Disclaimer: I don't own anything. And I don't parody it, either. (thank you, reflekshun, for betaing me out:))

A/N: I'm not sure about the timeline. And it is AU in that sense that Watson's wife and child are alive when Holmes returns after his Hiatus. And it is fluffy. My reputation is ruined… and ff is being uncooperative...

The Four Genuine Articles

1887

'And now, a story.'

Gurgle. Sigh.

'I don't know any fairy tales. I shall tell you nothing but the truth.'

Gurgle!

'It always is. Pray, let me think for a moment; if I am mistaken, and you do retain memories of this conversation...'

Gu-urgle?

'Indeed. So. Once upon a time, there was a Needle...'

And the Needle was sharp, and shiny, and always seeking to penetrate the Heart of the Matter, for he was very Inquisitive. And he whirled, and flew this way and that way, and even got Lost occasionally, but got Found every time. The Needle was also quite Flexible, and never broke under Strain, though by the end of his career it became Tremendous; not your average Needle, no. His flawless Stitches followed a Pattern others rarely saw until it was completed; he loved to make Intricacies look Simple.

'But the Needle, he was lonely, to the point of going halves. It was a bright day indeed, when a, hmm, Splinter of his acquaintance introduced him to a Sack...'

The Sack was full of Great Qualities. He had just returned from the Marketplace, which the Needle deduced from the dash of flour upon his otherwise, ah, grimy front and a recent tear in the cloth; and it was Plain to anyone the Sack had seen his fair shair of Hard Use, and then some.

'Hammers above!' thought the Needle to himself. 'If ever I meet the Smith, I'll tell Him that Metal isn't the only Substance of Worth, after all.'

'And they became friends, and had many adventures...'

A number of said adventures were brought to them by either a Poker or Fire Tongs, whom the Needle regretfully called Scotland Yard's finest. It was an Insult, but they didn't begrudge him his little breach of etiquette, for he didn't address them thus directly.

'And then one day, the Sack met a Pillowcase.'

Gurgle...

'I beg your pardon, the Pillowcase. She was white, and lovely, and one button short of the ensemble - evil Scissors with one blade broken stole it. They looked for the button in every Nook and Cranny, but couldn't find; but the Sack said, he liked her all the same.'

And they married, and lived happily ever after, and didn't forget the Needle, who reveled in his work and remained Stainless. Or he tried his best.

'And one day, there was a Pillow inside the Pillowcase. A squishy piece of fluff, a bit on the pale side, but that is easily corrected with a week of - embroidery in the country. Shall I talk to your father about it, sweetheart? I thought so. Now, it's time to say 'The End.''

Gurgle...

'Every story has to end somewhere. Sleep, child; someday, you will tell me how it continues.'

1894

'I imagine John Jr. is all grown up.'

'So he is.'

'Another Dr. J. Watson.'

'No, he'd actually never seen himself as such. Strange thing, Holmes; my son aspires to be a chemist.'

'Flattered as I am, I assure you, dear chap, that I've yet to preach Science to thine scion. Why is he so inclined?'

'Some fascination with rubber. Says it goes on forever... Holmes?'

'...It might, too.'

It just might.