Hello again. This is my fourth chapter part I. Now you get to hear my little Naruto and Reiko rant about some semi-depressing things and stuff. Actually, this one's not that depressing compared to other ones so yeah. Well, I hope you enjoy it and I really apologize for sucking in writing. I always was and I doubt that's going to change anytime soon so I might just as well show the world how much I suck. Really, it's not like people's actually going to praise my writing since I already know I suck. Anyways, when you're done reading, just press the blue link/button and tell me how much this story sucked or something. Or maybe after you read the next two parts of this chapter to see if I improve or not (which I don't except probably the second part since most of that part if not all are written by this awesome person BlackPANDA xD but I bet your faces will be crestfallen after reading the third part so if you don't want to, then don't read it. It really saves a lot of trouble.)
Disclaimer: The plot for this chapter and next couple chapters do NOT belong to me. They belong to BlackPANDA xD and the only part that belongs to me is the Reiko's part of the part I and every chapter's part III. Also, I changed a little bit of the Naruto's part but mostly are written by BlackPANDA xD. Also, I do NOT own Naruto and the only character I own so far are Reiko and couple characters that I'm going to introduce in part III. But, they are not really that important so until now, Reiko's the only main character that I own.
-Kaerelie Cecilia, the keeper and guardian of B1aCk RoSE
Chapter 4: The Burdened
"So tell me, what's it like living in a constant haze of stupidity?"-Hiei (Yu Yu Hakusho)
"The story the Leavers have been enacting for the past three million years isn't a story of conquest and rule. Enacting it doesn't give them power. Enacting it gives them lives that are satisfying and meaningful to them. This is what you'll find if you go among them. They're not seething with discontent and rebellion, not incessantly wrangling over what should be allowed and what forbidden, not forever accusing each other of not living the right way, not living in terror of each other, not going crazy because their lives seem empty and pointless, not having to stupefy themselves with drugs to get through the days, not having a new religion every week to give them something to hold on to, not forever searching for seomthing to do or something to believe in that will make lives worth living. And - I repeat - this is not because they live close to nature or have no formal government or because they're innately noble. This is simply because they're enacting a story that works well for people - a story that worked well for three million years and that still works where the Takes haven't yet managed to stamp it out." - Daniel Quinn
" Depression is nourished by a lifetime of ungrieved and unforgiven hurts." - Penelope Sweet
There are a lot of people out in the world. Every one of them has a unique life that is just theirs. But some people have ones worse than others. We have secrets, we have a darkness. But we're all the same and yet different. We want what the rest has. Something they took for granted. But why, then, are we always quiet? Why does the one who wants the most never accept the fact that they do? Why do they never reach for it?
It's the same for everybody. When one loved another, he wanted so badly to tell her. But he doesn't. When one has a bad home life, and is beaten and abused nearly every day, why does he turn to the darkness? Why would he stick that needle in his arm when there are people in the world wanting to help him? Is it pride? Is it stubbornness? Cowardice? Do we like this pain?
I was always running, from pain, from solitude, from the world. I sometimes wondered why I was running. Am I really a coward? Am I just a weak person? But then, with time, I found my answer. Sometimes, you need to run away just to see who will follow you. I'm sick of trying, sick of crying, I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying. Maybe one day it will be okay again. That's all I want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be okay again. But… I know that my life would never be okay.
We are the burdened. And because of our darkness, we don't turn to the light. But I just have one thing to say to you, Don't hold strong opinions about things you don't understand.
-Naruto
"I never asked you to earn me. I want only that you should need me. Your path is not one of merit. Bring the recurring desires of your mind to me, every time they emerge. They cannot shock me, for I willed them! Bring me your confusion, your fear, your craving, your anxiety, your inability to love the world, your hesitation to serve, your jealousy, all the deficiencies that defy your spiritual disciplines." - Sri Sathya Sai Baba
"It seemed like this was one big Prozac nation, one big mess of malaise. Perhaps the next time half a million people gather for a protest march on the White House green it will not be for abortion rights or gay liberation, but because we're all so bummed out." - Elizabeth Wurtzel
"If depression is creeping up and must be faced, learn something about the nature of the beast: You may escape without a mauling." - Dr. R. W. Shepherd
As I look at my arm, I see the scar where I had cut myself. It was stupid but I remember the feeling: it felt good. The cold feel of blade running over my smooth skin and the blood trickling down my arm made me think of a figure skater dancing on the ice. It was a real work of art, the scarred shape of phoenix on my arm, the bird's wings menacingly open. It was harder than the normal straight lines I made before but the pain was worth it. I relished the pain.
You know, I talked to Naruto about it, the love of pain. He told me he did something like that before, the scar that reads DEMON on his arm. We talked about how everyone comes with a price, we talked about the world. I didn't notice it when we first met, but we realized that we have many things in common. Just because we're smiling doesn't mean we're happy. We used to be tired of living and scared of dying but now? We are tired of living and embrace the dying. Just one thing, Don't fall into the trap of pretending everything's fine when you know it isn't.
Naruto and I both agree on so many things. I'm just learning how to smile, and that's not easy to do. Sometimes it hurts more to smile in front of everyone, then to cry all alone. I don't necessarily want to be happy; I just want to stop feeling miserable. You know, many people ask me what's wrong. To tell you the truth, it's hard to answer the question "what's wrong" when nothing's right. I'm done with trying and done with the world. I guess there comes a point where you just have to stop trying because it hurts too much to hold on anymore.
They asked me why I cut myself. Well, just when I thought my life was coming together, I realized it was just starting to fall apart. But then, I still wanted to be remembered as the girl who always smiled, the one who could brighten up your day, even if she couldn't brighten her own. You say I'm always happy, and that I'm good at what I do, but what you'll never realize is, I'm a damn good actress too.
Stop the world, I want to get off.
-Reiko
"I start to feel like I can't maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don't know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorry, the need to keep on keeping on?... I don't know the answer, I know only that I can't. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I've had it. I am so tired. I am twenty and I am already exhausted." - Elizabeth Wurtzel
"They say they don't know when but a day is gonna come. When there won't be a moon and there won't be a sun. It will just go black. It will just go back to the way it was before." - Conor Oberst
"... Depression is not sobbing and crying and giving vent, it is plain and simple reduction of feelings... People who keep stiff upper lips find that it's damn hard to smile." - Judith Guest
Thanks for enduring my story and I hope you like/liked it. I would always appreciate reviews.
-Kaerelie Cecilia, the keeper and guardian of B1aCk RoSE