Hey everyone the sixth chapter is here! I hope you enjoy it.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, all the lovely characters go to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer!(:
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Chapter 6: HA HA That's Fucking Funny.
BPOV
"Holy Fuck MotherFucker Shit on a Stick that hurt! Emmett I'm gunna fucking kill you!" Alice and I were rolling on the floor laughing as we watched Edward chase Emmett up and down the stairwell. You see Emmett thought it would be funny to drop a book on Edward's head from the balcony, and believe me it was.
"Edward Anthony Cullen, do I need to put soap in that mouth of yours?" I heard Esme scream from the kitchen, this only made Ali and I laugh harder.
"Sorry mom," Edward was just about to catch Emmett when he slipped and fell flat on his ass. This made Emmett stop running because he was laughing so hard, and give Edward the advantage to get up and tackle Emmett to the floor. It felt like the ground fucking shook. Esme ran into the room at the sound of the boys hitting the floor.
"Boys you stop that this instant!" Edward and Emmett didn't pay Esme any mind, they continued to roll around.
"I SAID TO FUCKING STOP FIGHTING THIS INSTANT!" Oh shit, go Esme.
Edward stopped and looked at Esme in surprise which Emmett the stupid-ass that he is trapped Edward to the floor; I looked at Esme and saw she looked like she was ready to have an aneurism so I decided to help, I pulled Emmett off Edward, but lost my balance and fell on top of Edward.
"Thank you Bella for your assistance with the boys, Emmett I don't appreciate you dropping a book on my son's head."
"Sorry Mrs. Cullen," Emmett smiled at Esme dimples and all, Esme's face softened and she blushed. Whoa what the fuck is that? Esme shook her head and walked back into the kitchen. I than remembered that I was on top of Edward and smiled.
"I didn't think you had it in you, I'm very proud my little grasshopper. You got me on top of you before the second lesson." Edward smiled up at me.
"I tend to surprise people," I laughed and tried to climb off of him, but he grabbed onto my hips and held me there.
"Edward you need to let go so I can get up," He shook his head and smirked at me.
"Having you in this position has made me realize you have fantastic tits, so I'd rather you stay where you are." I laughed and shook my head, Edward was doing very good with his swear words, which I was glad, the only downfall about him cursing so much was Esme has put soap in his mouth on more than one occasion.
"If you don't stop with that dirty mouth of yours you're going to end up having the entire bar of soap in there!"
Edward laughed and let go of my hips, I got up and sat back on the couch. My phone vibrated in my pocket, but I refused to look at it, not after what happened last night. Ali and I were planning a mall and spa day with Ryan this weekend, so I would get a new number and phone then. I should have done it when he was put away, but I didn't think he was allowed to call me. I shook my head to stop thinking about it.
"Hey B, you coming," I looked at Ali and saw that everyone was heading towards the kitchen for lunch. I nodded my head and walked over to Ali. "You okay B?" I nodded and said that I was fine.
"Okay, well I was talking to Ryan before and he doesn't get off of work until about four tomorrow, so shopping will have to wait until about five. Is that okay?"
Perfect, this gives me plenty of time to have another lesson with Edward and have fun with my two best friends.
"Yeah that's perfect actually, I wanted to get another phone tomorrow morning, and this gives me the chance to do it." I smiled as I lied to Ali about what I was planning on doing tomorrow. Well I guess it wasn't really a lie, I will be getting a new phone tomorrow, that's just not the only thing I will be doing, but Ali doesn't need to know that.
"Okay well just make sure that you add my number when you get it."
"I'll try to see if they could scan my old numbers onto my new simcard, but if not you'll be the second number I put into my phone." She glared at me.
"Isabella Marie I should be the first number you put in that phone," I smiled and shook my head.
"There is a person that is more important then you and if you have a problem with that you could take it up with him." She huffed and walked into the kitchen.
"Edward Anthony I need to talk to you this instant, you're stealing my best friend and I don't think that's right." I laughed and walked into the kitchen.
"Alice I have no clue what you're talking about I'm not stealing Bella, she came to me." My mouth dropped, 'what?' Edward looked at me and smirked.
"And why in the hell would she do that?" Knowing full and well why I went to Edward.
"Well that's for Bella and me to know and for you to NEVER find out." He pointed a fork at her and smiled.
Alice looked at me and smirked, I mouthed 'what?'
"Oh nothing," I laughed and shook my head.
"Well I'm gunna head home," I winked at Edward and he got the message.
"I'll walk you home," I smiled and walked outside onto the porch. I pulled out my cigs and lit up.
"Ah, that's better, I gotta stop going so long without these things," I inhaled the smoke into the lungs and I immediately felt a million times better.
"You know as sexy as you look smoking I'd appreciate if you didn't do it around my mother." I laughed and started walking down the walkway.
"Why is Mother Dearest going to band you from seeing me?" I looked at him and smiled with the cigarette between my lips.
"I don't know, I know she knows that you smoke because she has told me to steer clear of you the first time you were here." I laughed at the thought.
"Oh that's when I smoked in your house and flipped Em off," Edward nodded.
"Okay so tomorrow will be you clothing lesson and possibly something else which is a surprise, but only if you good and corporate with me." I winked at him and stomped out my cig right before my house. Thank god because I saw Charlie stepping out his police curser.
"Hello Chief Swan," Charlie turned towards Edward and I and smiled.
"Son, I see you've taken to hanging out my daughter hopefully your making a good impression on her." Edward smiled and nodded, I scoffed which didn't go unnoticed by Charlie.
"Young lady I hope you do not teach this boy you're not so innocent ways, he is a good kid and I know his parents intend for him to stay that way." He gave me a pointed look.
"What if he wanted to change father? Then his parents would have no say, I mean he is eighteen like me." I turned to Edward and kissed him on the cheek.
"See you tomorrow bright and early babe," I walked into the house and was walking up the stairs when Charlie called my name. I sighed and turned toward him.
"What Pops I got to go do the homework thing." He glared up at me.
"Isabella, I was serious about what I said, you are to stay away from that boy unless you mean well." I laughed.
"Daddy Dearest, just because you don't approve of some things doesn't mean I don't mean well." I turned and walked the rest of the way up the stairs.
God I love pissing him off.
Knock. Knock.
"Come in," I said knowing it was Edward from seeing his car outside.
Charlie had left for work already for which I was glad, I didn't need him to start lecturing me about the innocence of Edward.
"Okay, now I have thought this over and I think you deserve a surprise if you don't give me a hard time with what I want you to buy." I told Edward.
"And what is this surprise?" Why do people always ask that I mean really, it's a surprise for a reason?
"I'm not telling you, you have to be a bad boy and listen to me," I smirked at him.
"Can we just go and get this over with?" I looked at him with raised eyebrows.
"Boy you need to learn that you can never, and I repeat never rush the art of shopping." Edward looked at me like I was four eyed.
After I was finished with my cercal we made our way to the Seattle Mall, Edward complained about it being too far away and I slapped him in the back of the head.
"Second rule never settle when you can have the best, you're lucky I'm not making you drive to LA, because believe me I wanted too."
"B, this is ridiculous Post Angeles is no more than an hour away and they have a pretty decent shopping mall, why do we have to drive all the way to Seattle?" I was about to slap him again, but he grabbed my hand before it made contact with his face.
"Woman, if you slap me one more time I will personally bite your hand off and stick it to my dick, do I make myself clear?"
So much for going the day dry.
"There's the Edward I love, I want to see more of him."
EPOV
Bella said that she had a surprise for me and I was little more than worried about what it is going to be, though Masen was all shits n giggles about something. He currently had his mouth next to Bella's ear making it like he was licking and sucking on it.
"Stop," I said under my breath.
"Damn Edward I said I wanted to be bad not fucking rude I was talking about something rather important."
Shit.
"No Bella , I wasn't talking to you I was talking to myself," I was about to tell her I was talking to Masen, but that would have been awkward and just plain weird.
"Oh I get it Eddie was thinking with the wrong head?" I was confused at first until I got her innuendo.
"No Bella, I wasn't thinking with my dick, I was trying to tell myself to stop thinking about you…your speeding." She looked at me knowing that I was lying.
"Edward, another thing you need to know about me is I can easily tell when people are lying especially you."
"What do you mean, I'm an excellent liar," Bella laughed and looked at me briefly.
"Edward the tips of your ears turn a bright red when you're lying and you stutter on the last couple of words." I felt my cheeks heat up at what she said.
"Stop being such a fucking pussy!" Masen said from the back seat.
We finally pulled into the parking lot of what had to be the biggest mall in the state of Washington.
"What in the world are you getting me into?" Bella laughed as she stepped out the car. I decided to let Masen take over for a little at least until the shopping part was over.
"Edward are you even paying attention to what I'm saying?" I looked at Bella and shook my head.
"No, why were you saying something important?" Masen currently took over my mind and was answering Bella in a way that I never would.
Bella smiled and nodded her head in what I assumed was approval.
"You are doing very well, I am amazed." I saw Masen smile his sly smile.
"Anyway, what size are you in jeans?" I honestly didn't know, and told Bella.
"How the fuck do you not know?" I shrugged my shoulders and told her how Alice does all the shopping in the family.
"That is fucked up get in the dressing room."
Bella turned me around and looked at my jean size and said she would be right back.
When she returned she was carrying a total of seven pairs of jeans in all shades and styles, about ten t-shirts, two belts and a leather jacket.
"What the fuck Bella you were gone like ten minutes." She looked at me through the mirror and slapped me in the back of the head. So I bit her hand and she yelped.
"I can't believe you just bit me," I laughed shrugged my shoulders.
"I warned you in the car you just don't listen to me."
"Whatever and what did I tell you boy, I don't fuck with fashion." She smiled at me and gave me a shirt and jeans.
"Strip," Bella sat on the bench in the back of the dressing room and watched me get undressed.
"Like what you see?" I was only joking but Bella licked her lips which my dick responded to almost immediately, but I willed it away with the thought of my parent having sex for she got the chance to see it.
"Edward you have no fucking clue, I mean really I always had the hinting suspicion that you had a fuck-hot bod, no to be honest I didn't think it would be true."
"Bella Babe you haven't seen anything yet," I winked at her and laughed with her mouth dropped open.
"Alright enough dilly-dallying let me see you." Once I had on the outfit Bella had given to me I spun around to face her.
"Edward you are so fucking hot," I smirked at her.
"I know right," Bella laughed and told me to strip again so I could try on the next outfit.
Bella, Masen and I went from store to store repeating the same process, me going into a huge dressing room, Bella bringing me hundreds of articles of clothing, me trying them on, Bella saying yes or no, and then Bella spending at least a thousand dollars on said clothes. We were currently stopping for lunch because I was complaining that I was hungry.
"What time is it?" Bella looked at her new blackberry that she brought with my credit card, but to be real I didn't give a shit.
"Five o'clock." What the fuck we've been here for almost seven hours.
"Don't worry we only have one more stop before you get your surprise, but only if you do the next thing I want you to do."
"Which is?"
"You need a little man scraping,"
"What the fuck is man scraping?" Bella smiled.
"Oh you'll see."
"Hey dimwit man-scraping means she going to take you to get waxed, and not on your face."
"Don't tell me she's going to…" Masen nodded his head and smiled.
"No, no, no, Bella no definitely NOT," She pouted at me.
"Come on Edward have you seen your chest area, so I can only imagine the other areas too, you probably can't even find your dick, plus if you don't have hair down there it makes your cock look bigger."
"I can find my dick just fine, and it is above average, so I don't need any man scraping in that area."
Bella pouted at me, "Please, please, pretty please, with me on top?" I laughed and thought about it.
"If you want I can take over, I mean my pain tolerance is a lot higher than yours." Masen was right about that he could take almost any level of pain.
"Fine, but this surprise better be fucking worth it." She clapped her hands and jumped up and down in her seat, she reminded me of Alice for a second.
"You will love your present, and will probably have whacking material for the next week." I sighed and finished eating my burger I really hope I don't regret agreeing to Bella's plan. Though I have the slightest suspicion that man-scraping hurt way more then it sounded.
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