...
Hazard Lights:
"Turn on your Hazard Lights, take off your pants..."
...
"Elliot? Yo, Elliot... Stabler!" Looking up from his paperwork, Elliot glanced across the bullpen at an irritated Finn. "You distracted or something? You've been staring at that same page for the past twenty minutes... what's up?"
Elliot sighed, pushing aside the open file on his desk and turning in his chair to face his colleague. "Something like that," he said, wondering what kind of explanation to give.
"I know it ain't about a case. For a Friday, it's been pretty quiet." Aside from a flasher and an overprotective mother that wanted to charge her pregnant nineteen-year-old daughter's boyfriend, they hadn't caught a case all day.
Elliot rolled his head, cracking the vertebrae in his neck and standing up to stretch. The paperwork could wait. "Uh, let's just say I caught a case of coitus interruptus on the drive home yesterday..."
Finn arched one eyebrow. "Two teenagers necking in a car? What's so distracting about that?"
"Two women, they weren't teenagers, and they were doing a hell of a lot more than just necking." Wisely deciding not to say any more on the subject, Elliot headed to the water cooler, letting his mind wander...
...
"Son of a bitch," Elliot muttered, catching a glimpse of the squad car pulled over to the side of the road. It was parked at a slightly crooked angle and its hazard lights were flashing.
Elliot had really been hoping to get home early that evening and surprise his family. He often stayed at work past 10:00 PM, and driving home at 5:00 like he was doing today was almost unheard of, but his conscience wouldn't let him pass a brother in blue if they needed help. Perhaps their car was malfunctioning. With the NYPD's budget, it wouldn't be the first time...
As he pulled up behind the parked squad car, he recognized the license plate. Hey, that's our squad car... did Liv take it? What the hell is she doing all the way out here? Now curious instead of annoyed, Elliot left the safety of his own private vehicle and walked towards the driver's side door of the cruiser, expecting to see Olivia's face through the window.
He didn't.
Instead, he saw a very attractive behind clad in boyshorts, jeans tangled around her knees, and the bare expanse of his partner's back and shoulders. A pale white arm was curled around her torso, perfectly manicured nails leaving four vertical red lines along the smooth olive skin. Another white hand, along with one of Liv's, was trapped somewhere between the two writhing bodies.
Elliot's jaw dropped. What on earth...?
Unable to look away and still not quite comprehending what he was witnessing, he watched a long, garter-clad leg wrap around Olivia's waist, its black, high-heeled shoe barely hanging onto its owner's toes.
Oh shit.
He recognized that shoe.
Alexandra Cabot had been wearing the exact same pair when she visited the squad room earlier that day. Elliot usually didn't notice shoes, but Munch had made a comment about their price... Oh God, Olivia and Alex are... uh... in the back of our squad car and I'm thinking about Munch? Jesus... is that good or bad? Wait, what the hell am I going to do about this?
Uncomfortable, embarrassed, excited, and angry all at once, Elliot debated his options. He could just drive away. Olivia and Alex were too busy with... well... to even notice his departure. But he couldn't just leave them there, either. What if another police car came by and stopped to help? Or worse, someone that worked in the courthouse? Both buildings were pretty close by, and most of the staff would probably be on their way home soon, just like he was... Reluctantly, Elliot banged on the window.
Two high-pitched screams came from inside of the car and he caught a brief glimpse of Alex's naked thigh before the startled attorney jerked away from Olivia, trying to smooth down her hiked up skirt and hold together her unbuttoned blouse at the same time. Olivia, who used a few extra seconds to turn around and look through the window, took longer to realize what was happening. When she saw her partner staring down at them with an expression of utter disbelief on his face, she hurried to pull up her pants and reached underneath Alex's shoulder for her discarded bra and shirt.
His face burning, Elliot turned away from the pair and slowly walked back to his car, unable to get the image of the two women together out of his mind. Leaning against the driver's side door, he glanced surreptitiously back at the squad car, wondering whether he should wait and see if Liv wanted to talk or make a hasty retreat.
"Jesus, Alex, you've really done it this time!" Elliot raised his chin, hearing the familiar voice of his partner drift over from the police cruiser.
"Me? How is this my fault?"
"You shoved your hand down my pants on the drive home, that's how!"
"It was your fantasy to fuck in the squad car, not mine!"
"Yeah, a fantasy! As in, something we're not supposed to do in real life because we could get caught!"
"Well, maybe if you had finished making love to me this morning, I wouldn't have jumped you on the ride home..."
"Not that again... I told you that the Captain's been on me about being late..."
"If you don't want to be late in the morning, you shouldn't wake me up with sneak-attack cunnilingus!"
"Only you would find a way to insert that word into an argument... but that doesn't matter, because my partner just caught us-"
Having heard more than enough, Elliot made the wise decision to leave before the situation got even more awkward. Sighing, he adjusted his pants as he got back into his car and turned the keys. What a day. Maybe Kathy would be home already...