A/N:

I still don't own anything. Not smart enough to. ^^;

Here's another one for you lovelies- here's to things finally getting interesting.

The first volume of the Oxford English Dictionary fell off of my bed with a horrendous thunk. Indignant squealing- that told me it had just missed squashing Devi- followed it. Sitting up and scratching the back of my head, I wondered when I'd managed to strip down to my boxers. Wading through the dictionary- trust me, encyclopedias are much more interesting- had taken me most of the night and I hadn't even completed the first book. I was a tad disappointed in my skills as a reader.

I stumbled downstairs and into the laundry room. It was adjacent to Dad's lab. More than once he'd come downstairs in the middle of the night, bleary eyed with some great idea, and mistaken the washer or dryer for a centrifuge. (To think that people considered him the greatest mind alive... It still shocks me.) Luckily, that was not the case today and I retrieved a pair of Gaz's pants from the dryer, free of random experiment gunk. Like me, she was tall and skinny and we had similar taste in clothing. Fashion was one thing I'd grown up admiring her for, though I'd never admit it. She preferred skin-hugging things. I allowed myself to wear them because it was Saturday and no one would see me attempt to pull off something so… feminine.

Gaz still had more meat on her bones than I did (I made a note to mock her about this later) so I slipped into her pants with ease. I found the chains under a pile of her lacy underwear and hooked them on with much cringing. I wanted to take a shower in hand sanitizer. My sister's shirts were all a few sizes larger that required- to accommodate her "titzillas" as she called them- and I went without.

Shuffling into the kitchen in the black pinstripe bondage pants I stared down at my chest. Flat and whiter than Matt Blauer I felt that it needed some color. Perhaps I'd get a tattoo.

"You're late." Zim sat on top of the kitchen table holding my sister's coffee mug. It was green leopard print and read, "Don't make me get the flying vampire piggies".

I smiled and stretched. My back popped. "Late for what?" I was teasing him- I remembered as soon as he'd spoken that he'd assaulted me the previous day. He'd pushed me into a locker to get my attention and informed me that he would arrive at my house at 7 a.m. sharp to "have a talk" with me. It was now 8:45 and the green Meekling looked pissed.

He slid off of the table and walked towards me. Between my bare feet and his four-inch platform boots we were eye to eye. "On my planet it is appropriate to punish those who do not honor agreements in whatever fashion the Irken of higher status sees fit. I think I'd have to flog you, Plebeian. Doesn't that sound fun?"

"I am gay, Zim, but bondage is so not my cup of tea. You've been listening to too much Term Lambada." I made a mental note to hide my collection of the Gr8t Amerikan Popularity Contest winner's CDs. "Are you seriously drinking coffee?"

"Your freakishly intelligent father was the one to welcome me into your home while you slept. We shared a brief discourse on my "allergy" to water and he spent a few minutes concocting this coffee in such a way that it had no water content" He drained the mug and set it in the sink.

"And my dad had nothing to say about your overall greenness, strange militant clothing or antennae?" On autopilot I pulled a can of Mutant from the fridge and cracked it open.

"No, not at all."

"Okay then, so it's not just his children that he ignores." I sipped at the violet energy supplement at looked the alien over.

The massive, buckled death boots, second-skin black leggings and maroon coat with a standing collar and shoulder-pad-things (They gave his silhouette a winged effect) were anything but inconspicuous. The Irken symbol embroidered on the right shoulder of the coat didn't help much either. A glinting on his right antenna caught my eye and I cringed. If my memory and research served me right, that particular appendage was highly sensitive. Shoving a ring through it was a taboo equivalent to showing off a Prince Albert and ten times as painful to have done.

"Did you pierce your antenna, Zim?"

Zim had been returning my scrutiny and it took him a moment to reply. "Of course- are you just now noticing this? Dunce."

"Well, yeah, I haven't seen you out of your disguise for a while, jeez. There's no reason to fling insults. …Why?"

He gave me a vicious grin. "It serves many purposes."

I hid the visible goosebumps that blossomed across my arms and neck by turning on my heel and walking towards my room. "Freak. Why are you here, anyway?"

"You and I have business to discuss. I assume Tak has informed you about the current state of our home planet?"

"Uh… not really. I've done some spying through her Internet history- or whatever you call the intergalactic version of it-"

"Good then she has done as she promised."

"What?"

"The idea here was to get you involved without actually having to force you into it. Human psychology has shown that pubescent males especially do not handle orders well- they're inclined to do the opposite. She and I agreed to find a way to pique your curiosity without directly telling you what was going on would be best."

My eye twitched. This was not okay. I did not like being manipulated! I rubbed both hands over my face then pulled at my hair. Not cool, Tak, not cool.

I thought I was being all super-genius like by hacking her computer but no! It was all planned. If Tak is involved in this conspiracy then Gaz must be too. They're an inseparable couple. My own blood is keeping secrets from me!

I marched to my sister's bedroom door and flung it open. "Gaz! You've got some explaining to do!"

There was a terrified but strangely muffled shriek. Tak turned to face the door and hissed. She held a bullwhip. Behind her I could see Gaz handcuffed to the bed with a bright red ball gag in her mouth. I pulled out my phone, trying to make the camera work. It only took a split second. There was the bright flash of a blaster going off and the door slammed. My hand was singed and my phone was gone.

"My Crackberry…" I stared down at my hand. My fingers opened and closed mechanically, needing an all-purpose device to cling to. "I will never be able to unsee what I just saw…"

Zim rolled his eyes and violently led me by the belt loop to my room. "Now will you shut up and listen?"

"This is kind of difficult to process Zim! I'm used to us trying to kill each other all the time! Now you're getting my own family to conspire against me!"

"I believe you're overreacting. Don't worry, once the Tallest have been removed from power I will conquer Earth, kill you and you will have nothing to worry about."

I sighed. "You suck."

"No. You're the homosexual one here, remember?"

"Jerk."

He ignored me. "As I'm sure you know, there is great turmoil on Irk. We are at war with the Murken people. Do you know about them?"

I glared at him.

"They are essentially our sister race. However they carry different genetic traits and are incompatible with ours."

"You mean you don't get along? Or that you can't mate with them?"

My sad attempt at an angry tone was brushed off. "Both. They are also of uniform height across the board- therefore they choose their leaders through this absurd "voting" process that you humans use- and they are purple skinned. Despite their other inferiorities they are Irk's military equals and would like to be our betters. The Tallest are attempting to fight them off but their campaigns are failing. They have been in power for far too long and it is time for a change.

"As I know you're aware from Tak's nanovids, the Meeklings have divided themselves into two separate factions- the loyal Slaytilos and the rebellious Meeklings. For some reason that I must look into we have not been given a special title. These two factions are in opposition and Tak and I are working towards a civil war. This will weaken the nation further and diminish the Tallest's control, making it ripe for a new set of leaders."

"Is this where you and Tak come in?"

"Sort of. She is too short. You shall join Zim in taking control of Irk."

"Excuse me?" This information was shattering all of my values and life-long convictions. I was so confused! A headache was starting at the base of my skull.

"You will help me slay the Tallest, reign at my side for a short while and try to convince me not to demolish your home planet. Being nationalists and elitists the Irken people will not like you so, once they've had enough of you, you will be assassinated and your planet will become Irken territory. Somewhere in all this mess we get to defeat the Murks. After all of that Tak will rule by my side as the second in command."

"My sister will kill you if you kill me. She's the only person allowed to kill me."

He snorted and flung himself onto my bed. His utter arrogance and nonchalance about this whole mess was infuriating! "As if," he scoffed, "She's fully under Irken control… in more ways than one."

I shuddered and tried not to gape at Zim. I wonder if he's as dominating as Tak? I smacked a hand to my head. I'd just been told I was going to die and all I could think about was sex. Typical. So freaking typical. What's he wearing under that uniform? I groaned.

Oblivious to my torment- or simply not caring about it- Zim had continued on and I started paying attention to him again mid-monologue. "…inferior human muscle capacity which is why Tak has been supplementing your diet with something called "bulk powder". Is that it? I think so."

"She's been making me fat? Oh sweet angry Jesus I will skin her alive!"

"Oh calm down," he sounded annoyed. I stopped mid-stomp towards the door. "I already told you, humans have inferior muscular systems and you will need all the strength you can get. This isn't a war of technology anymore. Besides, you've less than 9% body fat and most of that is in your gluteus."

A whine of pain left my throat and I planted myself in front my mirror, turning at awkward angles to see my butt. "Oh Christ these do make me look fat! Do these pants make my butt look big? Don't lie I know they do!" I was in full on weight-induced panic mode. Puking up my stomach contents seemed like a very good idea. I might not be able to control my life but I sure as hell had dominion over my own body!

Without so much as hesitating Zim crossed the room and smacked me. He stood waiting for my to regain my composure with his arms folded over his chest.

I rubbed my jaw. "Thank you. I needed that."

"It was my pleasure. Now, will you assist Tak and I or not?"

"It doesn't seem like I have much of a choice."

"You're right, you don't have a choice- you have self destructive tendencies that will force you to comply even though it is detrimental to your health- but it's polite to pretend that you do. I'll let you fly my new Voot cruiser- I've upgraded the engine and navigation systems."

"Leather seats?"

"From the highest quality Botanian Korks."

I weighed my options. It seemed that I was going to die no matter what happened- so why not get a chance to fly in a fancy cruiser with soft, comfortable seating first? "Count me in."

He smiled. "Good, human, very good. We begin your training at my base at noon. Wear something you can get blood on."

Zim left my room in a flourish of red fabric and the sharp scent of raw cinnamon. I was probably getting involved in something very risky indeed. However, if I could work things so they went my way, the skinny green punk wouldn't know what hit him. As far as he would be concerned, Irk would suddenly be devastated and I would have total control.

The maniacal laugh was hard to stifle as I started up my laptop and opened a new document. I set up several levels of encryption- the passwords were random number sequences- and began mapping out my plan of battle.

A/N:

Whoot! This makes two chapters totally solo! What did you think?

I'd like to add Queen of Anagrams and Cheesy Pop Culture References to my title. May I? (Bonus points to those of you who find the anagrams and pop culture references! There are about 5).

It took me seven chapters to finally get to the point, but alas! There is still more to come! (As well as some impending ZaDR if I can work up the guts to write it!)

TTFN- Love and Muffins,

Invader Nae