Wonder what that creature is that has moved in next door. Am very curious. Elrond tells me that it is a hobbit. Do not believe him. Hobbits are supposed to look like men only shrunk to half the size, yes? Or at least they do according to Elrond's medical books. This curiosity does not resemble a man at all. It is round, furry – almost silky, and it squeaks and goes "tee hee hee" when I poke it. Definitely not a hobbit. I do not care if Elrond has squeezed it into a sleeping robe and stuck a bonnet on its head. It is not a hobbit. I will believe it is a strange swollen hairy sack of potatoes before I believe it is a hobbit.

Told this to Erestor yesterday when he came to pick up his nephew. Silly counsellor accused me of stealing his nephew. I was only measuring him up.

Just in case.

Maybe will try again later. Will have to gag him next time; he is a bawler. Not even patting him on the head or lifting Nimrodel's skirt to let him have a peep will calm him.

Cursed brat.

Attractive, though. Would suit my décor nicely. Would also get back at Erestor for suggesting – with that smile – that I should collect the hobbit and add that monstrosity to my collection.

Ha! Maybe I should collect it. Just to spite him. Or collect both. That would show him twice over. Though to tell the truth, am not very enthusiastic about having such a round ugly hair blob in my rooms. Would definitely detract from the décor.

Maybe should turn it into a seat? My own version of Elrond's spherical health chairs? Maybe I could stuff it loosely with hithlain so that it is bouncy? Maybe have Maglor sit on it with legs apart and his expression just so? Could change his eyeballs to black ones too. Nice and furry and steamy and provocative… ooh, that would add a little animal to the parlour. Feel all hot just thinking about it.

Ho hum. Can hear the creature bouncing on the walls next door. Elrond said it is sleeping. Sleeping, Asfaloth's bum! If that thing is sleeping, it is sleeping like the head of a dead orc sleeps when I choose it for a spot of footsie.

Wish footsie were still popular. Younger generations are so droll about the treatment of carcasses. Cannot even grab a bit of spare flesh for lunch now without getting someone all bow-stringed. So annoying.

Can usually snitch a barbecued bit off the thigh or flank from the pyre when nobody is looking, though. Have altered the sleeves of my funeral robes to carry little seasoning bottles. So useful.

Gil-galad tasted so nice. Ooh, am drooling just thinking about him.

Wonder if that round so-called hobbit thing tastes good too. Certainly has a lot of flesh on him. Good sized for carrying too. Could easily fit it in the oven.

Stuff it or cook it?

Stuff it or cook it?

Maybe should do a taste test first. Take a slice from a place where no one will look if I stuffed it later: underarms or the inner thighs or a bit of testicle.

Wonder if it goes well with honey.

Or how about a spot of butter with chopped apples and walnuts? Or a bit of soy sauce. Can just imagine that lovely plucked skin all brown and crackly and crispy and full of flavour… tear it with my fork… savour the flavour… oooooooh. And then the flesh underneath all... well, I wonder what colour it would be….

Light or dark flesh?

That is it! Will have to do a taste test.

Wonder what to do with the carcass if I do not like the flavour and decide not to display it, though. Bodies are so hard to dispose of easily here. Cannot even put them in the compost nowadays, let alone the waste bin in my room. Someone will always complain and then it will become the next subject for discussion at yet another of Elrond's councils.

Maybe send the hobbit-thingy in a barrel down the Bruinen?

Oh, but then some silly elf is sure to go out fishing and pick it up, thinking it is full of wine. What a funny surprise for them.

Hm. Hobbity-thingy stewed in wine. Wonder how that would taste.

Then again, I need not dispose of it by getting rid of it. Maybe should just chop it up into little pieces and deliver it to the kitchen and dump everything into the scraps bin. They can put it in the elflings' breakfast broth or something…

Oh? The bouncing has stopped. Perhaps the little beastie is tired. Yes, yes, I hear the bed creaking now. Fall asleep, fall asleep. What a perfect opportunity for me.

Maybe will turn the hobbit thingy into my new bedside table. Silky fur might be nice to stroke as I go to sleep. Just the right height too.

I could use my mallet to dent a little plateau on the top of its head; to hold my lamp and comb.

Yes, yes. What a good idea. Where is my work knife?