A/N: I still don't have a beta. If you see a grammatical error, feel free to leave it in the review section along with your thoughts!
BTW, I still don't own Twilight or anything related to it… unfortunately.
Chapter 9. – Time
RPOV
I was running a year ahead of schedule. Grampy took my measurements on this morning and said I was roughly twelve, but my fourth birthday wasn't for another three months. If I continued to grow at this rate, I'd be fully grown in less than two years; a possibility that suited me just fine.
I was becoming aggravated with being a child, so ready to be done with it already. Being treated like a kid was fun when I actually felt like a kid, but now it just seemed like everyone was holding me back from doing the things I really wanted. Jacob was still my best friend, but things were getting weird between us. Maybe it was just me?
Jacob and I were on my balcony, he watched me as I worked on my first painting. All of my painting supplies were scattered everywhere in no order – similar to my state of mind. I'd been sketching for several months when Jacob took me to an art supply shop the day before and suggested I try my hand at painting.
It didn't take me long to decide my first piece – one of the most serene places in my little world, the landscape off my balcony. As luck would have it, the sun was protruding through the clouds, casting gorgeous yellow rays across the field. The wildlife was alive in the forest that was less than 50 yards from where I stood. I planned to paint a panorama of my breathtaking view, but my plans were abruptly ended when I heard thunder in the distance and the dark clouds began to descend toward my home, blocking out the yellow sun.
I stomped my foot and threw the paintbrush that was in my hand over the railing. Tears began to well in my eyes. Why on earth would unexpected rain induce tears when I'd spent more than two thirds of my life under thick cloud cover?
Jacob got up from his seat and wrapped his arm around me as he stood by my side at the railing. "Honey, are you okay? What's wrong?" He let about one second of silence pass before his curious face became panicked. "Nessie, tell me why you're crying! Are you hurt? What's going on?"
I shrugged his arm off my shoulders. "I'," I said sharply, but more tears escaped my eyes. "I—I don't know. Nothing's wrong. Just—I just… can you give me some time alone? I'm… I'm sorry." I gazed into his deep brown eyes, pleading.
He, too, looked like he would begin sobbing at any moment. My pain was his pain, though neither of us knew what it was. He kissed the top of my head and made his way inside, not saying a word. I longed for him instantly, I'd hurt my Jacob – the keeper of my heart. He was probably just as confused as me.
As I sat silently on my balcony, I began to think more and more about it. I needed someone to talk to, but I felt lost. This wasn't the first time I'd broken down into pieces over minuscule troubles. Mom and dad were absolutely positively out of the question, Jacob too. Alice may as well be one of them since she was such great pals with mom. Esme and Carlisle would never understand. So it was Rosalie. Irritation and impatience ran through every inch of me, though I wasn't even sure what I was so worked up about. There was something very abnormal going on inside my mind.
While I waited for Rosalie to get back from her trip to Portland with Emmett, dad, and mom, I scanned through this vast array of chaos that had been running through my mind over the last month or so with intentions of figuring out how I was going to approach her. What would I say? How could I say it in a way that didn't alarm her or send the others rushing to my side? I would have to get away from the house first.
I hoped she didn't have plans for the remainder of the afternoon. The minutes crept by ever so slowly as I sat and waited for Rose to get back, watching the clouds lurch overhead, listening to the soft sound of thunder in the distance. I couldn't help but readjust myself in the chaise every few minutes.
My chest ripped open wider when I saw Jacob almost running through the back yard toward the forest. My poor Jacob. It pained me to see him walking away so upset and confused, but I was equally perplexed and his curiosity and attempts to help only made matters worse.
I love you, I told him through my mind. My tone was solemn and apologetic. He glanced back and nodded as he walked away, his attempt at masking the agony in his face was useless. I could practically feel his chest ripping the way mine was. I'd have to go talk to him if I went anywhere with Rose.
The pain didn't subside, but I had to find a way to focus… to figure out what I was going to say to Rosalie. How was I going to present the problem to her if I couldn't even figure out what it was exactly? There was one thing I didn't have to worry about – Rosalie proved to be pretty good at keeping things from dad. She would just center her thoughts on herself and Emmett, something she knew he had no interest in eavesdropping on.
At last, I heard the quiet purr of her car speeding down our long, vacant road. Suddenly my uncertain thoughts were even more clouded. I'd just have to work hard to keep myself distracted around dad and convince Rosalie to leave with me as soon as possible.
I was sitting on the hood of Jacob's Infiniti – my new preferred mode of transportation, since it entailed him being my escort – waiting for them to pull in. My mind was focused on meaningless things like how the deep gray of the Infiniti reminded me of the ocean in La Push, which led me to thinking about Jacob so I had to scratch that and start over. Ice cream, yes, that's it. All my favorite flavors available at my favorite ice cream shop in town.
"Hey, sweetie. What are you doing in here? I thought you'd be painting. I can't wait to see what you come up with." Dad said as he pulled me off the hood and into his arms, carrying me with him toward the side door of the garage. Did he not realize that I was much too old to be carried around like a child?
Great, he was feeling inquisitive. Ice cream, ice cream, I told myself over and over. "I was working on it until the clouds decided to ruin my subject." I hopped out of his arms once we reached the sidewalk. Without thinking, my eyes shot to Rosalie. Stay, I told her in a pleading tone without using my voice. "I was getting something out of Jacob's truck; I'll be inside in just a sec." I kept repeating ice cream in my head. Rose listened and waited for me in front of the side entrance to the garage while everyone else made their way to the house. Hopefully my acting skills would get me through this, and hopefully Rosalie would cooperate.
"What's up? You okay?" Rosalie inquired as she took in my troubled facial expression.
I forced a smile. "Um, are you busy this afternoon?" My feet were fidgeting with a rock on the sidewalk as I tried to focus on thinking of ice cream and smiling.
"No, not really. I was going to help Emmett. We picked up some new shelves for our bathroom while we were out. Why? What do you need?" Either she wasn't on to me, or she was focusing intently on not thinking of how miserable I looked under the façade. The sound of her indifference to helping out with the shelves was promising.
"Can we… go out for ice cream? As soon as possible? Just us?"
Without hesitation, she responded, "Yes, of course. Let's just tell everyone we're leaving first."
Maybe Alice saw this and clued her in, but I hadn't decided to go to Rosalie until long after she'd left, hadn't even thought of it. She could have called, but would Alice really be so intrusive? Of course she would. Either way, I was thankful that Rosalie accepted without hesitation or a line of questioning. Try as I may, this whole situation would be out in the open sooner or later. I just wasn't ready for that until I at least knew what was wrong with me.
"Can you tell them? I need to say goodbye to Jacob. He's out in his shop."
"Yeah, I'll meet you back here in a sec." And she disappeared into the house.
The shop was everything you could imagine a mans workspace would be, and then some. The exterior was simple vinyl siding and windows with two entries and a garage door, the interior was filled with tools, screws, and other furniture construction necessities along with a large desk.
Jacob was working rather timidly when I entered the shop. Our eyes met as soon as I cracked the door open and my heart began to race. I ran toward him and he lifted me into his loving arms. Still trying my hardest to think of ice cream, I hopped down and began to speak.
"We'll talk later, okay? I'm going with Rosalie for some ice cream. I'll be back in a bit." His face crumbled. "I'll be fine, I promise," I said as I yanked his arm, bringing his face much closer to mine. I stood on my toes and kissed his warm cheek.
"Be back in an hour?" he requested, eyes pleading.
"Yes," I said as I hugged him goodbye.
"Love you," he called to me as I somberly walked to the door at a human pace.
"Love you more." I turned and replied.
"Not possible," he whispered.
Could it be possible that he loved me more than I love him? But how? I loved Jacob with everything I had in me. He was mine and I was his, we held each other's hearts. I gave up on keeping everything balanced; I loved Jacob more than anyone else on the planet, including my own parents. It didn't make sense to me, it was unnatural… but then again, what was natural about any of us? Loving Jacob more defied human nature and how parents were supposed to be at the core of a child's affection and adoration. My best friend meant the world to me. I couldn't stand to see him unhappy and being away from him ripped me apart, but I had to go.
Rosalie was waiting for me just where she said she'd be. She was intentionally not speaking and barely glancing at me. It was a good thing; tears had been streaming down my face just moments before she came into sight, she'd be able to see the slightest remains of moisture effortlessly. She put the car in reverse and waited for the garage door to open.
"Can you hold off on the speed until we're out of hearing range? Jacob."
I didn't have to explain, she knew what I meant. Jacob would worry to death if he knew how Rosalie only pretended to drive safely with me in the car. His worries were futile, though. He knew nothing could harm me.
"Yes ma'am." She smiled as she spoke, a smile that perked me up slightly. Alice must have told her everything.
The silence continued until we were about five miles away from the house.
"Spill," she said as if she were looking for the latest juicy gossip.
"First, some prerequisites: one, I've got to be back in an hour, I promised Jake; two, you have to swear on Emmett that you won't expressly tell anyone and you will try your hardest not to clue my dad in on what we're about to discuss. Can you do that for me?"
"Yes and yes, though you know keeping anything from your dad is nearly impossible. Plus, there's always Alice." Rosalie sounded honest, I could trust her.
"I've been practicing. Wish I knew how well I was doing," I said as I glared out the window, not sure how to get the essential conversation rolling. "Did Alice say something to you? Does my dad know what's up?" I turned my head back to face her so I could read her expressions.
"I don't think your dad knows anything, but you know how he is. He's been trying to block your thoughts out of his mind for a while now, but he worries that he won't be able to get back in." I gawked at her, was he really doing this? "Alice didn't tell me anything about this specifically, but I could tell you were hiding something and she did mention a few weeks ago that you might reach out to me for help."
We were entering our small town now; she huffed when she finally slowed down to only ten over the speed limit.
"So you're telling me that my dad is trying not to hear my thoughts? Are you serious? Oh this is more perfect than you can imagine." Life just got so much easier; I could feel a small fragment of the tension subside. "Do you realize what this means? How important this is to me? Why didn't he tell me this?"
"So, gorgeous, what brings us to this fine establishment?" Rosalie asked, waving her hand to the ramshackle ice cream shop that housed the best homemade ice cream ever created.
"You're going to think I've lost it."
I had a couple of minutes to sort my thoughts out a little more, though I still felt about as crazy as I had earlier, while she paid for my triple chocolate ice cream sundae. She sat across from me at the picnic table and I hoped the rain would hold off for just a bit longer. Her face eyed mine impatiently.
"Alright, here goes. The thing is, well, I feel all weird lately. I don't understand anything. I get frustrated so easily, I cry all the time…" I sighed as my next statement came to mind. "And Jacob, I feel weird around him now. The other day, we were in his shop. He was working on some custom job for one of Nan's clients. It was rather hot inside, so he took his shirt off… something completely normal that he's always done whenever he gets hot. He would probably be content if he never had to wear a shirt again in his lifetime. Well, when he took it off, it was like this flash of heat or, or electricity… went through my body. His body was glistening with sweat and I couldn't help but stare. I couldn't take my eyes off him. I'm so glad he was too focused on his task to notice.
"Then, earlier on the balcony, he was rearranging the furniture so that I could find the perfect spot for my new easel – I wanted to paint a panorama out there. Anyways, he rolled his sleeves up before going to lift the lavender chaise and it happened again. I watched the muscles in his arms and neck flex as he lifted the chaise over his head and repositioned it on the other side of the balcony. I almost felt like I was going to start sweating. I'm being completely honest with you here, Rose, so please don't laugh. Something's wrong with me. It's more than just these weird feelings about Jake." I stopped to take a few bites of my ice cream, trying to calm myself after the flashbacks of my Jacob.
Rosalie nodded. "I'm here for you, Ness. Don't feel embarrassed. You can trust me. Go on."
I took in a deep breath. "Thanks Rose. On to the next strange subject. I've been having these strange emotional meltdowns over the most pathetic, minute things. I feel like a child, like I can't control myself. I cry at least every couple of days. I don't get it? Ugh, even now I feel like I'm going to just from talking about it." I slumped over my bowl of ice cream and took a couple of huge bites.
Rosalie straightened her shoulders. She leaned forward and lifted my chin up with her index finger. "If you'd like to take a break and eat, I might be able to offer some comforting advice," she said. Rosalie was very protective of and attached to me, but I'd never seen this side of her. She seemed more like a girlfriend, not an aunt, and definitely on my side.
"You have the floor," I muttered, my mouth still choking down a big bite of brownie. I waved my spoon toward the center of the table.
"Alright. Even after I explain everything, it still may not make sense to you. I'm going to try my best though." She paused, looking around her in search of the right words. "Right now, your hormones are going crazy inside your twelve year old body. It might even be worse for you than it is a normal twelve year old girl since thus far you're nothing like a normal girl your age. Your strange feelings for Jacob, the stress, everything. It all comes back to your hormones. You're slowly becoming an adult – a woman. You'll be a teen any day now. The things you just explained to me are all very normal. Difficult for you, but still normal. I promise it'll pass. Be glad that you only have to deal with it for a year, two tops. Most girls have to go more like four or five years."
My eyes bulged; I couldn't imagine this even continuing for a year, much less five.
"I'll be here for you as long as you'll have me. I won't tell anyone else the things we talk about, I'll do my best to guide you and help you, but now I need you to make me a promise."
I nodded, still sucking down ice cream.
"I want you to try very hard not to let this take control of you. Ness, you are such an amazing girl, your personality is so well balanced. You've got all of the positive aspects of your mother and father. Your spirit radiates around you, you're like everyone's personal ray of sunshine." Funny, that's how I thought of Jacob. "Things may get tough – worse than it is now even – but please promise that you will try hard to remember who you are and that everyone loves you. I'll always be here for you, you can trust me. I promise you. Now you have to promise me." I'd never seen Rosalie's eyes so pleading before.
"I promise."
"One more thing, if you want to make this easier on Jacob, you can try not to act any differently around him. Keep things the way they always have been. I'm not going to tell you to never look at him again, but try to be inconspicuous."
Rosalie was right. I still didn't understand. At least I had someone I could go to. I had a lot to think about, which reminded me of what Rosalie said about dad blocking my thoughts. When we got back to the house, I immediately rushed through the house searching for him. Jacob wasn't expecting me for another fifteen minutes. He probably heard us pull up, but the fact that we arrived earlier than I thought we would made it easier to leave our hearts pulling toward each other for just a bit longer.
"Dad! I need to talk to you. Look—" My voice was filled with urgency.
Would you like to do this in private? He said inaudibly, speaking to me using his newly discovered talent.
Good idea, I responded. 'Dad, it's quite simple – and I'm in a hurry. Rose told me you were trying to block out my thoughts. How's that working out? Our eyes were locked.
You'll be pleased to know that it's coming along just as I'd hoped. I can't hear a thing unless I open myself up to it, but even when I'm blocking I can still hear it when you speak to me directly like this. You're the only person I'm doing this with, though. I can't risk losing my connection to the others. At least if I lose my connection to you I can still hear what you deliberately tell me. I don't have that advantage with the others.
I felt immediate relief surge through me. Thanks, dad. Feel free to block my thoughts out for all eternity. I giggled aloud.
How about this - we'll arrange times, a few times a week, where I'll read you, just so I don't lose the ability to. Sound good? His expression looked honest and promising. He wouldn't invade my privacy; I could trust him on that.
Great, just make sure to tell me beforehand. Thanks, dad. I hopped into his lap and squeezed his neck.
Anytime. Trust me. Sarcasm seeping through his unspoken words.
I broke the silence. "Love you. I've got to go talk to Jacob. You're out of my head, right?"
"Yes, but remember I can still hear the things you say out loud from a pretty good ways away."
"That's fine. I'm not worried about the things I'm going to say." I chuckled on the inside. His brows furrowed, bringing with them a grimace.
* * * * * *
A few weeks later, something Rosalie said began to come alive. Things were getting worse... much worse. I found myself running from numerous situations, on the brink of an emotional meltdown. Thus far I'd been able to keep myself together in front of everyone, and hadn't snapped at any person in particular, but situations. My family was starting to walk on pins and needles when I was around, afraid to set me off. Sometimes I hated myself for putting them in this situation, but for the most part I was just apathetic and petulant. I was a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode.
"What is your PROBLEM? What, you think I'll droll all over you if you take your shirt off?! How about this - I'll do us both a favor and stay in the house when you come out here. Maybe we shouldn't play sports together either. MAYBE we shouldn't hang out at all!" I yelled at Jacob. I felt his soul crumble into a thousand pieces on the shop floor.
"WHY did YOU have to make it weird, Jake??" I stomped out of the shop and slammed the door, not giving him a chance to respond. I hurt him, I knew that much.
I ran to Rosalie and begged her to take me out for ice cream at once. She agreed without vacillation. Things were much easier now that I wasn't worried about dad hearing my every thought, and Rosalie knew the drill. I was so happy to have her, she was the only person I could turn to, the only person I felt really understood me.
She sat down beside me at the same table we occupied last time. "I feel like such a jerk. I don't know what came over me." I consumed myself with the bowl of ice cream in front of me.
"What happened?" Rosalie finally asked, knowing it was still difficult for me to just come out and say things.
"We were in the shop again. I was sketching a portrait of him. In my portrait he wasn't wearing a shirt, but it was just from the shoulder up. I sketched my favorite smile on his face. Then, I looked up at him and noticed that his shirt was completely saturated with sweat. I must have been a little too goo-goo eyed when I smiled at him because he only half-smiled back. Then it clicked - he kept his shirt on for a reason." I paused, pretending to be occupied with my ice cream. "I've never spoken to Jacob like that before."
Rose was staring at me, left hanging. "What did you say?"
"You didn't hear me? I thought even the people in town heard me." I laughed half-heartedly and took another bite, regretting everything I'd said even more as the seconds passed. I'd have to relive the moment when I confessed to Rosalie.
"I just got back in from riding around with Alice in the Porsche when you ran inside. I missed everything, I guess."
I hesitated, but finally let the guilt wash over me. I deserved it. "I just said a bunch of horrible things I didn't mean. Basically that I thought we shouldn't hang out anymore, something that would probably kill us both... literally."
Rosalie's face turned smug. "What? No death threats? No 'I hate you'?" My expression turned sour as she wasn't taking me seriously. "Kidding, hon. I'm sure he'll forgive you. He knows you're going through a bit of a rough patch, everyone knows."
"You told?!" Had she betrayed my trust?
"Of course not. I have kept my word, but it's very obvious. You haven't been yourself lately. Its okay, everyone goes through something like this. Even your dad."
"Huh?" I mumbled through the ice cream.
"Ha! You're not dragging that out of me; you'll have to ask him yourself."
"You really think he'll forgive me? Jacob, I mean?"
"Ness, the boy needs you more than oxygen, more than food. He loves you with every speck of his existence. Of course he will forgive you. Just remember to try and take it easy, 'kay? Run to me before you explode instead of waiting until after you've said hurtful things you don't mean."
I dropped my spoon down into the empty bowl in front of me. "You're the best, Rose. I mean it. Where would I be without you?"
"Anytime. Really, any time… no matter what time it is, where I am, or what I'm doing. Now, would you like to discuss something a bit more cheerful?" She smiled as she swept my hair out of my face and behind my ears. "You're birthday is in a couple of months, anything you're hoping to get?"
"I've only thought of a few things, none of which are feasible and all involve Jacob." I ducked my head down in embarrassment with a tiny grin crossing my lips.
"Renesmee!" she said as she gasped. "Since you're confiding in only me and pretty much avoiding your parental units as much as possible, I must ask – what exactly are these things you're dreaming up?"
I was comfortable enough to be honest with her, and it wasn't anything too humiliating.
"Calm down." My eyes shifted around as I deliberated on the right way to say it. "Just like maybe… touching his biceps when he's all sweaty." My voice reduced to a broken whisper unintentionally. My eyes wandered to a far away place as I propped my head up on my fist. "Or spending an entire day watching him lift heavy objects without a shirt on." My heart pounded in my chest, my voice barely audible. At this point, I was more verbalizing the fantasies that were running through my mind rather than actually explaining something to an audience. "Or staring into his bottomless fluid brown eyes for hours on end…. Or… kissing him… on his glorious lips." I let out a big sigh and continued to wrap my mind around that thought; the one that I'd suppressed even though I was almost certain dad wasn't going to see it.
Rosalie kept her posture at ease. "That's not so bad. Impossible, but not horrible... Ness, are you listening?" She shook my arm, my chin still propped on my arm, my eyes still lost in thought.
"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Impossible," I said quietly when I finally snapped out of my daydreams.
When we got back home, the guys were engrossed in one of Jacob's video games. He'd never been much for playing, but Emmett and Jasper bought the system and several games as a birthday gift to him. It was more like a gift for all of them, though, as all three of them tended to get absorbed by it at least a few times a week.
Nervous, I took a seat beside Jacob – hunched over, leaning toward the television – and watched him pretend to unintentionally lose his last life and look disappointed about it. No one was convinced. Rosalie – my now second best friend – stood beside Emmett and lightly massaged his back. Jacob propped his elbows on his knees and turned his face toward mine, the first time he'd acknowledged that I'd even entered the room. His gorgeous face still looked wounded, crushed. Another half-smile crossed his mouth. I had to say something. I had to redeem myself, but how? What could I possibly say that might mend his wounds?
We need to talk, I told him. He nodded just a hair. Emmett and Rosalie quickly looked away from us when I glanced over to them.
Jacob stood and I followed. My heart melted when he brought my hand into his and intertwined our fingers. I took a deep breath with intentions of clearing my head, but his overpowering scent – a combination of his natural masculine fragrance combined with whatever forty dollar shower gel Nan purchased him – made that impossible.
We walked side by side to my balcony, my haven. I loved to just admire the beautiful scenery; the gorgeous flowers and plants around the pool just below the balcony, the woods a little farther off in front, the large field we all played sports on to my left, the garden that housed rows and rows of all of my favorite flowers over to my right. Every direction provided a breathtaking view.
I plopped down into my favorite chaise, not releasing Jacob's hand, unsure of when the opportunity may come again. My heart picked up when he sat at the end of my plush lavender chaise, though I was disappointed when he released my hand from his warm grasp. I draped my legs over his lap casually, trying as hard as I could not to have goo-goo eyes and keep things absolutely normal and casual. This was going to be hard enough for the both of us, the last thing he needed was me making it awkward.
We just stared into each other's eyes for a long moment, neither of us knowing where to start. I felt obligated to initiate the conversation, since I was responsible for this. I had to break away from his gaze in order to concentrate and keep my mind focused. His facial expressions read much differently than mine. His were somber yet loving and forgiving. I was fighting to keep mine from looking too attracted to him, trying to keep it the way it was not long ago – friendly, like he was my brother. Things changed so abruptly. I couldn't have my way no matter what angle I looked at it from.
Going back in time, to a time where things weren't awkward, wasn't physically possible. Refusing to find Jacob attractive was highly unlikely. I couldn't have my way – have him feel the way I do for him. Unless everyone could build a time machine, time travel wasn't an option either. And so it was… this uncomfortable, embarrassing phase would just have to take its course. I hoped it was nothing more than a phase. Who knows, maybe things would go back to the way they once were on their own. Maybe my hormones would pipe down.
I stared out to the field; the sun was beginning to set, turning the colors of the clouds to various shades of pink and purple. "What I'm about to say hardly makes up for anything, but I can't think of a better way to say it. I'm truly sorry, Jacob." I turned to face him again, unable to keep up the façade.
"My Jacob," I whispered. "Please forgive me." My eyes continued to beg and plead, and then tears began to brim over. "I'm so sorry I said those hurtful things, Jacob. I mean it. I'll try my very hardest to control myself. I just don't know what's wrong with me, not that I'm trying to put the blame on anything besides myself." The words were gushing out faster than the tears that rolled down my cheeks. Jacob pulled me into his arms, but my mind was focused on feeling horrible, not his warmth or my physical attraction to him. "If it happens, I'll just walk away, okay? I know that'll hurt, too, but I'd rather do that than say anything I don't mean. You know I love you more than anything, right? Anything in the world. You know I'd never want to be apart from you, right? It would kill me." I stopped talking, but continued to sob into his shoulder.
Jacob patted my hair and kissed my head. "It's okay," he whispered. "I forgive you."
Those were the only words I needed to hear. He rocked me gently in his arms, continuing to run his fingers through my hair, while I let out all of my emotions.
After I regained composure, I pulled away from him. As comfortable as it was in his arms, I needed to finish what I was trying to say before. "Please, just understand. It's like I'm not myself half the time. Probably more than half the time. If I ever do anything like this again… if I ever hurt you… please try to understand." I stopped as my voice began to swell with emotion again.
"Nessie, it's alright. I promise. I honestly understand what you're dealing with. Growing up is tough. If you need to go get ice cream with Rosalie every single day, that's fine with me. I'll always be here waiting when you get back. You're still my girl, my Renesmee." He paused, gazing out to the pink and purple watercolor painting the clouds were gracing us with. "I'll always love you," he said, then scooped me up and buried his head into my hair. "Can I just say one teeny tiny thing? I really don't want to upset you whatsoever, but I need to say this."
I'd done enough damage; even if his words stung I deserved it. "Of course. I won't even have an emotional meltdown, promise."
"I think you're beautiful… beautiful is an understatement… and I don't ever want to live a day where you're not part of it. You're my world. For now, you're more like a…" He hesitated and sighed. This must be the part he was worried about. "Like a little sister to me. Emotionally, you're much more than that; but physically, that's how I look at you. I just need you to understand that. I am not trying to hurt your feelings; I just want to make sure we're on the same page. I've gotten so many different opinions on how to handle this and I'm just so confused. I don't want things to be weird around you; I don't want you to get mixed signals from me. You are allowed to feel and think however you wish, as am I. Is that okay with you? You understand what I'm saying, right?"
I nodded. "Love you," I whispered to him.
"Love you more," he whispered back. At this point, I was convinced that he did. It was not in his power to do anything that could hurt me in any way. The tears began to flow again as I realized that I didn't deserve such a wonderful person in my life. He pulled me into his arms and my world began to feel well. I would do everything in my power to never hurt my Jacob again.
A/N: Sweaty Jacob = yum yum yum
What do you think of Nessie and Jake's relationship? I'm trying really hard to make sure it's not creepy at all.
No photos for this chapter. Only two chapters remain before we get to move on to the next portion of the series... the part where Nessie and Jake's relationship takes a turn.