Title: I Truly Love You (Formally Don't know. I'm open to suggestions.)
Pairing: Rachel/ Santana, maybe Quinn/Brittany
Rating: PG-13 for now
Summary: I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change.
Warnings: Attempted suicide
Disclaimer: I own nothing
A/N: I was sitting in the rain before I wrote this.
Part 14: My Protector
It's raining. I'm sitting on a bench, in the rain. It's a cold rain. I think I'm shivering, or I was shivering. I don't know. My mind doesn't want to work. Karofsky's trial was earlier.
Neither Rachel or I were required to go, but I went anyway. It was really just to tell him how long he'd be in jail since he pled guilty. I don't know why they say that considering he didn't feel any guilt for what he did at all. He was proud of what he did. I've been told he was actually bragging about how he got "the dyke", he phrased it, and would have gotten "the dyke freak" if the boys hadn't gotten in the way. He was bragging about this and they only gave him twenty to thirty years with hope of parole.
It's bullshit. He tried to kill Rachel, almost succeeded in killing me and all they do is give him a slap on the wrist. He can get out if he behaves. I don't understand the justice in that. He needs to stay in jail until he dies with no hope of ever getting out.
I couldn't deal with the verdict. My mind couldn't handle how stupid and unfair it all is. In twenty years or so he could be released and come after us to finish the job. I couldn't take it, so I ran. Rachel's dads tried to catch me. They didn't have a chance. I may still be hurt, but that doesn't stop the fact that I have two years of Coach's special training behind me.
I kept running until the pain in my stomach was too much. I slowed down to a walk and eventually reached a bench overlooking a lake. I sat down. It was only sprinkling then. Now it's full out pouring. I don't mind, mostly I don't notice. I do wonder in an abstract way why it's rain and not snow.
It's January. Christmas, Hanukah, and all those other December holidays happened while I was in the hospital. Karofsky shot me right before the first day of Hanukah, a week before vacation started. There was snow on the ground then. We should still have snow now, but instead it's raining.
My mind is still clinging to this thought and avoiding the more serious ones when I finally register that it's raining around, but not on me. I look up to see someone, Brittany, is sitting next to me. She is holding an umbrella over our heads.
B just sits there without saying a word. I just go back to looking at the semi-frozen lake in front of us. I know I should wonder how she found me, when I don't even know where I am, but I honestly don't care. I don't know how much time has passed, minutes of hours, when I hear the blonde girl sigh. "I wish it was warm enough for the ducks."I look over at B and start cracking up. It's not long until my laughter turns into heart-wrenching sobs. B just hugs me while still somehow holding the umbrella. "It's okay S. The ducks will be back soon." She whispers softly.
I can't help but smile at B's attempt to make me feel better. "Let's go home." I stand up as I say this.
B follows suit and nods. "Rach was crying. I told Q to stay with her so I could go get you. You always know what to do to make her better." I feel guilt wash over me. I don't know what to say. I never meant to make Rachel worry; I just had to get away.
B doesn't seem to notice that I am unable to respond. She just links her pinky with mine and drags me to the parking lot I don't remember passing and to her car. It doesn't feel like long before we're pulling into the Berry's driveway.
I'm barely in the door before a small brunette body id in my arms. I'm saying words of love and reassurance before even registering what I'm doing. When I do I forget about everything else. I'm assuming she does to. I finally manage to calm the crying girl down and she pulls away. Rachel is looking at me with concern in her eyes at what she sees.
"You're freezing. Santana how many times have I told you not to go outside without a coat on?" Rachel continues to scold me as she pulls me upstairs to her bathroom. She is still on a role as she turns the warm water on, tests it and adds some of her special bubble bath. When she finally stops talking and looks at me I can see all the questions in her eyes. She opens her mouth to speak then closes it again.
Without a word she reaches towards me and begins to undress me. I can't help but feel slightly nervous. We've kissed and cuddled, but nothing more since all this drama began. She was trying to heal and I was trying to be supportive. I'm afraid of shat she'll think of the scar on my stomach. I know she has her own scar from all this, but I honestly believe that no amount of scars could stop how beautiful she is. Once I am naked in front of her for the first time months she stops her actions again before reaching kissing my lips. "It's okay. It's just a bath. Besides you're beautiful."
She turns away to turn off the water before undressing herself and tugging me to the tub. After she is sure I'm situated she steps in behind me. I try to turn and face her, but am stopped by a pair of deceptively strong arms. "It's my turn to be strong now." She whispers. I can only nod as I lean against her.
It feels good, not just her skin against mine, but her arms around me. I can't help but melt. The warm water is soaking into my skin and for the first time since I work up this morning I am starting to relax.
As much as I do truly want her, this moment isn't about that. This moment is about letting her like she is strong enough to be there for me, which she is, and taking comfort in the fact that I can lean on her as much as she can lean on me. I'm usually the protector, but in this moment she is. I know that she is willing to whatever it takes to protect me, just as I would for her. She loves me just like I love her. Later we'll have to talk. I'll tell her why I ran. That's later and this now. Right now this is what I need. Right now all that exists is us. Al I can hear is her heartbeat. Right now is perfect.
A/N2: I was in a weird mood and feeling lonely wishing I had someone when I wrote this. I also wanted to show Rachel and Santana switching roles a little. I wanted to show their relationship evolving into more of one of equals where Santana can lean on Rachel just as much as we know Rachel can lean on Santana. I also wanted some Santana and Brittany time. I don't think I had written really any and that seemed just wrong.