I needed something to do in my free time. This will (eventually) be 100 AxI ficlets themed after whatever song is playing on my iPod while I'm writing, with no duplicates. The story will either be themed after the song, have the song's lyrics interposed in the story, or have the characters quoting the lyrics, or any combination of the three. I am not doing this as a part of an "official" challenge. This is a personal challenge. There will be touches of AU and OOC-ness throughout the ficlets.

That said, I own nothing. No songs, no Hellsing, no nothing.

It's almost 2AM. The fact that this story exists is proof that I need sleep. Why yes, I am a fan of Alucard abuse.

Enjoy!

09. "1985" - Bowling For Soup

"Cut it out!" barked Integra as she shoved her delinquent offspring apart.

"He stole my Harkonnen!" protested Seras, Integra's younger blonde offspring, as she desperately tried to continue yanking her elder brother around by the obscenely long braid.

Integra momentarily wondered exactly how her son had managed to steal such a large object – and better yet, where had he put it?

"Well, she got her bloody fingerprints all over my guitar!" complained Pip. Given her daughter's vampiric nature inherited from her father, Integra knew that Pip was not just using a common English euphemism. There were likely actually finger-and-hand prints in blood on his guitar.

"Pip," said Integra tiredly, "Give Seras back her Harkonnen. Seras, clean Pip's guitar. Carefully." She emphasized that last, knowing that Seras just might break the instrument out of spite. While she was normally quite sweet, Seras had a nasty temper.

"Yes, mum," grumbled the two teens as they scampered off to do as they had been told.

With a sigh, Integra headed back to her office. As she took a seat in her chair, she wondered where the years had gone. When had she become the forty-something, eternally-exhausted mother of two? Last she remembered, she had been young, full of spirit and fire with better things to do than hold together a family.

Also, when had Alucard, of all people, become her husband and father of her children? It felt like just yesterday, she was screaming at him for sneaking peeks at her in the bath.

Just… yesterday.

Integra awoke with a start. Her glasses were askew on her face, there was an imprint of her ink pen – and most likely some ink as well – on her cheek. She was also twenty-three and had fallen asleep doing paperwork. Again.

"Oh, thank God it was just a dream," she said with a relieved sigh.

At that precise moment, a certain vampire walked casually through the door. "Honey, I'm home," he said cheerfully, showing off that creepy toothy grin of his.

No sooner had the words left his lips than a silver ashtray was accurately thrown with significant force right between his legs.

Viciously crushing the urge to let out an undignified squeak, Aluard phased back out the door. The ashtray didn't phase with him and clattered to the floor on Integra's side of the door, much to Alucard's immense relief as the burning immediately stopped due to the silver losing contact with his body.

"Women and their damn monthly cycles," he said with a scowl as he phased down into his dungeons. "Can't take a joke."