Chapter 3
Two days earlier…
The room is quiet and empty as you enter it. A small noise from the bathroom draws your attention but you walk into the opposite direction pacing around the center. You can always come back later when she is not taking a bath, but you are rather impatient right now. For a prison guard, you are unusually impatient to seek audience with your captive. And what for? Because you foolishly believe that her sudden change in the mood had to do with your last conversation. You've changed. This isn't like you to be so edgy.
You push your troubled thoughts away, stopping your gaze on the papers scattered on the table, the same drawings that she refused to show you before. Three long strides and you are reaching down to look. What has she been hiding? And then you suddenly stop. These look nothing like what you've seen on the wall. Before, they were just childish scribbles to which you didn't even spare a second glance. But this is the work of an artist. The drawings are filled with realistic facial expressions, details, and incredible likeness. You cannot deny that this impresses you. Such talent. Inoue Orihime surprised you yet again.
You examine the pictures noticing that one image stands apart from the rest. Kurosaki Ichigo.
Kurosaki Ichigo smiling.
Kurosaki Ichigo frowning.
Kurosaki Ichigo wearing his Shinigami robes and swinging his sword.
Kurosaki Ichigo walking, talking, and looking straight at you.
You grind your teeth together in disgust. Did she really think you wanted to see this? Of all the people, of all the friends she had, she had to choose him. You remember her childish confession, the tears, and feel like ripping the drawings apart. After all the time spent here, she can't possibly be harboring any affection for someone who is the least likely to return it. So much time passed and he still hasn't made a move to rescue her. Are all humans as naive as this woman?
But at least Inoue Orihime did not spend all of her time drawing the Shinigami. There are others – Kuchiki Rukia, Ishida Uryuu, Sado Yasutora and a few more, that you don't recognize, wearing school uniforms. All of these people are supposed to be connected to her through these feeble pieces of paper, a ridiculous concept that you still fail to understand. You scan through more pages and your gaze stops on the last drawing, instantly forgetting the rest of them. The paper freezes in mid-air as you stare at it. You can't believe it. Why did she do this?
The door opens and her soft steps catch your attention.
"I…didn't expect you yet." Orihime says with a hint of surprise, coming towards you. "You're a little early."
You turn around to face her, the paper still in your hand, tilting it so she could see that you've discovered her secret.
"Oh…" she says nervously, "So you found it. I really wish you…."
"Why did you draw this?" you interrupt her.
She stalls, switching her eyes from you to the picture, then back to you. You sense hesitation, fear, anxiety. But she doesn't fear you, that you're sure of, otherwise she wouldn't have placed that drawing together with the ones of her friends.
"All of these people are somehow important to me." She answers, "Some are my friends, others are…"
"How is this important?" you ask, moving the picture closer to her face.
She looks at it before meeting your eyes. "It's just…. You were kinder to me than most. And I'm a little grateful for that."
You don't want her gratitude. You want…
"You overestimate my intentions." You know that you're lying, "I was following Aizen's orders to keep you unharmed. Nothing more."
"Maybe you're right. But deep down in my heart…"
You don't want to hear it. You know what this heart caused her, you've seen the drawings, you remember what she did before she came here. You don't want to hear it.
"For how long are you planning to rely on it?" you interject, "It is but an illusion that brings you nothing but pain. It does not exist."
"Yes it does!" She protests, "And ..and…" a reluctant pause, "I will prove it to you!"
Silence.
"How?"
"I…" Orihime bites her lip nervously, "I don't know yet."
"You don't know, but you are certain of what you speak. I don't understand you, woman."
"You don't need to understand anything. You just need to feel it."
You feel something heavy in your chest.
Present…
"How does your chest feel?"
You stare at Aizen as if not understanding the question.
What?
"Don't think too hard," he chuckles, "It really is a simple question."
"My physical condition is fully functional." you respond impassively. "I suffered no injuries from the last mission."
Aizen shakes his head in amusement. "That is not what I asked, Ulquiorra."
His strange curiosity about your health is disquieting. This is the first time since you came into his service that Aizen showed any interest in your well being. You always thought you were disposable, why is he asking questions now?
"What do you think about Orihime?" this inquiry surprises you even more. He usually never cares for the opinions of others.
"The woman has impressive powers." you answer calmly. "They will be beneficial to our cause."
Aizen eyes you skeptically.
"Do you think she is attractive?"
Silence.
"For your intellect this is not a complicated question."
"The woman's physical appearance is adequate."
Aizen does not respond right away but you can sense that something else is coming.
"What if, hypothetically speaking, something small and insignificant started to occur," He finally speaks, "Something that was ignored at first, something that went almost unnoticed? But then, what if it started growing and taking change?" Aizen pauses for a moment surveying your reaction, but the blank expression on your face remains perfectly intact, "What if it is something that cannot be explained? Something that confuses and makes one angry?" He looks at you, "Hypothetically speaking."
Silence.
"What if he starts to get irritated when he believes that someone starts to think of someone else? What if he wants to make them forget, to have them conform to his will?"
Silence.
He stops in front of you looking you straight in the eye. "What if, in the midst of it all, he starts feeling something right here?" He points towards your hollow hole. "Hypothetically speaking, of course."
Silence.
"Do you think there is such a possibility?"
You have no answer.
"Hey hey! That's not fair to bully Ulquiorra like that." Gin's voice comes out of nowhere.
You turn your head into its direction.
"Gin! You are right on time. We are discussing a rather complicated topic."
Gin laughs. "Always so sneaky, Aizen-sama. What are ya talking about?"
"A very delicate subject." Aizen looks at you with intent. "A matter of the heart."
Orihime's words keep recycling in your head over and over. What we feel, how we think, what makes us human. You remember the images of Kurosaki Ichigo and the memory of that absurd anger that made you almost forget that she drew you too. For some obscene reason she placed your picture together with his. For some reason she spent time on putting your likeness on paper, the same paper that is supposed to connect her to her friends. What does it all mean? Every time you think you can finally grasp it, the heart eludes you yet again. And now everything you knew about yourself, everything you ever believed in stops making sense.
What makes us human.
"A little sentimental, aren't ya?" Gin's voice breaks through your thoughts.
"More like experimental." Aizen answers, "Tell me, Ulquiorra, if Kurosaki Ichigo decides to arrive, what would you do?"
"I will do whatever is necessary to complete the objective." You answer robotically.
Aizen's vagueness starts to irritate you. "You are very loyal, Ulquiorra." He says with a strange tone in his voice. "Please forgive me for this rather…unscheduled meeting. You can return to your duties now."
You bow and start walking away feeling two sets of eyes burning into your back. And as soon as you round the corner Gin turns to Aizen.
"Aren't ya the least bit worried?"
"Not at all. He will do what he is supposed to."
"You're too sure of yourself."
"I am simply stating the fact," Aizen responds, "Ulquiorra's purpose has been fulfilled."
"So, you're going to order him to fight Kurosaki Ichigo then?"
"That is not necessary. He will initiate the battle himself based on his own instincts."
"You are very sly, Aizen-sama. But how can you be sure he'd do just that?"
"Unlike most of the Espada, Ulquiorra does not operate on the primal feeling of blood-lust. His mind is much more complicated than that. Thus, he was the most likely to form an emotional attachment."
"A stone like him? That's funny."
"A stone that needed a push into the right direction. And now with an extra incentive that involves a strong personal vendetta, his victory is guaranteed." Aizen pauses for a moment as the corner of his mouth curves, "Observing his conversation with Nnoitra was rather entertaining, don't you think?"
"Hoo boy, he was so scary! I almost thought that he would kill him for real."
"Indeed, but once Kurosaki Ichigo arrives, Ulquiorra will be even more adamant to fight him, thus forcing the Shinigami's power to its full potential."
"How cruel." Gin draws out with mock concern, "You set him up, didn't you?"
Aizen's smile never reaches his eyes.
"One of the underground tunnels recently collapsed."
"Yes, the one that is ways away from here."
"It would've been much more exciting if they entered through the throne room."
"Too noisy! Keep it down, I'm still sleepy."
You silently sit down without engaging in their mundane chatter, listening and waiting. Shortly after your return from the other realm, Aizen called the first meeting since Inoue Orihime was brought to Hueco Mundo. You have your suspicions that something might've happened, perhaps Kurosaki Ichigo finally made an entrance. But you put your speculations aside until anything it is confirmed.
The door opens and Aizen silently enters with Gin and Kaname right behind him. His face reveals nothing about your latest encounter.
"My dear Espada," he surveys everyone around him, "Our enemies have finally made an entrance. Kaname, please transmit the images."
A round opening appears in the middle of the table projecting a beam of light, and next you see three figures running through Hueco Mundo.
"Ishida Uryuu, Sado Yasutora, and Kurosaki Ichigo are the intruders."
They are just kids. They don't look impressive. You ignore the smug comments of your comrades and look at the third figure. Kurosaki Ichigo. And without a doubt you know that both of you will inevitably clash swords as you feel your fingers run across the hilt of your zanpakuto.
"Do not underestimate them." Aizen warns, "These four are the former ryoka who invaded Soul Society and challenged the Gotei 13."
The meeting room explodes into wild chatter. The Espada start to mock the invaders with derogatory comments and ask more inane questions. You ignore most of their absurdity letting your thoughts wander to the Shinigami, until you hear an inquiry that instantly brings you back to awareness.
"We are missing the fourth. Who is it?"
"Inoue Orihime." You utter impulsively, finally breaking your silence.
They acknowledge you only for a moment before engaging in another argument. You ignore Grimmjow's inane blood thirst and the effortlessness with which Aizen restrains him. You don't hear the loud mouthed Nnoitra and the self-important Szayel. You are already thinking and planning to confront him. The other two are irrelevant. And soon the meeting is over and you are in the hallway making your way towards her room.
You are in Orihime's chamber, but you know there is no reason for you to be here. She is a prisoner, your prisoner, and you have been acting on impulse a lot lately. But since you found out about Kurosaki Ichigo's invasion, you felt compelled to inform her of this development and establish her loyalty once and for all.
"I have news." You say holding her gaze, "You friends invaded Hueco Mundo."
Orihime gasps then looks away from you, staring at the floor. "Why?"
The hint of happiness in her voice annoys you. She still believes in them, still thinks there is a chance for her to get away from here, but you are resolved to put an end to that hope.
"To rescue you, of course." You return coming to stand behind her.
"To rescue me?" she repeats turning to you.
The attempt she puts into hiding her happiness does not go unnoticed.
"Yes. Why are you surprised?" you ask flatly.
"I just…I'm not…"
"Indeed. You shouldn't be. None of it should mean anything to you anymore." Your voice is firm with finality "You already know whom you belong to, do you not?"
"I…ah…"
But you are relentless. "Swear allegiance." You order her.
Silence.
"Swear it." You grab her chin forcing her to look at you.
"Ulqui—"
"Do it."
"But I already did…" she whispers in confusion, staring at you. "To Aizen."
No, you did not. You want to tell her. No, you did not. She doesn't even realize that you are aware of her deceit.
"I can see right through you." You hiss, bringing your face close to hers. "Everything you said, everything you did, you still did it with the hope of being reunited with them, even after you swore your loyalty to us."
"I didn't…"
"Do not lie to me."
You don't understand yourself and this irrational anger. The hollow hole hurts and you feel yourself being consumed by an absurd desire to have her declare unconditional loyalty to Aizen and mean it…no, even if she was sincere from the start, it still wouldn't have been enough. You want more, the complete and unquestionable fealty to …..you….you….you. Now you know that you've changed.
It hurts.
You release her, astonished by this bizarre realization, and put your hands back into your pockets. You never wanted this; you never wanted to get attached. Any kind of connection is impossible for you. You cannot feel the same things that she does, and the hole in your chest, that has been burning since you saw the drawing of yourself, is proof of that. Oh, but you can feel anger and jealousy. There is no reason to deny that fact. Since she told you about the heart, since she showed it to you, even as a picture, something stirred and twisted inside of you, the same thing that made you want to keep her away from Kurosaki Ichigo. Maybe it already started happening before that, maybe it was already there when she defied you for the very first time, but what's the point wondering about it now. It is too late to go back.
"Nobody can save you." from me you want to add but the words catch in your throat.
She turns away from you dejected. The sadness on her face is a warning to stop. If you press the subject further, the meeting will not end well and you know it, but the desire to crush her hopes is overwhelming.
"Even if those fools attempt to break into here in one piece, they will still be destroyed by us one by one."
"Stop it." She looks at you.
"You should've severed your connection with them long ago. I do not understand this stubbornness and instilled faith in the trash who came here to die."
"Stop it, please!" she begs you, "You don't know if…"
"I do know." You carry on watching her bewilderment, "And if I were you, I would be infuriated by such a pathetic rescue attempt by a group of idiots who cannot understand the limits of their own power."
You see the shock on her face but it swiftly wears off as she takes a quick step forward and raises her hand. To your perceptive senses everything moves as it would in slow motion and you have plenty of time to stop her. There is a point to be proven and you will do so no matter how much you have to hurt her. The heart is useless, you tell yourself, there are only power and conquest, and the ultimate pay off. Nothing else.
You are used to domination. You are used to conquering the obstacles on your way. But there is one thing you are not used to – losing. Rejection is not acceptable.
You catch her elbow and yank her towards you. Orihime whimpers and stumbles forward as your eyes lock only for a moment until you see a flash of anger on her face and feel her other free hand suddenly connecting with your cheek.