He tried to spend as much time with Julian as he could to fill up the holes of loneliness, of abandonment. He felt like he was 11 years old again, being tossed aside by someone that didn't love him.

As the weeks passed the pain in his heart eased slightly but he still felt like a crushing weight was pressing down on his chest, leaving him breathless at times. To his disappointment and relief he never saw the familiar SUV parked outside his house. He had trouble sleeping but when he did sleep the dreams of him continued. Mr. Charles wouldn't let him go.

It wasn't fair. He had given up on the idea of him; he shouldn't be invading his dreams anymore.

The heavy sun was beating down on him, his pale, freckled skin drinking it in like oxygen. He suddenly felt very tired and dehydrated.

He put down the electric saw, seeking shelter of the shade of a nearby tree, feeling instant relief.

He wiped at his sweaty brow and lit a cigarette, knowing it wouldn't help him feeling warm and not liking the dirty habit but the stress he was feeling lately was almost too much. He inhaled deeply wondering if he would ever feel normal again.

The part time carpentry jobs he took filled up his time while Julian was at pre kindergarten for half days.

He thought about moving the two of them further down the state to Long Beach or San Diego, maybe a change of scenery would do them some good. He thought Julian would like it if they were closer to the ocean. He imagined a beach house, opening the back door and having the ocean right there-walking to it every day. He smiled faintly and finished, throwing the butt on the ground.

He thought wildly of building the home himself but dismissed it a moment later. There wouldn't be enough time.

Robert went about the rest of his shift lost in the fanciful notions that he and Julian would be living by the beach somewhere soon. Before he knew it, it was time to leave to pick Julian up from school.

School. He hadn't thought about pulling Julian out of his school. He certainly would have to switch schools and here he had just gotten used to the one he was at. He tried to push the negative thoughts and feelings out of his mind, not wanting them to ruin his almost happy mood.

And then there was his personal security, namely Rick who he could depend on and always rose to the occasion. They wouldn't follow him if he moved further south. And although he would pay them more to move they had lives too, no reason to disrupt their lives.

Despite those two things he still felt the huge conviction to move, to get away. Certainly Mr. Charles wouldn't find them if they moved?

He laughed to himself, now that was a lie. At least they would have the ocean to distract themselves.

His uncle Peter called him as he was driving to Julian's school.

Their relationship was definitely strained to put it lightly.

His uncle wanted to sit down and have a talk with him, saying they hadn't talked much at all after the dissolution of the company nor seen each other which was true. Both men were hounded everywhere they went, invading their personal lives. The heat of the controversy had died down these past couple months, they were becoming old news.

"What do you say? Dinner tomorrow evening? We can go to Angelo's. We haven't been there in so long and I know that's one of your favorites."

He was extending the olive branch Robert knew but despite that there was still something holding him back from truly forgiving his godfather.

He decided to test his theory.

"Sure, Uncle Peter that sounds good. What time should Julian and I meet you?"

He could literally hear the other man falter and pause, scrambling for his words.

"Well, I was thinking it would just be you and I."

He knew it; his uncle still had not accepted the fact that he had a son. His father's people had worked so hard to bury him and had begun to believe he didn't exist.

"Don't call me again until you can admit that I have a son," he hung up abruptly and threw his phone down, not caring where it landed.

The conversation tipped the scales in his mind and he knew that he was going to move now, wanting to escape from everyone.

It was foolish and selfish to pull Julian out of school but he couldn't wait. All the things that were weighing heavily on his mind were threatening to take over. He needed to get away.

After he picked up Julian they made a short trip back home so that Robert could shower and change out of his work clothes. He would hire movers immediately but not before they took a little side trip.

He told Julian he was going to take him someplace fun and his little eyes grew big and shone with eagerness. Robert wouldn't tell him where, scooping him up, telling him it was a surprise. He of course asked Rick to drive-this may be their last time with him too.

He wanted one last memory with them someplace in the LA area-to mark their departure. He wasn't sure when they would be back if ever. LA held all kinds of ghosts of memories, demons of the past-most of them bad. He wasn't sure why he didn't entertain the notion of moving farther away sooner. It was because of Mr. Charles. Well, that wasn't holding Robert back anymore either.

He wasn't sure if he would be able to find it, it was weeks ago and he drove in the dark. Robert gave shoddy directions to Rick who maintained his patience. Thankfully Julian wouldn't know if they got lost which eased the tension he felt in his stomach.

After driving around for what felt for days and Julian getting restless in the back they came upon the posh neighborhood and the park soon followed. Julian saw the playground and got excited-pointing and laughing. Even though it troubled Robert to be back in his neck of the woods it pleased him that Julian was excited-he was building fond memories with him, something he didn't get to have with his own father.

Rick parked and Julian was squirming in his car seat to get free, wanting to play.

When Robert released him he had to hold him back from running, taking his hand and guiding him to the playground. Rick brought up the rear, always a few steps behind them, shielded behind dark sunglasses, letting his presence known to passerbys.

The playground was crowded-it was after dinner now and all the parents had the same idea as Robert-trying to be good parents by letting their child roam free while they read their books and magazines or talked to one another on benches.

When they got closer Robert released his hold on Julian and he ran with little legs up to the playground, kicking up wood chips and immediately started climbing on something. Robert resisted the urge to run after him, worried he would fall and hurt himself. He felt pangs of letting him go. He again was reminded of the teacher's words telling him he was just being an overprotective, first time parent.

He would have to learn to let go of him eventually, he couldn't smother him forever. His son was bound to fall down some time or another.

He paused and felt Rick's solid presence right behind him, anchoring him.

He felt better knowing he was there, able to keep an eye on his son too. He would miss Rick and he knew Rick had grown attached to Julian too. It would be hard to say goodbye.

"We're moving probably immediately. I wanted to let you know so you can say goodbye to him. Your services won't be needed after today."

He couldn't bring himself to turn around and he didn't hear anything as he relayed the sad news. He knew Rick had heard him; he was always the type to do something instead of speak.

After a few heartbeats he heard footsteps coming closer through the grass and Rick came to stand next to him, keeping his eyes trained forward to the playground, to his son one last time.

"Ok. I will."

They stood there a while in silence, listening to the child laugh and shout, watching them run around.

Rick moved positions when he saw that Julian had moved to a different area of the playground.

That left Robert alone. He wasn't sure what to do with himself. He hadn't thought that far ahead.

He supposed he would try to be like any normal parent and sit on one of the benches and watch his child.

He walked around the large playground until he found an empty bench, it was hard and uncomfortable but he would endure it so that his child could enjoy himself before he ripped him away from all he knew of the States.

He tried hard to convince himself he wasn't a bad parent as he watched Julian run around. He had made a couple friends it looked like and Robert leaned in and watched them eagerly. He had never witnessed Julian interact with other children and it was fascinating to him. The two little boys were around his age, one had a tanner complexion with blond hair and the other was of Asian background. The three looked like they were playing tag and Robert smiled, wondering what it would have been like to have friends at that age.

He saw Rick keeping a respectful distance but was watching him, arms crossed.

He had nothing to do so he tried to enjoy the moment, his last memory of LA. He liked the cool breeze in his hair and on his skin-giving him goosebumps. He inhaled the scents of fall, feeling it get cooler as it was getting cloudy, they were supposed to get rain the next couple days. He looked around lazily. Children were running with others, some running to their parents.

He saw the little blond hair boy, the one that had been playing with Julian break away and run and Robert watched him, his eyes following him to a man seated on a park bench on the opposite side of the large playground.

He never in a million years thought he would see him again. His eyes bulged and his heart started racing. It was him-in the flesh, this time only a few hundred feet away. Before he knew what he was doing he got up, mouth slightly open as he watched Mr. Charles bend down and talk to what he supposed was his son who seemed excited.

Robert watched the sweet exchange-Mr. Charles smiled and ruffled his boy's hair, words passed between them and the child ran back to the playground, looking elated. The love between them was evident, almost palpable and seeing Mr. Charles smile like that almost broke Robert's heart. It was a smile reserved only for his child; it wasn't a smile Robert had ever witnessed in his dreams.

His body disconnected from his mind and he took a step forward, eyes never breaking away from the man that had taken over his dreams, his life. This time he knew he couldn't run away from him, there had been too many run-ins, too many coincidences. He couldn't ignore him anymore but he couldn't have the kind of conversation he wanted with him while their children were present.

Surprisingly an idea managed to worm its way inside Robert's mystified brain. He needed to act quickly; he didn't want his Mr. Charles to slip through his fingers once again.

He turned his attention to Julian, walking around to where he was playing with the two boys and called and motioned to him. Julian came at once, huge smile plastered on his face, cheeks burning red, out of breath and he started babbling in a rush about the boys he met and how much fun he was having. Robert smiled hugely, listening to him and hugged him fiercely, feeling his rapidly beating heart, his tiny lungs working hard. He ruffled his dark hair, mirroring what his dream lover had done to his own son and bent down to his son's level. He put his hands on his tiny shoulders and gave him the instructions he had just worked out in his head minutes earlier. He reached into his pocket, withdrew what he needed, scribbled something on it and placed it into Julian's small hands. Julian was wide eyed and seemed bored but Robert was confident that his son would do it. That and he promised him a special treat on the way home if he did it successfully, calling him his: "little man". Julian nodded like his life depended on it and seemed overly excited. Robert ruffled his hair again, telling him to be quick and Julian was off like a shot, back to his new found friends.

Robert felt like his son, flushed, lungs working hard and felt out of breath. Only Mr. Charles had that effect on him. His eyes darted to him again, he was still seated, leg crossed at the ankle and he seemed to be absorbed in his phone or Blackberry, looking at something, his steely eyes would dart up from it every so often to watch his child.

Julian was doing his part of the deal, now Robert had to hold up his end.

He took a deep breath and felt the familiar flutters of nervousness in his gut, his body trembling slightly. It felt like he was walking on air as every step he took was one step closer to him.

He again felt like there was a disconnect between his body and mind, he felt numb as he walked across the grass, past other benches with eager, anxious parents , he saw Rick approach him from the corner of his eye, he gave him a look and shook his head. He wouldn't need him for what he was planning to do.

It felt like forever before Mr. Charles again looked up from his phone, sweeping the playground and their eyes met for the first time since LAX. Mr. Charles was calm and collected as always, his hard steely blue eyes looking bored but Robert swore he saw a flash of recognition in his eyes as theirs met ever so briefly, blinking back to overprotective father mode and trained them back to his phone, like he wasn't acknowledging Robert's existence.

As much as Robert wanted to run away he couldn't. He felt like they were two magnets and he was being pulled to him by some force that was otherworldly, unbeknownst to him. He again would never dream of coming in between a family but he had to speak to him, had to hear his voice and maybe get an answer or two out of him, to just know he was real.

His body felt like jelly, his legs threatening to give out on him as he took the last couple steps so that he was standing directly in front of him. It took all the willpower Robert processed not to throw his arms around him or to take a seat next to him.

Mr. Charles was doing a good job ignoring him, like he was just some random stranger that wanted his attention.

Robert was anything but a stranger. They had shared too many intimate moments, their lives always crashing into one another's.

"Mr. Charles?" he was proud that his voice didn't shake and betray him. It was taking every ounce of control he had not to pass out from the pure rush of emotions he was feeling, threatening to overtake him.

Mr. Charles again seemed bored and uninterested as he looked up from his Blackberry finally, meeting his eyes. They were familiarly hard, annoyed and questioning. A look of: "What the hell do you want?" playing on his face. His face was impassive. Robert's eyes sweeped to his hands and he noticed the absence of a wedding band and something stirred inside him. Could he possibly not be married? He was certainly divorced and had a girlfriend then.

Mr. Charles narrowed his eyes looking slightly puzzled; he tapped his fingers on the bench impatiently, bouncing the leg that was crossed slightly.

He shifted in his seat. "I'm sorry I think you have me confused with someone else." Robert felt warmth spread over his body upon hearing his voice, his real voice. It was so much better than hearing it in the dreams. It was commanding and authoritative, a little harsh without trying to be. He remembered Mr. Charles giving him instructions in the dream he had on the way back from Sydney-he was so trusting and oozed strength.

Robert was actually expecting his response. He was merely trying to plant the seed.

Robert nodded his head a little, keeping his eyes trained on him.

"My mistake. You look like the former head of my security from dream extraction," Robert gave a little fake laugh. "The resemblance is really striking. Any chance you were at LAX coming back from Sydney a couple years ago?"

Mr. Charles jaw clenched ever so slightly, eyes narrowing further Robert noticed and he was back to checking his Blackberry.

"Nope, wasn't me. I always do look like someone; I have that face I guess. Anything else you needed? I'm a little busy here," it was clipped, curt. He was dismissing him without actually saying: "Fuck off".

Robert would have been hurt but he knew Mr. Charles recognized him, the little flash in his eyes was unmistakable and he was getting to him, agitating him. Mr. Charles wouldn't meet his eyes and he seemed to sweat and squirm a little as Robert continued to stare him down.

He would leave him but he wanted to ask something, again to plant the seed.

Just then he felt a tap on his shoulder, almost making him jump.

He turned around and was greeted by Rick.

His actual head of security motioned for him to lean in and he did but warily. He was keeping him from his fake head of security. Rick whispered to him that Julian wanted to go to the other area of the park and he would take him if he wanted. Robert felt a little confused, wondering what happened to his playmates. After thinking a moment he told Rick that was fine and to give him a call as to where they were.

Rick nodded and left without a word. Robert turned back to ask Mr. Charles his question but he was all ready gone.

He could just make out in the distance the silhouette of a man running away with a child in each hand.