Title: Masked desire – part 7 (We have all been blind - POTO)
Author: Rippertish
A/N: Hi guys! This chapter is long and full of emotions! I really really hope u enjoy this! :)
A/N2: Special thanks to mischiefmagnet for the AMAZING beta. Do not miss out on her new Buffy/Giles fic. It's getting very smeammy! :P
A/N3: After long time trying to choose the appropriate title for chapter, I finally settle for one that I think fits like a glove. :)
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"There is no Bianca, Giles," she said. There was no fake Italian accent anymore, it was unquestionably and purely her; Buffy Summers, American and Californian.
He looked her way, disoriented, but she still refused to face him.
"Buffy?" His voice came out raggedly, a lost and desperate whisper.
She took a long time to reply but when she did, the regret was evident in that simple statement. "Yes, It's me."
He stumbled backwards until his legs found the bed and he sat himself upon it to avoid his body's instinct to crumple to the floor.
She heard him move and finally turned to face him, watching as he removed his mask slowly and quietly. "I'm Sorry," she said, unsure if she should get closer to him or not.
"You played with me," he said. He looked at her sidelong and was truly able to recognize her as Buffy for the first time, even through the familiar mask. "You've fooled me in the worst way one could ever have done."
"Look, no..." She desperately denied his words. She did move closer to him now, sitting on the bed next to him with her leg tucked under herself so that they were facing each other.
Now it was his turn to avoid facing her as he trained his eyes on the white mask in his hands. "How much can you still hate me? Why?... Lord! What did you expect to accomplish with this, Buffy?"
"Giles," she started as she removed her own golden mask, "please, I had no intention of hurting you. It just happened... I was carried away. At first, I was just surprised you didn't recognized me. I couldn't believe in the fact that you were here, in Venice, with... Ethan. I wondered how long it would take for you to notice that it was me that was there next to you behind this mask. Then..."
She stopped for a moment to remove her brunette wig. He waited with his eyes still staring down at his mask. She combed her own blond strands with her fingers before she continued.
"Then we started to dance and... God, why haven't we ever danced together before?"
He was surprised by her statement and blinked several times, saying nothing.
She continued, "I realized then, how much I missed you. From that moment on, I became terrified of how you would react when you eventually found me out."
She took a shaky breath, "I had so much fun last night. I was truly happy. The dance, the costumes, the entertainment, the balcony, all that magic coming from the city... and then..." her voice dropped an octave lower, "you kissed me."
He shifted uncomfortably and his grip on the mask tightened so much that it would have broken if it had been made from a less resistant material.
"When Ethan came out onto the balcony, I just panicked and ran. I... I was afraid he would recognize me or something."
She continued, "I came back here, to this room and I just couldn't manage to sort my thoughts out. I ended up falling asleep from trying. I woke up today to Enrico and Nina calling me for breakfast and for another day of Carnival. They were so excited…"
"I didn't expect... Although I did skim the crowd this whole morning looking for you, I didn't expect to run into you again. But when... when I saw you at the square, I... I wanted to get to you and tell you everything. God, I swear... But then, I couldn't see you anymore."
He dropped his mask on the bed covers and picked up the one she had been wearing from where it had been lying between them. He ran light fingers over the decorated edge of it while his eyes studied it.
"Giles?" she called softly.
"Mmm?" he replied without changing his actions.
"Do you believe me?"
"Yes," he said quietly, in deep thought. After a moment he asked, "So, why? Why didn't you tell me then?"
She took a deep breath, and reached for his Phantom mask with both of her hands. "When you pulled me from my friends... I was surprised. A lot, honestly. The only thing I could think of was that it was my chance to spend some more time with you, without pain, blame or hate between us. I just couldn't do it, I couldn't tell you the truth... I was a coward."
Now, both of them fidgeted with each other's masks.
"Were they only lies? All the things you've told me?" he voiced his pain.
"Noooo... God, No! You mean, because of what I said about Enrico? He is really a very good friend, almost a brother to me now. I said that to cover the story at first as a joke. It was just... stupidity..." she trailed off.
He looked up at her, briefly. for the first time. He saw the sincere regret on her face. She was still beautiful; the years had treated her well, and her vivid eye makeup was untouched despite the whole day under that mask.
"And the rest?" he ventured, looking back down.
"All that I told you about my life now is the truth. My life at the University, my passion for architecture and for the Italian culture."
"How is Dawn?"
"Oh, she's fine. Very adapted to Europe now. She loves Rome and her friends. She's working at a lolly shop during the school break. She seems to be enjoying herself. She's actually great with kids."
"...and you?" he asked in a lower voice.
"Me? I guess so, yeah. Happy. Italian. You know." Buffy shrugged.
A quiet moment passed, and she asked, "You?"
"Hmm, me? I'm doing well. As I've mentioned to you." he didn't go into further detail.
"Ethan?"
"Oh… Ethan and I somehow found our way around our issues and we are friends, good friends, now." he answered her, dismissing her worries. But again, he didn't face her and his gaze was lost.
"Have you heard from Xander and Wil?" she asked softly.
"They are all fine." he said simply.
A long silence stretched between them.
She decided to speak first, "Do you think we are going to be ok? I mean… after this..."
"I honestly don't know, Buffy."
"It's about the kiss, isn't it? The one in the canal?" she asked, finally bringing up the delicate issue.
He didn't reply. He just kept his gaze low and his hand on the mask.
"You don't need to feel bad about it, Giles. It was just a silly tradition... and... you didn't know that it was me there."
Her heart was clenching at hearing her own words, and so was his.
Now he looked at her, for the first time he focused his gaze on her completely.
"But you knew it," he challenged her with a puzzled and pained expression on his face.
"I guess," was the only thing she could reply.
"And yet, you did nothing to stop me," he insisted, trying to understand more about this whole madness.
"Giles, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. I just felt... I wanted it too. I wanted it... with you." she confessed lowering her gaze to his mask in her hands. "It didn't taste like a sin to me. I... I've never seen you as a father, to tell you the truth. I feel sorry for lying to you, I know you don't like me that way and you are probably so disgusted for what happened, but..."
"You speak of my feelings with such assurance," he interrupted her, "the love I carried for you was never that of a father to a daughter." He paused with a sigh. "However, it has been a long time..."
She watched him, trying to interpret his words. Her voice faulting her, "is it too late?"
He said nothing and she felt her heart falling, shattering like the crystal champagne flute from the night before.
She suddenly pulled him to her and pressed her lips to his with a desperate longing like she had never experienced before. Her fingers gripped his jacket as if it was the last rescue preventing her from falling over the edge of a cliff.
The seconds passed and Giles' mouth remained immobile under hers. Tears started to slip down her face slowly. "Please, pleeeease..." she murmured in supplication.
He opened his mouth, but his arms were still limp by his side. He still held her mask in one hand. Buffy moaned anxiously and tightened her grip on him, hands harming the fabric under her fingers.
Giles covered her hands with his and squeezed them. "Buffy!" he exclaimed, trying to get her to loosen her bruising grip.
Listening to her name, Buffy came to her senses. The unconscious force that she had been applying surprised her and she released her hold on him slowly as her gaze watched his lapels regain their original shape.
He lowered his hands from hers and shrugged.
"Please, don't shut me out," she voiced while her eyes searched for his and tears reappeared on her face.
He met her gaze and his heart skipped a beat at that sight. As much as watching her suffer disturbed him, the fear of reconstructing their bond and having it painfully broken once again petrified him.
It seemed, however, that she still had the power of breaking through his barriers. He found himself raising one hand and gingerly brushing away one of her tears with his thumb. More tears, now, broke free and he felt helpless. He brought her into a protective embrace. Her wet face buried into his chest and her arms flung around him as a innocent and frighted child in search of protection.
He just held her to him, waiting as long as necessary for her to calm down. The moments ticked past while he absently made soothing caresses with his thumb over her back and rocked her almost imperceptibly.
"I've missed you," her voice was muffled on his chest.
"I've also missed you, Buffy," he replied in a quiet tone, closing his eyes briefly while his arms tightened around her unwittingly. He straightened his chest, still holding her in his arms, and kissed the top of her head lovingly.
Buffy inhaled deeply over his shirt. "You've changed your cologne." she stated.
"Oh, umm, they didn't have that particular one in England," he managed to say, despite being caught completely by surprise at her comment.
"It's nice." she took another sharp breath intake.
Her face climbed the path up to his neck and she inhaled on his skin. She nuzzled into his neck and heard as he allowed a soft half-moan escape him. His body was motionless and his breath was caught.
Buffy placed wet open mouthed kisses over his throat.
Giles closed his eyes again, tighter this time.
She lost herself to the feeling of his warm skin as her mouth caressed him. Her nostrils drowned in the smell of him.
Giles swallowed dryly before been forced to drag air into his lungs. His mind was numb and he couldn't even ponder over the possibility of either pushing her away or surrendering himself to his desires. His arms kept steady around her, even so.
Buffy made her way up to his jaw, continuing to place small kisses there. She saw his closed eyes and her mouth found his.
He was anything but immobile this time, and his mouth reacted to hers immediately.
He kissed her with unbelievable abandon now, his mouth opening and his tongue meeting hers sensuously.
It was a completely different kiss than the previous two they had shared. She could touch the bottom of his soul in this one. It was a kiss that would have terrified her or drained all of her sanity if she didn't want him as much as he did her.
His hands caressed her back with heated passion making their tension and need for each other grow almost palpably.
As pleasure sounds escaped her mouth, her hands reached for the skin under his jacket but still covered by the white cotton layer. She touched him there but it was soon not enough. At the base of his neck under his collar she found the string that kept his cape attached to him. She undid the lace knot and heard the dark satin fabric fall from his back onto the bed, slipping onto the floor.
Both of her hands ran over his shoulders beneath his jacket, encouraging him to remove it. He quickly obeyed, shrugging himself out of the offending garment. It lay discarded upon the bed.
She ran her hands along his back, feeling the heat of him burning her palms.
The kiss seemed desperate now. Their breath came in shallow gasps through their nostrils as his hands firmly caressed her flanks over the corset.
She reached up and untied his bow-tie, eager in her attempts to free him of more clothing. She undid the top bottom of his shirt, then the next.
On the third one, his hand covered hers, preventing her from unbuttoning it. He also broke the kiss, resting his forehead on the side of hers while both panted to recover their breath.
Buffy, being the slayer, started to recover it first. "You want it too," she said still between unsteady breaths.
"You want me. I know!" she continued brokenly, "you wouldn't kiss me if you didn't. Not like that."
Giles chuckled, breathless. "I do," he said, "but..." He moved his head away from hers.
She cut him off, "No buts, Giles. There is no Sunnydale, no demons, no one between us. Not tonight." she made a long pause and added, "Geez... it's Carnival."
"We are more than that, Buffy. More than tonight and certainly more than Carnival." he said sternly, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"What are we, Giles?" she quizzed, too exasperated to wait for his answer. "All that I know is that I want you and you want me. It feels like my body has been waiting all along for you to see me as a woman, to touch me like this."
"I can't. I-I… just can't. Don't ask this from me. I need more, Buffy..." he said nervously. His mouth was suddenly dry and his palm was sweating. "...I-I love you." He swallowed dryly, "I've been in love with you for a long time. I've tried to remove you from my mind, wipe you out of my heart, but I failed terribly. I believe I'm doomed to love you... forever."
His gaze dropped to his hands for a split second, but then returned to her face to study her intensely. He was finally revealing the nature of his feelings for her and, as expected, it hurt like hell.
"That's why I can't do this. I'm sorry Buffy, but I can't simply see this, see you, as a lay… or a fling… of Carnival." He finished his statement, standing slowly and picking up his cape and jacket.
He glanced at her one last time before unlocking the door and leaving the room.
Think of all the things we've shared and seen
Think of me, think of me waking, silent and resigned
Imagine me, trying too hard to put you from my mind
Recall those days. Look back on all those times.
Think of the things we'll never do
There will never be a day when I won't think of you...
(Think of me - Phantom of the Opera)
A/N: Hello my dearest readers and friends. I hope you enjoyed this long chapter. It's my favourite one so far in the fic. I couldn't wait to post it and can't wait to hear your opinion! :) Take care and have a great weekend!