Tiredness.
Omnipresent, everlasting tiredness.
Severus couldn't find in himself the will to eat, and even if he did, he knew he wouldn't be able to keep in the food he'd just swallowed.
Lucius had insisted for him to remain bedridden, and Severus obliged. There wasn't much else he could do, anyway. His brain was too foggy to read, his legs too weak to walk. Breathing became a problem again, a conscious effort for the gaunt man. He even refused to have sex because of the strain it caused. Lucius understood without complaining.
Frighteningly reasonable from a Malfoy.
Nutritive potions were wasted one after the other, or maybe not. They didn't seem to have any effect, but somehow Severus knew they were the only thing maintaining him alive. Those, and the ventilator.
Lucius spent hours gently brushing Severus' long, raven locks, stopping only to plant a gentle kiss upon the younger man's cheek or forehead. Severus kept whispering ever so softly that he was sorry. Lucius dismissed those words with gentle caresses. He understood that his lover's organism wouldn't be able to stomach normal nourishment for the time being, and that it was perfectly useless to force Severus to eat. Perhaps in a week they could make an attempt... Till then, they'd have to stick to potions and transfusions.
Severus slept most of the day, buried under a pile of the warmest blankets the house elves could provide, against a mountain of pillows. With no fat against his flesh, he always felt extremely cold and shivered if he were to leave his bed for the bathroom or to undress. After a few arguments, he'd finally listened to the voice of reason (thee bareth the name of Lucius) and sported pyjamas all day long.
During his spare time, between Severus and other obligations, Lucius had sent letters to other respected healers, who unfortunately hadn't studied Anorexia Nervosa much, the ale being more common in the muggle world than among wizards, and to top it all, most mages didn't even consider it an illness due to its strong link with psychology. Only Santa Cruz's spirit managed to provide him valuable answers.
"Zinc supplementation will help him to regain weight. You'll also have to provide him Omega 3 in order to fight against depression and regain cognitive functions" Antonio listed. "You did say he's stopped reading?"
Lucius nodded.
"Does he seem to have trouble focusing or concentrating?" Antonio asked. Lucius nodded again, making the spectre frown.
"Most peculiar..." Antonio floated to the ceiling, from where Lady Capucine was observing both men with curiosity. From the way her fine eyebrows joined, Lucius could easily assume she hardly understood what was 'most peculiar'. Still, she played her part by smiling good-naturedly at Antonio as he settled at her side, deep in thought.
"If he hasn't lied to you, Severus is apparently aware that he is way under his ideal weight... You think he's starving himself by punishment?"
"That, in my opinion, is his motivation" Lucius confirmed.
"You should forgive him, Lucius" Lady Capucine piped up, startling both men. Lucius eyed her warily.
"Maman, what are you talking about?" he ask, expecting a silly explanation from his mother, who –if truth be said- acted most of the time like an adolescent girl. He was taken aback, however, by the no-nonsense look she directed to him.
"Severus is a sensible man who doesn't let his feelings over-rule him, Lucius. The only person, however, who might make him loose his mind is you. And Antonio" she added hastily, turning towards her companion. Santa Cruz waved an elegant hand lazily to show he wasn't offended, and urged her to carry on.
"At some point, he's acted against you by fighting for Dumbledore, but even though you haven't expressed any desire for him to leave, Severus still doesn't know if you still consider him a traitor. His self-punishment will only strengthen if you show him how much you love him while letting him think he doesn't deserve your love" Capucine concluded. Lucius was impressed by his mother's logic. Antonio clapped his hands politely.
"Carina Capucine, you will never cease to amaze me" he told Madame de Malfoi, making her beam.
"Is it so? I have to say, one can always rely on women intuition" she declared, pointing her chin up with her chest forward, like a parading peacock. Lucius rolled his eyes.
"Maman, how do you suggest I inform Severus that I don't mind his treachery to the Dark Lord? If I recall well, I've already told him more than once that I hold him too dear to chose him over my Death Eater loyalties..." Lucius stated. He was under the impression of being in a live merry-go-round, where each step he took forwards only brought him back to where he'd left. Capucine observed him in a very maternal way, like the little boy he'd always be for her.
"Mon enfant, find the right words to explain you understand the gravity of the situation. That you are aware of the risks you're taking by tasting this forbidden fruit... Severus must see that you aren't fooled by illusions of happy endings where both of you will live on with no difficulty to overcome. Show him you're a responsible adult, Trésor..."
The bottom of Capucine's lips were trembling, and she was dabbing the corners of her eyes with a small lacy handkerchief. How Lucius wanted to hold her into his arms again...
"Merci, maman", he uttered before promptly leaving the room. Discussions with his deceased mother always soften his heart of stone.
Xxx
Severus didn't know what to say.
He was astounded by Lucius' sombre attitude, how his mind didn't seem infatuated by the thought of passionate love-making for once. Had something gone wrong between them? It didn't seem so, as the blond man's sole preoccupation had been, and still was, Severus' wellbeing.
Severus' head was resting upon Lucius' shoulder, his back against Lucius' chest. How secure he felt, and comfortable too.
His sanctuary shifted, and he laid once again upon the 'lumpy' mattress. His bony body permitted him no cosiness, even from the most luxurious beds. He moaned in protest as his lover left for a nearby closet.
"I'm just fetching a fever reducing potions, Severus. Your forehead feels a little warm" Lucius explained.
Severus couldn't comprehend how a part of him could be warm when the rest of him was constantly freezing.
Lucius handed him the potion, before reaching for the ventilator, causing Severus to groan. He'd dealt without it for a few days, which was quite a bliss, as it enabled him to nuzzle with Lucius devoid of tangled tubes. Lucius kissed his head.
"It's just for tonight, in case you come up with something serious..." he added. Severus sighed in resignation and allowed Lucius to set the mask over his nose and mouth. The monotonous humming of the ventilator filled the room once more.
Lucius slid back in bed behind Severus, one arm snaking over the other man's chest, teasing his nipples, and slithering downwards. He smirked as Severus arched in delight, his head tilting backwards until he nearly faced his tormentor. He took his mask off.
"I'm going to need an uncovered mouth if I am to treat you, Lucius" he purred seductively before his lover could object. Fire started blazing in Lucius' loins.
"Treat yourself to something to eat, Severus, I really think you need to" Lucius rumbled in a low voice. Severus smirked.
"Do I, now? It seems you're the one in need, Lucius..."
And so he was.
Severus proceeded with sloth and debauchery, keeping Lucius in torturous wait as he slid his clever fingers along his lover's hardness, followed by an agile tongue that he flicked rapidly up and down, from tip to base, making Lucius whine in frustration... He moaned for more, oh please, more...
Perhaps it came from his habit to consume his meals slowly, or perhaps because the delicious sounds the man before him made were more appetising than a feast to Severus... He took in Lucius' cock leisurely, his tongue rolling around it, and pushed it inside little by little, to the point where he was already tasting pre-cum by the time his mouth was full.
Severus sucked hungrily, his hand holding onto the base and Lucius holding onto his head. He felt the blond man's nail digging into his scalp as he grunt his name. A salty liquid spurted into his mouth, making him ravenous for more. A few coughs as some of it went down the wrong pipe, and back to more suckling. Lucius wouldn't last much longer...
Long, hard flesh rattled between Severus' lips, followed by a languorous cry of pleasure, before Lucius collapsed backwards, his knees bent awkwardly beneath him. He held his eyes closed as he tried to regain control on his breathing. Severus hovered over Lucius and kissed him deeply. He still beheld the flavour of sperm.
Positions were switched. Lucius gazed at Severus, who opened his arms in invitation. A finger to lick, then two, and three... Relaxing tense muscles... A gasp.
"Are you sure you're up to it?"
"Of course..."
Severus' face was already etched with fatigue, or was it already ecstasy as Lucius scissored him? Drool was escaping his ajar mouth, trickling down his chin. His hair drooped upon his chest, so neat despite the action... His whole appearance mesmerized Lucius, as he lingered before regaining hardness.
Severus inhaled sharply as Lucius finally entered him. Pushing and pulling, constantly, and once again Severus nearly nodded off from exhaustion. His breathing quickened, his chest rising and falling in quick succession. Lucius concentrated in order to make him come quickly, sharp intakes of breath accompanying his thrusts. A long sigh as Severus reached orgasm, followed by Lucius. Black eyes peered into icy grey ones. Funny how warm they seemed when they locked with Severus'.
"Lucius", Severus muttered. "Why do you even care for the wreck of the man I've become?"
Lucius smiled sadly.
"Actually, I live in the hope the wreck of the man I love today will become the fit man I'll love tomorrow..."
"I've never wished I could eat so much in years..." Severus whispered heavily.
"All in due time..." Lucius assured.
Severus fell asleep, finally freed of chill.
Body warming really is underrated was his last conscious thought.
Xxx
Severus had finished gathering his personal belongings, and was now sitting on the edge of his bed, waiting for Lucius' return from the ministry. He'd spent an extra week at Malfoy Manor before his lover considered it safe for him to resume his teacher's duties. The dark man was now able to stomach a whole, albeit small, meal without any complications. He'd insisted upon going back to Hogwarts because of his responsibility as Potions Master and Head of House. After he'd promised taking care of himself and avoid overexerting, there wasn't much Lucius could do to retain Severus.
The floor shook slightly. Severus wouldn't have been suspicious had he been in Hogwarts; however, he didn't know much about the spirits haunting the manor, only that previous owners' spirits could demonstrate exaggerate territoriality towards strangers.
Thus Santa Cruz's apparition came in as quite a surprise.
"Antonio!" Severus exclaimed, amazed. "But how... when? Why?"
The ectoplasm chuckled.
"Rarely have I had the pleasure to see you so gauche, Severo..."
Severus sobered at once. Soon his face darkened with guilt and grief.
"I'm sorry, Antonio... I should've found a cure... I should've been strong enough to help you... whatever was ailing you... what was it?" Severus asked.
Antonio looked away, a gesture that Severus found very strange from the proud man's behalf. Antonio contemplated the magnificent view they had of the manor's French gardens.
"I'm afraid it was the same disease that burdened you for years, bambino..." he murmured. Blinding rays of sun filtered through him, and he disappeared in a wink.
"No!" yelled Severus. "No! Antonio, come back! I beg you, come back!" His hands clawed the air, as if to grip Antonio back from wherever he left. After a few futile attempts, Severus let himself fall upon the floor, holding back sobs.
Next door, Antonio was silently weeping, his translucent form glowing against the wall.
Xxx
Severus hadn't spoken a word about Antonio's comeback to Lucius, who already knew about him from his mother. She'd told him that Antonio had felt the urge to speak with Severus before the latter left, and had been haunting deserted rooms of the manor ever since.
"A severe case of post-mortem depression if you ask me", supplied Lady Capucine.
Severus' journey back was planned for that evening. Lucius had offered to escort him, but Severus had flatly refused. Something about having wasted enough of Lucius' time already. The blond man tried not to look put-upon; he could understand Severus needed time to himself in preparation for his return.
Formal words of thanks as Severus threw floo powder in the fire. Formal response from Lucius' part.
Severus stepped into the emerald flames, before turning back all of the sudden and embracing Lucius, who held him back tightly against him.
"Swear you'll take care of yourself", Lucius implored. Severus answered with a chaste kiss.
"I love you", Severus whispered as he let go, marching into the hearth without looking back. He was gone in a flash, leaving Lucius more lonely than he'd ever felt in years.
Xxx
A.N.: Not finished yet, readers! Mind you, the rest of the story will have more to do with things that really happened in the book, such as Voldemort's comeback.
And for your pleasure (I sure hope so), another bonus part.
Tel me what you think about it.
Ahem.
Xxx
Fellow readers, in weird situations (such as two male HP characters screwing up), it can be hard to figure out when OOC (Out Of Character) starts. Here are a few guidelines to help you out, concerning Severus. So here we go with-
HOW TO KNOW GAY SEVERUS SNAPE IS ACTING OUT OF CHARACTER IN A FANFICTION
If he's asking students to call him "Big Gay Sev" instead of "professor" or "Sir", you've got OOC.
If he wears silk shirts, silver jewellery, skin jeans, leather pants or mascara instead of his usual black robes, you've got OOC (NB: silk boxers are still to be discussed, except if they're pink).
If he asks male students to wash cauldrons the way playboy bunnies do (using themselves as sponges) instead of supplying toothbrushes, you've got OOC.
If he openly slaps his lover's ass, purrs or even has eye-contact instead of being totally impassive, you've got OOC.
If he arrives even 1 minute late to his class because he had "trouble with this new hair balm", you've got OOC. Heck, you can claim OOC if he even decides to make his hair non greasy! However-
If you discover the state of his hair is due to using the same products than Travolta in a famous musical, you've got OOC.
If he starts writing mushy poems or scribbling hearts on students' essays while correcting them, you've got OOC.
If he takes part in a gay pride with a costume, you've got OOC.
If he uses pet names, you've got OOC.
If he hands detention for being "naughty", you've got OOC.
If he explains his disdain for Lupin with the fact that his robes have been out of fashion since last autumn, you've got OOC.
If he gets mad at his lover for not sending a Valentine, you've got OOC.