted to tell him that he wasn't serious, that it was his idea of a sick prank, but he couldn't. It was already done, and Sephiroth did not back out of a decision.
"Fuck you, Sephiroth!" Genesis shouted, and spun to walk away.
"That just earned you two weeks in Wutai." The general's tone became low and deadly. "I dare you to refuse that mission. You will leave in two days."
Genesis kept walking, face flushed, tears streaming.
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When Lazard had fallen asleep, the Turk quickly showered and dressed, and left without a word. Turbulent emotions were rolling through his head like a storm, and he had to find a way to get out, to make sense of it all. He found himself pacing back and forth down the hallway, searching for clarity and finding none.
I fucked Rufus' brother, he seduced me and he's injured and he exploded and, well, there's nothing in the job description that tells me what to do in a situation like this… what would Veld do? Hell, let's be realistic: what would Reno do?
Tseng massaged his temples and exhaled a loud, frustrated sigh. What the fuck is wrong with me? If Lazard had been Rufus, I'd be fired by now. Except Rhapsodos is still on the job, so perhaps not.
Rhapsodos. Tseng nearly growled under his breath. The anger boiled up behind his eyes, and he punched the steel wall, swearing loudly and rubbing his knuckles. He hadn't been able to get a chance to see Rufus since the two had been swapped, and while he had to admit he felt pathetic, he truly missed the boy.
Suddenly he saw a flash of red enter the hallway. Tseng leapt behind a corner and watched Genesis go by and into the elevator. He's leaving? Does that mean he has plans?
Does that mean… that Rufus is alone?
Once the elevator left, Tseng darted down the hallway and knocked at the door. His heart thundered in his chest and his mouth was suddenly dry.
Rufus Shinra was in his room, trying on the new blue sweater he had purchased that day while out at the mall with Genesis. He had to admit it looked sharp. He pushed the sleeves up to his elbows and flipped his hair back. Gods, was he gorgeous.
Suddenly he heard a knock at the door. Was that Genesis? Had he forgotten something? Rufus had to laugh to himself as he opened the door. "What have you left behind this—time—… Tseng?"
The name was whispered in a low, shuddering breath, and Rufus felt his face burst into flame at the sight of his crush, standing there, looking nervous as hell and utterly flawless. Silky black hair was pulled back, suit pressed and impeccable, hands twitching just slightly with shyness and a bit of fear. Tseng's eyes were wide, taking in every inch of the young man he had never been able to get over, not since he first saw him.
"Tseng," Rufus repeated, unable to process the sight. "What… what are you doing… here? Come in," he stammered, gesturing frantically at the living room, slamming the door and bolting it behind him as if he were afraid Genesis would arrive and shoot a fireball at his former bodyguard.
"I—thank you, sir," Tseng murmured deferentially as he entered, avoiding the boy's gaze. Why can't I control myself? Why can't I— "May I have a word with you?" he asked clinically, forcing his heart rate to slow and his hands to quit wringing and that little voice in his head to quit thinking impure thoughts.
"Of—of course," Rufus replied. "Erm—coffee?"
"I'm fine, thanks," Tseng whispered, wishing to avoid any delays. "Please come have a seat next to me, Rufus," he continued, heading toward the couch.
Rufus obeyed. Was he in trouble? Was everything okay? "I…why are you here? Is something wrong?" The boy's eyes were wide.
"No, no, nothing is wrong at all, I just…" Tseng cut himself off right there, knowing where that sentence was about to go.
Then he blew it anyway. "I missed you."
Rufus' body temperature spiked. His eyes held Tseng's gaze. "I… missed you too." Then he looked at his lap shyly. "When can we spend time together? We used to go to the shooting range, and do all this stuff… have you been ordered to avoid me?"
The words nearly broke his heart. Avoid him? If Rufus only knew that Tseng had been trying to find a time to see him that wouldn't involve getting his face bashed into a door, or ending up on the wrong side of Rapier… "No, Rufus. I merely wanted to avoid conflict with your… current protector." The words had a tinge of venom to them that Tseng wished he could pull back, but it was too late.
Rufus picked up on it, of course. "You don't like him?" The disappointment in his voice was evident.
Tseng sighed. This was not how this was supposed to go. "No, Rufus, it's not like that. I respect… Genesis, I really do. There is merely a natural conflict that prevents our friendship."
"Tseng, what do you mean?"
Now or never. Tseng tore his eyes away from the boy's face, giving the floor beside them a sidelong glance, and felt his face burn as he finally whispered the words he had been holding in his chest for years. "Rufus, I'm in love with you."
Rufus was speechless. To this point in his life, he had never understood heartbreak. Not until this very moment, when someone he had known all his life, someone he had strong feelings for, confessed something like this, and Rufus knew in his heart that he had to say no. Tears filled his blue eyes. "Tseng… I am so sorry. I… I felt the same way until just recently." Oh gods, what did I just say? He covered his mouth with his hands, but it was too late.
The look of anxious affection disappeared from Tseng's face immediately, and was replaced with one of utter dejection. Rufus didn't need Turk shooting range practice, Tseng thought bitterly; he was perfectly capable of shooting straight to kill, all on his own. A kick in the gut would have hurt less. Getting beat up by Rhapsodos would have hurt less. Getting struck through with Masamune would have hurt less.
"No, Rufus, I'm sorry. For even bringing it up." His voice was surprisingly even, but he could feel it threatening to give way. He could see Rufus' tears from the corner of his eye, and it only added to his problems at the moment; the feeling that it was his fault Rufus was crying was on his mind, and all he wanted to do was escape. Wasn't this the reason he had become a Turk in the first place—to put aside personal drama, cultural drama, family drama? To become a part of something different? To use his talents in a way he was never able to anywhere else? And here he was, caught in a love triangle with two egomaniacal yet lovely men… who were brothers. It made him feel heartsick.
"I had best let you get back to your time with Genesis," Tseng muttered, and the ache in his voice was audible. He stood as if to leave, and massaged the bridge of his nose, though what he was really doing was wiping away tears that had started to form.
"Please—don't leave yet," Rufus began. "Wait. Tseng. I… that was cruel. And it was a lie."
"You have five minutes to explain," Tseng whispered, still unable to look at Rufus. "After that, you are on your own. Even my pain tolerance has limits."
Rufus swallowed hard and got to his feet. Tseng towered over him, and it wasn't the first time they had stood like this, or even that Rufus had felt utterly hopeless before his crush. "You are always on my mind, but I've made a commitment," he said quietly. "A promise. Don't think that it was easy, or that I haven't thought about you since you started working with Deusericus. I have thought about you. I drew pictures of you in my office. I had dreams about you at night. I loved you, Tseng, but… it just didn't happen. So I resolved to make it happen with Genesis."
"I thought your father would fire me if I touched you. Or don't you realize you are still legally a minor?" Tseng spat angrily; now he was able to stare Rufus down, eyes flashing. "And then I found out this SOLDIER came out of nowhere and swept you off your feet. I practically raised you, Rufus. I cared for you when you were sick. I was going to do the right thing, and ask you out on your eighteenth birthday. But clearly Genesis has no scruples about dating minors. My mistake."
"A man who has killed with his bare hands has no moral ground to stand on," Rufus shouted back, trying his best to hurt. "Genesis isn't perfect, but at least he didn't pine for me from afar like some lovesick teenager."
Tseng stopped dead. A few seconds passed like eons, and he finally gave up. "That's it. I'm leaving before this gets even worse." He grabbed his jacket and threw the door open violently, and for once, Rufus was actually afraid of him.
"I gave up my country, my language, and my name to serve your family, Rufus. I confessed my feelings, and you insulted me. So don't look for me when he leaves you… because I won't be there. I'll be with your brother. Gaia knows he needs me more than you do now."
The door, when it slammed shut, shook the walls of Rufus' apartment. He could hear a choked sob from the other side of the door, and then footsteps down the hall, until there was nothing left.
And he was alone.
Rufus sat down on the couch, trembling, the entire weight of Tseng's words on his heart. He couldn't imagine reconciliation. He hoped that Genesis was coming back soon, because he needed him now more than ever. Even though his lover always was jealous of Tseng, the emotions had to be discussed.
He heard a different knock on the door this time, and slowly stood, wobbling slightly on his feet, and opened the door.
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Genesis, not bothering to really look at his boyfriend as he had given way to his selfish side and knew no one could be hurting as badly he was, strode into the apartment, and took a chair in the corner. Gone was his normal black attire, having been replaced by the purple colors of the Second Class. His cheeks were puffy, stained red and still glistened with fresh tears.
Blue eyes flashing with loathing and poison finally fell on his young lover. Dear Goddess, to think he'd given up Sephiroth, who could have made the problem disappear, for this... kid, was disheartening.
"Good evening, Mr. Vice President," the SOLDIER spat. "How has your evening been? Not that I care much, but try to entertain me."
Rufus glared daggers at the SOLDIER. And to think, he had been planning on throwing himself into Genesis' arms and being comforted. Well, if ire was what Genesis wanted, ire was what he would get. He sniffed loudly and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his blue turtleneck.
"Oh, nothing much. Just found out Tseng is in love with me, but I had to tell him no thank you, and then we got in a fight, and he never wants to see me again, and instead is planning on shacking up with my deadbeat slumdog brother," he snapped, clearly angry. "And if you don't care, that doesn't make you anything special. Turns out not caring about me is in style these days. By the way, what's with the clothes?"
Genesis threw his head back and laughed; it wasn't the sound of mirth, but something bordering closer to insanity. "Is that so? I'm terribly sorry to hear that, but cheer up, Mr. Vice President, I have good news for you. Starting whenever you'd like, you will have ample time to reconcile with your beloved Turk. I'm being sent to Wutai, thank you. Oh, and the clothes... do you like them? You should. It's the uniform worn by the Second Class, and I'm wearing it all thanks to you. Well, you and the Turk who's so in love with you. So, while I'm hurt deeply that you are in pain, you'll be happy again soon. I'll be outta your hair thanks to the sexual harassment charge that was filed, and making sure I don't get killed in Wutai." He dropped his head into his hands, then moved his fingers through his hair. "Oh, and Mr. Vice President, I'll be talking to President Shinra before I leave. Maybe the Turk can have his job back of being your watchdog."
The auburn angel saw a new level of hurt added to his young lover's face, and he realized that he was being unfair and that his words were crueler than he had meant for them to be. Well, no... he had meant for them to be cruel, but placing blame on the teen wouldn't solve anything. What was done was done, and nothing could fix that now. Genesis had to be the adult here, and realize that his little blond beauty was hurting as badly as he was. And if he really was starting to fall in love, then Rufus needed him more than he needed his anger.
He rose from his seat and went to the boy. He didn't ask for permission, he just folded his arms around Rufus' shoulders and pulled the teen close. "I'm sorry, Rufus," he whispered, "for everything. And," he moved so he could raise his boyfriend's face up to look at him, "I'm sorry it hurts so much." He tipped his head and covered his boyfriend's lips, tasting their salty tears mingle.
Rufus was speechless. Genesis had been demoted… thanks to that little angry power play tantrum he had pulled. Tseng had believed him, and had fought to get Genesis punished, and now it was finally going through. Worse, he had no way to apologize. Nothing he could say could fix this. For once in his life, Rufus felt powerless. Needless to say, he hated it.
Then Genesis apologized, and there was that embrace Rufus had been hoping for. The tears started anew, and he clung to Genesis. "I just… of all the times to tell me, he picks right now, and… it's not fair. Then he says he's going to go be with Lazard… and then you got hurt… and…" Rufus paused to cry some more, and then got his composure back. "Just please don't leave me. Everyone else left, you're the only person who cares. That's why I told him no. Because… if he really felt that way, why wouldn't he tell me?"
He wiped his eyes and continued, "I'm going to march down to Sephiroth's office and tell him myself you didn't do anything wrong. I'll make my bastard brother come with me too, if I have to. I mean, I fucked it all up, so I should figure it out," he cried angrily.
"Rufus," Genesis stifled a chuckle that came out a snort, "You are not going to talk to Sephiroth. That would only make the situation worse. In fact, having you talk to my higher-ups is partly what got me into this mess in the first place. So, for now, we will just play by the rules." Genesis' tears were starting to dry. "Besides, Seph can't keep me a Second for very long, your father likes having his trio of Firsts too much." He kissed the boy again. "Rufus, I am sorry about Tseng, but he's the one who made the decision, there was nothing you could have done."
Genesis picked his young lover up and took him to the couch. "You really loved him, didn't you?" Genesis didn't want to talk about this, it stung his feelings to do so, but he knew Rufus needed to talk about it, so he would let him. Maybe if he talked about it, the feelings wouldn't hurt so much.
Rufus nodded; it did make sense. But it was still awful, and he was still angry with Tseng for both ruining everything and for shoving his emotional baggage onto him. He smiled slightly when Genesis kissed him. It really did make him feel better.
The question took him aback. "I…" Rufus blushed suddenly, and looked down. "He was always there for me," he said slowly. "I looked up to him. He taught me how to shoot, he made me feel powerful. Not like Father, who is always sizing me up like a piece of meat. Or Lazard, who seems to think I'm a lump of shit. Tseng thought I was a person. He… he cared about me. Or at least I thought he did," Rufus added bitterly, his voice wobbling. "He was patient. He listened. He was the only constant thing in my life." And he's so gorgeous, Rufus thought to himself, but didn't say it out loud.
"Then he came up here as soon as you left, and told me he had missed me. He looked nervous. He seemed like he didn't like you, so I asked why, and then he said… he said he loved me." He almost had to close his eyes, to block out how much it hurt. "And then we had a fight. I tried to explain how you had shown that you loved me, and Tseng was just…saying it. There's a difference. He didn't understand. He accused you of being immoral cause I'm not eighteen, and so I told Tseng that at least you didn't pine for me and keep it all inside the way he did. Then he told me that he wouldn't care if you left me, and that he didn't want to be around me anymore. I've known him all my life, or at least I thought I had, and… now he's gone. He's Lazard's now.
"I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss him. And yes, I did love him. It's hard not to, when he was all I had. I know that seems crazy, but I get lost in this building. It's so easy to feel like I don't matter, even though I'm the heir to everything here." Rufus paused, and took a deep breath.
Genesis listened carefully, being the support his lover needed right now. He closed his eyes, trying to swallow the ache that was threatening a fresh round of tears. He sucked down a breath, and not for the first time since leaving Sephiroth's office did he wonder what in Ifrit's Hell he was doing here. It was clear that the boy was still in love with Tseng, just as true as it was that he himself was still in love with Sephiroth. The difference was, Sephiroth would wait for him to finish making his mistakes and then be there to pick up the pieces when his world crumbled. He wasn't sure the little blond beside him had such a safety net.
There was one nice thing about this situation; he felt needed. And maybe there lay the difference between his feelings for Rufus and his feelings for Sephiroth. Rufus needed him; Sephiroth needed no one. As Rufus continued to talk, the SOLDIER ran his hands up and down his lover's back, cradling him, trying to protect him from an enemy that couldn't be combated: emotions. The redhead decided then and there that tomorrow he would tell his teen love to patch things up with Tseng, and to use the time that he was gone in Wutai to make amends. Despite how much suffering was involved, the romantic in him was the one in control right now, and who was he to stand in the way of true love? The Turk and the vice president deserved their shot, and he... well, he had someone waiting for him.
However, all of that would come tomorrow. Tonight was for easing the pain, and soothing over the raw and broken heart.
Without a word, despite what his poet's soul was protesting, Genesis picked up his little lover and carried him back to the bedroom, smothering the blond's face and neck with hot, wet kisses. They would drown the hurt in a bout of pleasure, then move on when the sun decided it was time for a new beginning.
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Tseng couldn't breathe as he made his way down the hall as quickly as possible. He had to get away from yet another scene that he had created. Really, what had any of his employers seen in him? It felt that all he was good for was creating trouble and exacerbating already bad situations.
Calm down. Really.
I can't calm down. I just told him off—
His thoughts cut off as the elevator doors closed around him, then started afresh as he realized he was the only one in the elevator and could react however he wanted to.
I told him how I felt, and he rejected me. Rufus Shinra rejected me. After all these years, and all this… why am I still here? But Tseng knew why he was there—he was terrible at other jobs, and he couldn't go back to Wutai. He had burned every bridge upon leaving, certain that he would never find reason to have to return. Until now, he had never had the desire to see anyone in his family, or anyone at all… yet suddenly it all came rushing back to him, including the woman he had abandoned rather than marry. Suddenly she and her father didn't seem nearly as terrifying, not after facing what Rufus had to say. It burned a hole in his mind. His hands tightened into hard fists, and he wanted to hurt something, anything, anyone.
He went down to the ground floor, exited the building, and spent the next half hour killing slum monsters. People walked by and marveled at his skill, while simultaneously giving him the strange looks that being a Turk resulted in. Tseng didn't care about how loud the gunfire was, nor the spattering of blood he had acquired through what he had always considered the best stress relief. He didn't even care that he was supposed to be on the job, until he realized frantically that he had left Lazard napping and that he ought to be awake by now.
Lazard. What… what am I supposed to say to him?
The thought brought fresh rage to his chest, and propelled by it, he destroyed three large piles of rubble and killed another stray animal. In his heart, he knew he had to return to the building, though it was so hard to motivate himself to go back into the horrific mess he had created.
But he was a Turk, and he did it anyway.
He slipped the spare key to Lazard's apartment in the keyhole and gingerly opened the door, willing himself to breathe, trying to remember why he came to Midgar, why he took this job, why he had made any of the decisions in his life that had led up to this moment.
"Director Lazard, are you awake?"
The SOLDIER director had been in a peaceful sleep, one of the first he'd had in quite a while. Falling asleep with Tseng beside him had made him feel comfortable, safe, guarded; and for that, his slumber hadn't contained a dreamscape of loss, blood, war or violence. He had actually not dreamed, and that had been okay with him.
Waking up a few minutes before Tseng had come back, Lazard was at first disgruntled with finding himself alone. His first thoughts had been of abandonment, and fear settled deep into his stomach. Then he remembered that the Turk, his Turk, had been assigned as his bodyguard and couldn't just leave him alone.
The blond rose, placed his glasses on his nose, and then left the bed. As he was heading to check the bathroom for his dark-haired lover, he slipped into a silken, lavender robe. Disappointed to not find the Turk in his bathroom, the director checked the rest of the apartment, only to find Tseng had indeed left.
A storm of emotions raged through him. He had been right. The Turk had fucked him and then left. He should have known, but then that had been his own fault. He had been the one who had come on to Tseng, and hadn't taken no for an answer. Quickly the oldest Shinra quelled that thought; he had to or else he would go find the Turk and do his best to rip him apart. Tseng had probably just gone to his own apartment to grab a change of clothes, or even better, had gone to the liquor store.
Knowing the black-haired beauty would return soon, Lazard used his time alone to sort out his feelings. Sitting on his overly plush couch, he started the process of separating his emotions. He admitted to himself that he loved the dangerous aura that surrounded Tseng, and the professional way he carried himself. And he was so dark and mysterious, a mystery the blond wanted to unravel slowly, layer by layer. On the flip side, the man was infuriating; always silently watching and guarding his secrets as if they were important enough to be protected. But again, the way the Turk had cared for him when he... had his breakdown, negated that part which he found a flaw. Then there was Tseng's acidic tongue, cruel enough to match his own, and Lazard couldn't decide if he loved it or hated it. After careful consideration, he concluded that he loved it, or else he wouldn't continue to participate in their verbal parlays.
Just as the blond director decided that if anyone was worth giving his heart to, it would be Tseng, the very man who possessed his thoughts strode through the door. He looks like shit, Lazard thought, noting the blood and rips in his usually immaculate suit.
Moving from the couch to the Turk, concern flooding his eyes, the blond reached out a hand to wipe at a splotch of crimson smearing his lover's cheek. "Tseng, what the hell happened?"
Tseng's chest heaved, and he cringed, bracing himself for what he knew would be entirely deserved anger and hurt. "Do you want to know?" he asked, still in a daze. He unbuttoned his dress shirt and took it off, stuffed his tie in his jacket pocket and laid it on a chair, throwing the shirt in the sink and filling it with water to get the stains out. He stood weakly in a sheer white sleeveless undershirt that made his muscular arms look larger than they actually were. "I went to see Rufus. No, nothing happened, and nothing ever will happen. I said some shit I should have taken to the grave with me, he told me off, and I left.
"Go ahead. Get angry at me. You have every right to. It's an unforgivable sin for you, anything involving your brother, isn't it? Don't bother pulling your punches, Director." Everyone wants my blood, and they can have it, Tseng thought to himself. He was too tired to bother at this point. He couldn't even look Lazard in the eye, nor could he reach out and touch his shoulder to comfort him. "But don't worry. They're together, all right. And I told Rufus I'd be returning to you because you need me. That little shit doesn't need me. Not anymore." He tried to ignore the tears in his eyes.
Bitter tears instantly sprang into Lazard's storm-gray eyes, ringing them in red. Betrayal, would it never cease? Would everyone who was supposed to stand and support him betray him? Dear Gaia, why have you done this to me? Don't I matter?
"You... left me... to go to... Rufus?" At first the words were slow, confusion evident, as the meaning seeped into his brain. He had finally decided to let someone in, believed that the man in front of him could have possibly cared about him, only to be let down at such a crucial moment. He should have expected it from a Turk, but in his fragile state he had been willing to surrender a cherished part of himself, and it had been stepped on and discarded as being useless.
"You left me to go see Rufus?" he repeated, only this time it was a whispered hiss, low and dangerous. The blond's face darkened, lips upturning into a vicious sneer. "You left me to go see Rufus Fucking Shinra!" It was a primal scream.
Fury took possession of his body, and without feeling his previous wound to his hand, Lazard's fist connected with Tseng's nose even as the words left his mouth. There was a satisfying crunch of bone, and the spray of blood that now covered the Turk's nose and mouth brought out something truly dark in Lazard.
"You just signed his death warrant, I hope you realize." The words held a menacing evil. "Now get the fuck out."
Lazard didn't bother to see if Tseng was leaving or not. His back was already to the Turk and he was at his living room desk before he knew it. He opened the third drawer and withdrew a shimmering piece of steel. The revolver, fully loaded, was to be the instrument of his precious little brother's demise.
Cocking the hammer, the SOLDIER director moved toward the door. "It's always about Rufus," he muttered to no one. "Rufus has always been the bane of my existence, but that ends tonight, doesn't it?" Cracks of madness could be detected.
"Have a good evening, Turk." Lazard was too polite when he said it. "I know I will." He opened the door to the hallway.
Tseng couldn't believe Lazard had hit him until it happened and he felt the shock and pain of a broken nose. Ignoring the blood that dripped down his face, he suddenly became aware that there was a reason—a very, very good reason—that President Shinra had assigned him to Lazard. It wasn't because he didn't care about Rufus. It wasn't because he thought little of Tseng's work ethic, or ability, or anything like that.
It was because Lazard was a dangerous man, and only Tseng could be trusted with him. The realization changed everything. Part of him swelled with pride at knowing that his work was meaningful, and the rest of him snapped into action.
There was one thing that Tseng had learned from his years of being a Turk: when to bottle up everything inside and act without thinking. As soon as he heard the door open, Tseng whirled around, grabbed Lazard's arms back and twisted them into a locked position, slammed the door shut again, knocked the gun out of Lazard's grip and had his own pressed against the blond's temple as he shoved him into the wall.
"Drop the threat, and I will forgive you and not tell the president you planned on killing his son. Keep it up, and I will see to it that you are fired and thrown in jail." Tseng's breathing was hard and labored against Lazard's back. "Don't play this game. I don't want you to lose everything. You can fight me if you want, but don't make this worse than it already is."
Lazard hit the wall hard, entire frame shaking. With a grunt, he threw his head back, hoping to hit the Turk again, but only air was split. Sighing in frustration, and resigning himself to relax in Tseng's hold, the blond swallowed down a few breaths and forced himself to calm down, at least long enough to speak.
"Tell me, Tseng…" Emotion was draining out of him and it could be heard, as there was no bitterness in the name. "Do you really think I care anymore what you tell my father? So what if you consider me a threat, and throw me in jail? Everything you see around you is temporary for me, so why not take it now, best sooner than later."
Lazard let his head fall forward, contemplating his next action, unimpressed that the Turk's gun was to him. The rage was still there, but it was rolling beneath the surface again, a place he usually stored it.
"And fight you? I'm SOLDIER's director, not a SOLDIER, I wouldn't win. Besides, you've already disarmed me. But it felt rather nice to break your fucking nose. Now, would you please release me? I wish to go have a word with my dear, sweet, loving brother."
Tseng warily held Lazard still for a few more seconds, then sighed and pulled his gun away, holstering it on his belt, effectively releasing Lazard. He bent down and picked up Lazard's revolver, and went and placed it back in the desk from where Lazard had taken it. Tseng redrew and held his weapon a few inches from his face, and a flash of green light emanated from the materia within it that healed his broken nose. He went into the kitchen and wiped the blood off of his face with the wet shirt in the sink, then pressed it back down under the water. After quickly checking a mirror in the hallway to make sure he didn't look like a complete mess, Tseng sighed again and replied, "I can't stop you." He went back to face Lazard, desiring to reach out and touch his cheek, but knew it'd result in violence. "Though you might consider getting dressed first."
The hurt and rage was close to the surface and Lazard was finding it was surprisingly difficult to maintain his usual composure. He followed the Turk into his kitchen and watched him clean the blood from his face. "Too bad you didn't bleed to death," he hissed. "That would have been amusing." The blond's pain and anger tinted his speech.
Lazard then walked toward his bedroom, to accept the advice of getting dressed, but stopped halfway there. His fury was getting the better of him. He picked up the first thing he could lift: a brass lamp.
Aiming directly at his dark-haired lover, he threw it with all his might, which wasn't much, but the golden object flew, its cord ripping from the wall socket. If Tseng hadn't been as dexterous as he was, the lamp would have hit him in his chest. However, the Turk stepped out of the way, and the object crashed into the wall behind him, denting plaster and shattering the glass light-bulb.
"I wanted to fall in love with you, you bastard, but no, just one more thing that belongs to Rufus" His scream could probably be heard down the hall.
The SOLDIER director picked up a glass figurine of Sephiroth and winged it at the Turk. Again it shattered on the wall behind him, missing Tseng completely. "Why am I not good enough for you? What is it that he has that I don't?" Tears started anew.
Just to be obstinate, Lazard refused to get dressed. He would not do another thing the Turk suggested. In his purple robe, some of Tseng's splattered blood on his pale cheek, Lazard stormed out his front door, moving towards Rufus' place. "Fuck you, Tseng!"
"You're right, it is too damn bad I'm not bleeding out," Tseng hissed under his breath when Lazard left. "This is getting fucking absurd." He followed the director out into the hallway, calling out in front of him, "You know, if you want me, perhaps you could avoid throwing shit at me in the future. You're a grown man. Act like one. You don't even know what transpired earlier. You didn't even wait for an explanation."
Tseng found it hard to bear the full weight of Lazard's outburst. He'd had things thrown at him before—he had always been the target of family fights in his homeland—but Lazard's words were what cut him. Just one more thing that belongs to Rufus. Did Lazard really think he was just a possession that he and his brother were fighting over, like a toy?
Swallowing his emotion, Tseng followed Lazard to Rufus' residence. He was only here to make sure Lazard didn't hurt himself. There was no way he was going to put himself in the center of a family squabble. He had been there too many times to be fought over again.
Lazard didn't mind that Tseng had followed him. He knew it was the Turk's job, and to be honest, with his nerves as frayed as they were, he found his black-haired lover's presence to be quite comforting.
The walk to Rufus' apartment was tense, and thoughts of how he would murder the little blond bastard with Tseng and presumably Genesis both in the apartment plagued him. Maybe he could smash Rufus' head in with something heavy before either of them could stop him. He would look around his brother's place for something suitable. If nothing was to be found, he would just have to come up with another plan.
Upon coming to Rufus' door, Lazard stopped. He didn't knock yet, but instead took Tseng's hand. Regardless of his earlier actions, he knew his anger was misplaced, and he really had no idea what Tseng and Rufus had said to each other. But his unadulterated hatred for Rufus had taken control, and it was Tseng who had the misfortune of being on the receiving end of his wrath.
The SOLDIER director squeezed Tseng's hand tight and he whispered, "Don't let me falter. I need you." He knocked on the door.
It was as if Lazard had actually heard what Tseng had said. The hand squeeze was an apology, pure and simple, or at least that was how Tseng had decided to take it. He squeezed Lazard's hand back as he felt something flutter about in his chest. Tseng stole a sideways glance at the director, and a smile tugged at his lips as he saw the man was still in his bathrobe, and he was still in his undershirt, slacks and shoes. Maybe there was something there after all. The anger could have been a cover-up. "We'll get this sorted out, Director," Tseng whispered. The smile was off his lips now, but it was still with him.