Disclaimer: I own nothing, not NCIS, not Taylor Swift, just my own thoughts in my own head

A/N: Wow that took a while didn't it? I'm soooo sorry that I took so long to write this chapter. At first it was just life invading my fanfiction world, then it was writers block. For some reason I had a real hard time coming up with the opening to this chapter. Finally a couple of nights ago I was wide awake with a migraine, trying to go to sleep when I started thinking about this story and finally I had an epiphany as to what to do for this chapter.

I'm so glad that this has finally been written, this chapter is one of my favorites as it is a little different then the others.

Enjoy

Chapter 5: White Horse

Tony stared at Ziva as she busily tapped on the computer keyboard; his mind was still filled with figuring out his favorite ninja assassin. The riddle of Taylor Swift was becoming his Kobayashi Maru, a puzzle that he just had to solve or it would be the death of him. All he could think about were reasons and none of them seemed to make any sense!

"Teenage trauma," was one of the ideas that popped into this head.

"What?!"

He looked up to see Ziva looking at him strangely that was when he realized that he had spoken out loud. "I was just uh…well…" now he was babbling like an idiot, "to hell with this I've got to know. Ziva I am begging you tell me why the heck do you listen to Taylor Swift?!"

Her eyes were wide with a hint of concern, "Tony, I just like her music."

"That's not a reason!"

He'd said that a lot louder than he had intended to and half of the building looked up at him startled. Ziva looked around at all of the prying eyes; her eyebrows were up straight to her hairline. "Are you crazy?" she asked in a harsh low tone, "people can see you!"

"I'm dying here Ziva…I've got to know! All I can think about is you and this obsession with a teenage queen of country music! I'm having dreams that I'm stuck in this room filled with her music and you are sitting the corner laughing that I'm not getting it!"

Ziva looked around at the people staring, some giggling at her partner's melt down. So quickly, she rushed over and yanked Tony from behind his desk and all but dragged him into the men's room, their choice of room for confrontations.

"What is your problem?!" she asked him as soon as the door closed behind them, "You are acting like you lost your balls."

"Marbles," Tony corrected, "like I've lost my marbles."

"Tony!" She shrieked obviously exasperated by him. She rubbed a hand over her eyes and took a deep breath before speaking again, "You are upset over Taylor Swift, yes?"

"I'm not upset over her I'm upset that I can't figure you out!"

"Do you hear how ridiculous you sound?!" Ziva asked, "They are just songs!"

"No they are not! Not to you!"

"You are losing your mind!"

"Yes I know!" he exclaimed, "and I need you to save me from insanity." Tony looked her in the eyes, "I've got to know why. Who do you think about when you hear those songs? What parts of your life do they remind you of? It's driving me crazy!"

Ziva was silent. She looked away from Tony, at the tile on the wall. His voice sounded so desperate, his emotions sincere. He wanted to understand her, wanted to know about her, and that made her heart ache. How many times had she thought he wouldn't want to know? Now he did.

It was tempting, so very tempting, to tell him everything that he wanted. Tell him whose face she saw ever time that wistful guitar played. The face she saw when the lamp lights reflected off of the wet pavement. The face she thought of when she woke up in the morning and the last when she closed her eyes at night.

But what would he say? What would he do? If he turned it all down…no, she couldn't. After so many heartaches, so much pain she'd gone through the last few months. Hope for the future, for him, had been the one thing that had kept her going. If she lost that now…

She didn't want to imagine what she would feel.

But Tony's eyes were so desperate, so sad. She had to do something, something to appease him. Something to prove how much she really did trust him.

"Alright," Ziva said softly, "I will tell you about one song."

"Yes!" Tony shouted and pumped a fist into the air, "Which one?!"

"White Horse," she told him.

He thought for a moment, trying to remember which song that was, "Isn't that the one about breaking up with some guy and leaving or something like that?"

"Yes," Ziva nodded.

Tony still looked eager, "So who does the song remind you of?"

Ziva sighed and crossed her arms over her chest, "My father."

That surprised him; he took a step back, "What?"

She shook her head and leaned up against the wall, "The song reminds me of how foolish I acted, how I put my trust with a man that I knew was not a good person. He raised me to be a killer, bore a son just so he could be a spy, sent me to kill that son when he went rogue," Her voice began to shake now, "sent a man to seduce me so I would go back, then lied to me after I did, and then tried to make me the criminal so I would be forced to return." Ziva looked away, across the bathroom, anywhere but in Tony's eyes, "I kept on hoping that maybe someday he would turn around and be the father I needed…I wanted it so badly that I stopped believing in the people who were there for me."

Tony stepped up close to her, "If it reminds you of such a painful time, why do you listen to it?"

Now she looked up at him and smiled a tiny bit, "So that I do not forget, so I remember who I can trust." The smile widened a little more, "And the song has a hopeful ending, and I like that thought, that maybe someday I will find what I need."

A tear slipped down her cheek and Tony couldn't help himself, he reached over and gently brushed it away with his thumb, "What if you already have?"

She couldn't tear her eyes away from his; she couldn't even breathe as long as his fingertip was touching her skin. Now she realized how close they were standing, now she realized how alone they were, and now the tension between them was so thick.

Her heartbeat quickened, oh god he's going to kiss me she thought.

Perhaps he would have.

But the door to the bathroom opened and one of the agents from the legal department walked in, ruining the moment completely.

"I'm sorry," the intruder said quickly, obviously thinking correctly that he was intruding on something, and he all but ran away from the room.

Ziva almost laughed; laughed because she didn't want to cry. It was always like that wasn't it, so close and yet so far.

She shook her head, "I have paperwork I have to do," before fleeing to the safe haven of her desk and escaping into mundane tasks to escape the demons her own mind had conjured forth.

Ziva placed the last piece of paper on the pile of finished paper and threw down her pen with satisfaction. She leaned back in her chair, rolled her sore neck until she felt a satisfied 'pop' and sighed, relieved to finally be finished.

As per her initiation of officially being accepted as an NCIS agent, Tony and McGee had left the paperwork they had been fighting over one her desk and rushed merrily home, grinning back even as she glared daggers at them.

Not that it mattered so much, little could bring her spirits down. She picked up the paper on the side of her desk and smiled at the words 'accepted' that were stamped over her name. Next she picked up the badge and ID that one of the boys from legal had dropped off earlier. Both had the official insignia of an NCIS agent, and now her name on the ID read "Agent Ziva David", no longer an officer for Mossad, now she was staying home with the only people she knew as family: permanently.

Of course after spending hours doing the paperwork for two people, she was ready to get to her brand new apartment and relax. Then she groaned, how could she relax when there were a million boxes that still needed to be unpacked?

Annoyed at the turn of events, she began to pack her things when her cell phone began to ring. She didn't even have to look at the number to know who it was. Her father had been calling her consistently since she had failed to return to Israel with his man, his phone calls had only increased since she had been officially instated as an NCIS agent, now doubt Director Vance had told him of her new status.

She had been screening his calls, not having the energy to deal with her father and what he would consider a betrayal. Instead Ziva picked up all of her things and shut the light off on her desk and made her way out of the building to her car.

Her cell phone rang again a few minutes later as she was starting her car. You'll have to deal with him eventually, Ziva thought to herself before finally accepting the call.

"Hello father," Ziva said, pressing her phone to her ear with one hand and with the other turning the car out of the parking lot.

For a full ten minutes she half listened to her father's long string of Hebrew, he was angry and upset, throwing words around like "duty", "family", "blood" and "obligation," but she'd heard them all before and this time she knew what lies were.

Her iPod was resting on the car attachment, playing on low volume but she could listen to the familiar song that began to play:

Say you're sorry, that face of an angel

Comes out just when you need it to

Finally she broke in, "No father, I am not going to fall for that speech again. You lied to me…you have always lied to me."

"I told you what you needed to hear."

"No you lied to me so that I would follow you in blind faith," she replied, "you lied to me so that I would do what you needed, not what would be best for me."

As I paced back and forth all this time

Cause I honestly believed in you

"What is best for you is to be with your family."

She almost laughed, "We are not a family, family does not use each other, does not hurt each other, does not leave them to die in the desert at the hands of terrorists," her voice quivered, "family saves each other."

Holding on the days drag on

Stupid girl, I should have know

I should have known

"You never saw me as anything more than an asset," She continued, "I was just another tool for you to use to further your own goals. Just another officer."

"I'm your father!"

"Then you should have acted like one!"

I'm not a princess

This ain't a fairytale

I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet

Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood

This is a small town

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down

She sighed and rested her head against the back of her seat, "It is too late to fix the damage father, too late for you to be my father."

Now it's too late for you and your white horse

To come around

Her father was quiet for a moment, obviously trying to think of another reason to get her to change her mind. Ziva continued to drive home, ignoring the steady patter of rain, grateful that the weather suited her mood perfectly.

"What about Michael?"

Ziva was taken aback by that question and almost ran through a red light. She slammed on her bakes and skidded to a stop. "What does Michael have to do with this?" she asked, she didn't like where this was going.

"You care for him," he pointed out, "he wanted you to come back home, wanted you to be with your family."

She was quiet as she let herself reflect on her relationship with Michael, the complications that had resulted in it, his death at the hands of her partner.

Maybe I was naïve got lost in your eyes

And never really had a chance

She brushed away tears as she remembered attacking Tony in Israel, so incensed at him for killing Michael. She had been wrapped up in her father's lies but Tony had seen through it all and manipulated her father into telling the truth.

My mistake I didn't know

To be in love

You had to fight to have the upper hand

Love didn't mean lies and deception. Michael hadn't loved her…and she hadn't loved him. Something she was now certain of.

"Michael did not want me to go home," she finally said, "he wanted to follow your orders. You wanted me to care for him so that I would go running back to you. How could you do that to your daughter? How could you send someone to lie to me like that?!" She stopped trying to brush the tears from her face, it was a useless gesture at this point. "I thought that coming to America after Ari died would be a good thing…that the distance would do us some good. I hoped that time would make things better between you and me."

I had so many dreams

About you and me

Happy endings

Now I know

"But it did not," Ziva continued, "I found what family is supposed to be like. Seen how fathers are supposed to be with their daughters, seen how people can have more love between them even if they do not share blood. I want to stay with these people. They are my family."

I'm not a princess

This ain't a fairytale

I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet

Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood

This is a small town

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down

Now it's too late for you and your white horse

To come around

Now she saw the soon to be familiar sight of her new apartment building, an oasis from the rain and a symbol of her new life, one away from her father's poisoned influence. She smoothly turned into the parking lot and found an empty space. She climbed out of the car and began to walk up the stairs towards her apartment.

Her father wasn't saying a word and she was beginning to wonder if their connection had been cut off. She was about ready to hang up the phone when he finally spoke, "Ziva…I am sorry, I am sorry that I was not a true father for you. I want you to come home so we can work this out. Please come home."

And there you are on your knees

Begging for forgiveness

Begging for me

Tears fell down her cheeks again and her breath caught in her throat. Here was what she'd always wanted to hear…but she couldn't believe that.

"No," she whispered into the phone, "I am not going back, I cannot go back"

Just like I always wanted

But I'm so sorry

"Why?"

She took a deep breath to steady her voice, "Because I was never yoru princess…never your daughter…and it is too late to change it. Too late to go back."

Ziva hung up the phone before he could protest and let herself cry softly for a few moments.

Cause I'm not your princess

He didn't try and call again…for that she was grateful.

This ain't a fairytale

Finally Ziva cleaned up the remains of the tears from her face and opened the door to her apartment with a heavy heart.

She turned the light on.

"SURPRISE!"

Ziva was startled, and almost drew her gun. Her apartment was unpacked and clean. There were streamers decorating the room, a banner reading "Welcome Home!" and a cake on the table. Abby and McGee were behind the sofa grinning, Ducky and Palmer were standing behind the kitchen counter, and Tony was standing behind the chair he had been hiding behind. Gibbs was in the corner just smiling.

Her family was there.

I'm gonna find someone someday

Who might actually treat me well

"What's going on?" she asked still stunned but now her heart was just a little bit lighter…and she had a reason to smile.

"Abby set it up," McGee said quickly, "and you know Abby…it's hard to tell her no."

Ziva nodded and walked into the apartment as Abby rushed up to hug her, "We wanted to let you know how happy we are that you are back…for good!"

This is a big world

That was a small town

"And we figured that you needed help unpacking," McGee said, "hope you don't mind."

Ziva almost started to cry again, happy tears this time, instead she smiled brightly, "I am so glad you are here…so glad that I am here."

There in my rearview mirror

Disappearing now

She went around the room and hugged each of them, kissing Ducky on the cheek and smiling warmly at Gibbs. He was looking at her with a proud look in his eyes; it was almost as if he knew that she had been speaking to her father a few moments ago. As if he knew what she had said what she had finally come to realize.

This was Gibbs…he probably did know.

And it's too late for you and your white horse

Now it's too late for you and your white horse

She was hugging McGee when her eyes caught Tony's. He was looking at her intently, as if trying to read her mind. Things had been better between them since she had apologized to him, but they still weren't as good as they'd once been.

She hated that.

Now Tony saluted her with his open beer bottle but didn't step forward. She wanted to fix things with Tony.

She needed to fix things with Tony.

To catch me now

The party became a whirlwind of good wishes, fun chatter and delicious cake. Ziva laughed over a few of the places they had stored some of her items, they hadn't put everything where she would have and they got a kick out of watching her fix their mistakes.

She opened the presents that they had given her, her heart continued to mend more and more with each moment with her family. They knew what to say and what to do; they made her feel at peace.

Oh whoa, whoa, whoa

Try and catch me now

The party continued to be festive but it couldn't completely erase her feelings of sadness…mostly because she still couldn't get a quiet moment to talk to Tony and sort through their problems.

She walked out onto her small balcony, watching her friends laughing through the glass doors. She was almost startled when Tony came to the doorway and walked out to meet her. "Nice place you got here."

"I like it," Ziva replied smiling but she toyed with the neck of the beer bottle in her hand. So many unsaid questions. She wanted to know if the damage between them was permanent. If her feelings for her partner were gone forever.

"You've got a good TV in there too," Tony said, "big enough to watch some good movies on it."

"You mean that?" She asked, smiling for real this time.

He nodded, "If you let me choose the first movie to watch." She laughed out loud and nodded. Now he grew serious and pulled out something from his pocked, "I almost forgot…this is for you."

"Tony, really it is not necessary," but she opened the box to see a small charm resting in it. A miniature replica of an NCIS agent badge, similar to the pins that they had for children.

"It goes on your necklace," Tony explained and pointed at her necklace that had the Star of David resting above her breastbone. "I figured…that those are your roots," and he pointed at the charm now, "and these are your wings."

Ziva was genuinely touched by his thoughtful gift. He knew that she couldn't forget her past but needed to move forward…and had found a way to tell her that he understood. That he didn't begrudge her anything. Now with the planned movie nights and the soft smiles…

Oh it's too late

She looked up into his eyes.

Her heart began to race and her breath caught in her chest…just like always. This was the man she truly wanted. This was the man she knew was right for her…and no deception was responsible for these feelings.

She was still in love with him…she was certain of that.

To catch me now

A/N: You just know that the reason Tony and McGee gave Ziva all that paperwork was so that she would be busy while they worked on setting up her apartment for her party right? LOL well in MY head that is what happened!

Next I'll do Taylor's latest single and it will be set in romantic Paris! Can't wait.

I promise to get the next chapter out faster, I'm having my sister swear to tie me to my computer if I start to fall behind!

Please review!