Sorry for the delay, guys. Real life stuff catching up to me. Here's a long chapter for you, though. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Cold Case is not mine, by any stretch of the imagination.

I ain't one for spendin' holidays with girlfriends, if only 'cause I got a family the size of Texas, but this year, I figure it won't hurt to skip a family reunion. Instead, I pick up my coat at five and figure I'll cut out early from that station. It's New Year's anyway, and most of the detectives are gone for the night. Most.

Of course, when I slip on my coat and close up the last few files, I look up to find Lil still sittin' at her desk, her lamp the only source of light in the whole bullpen, her blond head bent over some papers. Sometimes I wonder how the hell Lil has time to eat and sleep, what with all the hours she puts into the job.

"Still here?" I say unnecessarily, slippin' on my coat as I walk over to her desk.

She looks up and catches sight of me. "Yeah, of course. Where else am I gonna be?"

"Home?" I suggest. "It's New Year's Eve. You ain't doin' anythin'?"

She shakes her head. "Nah. I've got paperwork to finish."

I frown. "It's New Year's. Paperwork can wait, Lil."

She sighs and bends her head over her desk again. "I don't have anything to do anyway, Scotty, so I might as well finish this up."

I open my mouth to automatically invite her to come for a drink, but remember just in time that it ain't only me goin' for a drink. I've already told Alex to wait for me at a nearby bar, and it would be damn awkward to have my girlfriend on one side and my partner on the other. So I shut my mouth again.

After a moment, she looks up at me. "Aren't you leaving?"

"What? Yeah, of course." I watch her for another moment, wonderin' if she really ain't gonna do somethin' for the new year. She ain't got a date with Trevor, or somethin' to do with her boyfriend? I'd been sure her boyfriend would drag her along to do somethin'. He wouldn't leave Lil all alone for New Year's, would he?

Bastard. It ain't nice by any stretch of the word to bash Lil's boyfriend, even in my head, but it sure is fun. And it pushes back some of that jealousy I still get. Even a month later, I'm still gettin' jealous. Damn, is it hard to get over a girl like Lil. But Alex's definitely helpin'. I just need some more time, that's all.

With a sigh, I say goodbye to her and collect my things from the lockers. The bar ain't far, so I leave my car in the parking lot and walk 'til I see the bright sign and lights. I duck inside and stamp some snow off my shoes before lookin' around. The bar's all full for New Year's, but I spot the red head in the crowd without much difficulty. Takin' off my coat, I head over.

"Scotty," Alex greets, grinnin' widely as she sees me. "I was thinking you'd decided to leave me hanging here."

I grin and kiss her quickly. "Wouldn't do that. Sorry I'm late."

She shakes her head. "No problem. I've been having my own fun."

Yeah, by the way her voice's less bitin' than usual, she's already knocked back one or two. She's loosened up, and I smile. It's always more fun when she's loosened up.

Sittin' down next to her, I order a beer and turn to look at her. "So, what do you wanna do tonight?"

She grins. "Get drunk."

I raise my eyebrow at the way her smile's a bit crooked and loopy. "Check," I say, grinnin' back at her. "What else?"

She doesn't think for long. "Go home."

I smile. "Sounds good to me. Anythin' after that?"

She smiles wryly. "You know what comes after that, Scotty." When I pretend to be clueless, she rolls her eyes and says in a loud whisper, "You know, flowers, candles, the bed…"

I raise my eyebrow at her again. "Flowers and candles? Wouldn't've pegged you as the romantic type, Alex."

She looks at me challengingly. "Really." At my nod, she shrugs and says, "You know, the really romantic girls are the ones who look like they wouldn't touch love with a ten-foot pole."

"Like you," I say thoughtfully. "And like Lil."

Her eyebrows shoot up. "Lil? You mean your partner?"

Oh, crap. "Nothin'," I backtrack hastily. "It's nothin'." I ain't here to think 'bout Lil; I'm here to forget 'bout her.

Luckily, before Alex can press me, my beer arrives, and we drink to the New Year. We drink and laugh and talk, but the whole time, I can't keep my mind from wanderin' to my partner sittin' all alone at the precinct on New Year's Eve, fillin' out paperwork like it's just any other day. Like it ain't a holiday everyone should spend with loved ones. What the hell is Trevor doin'?

"Scotty? Scotty!"

"Huh?" I jerk back into awareness to find Alex starin' at me strangely.

"You're spacing out," she says. "You've been doing a lot of that lately."

Is it just me or am I thinkin' 'bout Lil more and more these days? Ugh. This forgettin' about her thing ain't goin' well at all.

Well. Nothin' a little drink won't solve.

So I smile and raise my beer. "We ain't drunk yet."

She laughs. "No, we aren't. To New Year's."

I lift my bottle and clink it to hers before takin' a long swig. The music suddenly gets wilder, and Alex reaches over and pulls me to my feet.

"What're we doin'?" I ask, followin' her.

She shoots me a surprised look. "Dancing, what else?" And she pulls me onto the dance floor, where dozens of other people are already crowdin' up the space. It's hot and stuffy, and I don't feel up to dancin'.

Alex looks at me standin' unenthusiastically there on the floor and raises a challengin' eyebrow. "What, Valens? You can't dance or something?"

I cock an eyebrow back at her, unable to resist the challenge. "Then you show me what you got, Alex."

And she does. She launches into a dance, and I watch her, a grin on my face. But somehow, it ain't her I'm seein'. I'm somehow lookin' nearly two months back, lookin' back to the night Lil and I exchanged almost those exact same words, back to the night Lil breathed excuses into my ear. I see her dancin' there all over again, her ponytail bouncin' wildly as she jumps up and down, her hips swayin' in that way that makes me wanna grab her and kiss her for all I'm worth. I see again that brilliant smile on her face, the one that makes my heart skip a few beats, the one that makes my knees go weak.

"Scotty!"

I blink, and it's gone. It's Alex again, dancin' in front of me, her cheeks all flushed. She grabs my wrist and pulls me into a dance, but all I can think about is how Lil's body felt against me that night, how her hair smelled and how I could feel her heart beatin' against her rib cage and mine. God, I ain't over her in any sense of the word. How the hell do you fall out of love with someone?

More drink. I figure that's all I need to wash my mind of my gorgeous partner. So I go back for another beer, and pretty soon, I'm loose enough to actually dance with my girlfriend without seein' blond. We're dancin' and laughin' and havin' a genuinely good time, and then—

—and then I'm punchin' some guy's teeth out. I ain't conscious of what I'm doin' 'til I hear Alex laughin' behind me, laughin' like she's watchin' a movie or somethin', not watchin' me sock a man a good one. With that sound, I jerk into awareness, my knuckles throbbin', my breath short and rapid.

What the hell? What the hell just happened?

The bar's silent. I notice for the first time that the music's shut off and a crowd's gathered around me and Alex. The guy I hit is on the ground, his hand on his jaw, his eyes wide and angry.

Oh, damn it. This is why it ain't good for me to knock back so many drinks. I do stupid, stupid things. Things that can very easily land me in jail.

Which is exactly where I am an hour later. I ain't surprised to hear the guy's pressin' charges. I'm still a little muddled and wonderin' exactly what the hell happened, but I know it has somethin' to do with Alex. Who's sittin' next to me in the cell.

"Remind me why you're in here again," I say, restin' my head wearily against the wall of the cell.

She shrugs. "The guy was feeling me up. I hit him."

And then I did. Makes sense. Still doesn't change the fact that he's pressin' charges, and Boss is gonna be pissed. Beyond pissed, even. I groan quietly and close my eyes as I think of the consequences. Damn it, not only am I probably gonna have to pay a hefty sum to get through court fees and compensation, I'm probably gonna get suspended and stuck with desk duty until Boss decides I've had enough. Damn it.

"It isn't that bad, Scotty," Alex says, eyeing my expression.

I snort. She's clearly still drunk. "You're an ADA," I reply, starin' at the wall. "You know how bad this is." Who the hell's gonna post bail so we don't have to spend the rest of New Year's Eve in lock-up? It sure ain't gonna be Boss or Jefferies, and I figure Vera and Miller would rather leave me here to have a laugh about it. And Lil…

…is still at the precinct, probably. My heart leaps for a moment before I force myself to calm down. Lil probably ain't here anymore; it's nearly ten on New Year's Eve. She's got to be home with Trevor. And anyway, what makes me think she's gonna post bail for me and Alex? She ain't feelin' too kindly toward me right now; I've pretty much been gettin' the cold shoulder for a month straight. I ain't too optimistic on that front.

Besides, even if bail's posted, it ain't gonna stop the guy from pressin' charges, which puts a black mark on my career for good. I try to suppress a groan and lean my head back on the wall.

"Valens?"

I open my eyes to find a slightly pudgy officer standin' outside the cell, his thumbs hooked on his belt as he peers in through the bars. I resist the urge to beat my head against the wall. Oh, not him. Jeez, have I not been punished enough?

"Arnett," I say evenly. Of course. It ain't enough that I get crammed in a holdin' cell on New Year's Eve; I gotta give one of my least favorite officers in the precinct a chance to mock me too. I glare at him, at the smirk that's already formin' on his face.

He draws closer to the bars, his smirk widenin'. "Well, well, well. What the hell did you do to land in here, Valens? Kill someone?"

"No," I mutter, meetin' his eyes angrily.

He laughs. "Never thought I'd see the day I'd have you on the other side of these bars, Valens. Guess there's a first time for everything."

I just glare at him, not in the mood for arguin'. Honestly, I never thought I'd ever be on this side of the bars either. But I guess there is a first time for everythin'.

He leans against the bars, raisin' an eyebrow at Alex. "Oh, boy. Don't tell me you got your girl locked up in here too." When I don't answer, he laughs loudly, mockingly. "You got your girl arrested too? Landing in jail yourself not good enough? You got to drag your girl in too? On New Year's, no less! You're priceless, Valens!" His smile widens and he adds, "You don't have anyone posting bail, do you? You're gonna be in here until someone comes and gets you? That's just priceless. Oh, what a day. You've just made my year, Detective."

I clench my first and force myself to stay sittin' on the bed. It ain't gonna do me any good to go flyin' across the cell and punchin' Arnett's teeth out. I've already done enough to wreck my career in one night. Instead, I just grip the sheets of the bed tightly and glare right back at Arnett, wishin' my eyes could just burn a hole through his head.

He smiles smugly and tucks his thumbs back in his belt. "So it's just me and you this whole night, is it?" His eyes flick over to Alex, and he adds, "And your date, of course. What's her name? What's your name, sweetie?"

"Leave her alone," I snap.

Alex's still drunk though, drunk enough that she ain't all sassy. "Alex," she murmurs drowsily, leanin' her head on my shoulder. "Alex Thomas. What's yours?"

"Thomas?" he repeats, amusement flickerin' over his face. "That's my name, Thomas Arnett. Isn't that a coincidence?"

She laughs. "Yes, isn't it?"

"She's a nice one," Arnett mocks, eyein' the way her head lolls on my shoulder. "Where'd you find her? A bar?"

"Leave her alone," I repeat sharply, glarin' at him.

He smiles indulgently. "Sure, we can always talk about you instead. What're you doing in there, Valens?" His smile widens. "Judging by the way your girl's half-conscious, you must have been drinking. You caught drunk driving?"

I scowl, stubbornly meetin' his eyes. "No."

"Then what?" he asks, leanin' on the bars again. "Breaking and entering? Assault and battery? Robbery? You wouldn't stoop that low, would you, Valens?"

I grit my teeth. Damn it, I'm gonna have to put up with this bastard 'til mornin' at least. Can there be any worse punishment?

"Kidnapping?" he drawls, with that damn smirk on his face. "Or maybe…your girl there was caught for prostitution?"

"You bastard," I snarl, startin' up off the bed. How dare he? My fist's clenched before I even consciously decide to move, and I lunge across the cell toward him, hot fury rushin' through me.

"Valens?"

The all-too-familiar voice yanks me to a stop before I can take more than three steps. Both Arnett and I turn to find Lil walkin' down the hallway toward the cell, her expression weary but still sharp underneath the shadows. She makes her way to the cell and stops in front of it, eyein' my fist and Arnett's smirk. But for some reason, she refrains from commentin' on it.

"Open the cell," she says to Arnett, wavin' her hand at the lock.

His eyes narrow. "What for, Detective?"

She glares right back at him, with that look that makes people twice her size back away. "To let him out, what else?"

"Bail—"

"Was posted," Lil says tiredly. She glares with her usual power, but I've known her long enough to be able to see past the strength to the real emotions underneath. I see that behind her thin walls, she's exhausted. I see she ain't sleepin' right if she's sleepin' at all, and that she ain't in any condition to work. She looks like a walkin' zombie, 'specially with the way she's still limpin' a bit in her cast. God, she looks awful.

"Cite out," she says, unfoldin' the piece of paper she's holdin'. "Got it signed and everything, Arnett."

He leans closer to peer at the paper, like Lil's word ain't enough. "Who's the arresting officer?" he says dubiously.

"Jackson," Lil replies calmly. I manage a grim smile. Jackson's on a good basis with Lil and me, and he's a good guy. He sure ain't gonna keep me in the cell on New Year's Eve.

"I'm going to need to have the arresting officer issue the cite out," Arnett says. I clench my teeth at his obvious attempt to delay the process.

Lil's obviously annoyed too. "What, you can't trust me? We're all cops here, Arnett. Scotty isn't gonna escape the trial and make a run for it. He isn't that stupid."

Gee, thanks, Lil. But if it'll get me the hell outta here, I don't care if she insults me up and down. What matters is that she cared to come down here and look for me at all. I look from one to the other, watch them size each other up, and know with a rush of absurd pride that Lil ain't backin' down. When has she ever backed down?

They glare at each other for another moment before Arnett breaks eye contact. With a grumble, he snatches the citation from Lil and scans it quickly. I know he ain't gonna find anythin' out of sorts, though, 'cause Lil's always careful about these things, and I'm right. Thrustin' the paper back at Lil, he unhooks the cell keys from his belt and unlocks the door, swingin' it open savagely.

"Have a good night, Valens," he growls, watchin' me help Alex to her feet. "Maybe we'll see each other soon."

It's a threat, one that makes me narrow my eyes. Well, I ain't gonna be disappointed if I never see him again, that's for sure. I glower at him as I help Alex outta the cell and into the hallway. He shuts the door with a bang behind us, and I don't look back.

Lil leads us back to the elevators, where she hands me the citation and her car keys. "Go wait in my car," she says tiredly, brushin' some hair outta her eyes. "I have to close up some case files before leaving."

I look at her for a moment, a hundred questions whirlin' in my mind. Like how she knew we were down in holdin', and how she got Jackson to issue a cite out, and why the hell she ain't at home celebratin' New Year's with Trevor. I open my mouth to ask her, but before I can, Alex stirs on my shoulder and the elevator doors ding open. Without another word, Lil limps into the elevator and closes the doors, leavin' me alone in the lobby.

With a sigh, I stagger under Alex's weight out into the parking lot. It's deserted of cars this late at night and for New Year's, so it ain't a challenge to find Lil's car. I unlock the doors and buckle Alex into the backseat, brushin' hair outta her eyes. She's still way out of it, so I don't even bother to try to talk to her. Instead, I just shut the door and lean on it, hands in my pockets, waitin' for Lil.

It's a while before she appears out the doors, slippin' on her gloves as she comes. She has a couple of case files tucked under her arm, and I wonder why on earth she's takin' 'em home. She ain't plannin' to work right on through New Year's, is she? I wonder in disbelief if she's ever taken a break in her life.

"Hey," she breathes, her breath puffin' out in a cloud as she comes to a stop in front of me. She frowns at me, her eyes flickin' up and down. "You must be freezing."

I look down at myself and realize I'm holdin' my coat and scarf instead of wearin' 'em. It is cold outside, probably close to freezin' temperatures, but the alcohol's deadened me to it. I'm sobered up a little, but not enough to really notice the cold. But I'm shiverin' all the same.

"Yeah," I mutter, fumblin' with my coat. I try for a long moment and just can't seem to find the sleeves. I frown in confusion; sure, I drank a lot, but I don't think I drank that much.

Lil chuckles quietly in the silent night. Openin' the passenger door, she throws the files in on the seat before steppin' in front of me. She helps me find the sleeves, and I thank her, my cheeks heatin'. God, I must be seriously drunk. She tucks the collar down and buttons up my coat. As she moves up, her hands slow, and she looks up, our eyes catchin'. For just a moment, my breath catches in my throat as I look down at her, realizin' again just how gorgeous she is. I've been tryin' to keep my mind and eyes off of her for weeks now, and seein' her this close hits me all over again how breathtakin' she is. God, I wanna kiss her.

A faint flush spreads across her cheeks, and she ducks her head quickly. Am I imaginin' it? She coughs a little and reaches for somethin' in my hands. After another moment, I realize she's taken the scarf from me and is windin' it around my neck, tuckin' it in close to keep me warm. She's just so concerned and carin', even without meanin' to be. My heart swells.

She clears her throat in obvious embarrassment when she catches me gazin' at her. "Get in the car, Scotty."

I snap out of my daze and obediently open the car door and slip inside. Lil waits as I fumble with the seatbelt for a moment before findin' the clip and slidin' it into the buckle. When I'm secured, she starts up the car and pulls out of the parking lot.

We ride in silence for a long while. I try to figure out where we're headed—my apartment? Her house?—but drink's makin' my eyes all blurry. I can't read the street signs, so pretty soon, I give up and just sit back in my seat.

After a long while of silence, I clear my throat and ask quietly, "How'd you know…?"

"You were in holding?" She smiles humorlessly. "Heard it from Jackson. You should've seen the look on his face. He couldn't believe he'd arrested you."

"I can't believe he arrested me either," I mutter, lookin' out the window. Well, that explains that. But I still have questions.

"What were you doin' there so late?" I ask, turnin' back to her. "It's New Year's. You should be home."

She shrugs. "I was almost done with the McCullough paperwork, so I decided to finish it up. I had time."

"What about Trevor?" I ask, confused. "Ain't he waitin'?"

She lets out a frustrated growl and shoots me one of the iciest glares I've ever seen from her. "God, Scotty, you just don't get it, do you?" she snaps. "I'm not going out with Trevor anymore. We broke up months ago. I don't get why you keep thinking I'm still seeing him behind your back."

'Cause she lies to me all the time, that's why. 'Cause he showed up on her doorstep with a whole bouquet of lilies, and 'cause she said I was the problem, all those long days ago. But, I reason, she really ain't one to keep on with a lie after bein' called out on it. I mean, she lies all the time about bein' fine when she ain't, but what's the point of hidin' her relationship with Trevor from me? Unless she really ain't datin' him…

I shake away the thought and the automatic rush of joy that suffuses me. I ain't supposed to be gettin' all happy to hear that Lil's available, and I ain't supposed to be wantin' to lean right over and kiss her. I'm gettin' over her, one day at a time, one girl at a time. I ain't supposed to be lookin' back and fallin' for her all over again.

"Really?" I say, unable to stop myself. I have to know.

She glares at me briefly before turnin' her eyes back to the street. "Will you actually believe me this time?"

I nod. "Yeah."

"I'm not dating him. I'm not dating anyone."

I nod again, slowly. "Okay." Then, after a moment, I say a bit sheepishly, "Sorry for bein' such a jerk about Trevor then."

She smiles briefly. "Apology accepted then."

And just like that, the ice that's been stretchin' between us since Trevor came up again melts a little. We settle back into the partners-friends thing like she ain't been givin' me the cold shoulder for a month now, and I marvel at what mere words can do. Three minutes and the last thirty days are almost completely erased. Almost.

Because when Alex stirs in the backseat, Lil's eyes harden ever-so-slightly, and she says, "I'll take you two back to your apartment."

I sigh at the returnin' coolness to her tone and lean my head back. "Yeah, thanks."

She drives the rest of the way in silence and pulls up to my apartment building not ten minutes later. Alex is snorin' in the backseat, so Lil gets out and helps me unbuckle her and carry her up the stairs. We reach my door, and Lil shoulders Alex's weight so I can pat my pockets for the keys. Finally findin' them in my pants pockets, I unlock the door and step into the dark room beyond.

Lil flicks on the lights behind me as I take Alex and carry her to my room. I kick the door open and nudge back the covers on the bed before layin' her down, takin' off her shoes, and coverin' her again, makin' sure she's tucked in warmly enough. That done, I return to the livin' room, where Lil's standin' awkwardly next to the couch.

"You can sit, you know," I say wryly, grinnin' at her.

She smiles faintly and sits on the edge of the couch, obviously exhausted. I wonder how long it's been since she had a good night sleep. Judgin' from the shadows under her eyes, too long.

With a sigh, I take off my coat a lot more easily than I put it on and sling it over the back of the couch. I sit heavily next to Lil, leanin' back and closin' my eyes.

"I should go," she says after a moment.

"Don't," I say automatically, grabbin' her wrist as she starts to rise. When she raises a questioning eyebrow at me, I say, "Stay for a while. You don't look too good."

"I look better than you," she says wryly. "I'm fine, Scotty."

"I ain't swallowin' your lies," I say sternly. "Not tonight, Lil. You ain't in any condition to drive, and it's New Year's."

She doesn't see the connection. "So?"

"No one should be alone on New Year's," I tell her. "So sit."

I can tell she ain't really in the mood for arguin'—that or she's just too tired—'cause she sits without sayin' another word. I'm relieved she doesn't protest, relieved and concerned all at once. Relieved 'cause it gives me headaches tryin' to out-argue Lil, concerned 'cause if Lil was feelin' all right, she'd never give in so easily. She must really be burned out.

"You sleep okay?" I ask her softly, not lookin' at her.

She doesn't meet my eyes. "I sleep fine."

I ain't convinced. "You eat okay?"

"I'm fine, Scotty," she says, startin' to get annoyed. "What's up with the interrogation?"

I look away. "Nothin'. I just…worry about you, that's all."

"You might do a better job of worrying about your girlfriend," Lil says, her tone bitin'. "Keep her from punching people so I don't have to bail you out of jail again."

Oh, she's gettin' prickly, which means something's gettin' to her. She's jealous? I wonder. I remember that night in the bar where she admitted to me that she got jealous over my girls and wonder if it's still true, wonder if she gets as jealous as I still do over Trevor. Wonder if it really means somethin' more.

"Sorry about that," I say with a sigh. "I owe you one, Lil."

"Yeah, you do." She sits back a little further into the couch, relaxin' a bit. "You owe me big, Valens."

I smile. "I'll make it up to you."

She laughs. "How? Coffee?"

I shrug. "If that's what it takes."

After a moment of silence, I reach for the TV remote. "Want to watch the New Year's?"

She shrugs and smiles faintly. "Sure. I don't have anything better to do."

No, she doesn't. Except readin' case files, of course, which I ain't gonna let her do. She's gonna rest if I have to rope her to my couch.

I switch on the TV and find the countdown to midnight. Twenty-six minutes and countin'.

"We should make New Year's resolutions," I say suddenly, turnin' the volume on low. I don't know why I said that, but it sounds about right. I get the feelin' that this year's a year for change.

She smiles. "I don't believe in that."

"We should do it anyway," I answer. "And do stuff for luck, you know?"

"What?" she asks wryly. "Like having tall, handsome dark-haired men step over the threshold of the house at midnight?"

I laugh. "Is that actually done?"

She nods. "Ray believed in all that stuff. He used to insist that he be the first one to step into the house at midnight."

"Tall, dark, and handsome," I laugh. "We gonna find one of those before midnight?"

Lil grins. "I thought we already had one." And she looks at me.

I stare at her, at her probably unintended compliment. As I look at her, surprise flits across her face, followed by an adorable flush. I can see that she said that without thinkin', and the fact that she's all embarrassed over it makes me want to pull her into my arms. Instead, I just laugh.

"Really?" I say in amusement. "You think that?"

Blushin', she glares at me, at my smirk. "You're tall and dark-haired," she mutters.

"And handsome?" I prompt teasingly, grinnin' at her.

"And a conceited ass," she shoots back, still obviously blushin', even in the dim light.

"A handsome conceited ass," I correct, grinnin' smugly when she flushes harder. God, she's adorable.

"Maybe," she mutters. And then when I raise my eyebrow, she grumbles reluctantly, "All right, handsome. But I didn't say that."

"Yes, you did," I say, my smile widenin'. "I heard you."

"You're drunk," she accuses. "That doesn't count. You could be hearing all sorts of things."

"Oh, so we're chalkin' it up to the drink then?" I say, raisin' my eyebrow. Oh, familiar territory, and territory I like.

But she falters. Her good-humored glare fades, and uncertainty enters her eyes as she draws back a little.

"Lil?" I ask in confusion, wonderin' what I said wrong.

"Excuses," she murmurs quietly. "Again?"

I frown. "You don't wanna make 'em?" Is this a one-sided thing or what? She's makin' me dizzy with all the mixed signals she's sendin' me.

She sighs and visibly gathers herself for a moment. I hold my breath, wonderin' if we're gonna go with the excuses or if she's gonna push me away again. For a long, breathless moment, I think it's gonna be the latter. But when she looks up at me again, that mischievous spark is back in her eyes.

"How about we chalk it up to the New Year's celebration instead?" she asks brightly, or as brightly as she can manage with all her sleep-deprivation and exhaustion.

So she does wanna do this? I shake my head slowly in confusion but decide that life's too short to not go with it. So I let a smile spread across my face as I say, "Sure, Lil. We'll chalk it up to anythin' you want."

I look back at the TV. "Twenty minutes left. Any resolutions?"

"I don't believe in resolutions," she says, grinnin' a little, "but in the spirit of New Year's, I guess we should make some."

I wait for a long moment, but she doesn't continue. I raise an amused eyebrow at her and say, "So make some."

She sighs. "I don't know. What're we supposed to say?"

I shrug. "Anythin'. Whatever you want."

She hesitates. "You go first."

I sit back in the couch and think for a moment. There're so many things I wanna do better, things I wanna fix. I wanna quit bein' so rash all the time, think things through a little more. I wanna catch more killers this year. I wanna force Vera to quit takin' all the donuts from the break room. And most of all, I wanna stop achin' when I think of Lil.

I shrug and shake my head slowly. "I don't know."

She glances at me. "It's harder than you think, isn't it?"

"Sure." But it ain't that I don't have resolutions; it's that the most important resolutions I wanna make are things I wouldn't say to Lil even if someone stuck a gun in my face.

We sit in silence for a moment before Lil sighs heavily and stares off at the TV. "You remember that Darby case a couple of months back?" she asks suddenly. When I stare at her blankly, she adds, "Six-year-old girl, strangled to death, no suspects?"

I remember, and a somber mood settles abruptly between us. "The one we couldn't close?" I wonder why on earths she brought that up.

She nods, her eyes dark with emotion. "We couldn't find justice for that little girl, Scotty. She's lying there six feet under now, and the only closure her family will ever get is finding her body. We couldn't do anything to flush out the killer, no matter what we tried."

"We did everythin'," I say quietly, starin' at the TV too. "It just wasn't enough."

"Yeah. It wasn't enough. The killer got away, and we just set her box back on the shelf for a later date, like we could just pack up the murder and forget about it. Like it wasn't a human life we'd been investigating." She sighs and looks down at her shoes. "But who knows? Maybe someday, years down the road, another cold case squad will take a look at it and figure out what we couldn't."

She sounds so sad. I can't help but reach over and take her hand, squeezin' it gently. "We can't win all the time, Lil," I say softly.

She blinks and looks at me, her eyes catchin' mine. "I know. But I want to do better this year. Let's not have anymore Darbys."

I smile at her. "Agreed. Let's not have anymore Darbys."

Simple and personal. A perfect resolution. But I don't think it's enough.

"Let's do a little more," I say, glancin' at the clock on the left of the screen. "We still have some time."

She laughs a little. "I don't have anymore."

Liar. She's got to have more goals in life than that. But it's okay; I don't wanna tell her some of mine either. So I just shrug and watch the celebrators in Times Square as they wave their millions of flags and banners and wait for the comin' of the new year.

"Hang on," I say suddenly, pushin' myself off the couch. I duck into the kitchen and return before Lil can even ask what I'm doin'.

She eyes me dubiously. "Wine, Scotty? You sure that's a good idea?"

"It's New Year's," I say. "If there's any day we should be drinkin', it's this one."

I pop the cork with the corkscrew and hand Lil one of the two glasses I dug outta the kitchen cabinets. She watches me uncertainly but doesn't stop me as I fill up my own glass before fillin' up hers. I set the bottle on the table and sit back on the couch.

"To the new year," I toast, holdin' up my glass.

After a moment, Lil rolls her eyes and holds hers up too. "To the new year."

And in front of the TV, ten minutes away from the countdown, we clink our glasses and drink to better days.

When we're done sippin' the wine, we sit in comfortable silence, just thinkin' over our drink. Thinkin' and rememberin' the good times we had in the past year and hopin' we have better times to come.

"Remember Antonia?" I say quietly, watchin' my wine swirl in my glass.

"How could I forget?" Her voice is hushed. "That's one of the cases I don't think I'll ever forget."

"We did good on that one." I swish the wine around and watch it slosh and settle. "We did good."

After a long moment, she nods. "Yeah, I guess we did. We found the guy and Antonia, alive. Isn't often we can save the victim too."

I smile. "And if it weren't for you, we woulda never thought to dig any deeper. I was so sure it was the teacher."

She smiles too. "We all saved her. And put away a nasty guy where he can't do any harm anymore."

"We did good," I repeat, smilin' faintly at the memory. "We do good together, Lil."

She nods, her eyes far away, deep in thought. "We do," she murmurs, raisin' her glass for another sip.

My mind turns to darker cases, darker times. Unable to help myself, I say, "Remember the Stevens?" Almost as soon as the words are outta my mouth, I curse myself. Damn it, I've just got to ruin this perfect moment with bad memories, don't I? Of course she remembers. She was almost burned to death, and only a few weeks ago too. She still has the cast to prove it.

She stiffens ever so slightly. "Yeah, of course I do." Almost subconsciously, she reaches down to touch the cast hidden under her work pants.

Despite myself, I shiver, rememberin' the day, rememberin' the terror. "I was so afraid you were dead," I whisper. "I thought you were dead."

She looks away. "I thought I was too, for a moment there. But I'm fine now."

Right. She's fine. I look at her shadowed eyes and sleepy gaze and know she ain't fine at all. She turns and her eyes catch mine briefly, and I see the memories swirlin' there, memories and pain.

"Sorry," I mutter, lookin' down at my glass of wine. "Don't know why I brought that up."

She shakes her head and sighs. "It's okay." After a second, she manages a weak smile. "Let's not have anymore Stevens either, okay?"

I force a smile too. "Deal."

We drink to that resolution, and pretty soon, there're only two minutes left till countdown. We set the empty wineglasses on the table, not botherin' to refill them, just watchin' the celebration goin' on in Times Square.

"Hey, Lil," I breathe, watchin' the numbers tick on the screen.

"Yeah?"

"You ever hear 'bout that New Year's tradition? The one 'bout two people kissin' at midnight on New Year's makes for good luck in their relationship or somethin'?"

She nods. "Yeah. Ray and I might've tried it once or twice. Didn't seem to turn out too well, did it?"

I turn my head, so close I can smell the wine on her breath, so close it would only take the smallest movement to touch her lips with mine. "Well," I breathe, mesmerized by the way her eyes gleam in the light of the TV, "you wanna see if it works this time?"

God, I'm bold. I must be completely drunk off my ass. Or drunk on the hope of excuses.

She stares at me, clearly startled. "What?"

I'm beyond carin' 'bout anythin' at this point. I've already gone this far, and everythin' in me wants to push it all the way.

"Let's make some good luck this year," I whisper, tracin' the line of her lips with my eyes. It's all I can do to hold myself back.

She pulls back, eyes wide. "It's for people in a relationship! Scotty, what are you thinking?"

She sounds incredulous. Disbelievin'. And underneath the surprise, afraid. Afraid.

Of what? Of me? Of what we're doin'?

"Yeah, relationship," I say, my eyes flickin' up to hold hers. I smile a bit at the flush on her cheeks. "Partnership. You want us to have some good luck in our partnership next year, don't you?"

Oh, excuses. She knows very well that 'relationship' in the New Year's tradition sure ain't talkin' about a relationship between partners or even friends. I know that too. But we've been bendin' truths for a while now. I hope she does it again, just this one time. I wanna kiss her so bad I can hardly breathe.

And then somethin' in her eyes crumbles, and she reaches for me. I move when she does, and we meet in the middle, lips searchin', findin' that familiar feelin' we had every time before when we touched each other. I find that sweetness again almost instantly, and it makes me groan quietly against her lips. She closes her eyes and leans into me, her arms around my neck as we press against each other. I pull her into my arms and ease back till I'm layin' flat on the couch and she's on top of me, kissin', breathin', groanin'. Every time, every time, she tastes better than I remember, and every time, I wanna hold her in my arms forever and forget about the world. So I do, if only for a moment.

She pulls away with a gasp, her eyes bright. I'm afraid for a second that she's gonna push me away again, like she did in her house. That she's gonna say I'm the problem, that's she's gonna regret it all. But she doesn't pull completely away, just pushes herself off me a little.

"For the partnership," she breathes, her eyes meetin' mine. "Good luck for the partnership."

And for the hope of a relationship, I think, my heart racin' against my ribs, still breathless from the kiss. But aloud, I just say, "Yeah, for the partnership, Lil. What else?"

She smiles like she sees right through me, and I wonder if she does. I wonder if she's known all along how I feel about her and if she's just pretendin' she doesn't 'cause she's afraid. I wonder if she's known the I love you in the parkin' lot the first night we kissed is the truest thing I've ever said.

And then she leans down again, and we kiss, long, hot, and hard. I'm pretty sure I ain't ever gotten lightheaded over a girl before, but Lil sure does some crazy stuff to me. She makes me breathless and dizzy with her sheer gorgeousness, and I think I'm about to explode from wantin' to touch her. Wantin' to take her and make her mine.

The crowd on TV begins the chant. "Ten…nine…eight…"

Lil pulls off my chest again, pullin' back enough so she can look in my eyes. We stare at each other, brown on blue, emotions stretchin' between us, passed through gazes alone. I say with my eyes what I'm too coward to say out loud, things like I love you and Let's try bein' more than friends. I say it all, and I imagine that she says things too. Only, it ain't all my imagination, I think, 'cause I sure ain't creative enough to make up that turmoil of emotions flickerin' through her eyes, and that warmth in her gaze, there for just a moment and gone the next, sure couldn't make me shiver like it does if I was just imaginin' it.

"…four…three…"

"Hey, Scotty," she whispers, her breath stirrin' on my lips, makin' my heart thud against my chest.

"Yeah?" I whisper back, tryin' to memorize this moment, memorize how absolutely amazin' her body feels against me, how her curves press up against me just right.

"New Year's resolution," she says, just as the countdown reaches one and the screen explodes into light and cheers as the new year flashes on and fireworks explode.

I can't stop starin' at her eyes, her clear, blue eyes. "What is it?" I whisper, wonderin' what she's gonna say.

"Let's stop lying," she says solemnly, her eyes locked on mine. "To each other. To ourselves."

"What do you mean?" I ask softly. "I don't lie to you, Lil."

Her lip quirks up in a half-smile, and she says, "I mean about everything, Scotty. Let's stop lying this year."

I don't really get what she means, but she seems serious about it, so I say, "Okay. Sure. Let's stop lyin'."

She smiles slightly. "Then let's stop with the excuses."

My stomach drops, and I can't stop the disappointment that flashes across my face. "Stop 'em?"

She nods, her smile still fixed in place. "I mean, if we're not going to lie to each other—to ourselves—anymore, we won't need excuses, will we?"

"Yeah." Yeah, we ain't gonna need excuses. We'll just stop doin' all this stuff like kissin' and holdin'. I clench my fist. That's her New Year's resolution?

"Okay then," I say, a little stronger this time, tryin' to keep from seemin' disappointed. It's hard to keep my face straight though, to act like what she said doesn't hurt. "So what do you wanna do?"

I'm lookin' away from her, so I'm startled when she leans down and presses her lips to mine again. Instantly, sparks are leapin' between us again, and I lean into her, lovin' her taste, lovin' her. But before we get too far, I pull back, confused as hell about what she means by tellin' me we gotta stop with the excuses and then kissin' me.

"What's the excuse this time?" I demand softly.

"No excuses," she says. "Didn't I say that?"

I stare at her in confusion. "Then the kissin'…What the hell are we doin'?"

"Maybe," she breathes, "we're finally being honest with each other."

I'm confused as hell. "What?"

"Maybe this—" She gestures between us. "—maybe this is real."

"Real?" I repeat, not followin' her.

"What if we don't need excuses because this is real?" she asks in a rush, her blue eyes searchin' mine. "What if what's between us is real, what if it's there?"

"Between us?" I echo, starin' up at her. "You mean…?" Slowly, slowly, the pieces are comin' together.

She nods. "When I said stop lying, I meant about everything, Scotty. So tell me the truth."

"About what?"

Now she hesitates. Some of the determination I see in her eyes weakens, and I see that she almost doesn't answer. She almost backs away. But I've never seen Lil be a coward in all the years I've known her, and she ain't startin' now. Takin' a deep breath, she says, "When you said you loved me, did you mean it?"

I suck in a startled breath, feelin' as breathless as if she's punched me. Is it real? Is it true? Did I mean it?

Is my name Scotty Valens?

I almost chicken out. I almost back off, blame it on the drink, blame it on an excuse because I'm too chickenshit to risk our partnership. But Lil's lookin' at me with that piercin' gaze of hers, the one that's practically a polygraph in and of itself, and I know I ain't got the chance of a snowball in hell of lyin' to her. Besides, I can't be breakin' the New Year's resolution three minutes into the new year.

So I take a deep breath too and say simply, "Yeah, Lil. It was."

I hold my breath, worried how she'll react, but it turns out I don't have much to worry about 'cause Lil smiles. She smiles wide, and it's that gorgeous, alive smile that I saw that night two months back in the bar. I have to swallow hard to keep from crushin' her against me again.

"You meant it?" she repeats slowly. "You're sure?"

I look at her, look into her eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure. I've been sure for years now." Many, many years, so many years it feels like forever. I can't remember a time I wasn't in love with Lil.

She laughs. It's quiet and breathless but somehow full at the same time. She leans down and kisses me but pulls away before it gets too deep.

"New Year's resolution," she says, smilin' wide. "Let's stop being scared."

She's seen it. Somehow she's seen into me in that way she has, seen past all my bravado to the fear inside. That's the simple truth of it: I'm scared. Scared of what Boss'll say, scared of what Lil'll say, scared of wreckin' our partnership for good. And when I look into her eyes, I see those same fears mirrored in her eyes.

But she's willin' to fight past them. She's willin' to fight for us, to struggle past her fears to try this new thing between us. And if she's brave enough to do that, I am too.

So I smile, reachin' up to brush a golden strand of hair outta her eyes. "Okay, Lil. Let's stop bein' scared."

She smiles brilliantly again and presses her lips to mine. And this kiss tastes better than all the ones before it because this time, it ain't 'cause of excuses. It ain't us blamin' it on the adrenaline or drink. It's just us. Us bein' together for real, without lies. It's free.

She pulls back and laughs into my shoulder, and before I know it, I'm laughin' too. Laughin' about how I started the night in a jail cell and ended it with Lilly Rush in my arms without pretenses, without excuses. Laughin' about how surreal it all is. Laughin' 'cause she looks so adorable laughin', her eyes glowin' like I've rarely seen 'em before, her whole face lightin' up. God, she's gorgeous.

And as we're layin' there on the couch, grinnin' like idiots at each other, the TV still runnin' with New Year's cheers fillin' the air, the door behind us opens with a quiet creak, and a sleepy-lookin' Alex trots out, yawnin'.

"Scotty?"

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