So after all those reviews I got for my last chapter I am a bit scared to go on like I planned to... Anyways, I hope you like it!

And as always THANK YOU! For all the support and the reviews and also for taking the time to read my work. It makes my day to read all those reviews! :)

Chapter twenty: Fear, Guilt and Anger

As the nurse hurried toward me the bad feeling in my gut grew. The expression on her face showed nothing positive for me. Something was wrong and I feared the worst…

"Ms. Bonasera?" The young woman asked as she arrived and I nodded my head in expectation.

"Ms. Bonasera, Dr. Hendricks wants to talk to you. It's important." She said and her expression was concerned. I nodded my head and she walked back inside, me following her.

As we got to the floor were Mac's room was, I could see Dr. Hendricks standing in front of it with a worried expression, confirming my bad gut feeling. Something must be very wrong. As we stood in front of him the nurse walked inside Mac's room and Dr. Hendricks guided me a few steps away from it.

"Ms. Bonasera… I think we need your help." He started.

"What's going on?" I asked in panic.

"Well… his heart rate dropped again. A few minutes after you left the room, as the nurses told me. His condition is very fragile…"

"What!" I nearly yelled with growing panic, tears threatening to build.

"Calm down, please… I want you to go inside with me and I want you to talk to him. Tell him that you're there. I can't get rid of the feeling that his condition depends on you." Dr. Hendricks explained calmly. Somehow I couldn't believe what he said. Mac's condition depending on me? Depending on if I am there or not? How could this be? The doctor must have seen those questions on my face because he continues:

"Yeah, people think that the person lying in that bed, unconscious and probably fighting for their life doesn't know that someone's with them, but they do. They can feel it and they can hear your voice although they mostly don't know what you said when they wake up. They realize the voice talking to them. That's why I think you should go in there and try it. This has something to do with love and care, Ms. Bonasera…"

"Okay..." I said and turned around to leave. The doctor followed me and let me into the room. I hesitated to walk in first, but realizing that Mac's live could depend on it I finally followed Dr. Hendricks. As soon as I was in the small room with two nurses hurrying around and the alarm for the heart rate turned on I hurried to Mac's bedside again. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it softly.

"Mac… come on… I'm still here with you…" I whispered into his ear. "Come on… I need you…"

I couldn't hold back the tears in my eyes anymore and so a single tear ran down my cheek. With my free hand I quickly whipped it away.

"Mac… you can't…" I whispered in fear, tears now running down my cheeks.

Suddenly the alarm quit and I felt a hand on the small of my back. I turned around and saw Dr. Hendricks smiling softly. Not hearing that alarm anymore made me feel at ease.

"He's okay now… he seems to care a lot about you, Ms. Bonasera." He said. I couldn't believe how much power I seemed to have over my best friend and long time partner. It was kind of scaring but also kind of assuring.

"Hard to believe how much power one can have over another…" I whispered.

"Yeah, but that only works if that someone cares a lot about the other. And Mr. Taylor seems to care a lot and he also seems to fear a lot for you. Probably his subconscious told him you left him… left him for good? I don't know what kind of relationship you two share, but if this is what I think it is, it's a call for help. A call telling you that he needs you as much as you seem to need him."

Did that Dr. Hendricks just said he knew I needed Mac? Oh… what kinda effect you have on me Mac… see, I need you… I thought and I didn't care that someone else knew I cared a lot about him.

""I'm not going to leave him… never." I said.

"Um… we still have his personal belongings… badge, gun and clothes, walled… I send a nurse to bring them here and give them to you." Dr. Hendricks said and I nodded my head. Suddenly I felt the guilt coming back… the guilt I knew I didn't have to feel, but I couldn't help it. He was here, fighting for his life, because he wanted to protect me… because he didn't see it coming. Neither of us did and I felt like he shouldn't be here. He should be the one staying at my side… this bullet was supposed to kill me, not him. But now it was the other way round. I felt the guilt turning into anger. Anger against whoever did this. If it was Patos' brother or not, whoever did this to Mac shouldn't be alone with me. But I also realized that whoever hurts Mac is hurting me, too.

Dr. Hendricks and the nurses had left the room and I sat down on the chair next to Mac's bed, not daring to let go of his hand.

"Oh Mac… hopefully you got the right idea and Don finds this brother… I just want this to be over and this guy brought to justice… Whoever did this to you, Mac… I swear he's going to pay for it." I tell him quietly.

He has to find him… we have to find who did this… we have to… and he's better not be alone with me 'cause I can't guarantee for anything. I thought bitterly. Mac… you gotta wake up soon or it's killing me for sure… And with that nagging thought I fell asleep.

So? Do you let me live, or do you want to kill me now? I'm sorry for all that fear, but I just had to do it... I planned a few ups and downs and this is one of the downs. The next one won't be that scary, I promise!

Please, let me know what you think, before you leave, will you?

blackrose538