Day 1
Elrond informed me this morning that a seat had become available on his council and that he would be most pleased if I took the position. I told him that I will consider the offer, if it still stands, when I return from my holiday in Lindon. He looked most disappointed; I think he was hoping that I might postpone or even cancel my trip altogether in order to seize the station and the corresponding increase in my pay.
Day 6
Today I set forth to Lindon. Everything is in order. Food rations, money, clothing, medicinal supplies, and gifts for friends of mine and for friends of friends who reside on the west shore. Dear Lindir, Erestor's nephew, kissed me goodbye this morning before he left to attend to his after breakfast lessons and wished me a safe and pleasant journey; we are so close now that our former enmity and the cruel and grotesque deeds that I once practiced seem all to be little more than an ill dream. The merest thought of consuming the meat of an animal and stuffing its body, much less another child of Iluvatar, both repulses and astounds me now.
Day 16
The dry heat of this summer exhausts my horse and I. Not once have I discerned a cloud in the sky. I look forward to reaching Lindon and basking in the cool sea breezes for which the beaches of that region are renown.
Day 19
Last night I stayed in Woodhall. Gildor seemed most struck by my changed self; he said that were it not for my face, he would not recognise me now. He most courteously and apologetically adjusted my supper so that it abided by my strict vegetarian diet. His wife, less kindly, pointed out my tan and reminded me of the dangers of exposing my skin to sunlight during the midday hours in summer. My vanity - I am sorry to admit vegetarianism has done naught to suppress it - is thankful for the reminder. I bought a hat this morning and have promised myself that I shall start wearing it when I return to the road this afternoon.
Day 23
I have not worn the hat even for a day. I put it on and looked at myself in my pocket mirror shortly after departing from Woodhall and it makes me look very droll. My vanity would rather the tan than the humiliation. However, I do hope that my skin does not catch another wrinkle on this holiday. I do not know what I shall do if I catch another one or - horrors - more than one. Elrond once told me, off hand, that there is no cure for wrinkles and that it is not for a lack of attempts on his part to find one. However, between you and I, Diary, there is a cure and it is to stretch the skin, but to do such a thing would require utilising some of the abhorrent skills that I gained through activities that I no longer wish to recall. That or slay myself and beseech the staff in Mandos to smooth them away before my next resurrection.
Day 32
Today I arrived at Tower Hills. Tomorrow I shall meet with Lord Cirdan; I have not seen him in many long years; not since I first arrived on the shores of Lindon, in fact. He struck me as a strange and reclusive fellow then. I wonder how I shall find him now.
Day 33
Please, Elbereth, if Lord Cirdan is representative of what I shall look like at twelve thousand summers, then I shall slay myself here and now. His skin is like paper, his eyes are clouded, and his hair is the colour of a storm cloud. Once upon a time it was silver as the rain upon a summer's day. Now, what is left of the rest of the hair on his scalp is thinned and straggly and the rest of his hair appears to have fallen onto the front of his face to form a beard. His wrinkles are like the cracks of the floor of a parched lake and his voice sounds like an ill tuned harp. His memory, too, seems to have faded.
Day 35
Today I reached Forlond, but sadly, there is no relief from the heat on the shores of Lindon. I stayed in my rented villa and, I shamefully admit, I set a servant to the task of fanning my face for the entire day. His arms will be very sore tomorrow. Even more shamefully, I did little else except ponder my existing wrinkles.
Day 36
I cannot abide my wrinkles. When Elrond spoke to me on the subject, he mentioned that time halts for no one and that everyone would, one day in their life, wake up to find that time had marched right over his or her face. Well, in my situation time has left chicken feet tracks at the corner of my eyes. I feel ghastly. I am already so old that whenever my age is mentioned, it is rounded to the nearest century. To think that in only a few millennia I shall be stooped, bearded, wrinkled beyond recognition, and perhaps incapacitated of mind to such an extent that I can no longer recall why others name me a hero is almost too much to be borne.
Day 40
It is too much to be borne. Too much. Today I had the servants carry my bedroom mirror down to the kitchen, then dismissed them all. I sharpened all my knives and set myself to the task of smoothing out my own skin. I blame this heat for this regression of mine, this re-employment of long dormant skills whose use provokes the hatred of others, whose use is condemned by them, whose use I have been brainwashed into rejecting by so-called friends. I no longer care. Curse Elrond and curse Erestor and curse this blasted heat!
Day 41
The servants' stares at the bandages on my face disconcert me; undoubtedly, more than a few of them have heard whispers of my history and suspect that I did the injuries to myself. I fear that the butler will summon a healer. I shall have to leave this villa. When I was in Tower Hills, a Lothlorien diplomat - a handsome fellow - I forget his name - invited me to dine with him at his house. I think I shall return there and accept his offer. I am sure that he will let me stay with him for a few days until my face is healed.
Day 44
The diplomat's name is Halmir and he welcomed me into his abode. I stated that the wounds were the result of a roadway accident in Forlond and he readily accepted the lie. He is a moral and hard-working wood elf, but troubled at heart. When prompted today at lunch, he spoke at length about his unhappy marriage to his wife of twenty summers from whom he feels estranged. He has one child: a todder son, Haldir, and when he speaks of him his eyes shine; he hopes Haldir will, like him, become a marchwarden of the Golden Wood, and plainly misses him greatly.
Day 47
I removed the bandages this morning and am surprised by how pleased I am with my handiwork. My skill with a knife does not appear to have waned with time at all. I miss those days of lavishing energy upon perfecting others' cadavers. My fingers itch. I will stop writing now. I have already written too much.
Day 48
I now perceive the reason for Halmir's estrangement from his wife. Last night, after supper, he invited me most hesitantly to his bed. I accepted. His skin is beautiful, his body so shapely; true youth is the key - no degree of mastery with the knife can create such smoothness, such supple tender flesh. I feel like a troll beside him. Why is age so cruel?
Day 51
Three days and four nights we have spent together in each other's embrace. I have not spent my mind idly either. He is due to return to Lothlorien in six days. Tomorrow the deed shall be done. I have considered carefully each step of the method and how I shall proceed should any variable shift beyond my control.
Day 52
It is done and I am reborn again. Not a single complaint did he venture, so lost was he to the sedative that I dropped into his wine last night. This is without question my greatest work to date. My skin I have removed in its entirety and replaced with his glorious cloak. My underlying facial structure I have changed in order to accommodate my new covering. I look like him. If I affect my voice, I even sound like him. I am young once more. I am Halmir. I shall rest for the next five days and assist my body with the adjustment by feeding myself on his remains. Afterwards, I shall venture to Lothlorien in his place and restart my life, free from the constraints of my former life, free to restart my life, even free - in part - from time.
Day 57
Today, at long last, the rain arrived. Also, today, I set forth from Lindon... but not for Imladris. Today, I set forth to Lothlorien and a new life.