Notes: I CANT BELIEVE THE REVIEWS I GOT!
Haruko Harahara needs to meet the Doctor. And drive him up a rope until he screams. "NO MOOOOOOOOOOOOREEE PLEAAAAASEEE! GOD LADY YOURE CRAZIER THAN I AM! RUN JACK WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE! BACK TO THE TARDIS AND BOLT THE DOOR!" You know, I heard about Fooly Cooly and Cowboy Beebop in high school, but i never got to see them until I was grown up. It sucks doesn't it? But I was listening to the soundtrack for FLCL since High school. I snatched up up from a co worker at the pizza place I worked at and ripped it to my computer. But I got in trouble. He said I could borrow it at the workplace, but I thought he meant I could take it home.
It looks like I might have another hit. Alright, i'd better not leave you hanging.
I normally reply to reviews that offer a critique or constructive opinions by pm or review reply. But I got an anonymous critique in my mail bag so I'm going to reply to it here...
-wipes tears from eyes- This story is hilarious! Oh man, I haven't laughed so
hard in a while. I just love how ridiculously silly everyone is, its amazing!
Ichigo takes the cake though, he's a regular nymphomaniac. So many crazy sex
scenes! I'm sure many fangirls with low standards are extremely happy. :D It's
very enjoyable.
On a more serious note, you're a fine writer (grammar, spelling, ideas), its
just your depictions of characters are shallow, so their actions seem a bit
spastic, unrealistic, and sometimes just weird (though hilarious). Also, you
should try to work on your pacing, the plot events just fly by. Which is sad
because some of them are honestly interesting. Don't skip through them! :3
This review wasn't meant as a harsh critique, but observations on the state of
the story, it's readers, and places for improvement. And like with all
opinion, please feel free to ignore, destroy, or send wrath my way. After all
I'm just a stranger on the internet, what do I know?
Thanks for the giggles!
Well first of all, I love laughs, but that wasn't what I was going for. I wanted something gritty. That said, I think I do humor pretty well.
Nymphomaniac Ichigo, well, he kinda strikes me as being potentially nympho. But look at the summary, it says Ichigo gets a shock to the system. And his being so nympho was due partially to the fever, but also partially because his feelings about his encounter with Grimmjow are very intense. Ichigo enjoyed Grimmjow's company, but when Grimmjow first snatched him up he was terrified. Ichigo wasn't even certain he wanted to be with Grimmjow. But he understood that Grimmjow didn't have much control over himself and so while he's angry about it and confused about it he's also kind of pitying Grimmjow for what he did. Basically his being nympho was in reaction to Grimmjow. He was trying to sort out his feelings about the matter.
I wrote the characters as being a little shallow yes. Like I said, I wanted gritty. I love deepness. I value deepness. I place a high value on a significant, thoughtful existance. I was TORMENTED by your stereotypical shallow female bully in middle and elementary school and they pretty much traumatized me. So to me, ideal and warm is deep and meaningful. Shallow is gritty.
My grammer, spelling, ideas ecetera are my natural talent with writing. I took five years of creative writing classes and my grammer and spelling are mostly alright but they're learned by rote. My ideas are a natural talent however. I have a talent for creating concepts and making them detailed and workable.
I am struggling with the pacing, I truly am. I don't want this fic to turn into another Heartsbond and the one shortcoming of mPreg is that it tends to be very, very long. I love HB, and the two one shots that go with it. But DAYUM. I don't need two of them going at once. So I'm probably going to skip a few weeks of time between each chapter. Expect a fanfic that is going to move /fast./ I might even take the Age of Empires three approach to story telling. Which I'll splain.
One of my favorite series of games is age of empires and age of mythology. And the campaign modes offer a story. Age of Mythology was like a combination novel and traditional hero myth. But it was one long continuous campaign with no change of story, no change of setting or characters. Age of empires iii was different. The campaigns told the family history of an old fictitious American family called the Blacks and their struggle with an evil organization and cult called "the circle of ossus" over the fountain of youth. It has three separate campaigns, three seperate acts, which change both your home city and your shipment deck each act. I love my shipment deck! Its entirely an economics deck. Only a couple of military cards. I play a strong economic game that focuses on taking the trade route early and splitting the map in half so that the enemies are under continuous fire if they try to get through. It was annoying enough with AoE 3 and AoE 3 the warchiefs, but when Asian Dynasties switched between three different civilizations and reset the home city and my precious deck each time it was all I could bear not to scream in frustration!
In other words, I may break the story up into acts if it gets too long. All the acts will be under the same story. But they'll have large bits of time in between them. For example once everyone's together and whoever's pregnant finds out (Ichigo will not be the only one, remember Ulq and Grimmjow?), I may just do a chapter for each month and then move to the next act.
Enough with the massive flow of text and ideas, I've left you all hanging long enough. 333
Ichigo's jaw dropped, his mind not even comprehending. How could his father, who was so stupid and dumb, not only know enough about the soul society's dodgy history with the rights of other beings (which even he had to admit was wrong, but had mostly been blamed on the chamber of 46, which was now gone), but that he knew enough about their social structure to decide he didn't want his son dating a Noble or that he even knew his son was a shinigami. And wait a minute? His father didn't want him to be a shinigami? Then WHY THE FUCK HADNT HE SAID ANYTHING?
Ichigo staggered back, recoiling into Byakuya's arms and staring at his father in horror. Isshin saw the look on his son's face, and Ichigo immediately saw the flicker in his eyes that meant that what he was saying made him feel bad to say, but he felt it had to happen and he knew, even horrified as he was that there was something wrong here.
Isshin sighed, feeling that something visual would help Ichigo's confusion. He pulled out his gikon, his very trusty Yuki the duck, and popped it in his mouth. Isshin was immediately ejected from his gigai, something that Ichigo would have seen a hundred times before.
Ichigo turned pale, there was a ruined, tattered, captain's haori around his father's waist, hanging around his hips somewhat like Yamamoto sometimes wore his own when he got into a fight. His father hadn't chucked the upper half though, just the outer coat. "Oh. My. God. Dad?" Ichigo's face reflected shock, horror, and fear, exactly what Isshin had worried about if he came out to Ichigo as an ex captain. "Dad... what... why...?"
"I couldn't take it anymore. I started to hate my job right after the Quincy massacre, and when Urahara and Yoruichi left the soul society I had no reason to want to stay. I loved them far more than I loved the Seireitei. And I couldn't take the Chamber of 46 constantly turning on its own people and other spiritual beings. It made me SICK. So yes, I left. And I'm very grateful to Yamamoto for helping me to escape."
"Yamamoto helped you /escape?/" Pause. "Wait, you're gay?"
"Bi, Ichigo... before I met your mother I was head over heals in love with Urahara. After I met your mother, she understood that I was bi, and as a woman, and a human she couldn't provide the same sort of attention a man and a shinigami could. She would have continued to let me see Kisuke on the side, but when Masaki got pregnant with you, Urahara put an end to it, he didn't want me to get distracted in my responsibilities. So I'm not upset with you for being gay, your sexual orientation doesn't matter to me."
"The one person who would have ratted me out if he'd found out Yamamoto was helping me to escape was Byakuya's grandfather, Ginrei Kuchiki. The sixth division is kind of like the shinigami rat squad (1) and if he'd found out I'd have been in big trouble and Yamamoto wouldn't have his job anymore. Ginrei and I had been FIGHTING since day one. He isn't that bad a guy, we just DIDNT mix. He hated me. I was a mongrel, and irresponsible, and annoying and he made my captaincy miserable every day. The only truly bold thing Ginrei Kuchiki ever did in his life was wear his kensaiken on his pubic hair." Byakuya bristled. "He wore it in the Onsen, which is how I know. I didn't do anything bad to find out." (2)
"So you don't want me to date Byakuya because you have a beef with his grandfather? Dad that is SO lame and STUPID!" Ichigo yelled.
"No Ichigo, thats just the FIRST reason why. Now listen to me. Urahara has kept me up to date with what is going on. I know about the fever and I know you were having difficulty making some decisions and that Grimmjow hurt you, BADLY. You would have had every amount of sympathy if you'd gone to me and told me what he'd done to you rather than going straight to Kisuke for help, and I'm GLAD you're willing to trust him, he's one of the few reasons why I let you keep being a shinigami rather than stepping in, because I knew he'd watch your back and HELP YOU if you needed it. I didn't approve of you being a shinigami at first, I did not raise my children to be sacrificed on the Seireitei company altar."
"Is that why, I could see spirits?" Ichigo looked from Byakuya to Isshin.
"yes." Byakuya said quietly. "I wondered about that, I wounded you in your soul chain and soul sleep the first time we met in battle. If Rukia had been the source of your shinigami powers, you wouldn't have been able to recover your powers, let alone master shikai and bankai. From a standpoint of spiritual anatomy, it should have been impossible. Having a family member with bankai tends to increase the chances of being able to obtain one."
"It also means that Karin and Yuzu could become shinigami as well. Karin could easily follow the same route that you did. She has the potential. It could easily have been her going out to save the soul society and not you if she and Yuzu had been born first and you were the younger sibling and Rukia had found her instead of you. And she could easily go bankai as well when she's MUCH older." Isshin sighed. "Yuzu likely won't become a shinigami until after she dies and is konso'd."
Ichigo was having trouble taking all this in. Byakuya's arms were tightly encircling his waist or he'd have fainted by now.
"But why don't you want me to be with Byakuya, I LOVE him, and if I truly do get pregnant from what happened, then he'd be able to help. And yeah, Renji pulls in a salary too. But Uryu was sighing over Renji, I wasn't going to ruin my friendship with him by trying to coax Renji into staying with me when Byakuya was tripping over himself to get my interest."
"Because he's a NOBLE. Ichigo the nobles live the same way their ancestors did in the Edo period. They're VERY strict. They're the same as some of America's higher end conservative catholic and republican factions. They don't believe in the right to choose, or birth control, though I highly doubt Byakuya has anything as far as infections and i'm not worried about you catching anything from him it means that if that baby /is/ his, you won't have any choice in the matter. They won't let you abort it. And if you decide to make it a serious relationship, odds are the only reason the Kuchiki elders won't say "absolutely not!" is because you can bear Byakuya an heir to the clan. Byakuya KNOWS this. He's still willing to risk your safety, and your freedom, and possibly your life, its rare but people STILL die in child birth. You know that right Ichigo? I trust Kisuke and Retsu to take care of you, but you could end up sacrificing your /body/. Which would mean you'd become a shinigami full time. Entering a serious, even permanent relationship with Byakuya that ends in having a child means that you'd be considered an inlaw of the Kuchiki's. And the elders could limit your freedom in ways I don't think you understand. And your CHILDREN'S freedom."
Ichigo took a deep breath, turned and wrapped his arms around Byakuya. "Dad, I don't think I could bring myself to abort a pregnancy /anyway./ I became a shinigami to protect you and Karin and Yuzu AND MY FRIENDS. I don't think I could abandon a family member, even one that hasn't been born. I'm willing to lay down my life in combat any day at any time for family and people I love who aren't family. Laying down my life in child birth is about as painful. And you know what, if it happens, it happens! Death is a part of life, it could happen anytime. And knowing that its not the end is a comfort, and it makes me value the time I have on earth EVEN MORE." (3)
Isshin looked at Byakuya, who tightened his grip around Ichigo's waist. "I'm willing to give you a chance, Byakuya, if your grandfather is willing to come back here and listen to my concerns and address them /i'm/ willing to give this a chance."
"He has to listen to your concerns. When there's the possibility of a relationship longer than a decade or the possibility of children they have to treat it like they would finding a marriage partner. Which means they have to listen to the parents and their wishes. But if you approach him like you just did me, he won't listen to anything." Byakuya told Isshin. "I will do EVERYTHING in my power to take care of your son and look out for him and any children we have. But don't treat me like my grandfather. I'm NOT like him. I had to deal with a relationship unpopular with MY parents once before, who I loved. I had to defy them when their approval meant so much, then they made me promise, before they died, never to go against their wishes again! I sacrificed everything for Hisana and she /died!/ Her life was cut short so TRAGICALLY that I mourned her for fifty years." He said with quiet steel. "I will NEVER let any harm come to Ichigo. I won't lose another partner! NEVER! If I lost another lover, after trying so hard to protect him I would DIE. And I will SLAUGHTER any enemy who tried to harm my /pride./" Pride, Isshin could see, meant his loved ones.
Isshin sighed. "Fine, I'll give you a chance, and I'll give Ginrei a chance as well. I'm not big on the idea, but I see the fervor in you that I feel your average noble is lacking."
"I'm not good at being fervent. It was watching your son save my sister, even though he barely knew her, when I was powerless to do so, that did it. I almost lost the second most important person in my life after Hisana. He affected me more than I care to admit in public. And I still act... very reserved... but I will defend my pride and my pride are the people, and the home that I love. And I don't want to be judged by the ways that my elders have put down. I myself was almost a victim to their closed mindedness."
Ichigo's eyebrows arched. "I never got that, she's your sister."
"I was not in a position that I could defend her Ichigo, I am an enforcer of the law of the seireitei. The sixth division is the watch dog that keeps shinigami from committing a crime and prosecutes them if they do. I don't like the IAB comparison but that is what we do. And sharing your powers is a grave crime. What if you'd gone evil? And decided to join Aizen? What if you'd /died/ trying to defy him? Rukia would have been considered responsible for your defection OR your death. After hisana died I promised my parents, who are now dead, that I wouldn't defy their wishes again. But I promised Hisana I would protect Rukia. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. You were not the first time I had questioned the authority of the Clan's Elders, and you certainly won't be the last, but it took your arrival and Aizen's betrayal to remind me of what was truly important."
"I will... try to understand. I have a helluva lot to think about now. But I have more questions, and not about this... Dad if you were a shinigami, why didn't you save mom? Why didn't you kill grand fisher before he TOOK her from us? Why didn't you tell me??? I thought her death was /my/ fault! Hell, sometimes I even wondered whether I'd gone psychotic and killed her and not remembered it." Ichigo stretched out his hands to Isshin, and it was the first non fearful look he'd given his father during this entire conversation. Byakuya let him go, and Ichigo had tears in his eyes as he threw his arms around not his father's physical form, but his spirit, shinigami, body, accepting the truth at last. He wasn't of this world. He had never been of it. Born in it, but not of it."
Isshin was crying too. "One of the conditions of Yamamoto helping me to leave the soul society, Ichigo, was that I give up my shinigami powers. That I become HUMAN. That was the only way he'd let me go. I couldn't see spirits the way you could when you were a child. I was only allowed out of my gigai when Aizen betrayed the soul society and you and your friends saved the Seireitei from itself. I don't think you understand the enormity of what you did. You shook the soul society awake, to the fact that it was doing things wrong. That it had made enemies at every turn claiming to protect the very people who later attacked it. And now one of their own turned on them. You know Tousen was immune to Aizen's power? He turned on the seireitei because he believed that his own people were evil. And you didn't just shake them awake, you moved them to ACTION. Yamamoto's defense of Karakura was INSPIRED! Because of YOU he started believing things were possible that he wouldn't have believed he could do! He decided that if he could convince some of the former captains to take up arms again he would!"
"I didn't realize that what I'd done was so great." Ichigo looked up at Byakuya.
"Your exploits have almost certainly ensured your captaincy in a few decades. Your talent even has the Kuchiki elders talking I know that much. Most shinigami would have thought that all your victories were impossible to do."
"And as for Grand Fisher. I slew him Ichigo. Right after the Bounto came through. More than you I deserved the right to cleanse him, and I did so with no vengeance or rancor. And saved Kon from being eaten."
"Grand Fisher is dead?" Ichigo blinked. In a way he felt cheated. Once he had bankai, Ichigo had longed to shove a getsuga tensho up that damn hamster's (4) ass. But if anyone deserved to do it more it was Isshin. And it allowed his father to reclaim his shinigamihood.
"Now go and have breakfast. And I'm sorry I was so harsh. GO."
Ichigo nodded numbly, his mind was full, and his heart was as heavy as it was light.
When Renji awoke, Ichigo and Byakuya was gone. There was a note tucked in Renji's gikon, which was resting on the bedside.
Dear Renji,
My heart is large, too large for one person. And so I asked the three people I was most interested in being with to join me in the fever, hoping my body would decide for me. I've decided to go with Byakuya. I'm very thankful for the comfort you gave me. I was hurt and confused by what happened with Grimmjow, and in a way I guess it felt like I was whoring myself out for intelligence. Or that if I hadn't done what I did, I'd have ended up on the ground bloody and violated. I was never more afraid than I was then and you helped me to be brave and understand my confusion. It wasn't entirely grimmjow's fault and I don't blame him, I blame Aizen for what Grimmjow did, he ordered Zephly to make that virus. Please don't hold it against Grimm the next time we have to fight him. If you fight your battles with revenge in your heart, it will only get you so far before you lose, badly, and die. Many soul reapers make much ado about the urge to kill, but thats wrong. Thats not the source of my strength or what makes me so powerful a warrior. What makes me so strong is the will to protect, and the ability to love everyone that goes with it, even the enemy.
Uryu loves you. I've seen the look in his eyes when he looks at you. He's totally crazy over you and I don't want to get in his way. Byakuya is fine for me. We've gone back to my house to get some sleep and You'd better make your move soooooooon.
Renji sighed, got up, and wrote a note of his own.
Uryu, I went to buy us breakfast somewhere, be back soon. Ichigo went home with Byakuya, you don't have to worry about him anymore. But after we eat, we need to talk.
A few moments later Renji came back with a bag of bagels, jam, peanut butter, cream cheese and butter. He wasn't sure what ones Uryu liked so he just got a bunch of different stuff that seemed to go together.
Uryu was sitting up, the note in his hands. "Ichigo went home, the fever faded after we went to bed and he decided that he wanted Byakuya. You know I was riding him like a horse, and he was busy doing the dominent seme thing on Ichigo. I guess Ichigo was taken with it. But thats alright, we have food. And I wanna ask you some things. About... I mean... do you... like me?"
Uryu blinked, here was Renji, being shy, and considerate, even getting him breakfast, though he clearly didn't know much about human food.
Uryu got up, walked over to Renji with a soft smile on his face. He plucked the bag from the bakery from Renji's hands, set it on the table in the kitchenette, and looped his arms around Renji's neck. "You're all that I can see." Renji blushed slightly, "And you're all I truly wanted."
Renji found himself pushed back on the bed, Uryu fumbling with his pants. "Its much easier to get the shihaksho off." Renji pulled out his gikon and ejected from his gigai, then dismissed the modsoul. "I'd much rather, do this as me, with /my/ body."
"Alright." Uryu grinned, pushing Renji back on the bed. "I'm absolutely dying for a taste."
"oh don't say that. OOOPH." Renji found himself flat on his back, Uryu grinning like a minx the entire time. "But don't you want me to..."
"What I've discovered, from /that/ experience, is that giving head is a huuugeee turn on." Uryu sniggered, slipping off Renji's hakama.
Renji blushed hugely, Uryu took his dick in his hands, and delicately licked the tip. That was all it took for his member to slowly, slowly flag to full alertness. "oooooooh..." Uryu grinned, pulling Renji's member slowly into his mouth. Uryu had him all the way in his mouth, and was sucking him off like he'd been born doing it.
Uryu began to hollow his cheeks, swallowing him as far down as he could go, breathing through his nose. His nose was buried in Renji's pubic hairs, and Uryu could smell the musk coming off the curls. Renji gasped, trying very, very hard not to buck. Uryu pushed his hips down. Renji groaned, head rolling back as Uryu worked his tongue along the bottom of the shaft as he sucked. Uryu took a deep breath through his nose, then throated Renji, humming softly.
Renji groaned, he'd been taken so off guard by Uryu's advances and the ministrations of that talented mouth that he came, screaming Uryu's name and writhing on the bed. Uryu swallowed every drop, licking his lips when he pulled back.
"where, the hell, did you learn to give head like that?"
"I looked it up." Uryu pushed his glasses up on his nose. "You know they teach us about sex in school, I just paid attention to the wrong part of the lecture if you know what I mean."
"Hah!" Renji was on Uryu in an instant. "Oh my god, you have no idea, I want to fuck you now."
Uryu chuckled, "oh really. You're going to make me work for that breakfast?"
"you got that right. I have to give you something back for that." Renji purred. Uryu blushed. "What, you don't want something back for that favor? You're still naked and your dick is even dripping precum." he gripped Uryu's ass cheeks. Uryu squealed. "its impolite."
"it wasn't a favor." Uryu growled. "I like giving head, I told you, it turns me on."
"Me too." Renji's dick was hard again, he desperately wanted to get inside Uryu. "What? You have a very good talent for oral pleasure. You caught me completely off guard."
"My ass is sore..." Uryu blushed. Then his stomach growled. Then he purred. "Although, I'd like some milk to go with that bagel." He sniggered, with a double entendre.
"You just had milk. Jeeze, at this rate you'll be a nympho just like Kurosaki. You don't want that do you?" Renji asked.
Uryu blushed.
"If you don't want me to fuck you, then let me use my hands. I'll make you sing." Renji pulled Uryu into his arms. "I want you Uryu, so badly right now it hurts."
"Alright then, hands it is." And Uryu fell into the arms he wanted all along.
I hope my dad doesn't find out I'm fucking a soul reaper. That trist with Kurosaki was bad enough, I just went along with him so I could have sex with Renji. If my dad finds out I'm dating a lieutenant, he'll kill me.
1. In Bleach Mush the Beginning a text based real time rpg I play, the game wizards began to divide division specialties up and assign them where Tite Kubo hadn't. They made the sixth the shinigami IAB. Since it fits the story I want to tell I'm going to keep their designation of the sixth division as the rat squad. It TOTALLY fits Byakuya's "Law and Order" attitude towards rule breaking in the soul society arc.
2. OMG! The flashback episode for the Zanpakuto Rebellion arc WAS AWESOME, I liked that Ginrei's personality was actually touched on and I really like him, but he doesn't strike me as getting along well with Isshin, also, if you watch the shinigami cup omake, child Byakuya asks Ginrei where he wears his Kensaiken. And Ginrei blushes slightly and then disappears rather than answering. Which tells me its someplace you can't see under his clothes. Something kind of bold for such a conservative seeming character. And in writing, I cast the Kuchiki's as treating their Kensaiken like the Scottish do their Kilts.
3. Ichigo strikes me as not being willing to abort. Personally I'd be quaking in fear in his position and rushing off to the clinic. But Ichigo is very loving and affectionate, despite his gruff outside. Thats part of why he had so much trouble deciding between Renji, Byakuya and Uryu.