Mana the Cat Magician,PastaxRocks, AutoKnight01,Mist Valley Apex Avian,Constanza Rose, xEmberChanx, rugtugba, JazzTheHedgehogSingingStar, Writer's Freedom, SkulY2K, 01sonamy01, IHeartSonAmy, CherrletheChicken, Sonic Speed Blue Blur 23, Alyssacookie, OddSakura, MyLoveForYou, SherryBlossom, Mike Prower the Fox, Colurful Star, Kurdave, ZehHyperactiveAuthor, enustikehtelkcaJ:
Not much to say, but thanks for hanging in there, guys and gals! This chapter is really dark and serious at first, but bear with me. You are about to be rewarded!
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Chapter 7: Empathy Epiphany
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A change of scenery really, really should've helped.
Coming back home, exploring old haunts, running his heart out, leaving the dimension where everything reminded Sonic of her... it all should've added up to Sonic being Sonic again. You know: the fun-loving, wise-cracking, easy-going, butt-kicking heroic hedgehog.
That's really, really what should've happened.
His red-sneakered feet carried Sonic throughout the planet, making the hedgehog into a blue blur and the passing objects lost their distinctness. But the more blurry his surroundings became, the more vivid the image of Blaze in his head grew. And the faster his feet pumped, the quicker his broken heart thumped, slamming more and more pain into his rib cage. The only thing Blaze had given him, a deep burn, still carved into his arm, stinging with a pain that couldn't seem to mend, and no matter how fast of a healer that Sonic normally was... he couldn't shake this.
It had shaken him.
He still couldn't get Blaze off of his mind.
Still.
No matter what.
"Argh, why can't I forget her?" Sonic yelled, his agonized voice swallowed up in the passing wind. "Why do I have to be captive to one girl? Why... what did I do wrong? I should be over her by now!"
He tried to speed up, hoping that zooming around would help... but no matter how fast Sonic ran, he couldn't outrun his heart, that was still bleeding in pain, longing for a girl he couldn't have, and didn't want him like he wanted her...
No. I can't keep going like this... I'll end up nuts... He thought desperately.
But what can I do?
I tried my normal cure-all, running... but that's gotten me nowhere, ironically.
Sonic slowed to a jog of only 30 or so mph, strolling around the back streets of Station Square, his normally brilliant green eyes trained to the dirty ground that was dimly illuminated by the last few rays of twilight.
I just... don't feel up to anything. I don't feel like I can take on the world like I usually can. I don't feel like... myself.
... and everyone's been treating me different. Knuckles told me I'm being an idiot, Shadow used more colorful language... and the world that I save every other day? No one wants to hear about a brokenhearted hero. They don't want to think that it's possible... they don't want to see me, Sonic, as anything less than perfect. They don't want to see their hero break down, show his mortality. I'm an idol for those people...
And I bought all that, didn't I? I didn't want to view myself as someone with any weaknesses either... as someone who could break and cry and bleed and be rejected. I didn't think that it was possible for me to be so... heartbroken, the way I am now. I didn't think my heart could be so weak when it came to girls... I never knew this love stuff could be so powerful... and that it would take everything out of me.
Huh, free love... whoever said that love is free seriously's never been in it... love takes everything from ya, man... your heart, your mind, your sanity, your thoughts, your sleep... Yeah, free love... what a freakin' joke...
He let the thoughts drift away, leaving him with just another image of Blaze... and the way he had kissed her, and yet she hadn't returned any of that affection... He sighed.
Nobody understands. Nobody loves me... just for who I am... when I'm not being their perfect, dashing, hero. When I am weak and broken and raw like this.
Sure, I have Tails, but... he's too young right now. He doesn't want to see me break down, either... I'm supposed to be the perfect big brother to him. He doesn't know what it's like. I need... something that he can't give me... I need...
Dare he say it?
A girl.
Sonic stopped on a dime and his eyes fell on the elevated sign advertising for the nearby Club Rouge. Since it was barely evening, the club wasn't open yet, but the sign was already on, beckoning weary travelers like himself to come have a good time. He was only sixteen, sure, but Rouge would sneak him in ... For one full minute Sonic let his imagination run wild as he looked into the windows, his mind conjuring up everything he could get in there... all the sweet, one-time but intense pleasures that could perhaps cure the ache...
He turned abruptly from the club and continued walking.
No... that wouldn't do him any good... and he knew it. What he wanted and needed, right now, was not some tramp, but nothing other than Blaze herself. Oh, but he couldn't have her. She was just unattainable to him.
Sonic clenched his jaw, frustrated with himself.
Why am I moping around like this? Why can't I enjoy life like I always have? This is really getting old. But... what can I do but wait?
Still, his sneakers continued to carry Sonic through the busy downtown streets, avoiding the stares of passing people, continuing to watch the ground as if it held the mysteries of love and life.
His stomach suddenly growled, reminding Sonic that he required food, although he really wasn't hungry. All he felt in his chest was pain and a dull ache. But still... what else could he do tonight? He hadn't eaten since Blaze dumped him... was that really only yesterday?
It didn't matter.
The bell of the restaurant chimed as Sonic walked in and up to the register to order. His dull olive-colored eyes scanned the menu, but none of the choices had him salivating.
"Hi, welcome to The Gazebo, how can I help you?" The cashier, a magenta mouse, asked in a way-too-peppy voice.
For a moment Sonic just stared at her dully, and the girl's smile faded about a centimeter."Sir?"
He sighed and looked back at the menu. Right in the middle was an oversized picture of a plate full of chili dogs. Sonic gaped at it, but his mouth was still strangely dry.
"Uh, I'll take... the chicken sandwich," he said softly. "A large order of fries... and a drink."
The mouse punched the order in. "For here or to go?"
Sonic bit his lip and then glanced behind him. Where else could he go at this point? "Here."
"Alright, sir, that'll be $8.67..."
What a rip off when I'm not even hungry... The blue hedgehog dug into his back quills and produced a straggly ten and handed it to her, and almost left the change behind to go and wait on his food. It really didn't take all that long for his meal to come up; it was one thing he'd always loved about The Gazebo. Fast service. Yet, on this evening, he couldn't even appreciate it.
Finally, his modest dinner came across the table and Sonic forced a crooked smile at the server in thanks before gripping his tray and turning to look for a place to sit and eat his cardboard, sawdust food. His jade-green eyes scanned the tables, when his heart suddenly stopped and panic shoved out the previous numbness.
Amy.
She was here, alone, sitting with her back to him in one of the corner booths, staring out the window at the tangerine sunset.
Oh CRAP run, run, run before she SEES you! His instincts screamed, but his feet disobeyed and remained planted. Sonic gaped like a goldfish at the back of her head, tracing her triangular ears before rushing off to the extreme other side of the restaurant, leaving a mini sonic boom in his wake.
Hearing the familiar sound, Amy's head snapped up, spinning around behind her, searching the direction from whence it came. Could it be... he's here? She thought with no small amount of hope. Sure enough, seated on the other side of the restaurant, was Sonic the Hedgehog himself. Alone.
Amy couldn't help but stare at him, but her heart was torn. She still felt awful for snapping at him yesterday, still felt bad that Blaze broke his heart... but there was part of her heart that harbored a smoldering of feelings for the hedgehog. Her eyes traced the quills on the back of his head, which was obviously turned from her. Even from this distance Amy could see that he was shaking, as if his breathing was labored and heavy. Oh, he's still hurting? Amy gnawed at her lip. Should I go over to him? Oh, I want to help, but... won't he just run from me again?
As Amy was debating with herself, oh so slowly, Sonic turned his head in her direction, and for a split second, two eerily similar shades of green met.
Sonic whipped his head back around, suddenly breathing hard again. So she had been looking at him - practically staring! Oh dang it dang it dang it dang it.. why am I so worked up again? Oh jeez, Amy please don't come over here. Stay in your nice little booth, by yourself, and give a guy a break for once. Please don't come over here, please, I'm not here, you didn't see me...
Footsteps. Loud and clumsy, like they were created by boots.
Ah crap. She's gonna smother me in a hug, and say, 'Yay, Blaze dumped you, now we can get married!' Doesn't she know that I-
"Umm... Sonic?"
He froze at her voice. It was so gentle, so caring... so lovely, so twinged with worry... that something moved in his heart. But even though Amy was now standing right in front of him, he didn't have the guts to look her in the eyes, and kept his gaze trained to the table.
"Sonic... are you okay?"
He didn't answer. He didn't move.
Amy bit her lip, the tray that she was holding was shaking from gripping it too hard. She traced his sullen expression, it tearing at her heart to see him look so downcast. It didn't suit him. It just wasn't Sonic-like.
"Look, Sonic, I'm sorry that I snapped at you yesterday... b-but I really do want to help you... I care about you... and... I don't want to see you hurting like this. Please... I want to help you. Can I... sit?"
What...? She was asking now? While most of Sonic dreaded her presence, part of him oddly wanted her here. Especially since she wasn't in her fangirlish daze... she honestly seemed to care about him right then. Again, something moved in his heart. And besides... he had promised Tails after all that he'd talk to her.
He shifted his weight to face the natural way the chair was pointed. "Go ahead."
Sighing, and trying not to cheer like she just won something, Amy slid into the chair opposite the hedgehog, setting her tray full of food down.
For a few moments, they both sat in a very awkward silence, Sonic absentmindedly playing with his food, breaking all of his fries in half. Amy couldn't eat either, but her eyes never left Sonic.
Oh, he's really taking this breakup hard... he must have really cared about Blaze... Amy's heart hurt at that sentence, but she set her face like flint. I gotta help him out.
"I'm sorry, Sonic... about you and Blaze," she said, swallowing painfully. "And I'm sorry I snapped at you yesterday."
His heart moved once again at that comment. Sonic's eyes drifted upwards, and for one of the first times in his life, he actually took the time to look at Amy Rose. Her pretty emerald eyes were practically moist from unshed tears, her smooth lips held a frown that looked so foreign on her. Her pink quills framed her pixie, attractive face. No, she certainly wasn't hard on the eyes.
But what was this now? She wasn't happy that he and Blaze weren't an item anymore? She wasn't throwing around the 'm' word? She just wanted to talk to him, make him feel better? Huh... maybe the girl really did care about him after all.
" 'S okay..." he said, and a disfigured smile appeared, but it didn't even reach halfway up his muzzle, let alone to his eyes. "I know I need to move on and stop being such an idiot about this whole thing."
"But it's hard, isn't it?" Amy said with empathy, and resisted a serious urge to reach across the table and place a hand on his clenched fist. Her eyes traced up his arm, and she had to suppress a gasp at seeing the conspicuous red burn carved into his tan flesh. What was this? Sonic never sustained injuries for very long...
"Yeah..." Sonic scratched his head and hid his arm under the table, embarrassed that it hadn't healed yet. "I still love her, I think. Even after all she's done to me..."
Amy's heart sunk. He still loved her... Did you really think you could get him on the rebound, Ames?
"But..." Sonic sighed. "She doesn't love me..." his voice trailed off as his heart squeezed in his chest.
Sonic shifted uncomfortably. How had those three sentences sneaked out of him? He was not used to sharing his feelings... baring his thoughts like this... and to someone like Amy?
Why was it she could always bring out a softer side to him, a side that he feared so much because it tore at his outer-cool? Half of what he feared about Amy was what she could do to him, strip away at his ego... and now she was seeing him at the rawest he'd ever been. She was seeing the non-heroic Sonic, the hurting guy on the inside, the one he never before let surface.
And she was still here.
Huh.
"Ah, never mind. I know you probly don't care," he said quickly and removed his gaze from her, as a wave of heat brushed over his muzzle. He was now feeling like he just wanted to run and get away...
Amy's hand was suddenly on top of his, her warm fingers gently caressing his knuckles. It felt too nice for Sonic to pull away, though his blush deepened.
"Of course I care about you, Sonic... I never stopped caring about you. I hate to see you hurting. We all hate it. But I want to be here for you... to help you out. It's not good for you to keep all of your feelings bottled up like you've been doing."
Sonic looked back up at Amy, and the sincerity of her tone and expression touched his heart. For a few seconds his eyes caressed her light, pretty features, taking them all in. This was a side of Amy he'd never seen much of... one that could be gentle, loving, sweet... Was this truly the real Amy?
He reached up to scratch his ear in thought. The fact that he didn't know about her was odd. But anyway... what was Amy doing stealing his thoughts and distracting him from his larger problems anyway?
That might not be such a bad thing, ya know...
Unwilling to go down that route, he shrugged the feeling off.
"Thanks Amy, but I just... haven't felt like myself lately. I don't know what's wrong with me... but.. it's like I feel so weak, so unable ta do what I want. I don't like it, but I just... can't help it."
Amy frowned. "We've all noticed you've been acting different," she noted.
"Trust me, I don't like acting this way but..." he grimaced. "Blaze... I gave her everything, all my devotion, all my love... but she hardly noticed. And she broke it off so harshly... like she didn't even care about me. She just turned her back and walked away... like I meant nothing to her." He paused, already freaked out that him and Amy Rose were having this conversation, and unwilling to go deeper.
But something in Amy clicked at his words. She understood the pain of rejection and unrequited love all too well. While part of her was screaming, the jerk deserves it, doesn't he? That's just karma coming back around on the selfish punk... But Amy couldn't say that to his face. Her heart was already beating in rhythm with Sonic's anyway... she felt deeply for him. Seeing him hurting, hurt her as well.
"It hurts, doesn't it?" she said, and clutched Sonic's hand tighter in comfort.
"Oh, you have no idea how much it hurts, to completely give yourself to someone, and have them just ignore you in return," Sonic said, looking squarely into the young girl's eyes. "You don't have a clue, Amy... what that's like, to love someone who doesn't love you-"
And that's when it hit him like a ton of bricks.
Oh.
Sonic's heart clenched at his own words, the irony suddenly washing over him, leaving him stupefied.
But-
He couldn't move... he was too shocked, too paralyzed... the moment of epiphany was really doing a number on him.
You have gotta be...
Was this... this, right here, this dull ache from pining and unrequited love... was this how Amy had been feeling for him... this whole time?
No, no, no, that was impossible -
Had she really longed after him and needed him, like those intense feelings he'd felt for Blaze a few days ago... only to be rudely rejected by himself, day after day, year after year, time after time?
But that's not what I'm doing...It's not the same thing! She doesn't love me like I love Blaze!
No, Sonic... you're wrong. What Blaze did is exactly the same thing you've done to Amy... only you've done much worse. At least Blaze gave you a chance... She harshly rejected you. You harshly rejected Amy. And now you know how it feels.
Oh maaaaan...
What have I done to her? How could I have been so...
...How in the world had Amy kept on, and remained so incredibly cheerful on the outside... when for all of these years she felt so much for him and he'd given her absolutely nothing? When he'd been so cruel...
Past scenes played through his mind at the speed of sound, like a taunting nightmare:
Amy coming up to him smiling and begging for a date... only for him to rashly shout no and rush off without a care... Over and over and over... he'd pushed her away, refused to even talk to her or look at her...
Sonic couldn't move, he could hardly breathe... If his massive ego had been shaken to the core by Blaze rejecting him... then this realization had thrown him through the blender, turned him inside out, as his own selfish and rude behavior was thrown back in his face.
Serves me right... I was such a jerk...
As these thoughts spun like a whirlwind through Sonic's already confused and hurting soul, Amy was smiling, just a little, and her emerald green eyes were shining with a hopeful light. "Actually, Sonic... I do. I know what it's like to give someone your everything... and have them just run off without a care. I do know what it's like to spend all day dreaming of someone... and then when you finally do see them, they won't even give you the time of day."
Her words grew in emotion and tone, bordering on anger.
"I know, Sonic, what it's like... to bend over backwards for someone, and have them ignore you in return. I know what it's like to give everything to that special someone, and have them be so mean... I know exactly what you're feeling. It hurts." She choked and tears formed in the corners of her eyes.
"OH Don't you see, Sonic? This is what you've been doing to me, all of these years! This is what you put me through! Every time you ran away... do you know how much you hurt me, Sonic?" She sputtered out, all that she'd ever wanted to tell him came gushing out in a wave. "You never even gave me a chance! You never even listened to me! You wouldn't even look at me! All you did was run off or made up some excuse about how busy you were! You're so nice to everyone else, but when it came to me, you'd be so mean! Why, Sonic? Was I really that awful, did you really hate me that much?" Amy paused from her confession, now breathing hard.
The two hedgehogs stared at each other, and even though Sonic was still gaping in shock and Amy was close to tears, they were looking into a metaphorical mirror, their hearts both hurting in the same way. There was understanding in that gaze. Empathy.
In one fell swoop, for the first time in his life, Sonic actually understood Amy Rose. It now made sense. Why she had stalked him everywhere. Why she had glomped him. Why she had gotten angry with him. Because she loved him. And this love stuff, this heart stuff... was not something that went away easily, he now knew. He now knew exactly how she felt.
Ho-ly crap...
His jaw was almost to his chest as he studied the amazing girl sitting across from him. How on Mobius had she kept on, fueled by empty? And more importantly...
Why?
Why had she continued chasing after him, after she'd gotten absolutely nothing out of him? Why did she... persist? Why did she continue to love him, though it was painful?
Sonic couldn't even dream of chasing after Blaze for years... and have her keep rejecting him... being hurt like that day after day...
OH man what have I done?
"A-amy," he stuttered out her name.
Only Amy could make him stutter. Blaze never made him stutter... Blaze made him the cocky Cassanova. Amy... Amy stripped away all the layers. That's why he'd run from her... she exposed all that was in him that wasn't the hero.
All the blood had drained from his face, and his chest was heaving. "I... you... oh maaaan..." Sonic didn't even know where to begin.
His head suddenly found itself cradled in his hands. Pressure tugged behind his eyelids... threatening to tear him apart. He'd felt awful before with the whole break up thing, but now he felt even worse. He knew what it was like on both sides of the coin... and this side sucked.
Now you know...
"Amy, I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am," he finally said, his voice quivering. "Really... I had no idea that I was ... was hurting you so terribly this whole time...I... wow... I'm sorry. I've been a completely selfish jerk."
He lifted his head back up to look at her across the table, expecting to see anger... But only soft tears dripped down the side of Amy's face. The look of remorse on Sonic's face was unmistakable...
Amy placed her other hand next to his, sandwiching it between her glove in comfort. What could she say? He obviously felt bad for doing this to her... but-
That doesn't mean he loves you back, Amy... he just feels bad.
Her heart sunk lower. Oh, now he just pities me. He still loves Blaze, doesn't he... I'm just the poor little girl that he's been abusing.
Nothing has changed.
Sonic raised his other hand to add it to the soft pile. "Can you... can you forgive me? I swear, I'm not going to... going to be so awful to you anymore. I'm not going to rush away anymore. I-I dunno about more than that but... we can be good friends, okay? Can you forgive me?"
Amy studied his guilty expression, though her heart had warmed when he'd said 'good friends'. Ah... Sonic...
It's a start, girl! Maybe this could bloom into something more! It's better than nothing. You can dream again, Amy!
She smiled and wiped her tears on her shoulder, since her hands were full at the moment. "Okay, Sonic... I can forgive you..."
He let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Amy. You're... you're a good girl. You didn't deserve... I still can't believe how incredibly rude I was to you. I just... never knew until I got the same treatment."
Suddenly Blaze popped back into his head, and how she'd treated him, and Sonic's heart clenched in pain again. Man... This was soooo not his day...
But no... No, NO, he wasn't even going to think about Blaze right now. He just wouldn't let himself. He was going to... treat Blaze like he'd treated Amy. Just refuse to think about her... and let her just drift from his thoughts. What good was dwelling on the past, anyway?
Well, one thing was solved, for the most part. Blaze was pushed the very back of his mind. Instead, Sonic found his thoughts consumed with Amy Rose... and her amazing devotion and love for him... over the years, when at his most selfish moments, and even when he was at his rawest: right now.
"Amy..." Sonic said her name with immense admiration and wrapped her petite hand in his, studying her dazzling emerald eyes and the warm, pink blush that spread over her muzzle at his contact. "You... you are one amazing girl."
...xxx... A/N ...xxx...
Oh my... I hope I didn't go overboard with Sonic's little epiphany there... ^^' But that was the whole point of this story and why I made him fall head over heels for Blaze and have her reject him in the first place, so that he could see what he was doing to Amy, and how much he was hurting her. So that he could understand her. And realize how amazing her love is for him, how she kept chasing him after getting nothing.
My inspiration for this particular part, if you care, was the movie Fireproof. In that movie, there's a very poignant scene (But the issue is VERY different, though still... similar) that I twisted.
BUT never fear, this story is not over yet. Far from it...There's going to be at least 2 more chapters, but probably 3... because I wouldn't like making a story with 9 chapters, I think that would bother me. :D
Anyway, there's still a lot that needs to happen, as Sonic still hasn't properly dealt with his feelings for Blaze, AND doesn't love Amy yet, he just "gets" her. But, I do believe he's on his way there. And with a little author magic... ^_^
And for those of you worried about Amy being "just the rebound," eh... that's a bit of a problem, I know, but I got a kind of solution for that, too. Hopefully...
So I still got some (okay, A LOT) of work to do before I can call this a story. Thanks for reading so far!