I took forever to update this time, I'm so sorry, I kept meaning to post this chapter but I have so little time latley. Enjoy.
I awoke to the sound and feel of vibrations emitting through the pillow onto the side of my face. I groaned sleepily and slid my hand underneath, pulling out my cellphone. It was late in the morning, nearly noon and the caller unrecognised. I pressed the answer button holding the phone to my ear feebly.
"Llo'?" I mumbled and yawned.
"It's me." Marnie said from the other end. "I'm on the payphone in town, the scan thingy's been moved to Monday."
"Oh." I reply feeling painfully tired. "I'll cut school and pick you up at ten then." Marnie made a sound of agreement before hanging up. Maybe full realisation of parenthood hasn't hit us yet, we were just coasting along as if having a baby was like getting a hamster, and we could barley hold conversation without a party in the background. I think 'fuck buddies' was the word that described us at first. We did it once more awhile ago but now I guess she's just my baby's mom and nothing more.
I was free to do whatever I wanted now, but Butter's back-up plan for the weekend had been to visit some relative in Beaverton. I groaned irritably, throwing my cell down where it bounced off the mattress springs and down the side of the bed with a loud clack. I scratched my balls and turned sides. Now I had nothing to do but sleep, until my shift at TGI's later tonight.
It takes minutes for me to fall deep asleep again and I wake up some time later to a little shake on the shoulder. As I open my eyes groggily I see Karen smiling at me and offering me a chocolate Poptart hot from the toaster. Some things don't change.
"Its four o'clock." she says. "You need to go to work soon." I smile appreciatively and take a bite from the Poptart, the warm chocolate filling oozing over my tongue.
"Thanks sis'." I smile back at her my mouth full of crumbs. "I'll see what I can get from the kitchen tonight." I'd struck up a weird friendship with the chef on staff, and every time he had some extra dessert he would give it to me for Karen.
I can't believe I've slept through my whole Saturday. But its a way I suppose. As Karen turned to leave I gave a quick glance to the empty corner of the room and ask, "Where's Kev?"
Karen turns back to face me, looking worried. "He went out while you and mom were asleep." she answers. "Said he had some stuff to take care off..."
That's Kev's code for 'paying my dealer so he won't beat the crap out of me again'. I have no idea where he gets the money. It might only be a matter of time before something seriously fucked up happens to him.
"Yeah, I think he's meeting friends today." I say to assuage her worries, but the minute I say it I know I'm spewing bullshit. Even Karen knows how friendless Kevin is. Karen goes back to the living room where I can hear the television flickering between a kids cartoon and white noise. I then walk over to a pile of clothes and dig through it for my uniform.
Its going to be a long shift as I'm on my own for a week or so as Clyde's been suspended for five days minimum. It was a genuine accident really. Clyde came in with a heavy hangover from the night before, and was just trying to make it through his shift. Unfortunately that evening we were hosting a kids birthday party. Clyde was carrying hot wings to a table when the birthday boy ran straight into him, and the hot wings were flung across the restaurant. Clyde lost it and shouted 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU? BLIND?" And turns out, the kid actually was.
Saturday nights are awful. I feel sick the minute I walk into the building, screams and shouts ricocheting around. I float about mindlessly, trying to block out most of the noise. Khloe picks up on my mistakes and notices how tired I look.
"Look the manager isn't here tonight, so why don't you just take off home?" she suggests after I walk into the wall next to the restroom. "Just give me your card and I'll scan it for you."
At work we have this weird machine that scans your card at the end of your shift and records it in a computer programme, so the bosses know if you completed your shift or not. If I scanned it now they'd know I took off early, so if I hand it to Khloe; I can leave now. I'll get it back next week.
"Thanks." I say pulling it out of my pocket and giving it to her. "I owe you."
I don't know why I'm suddenly so tired but I am. I manage to drive home safe, and then I sleep through Sunday too.
Monday morning arrives too quickly even though I've slept through the weekend. I leave at the usual time, but instead of going to school I drive into town and park the truck round the back of the Tweak's coffee shop. Then I wind down the window and smoke for awhile, just enjoying the peaceful clouds of smoke that simmer around me.
Soon the truck shakes as something slams into the passenger seat door. I drop my current cigarette in suprise and turn to see Marnie through the window, an eyebrow raised. I open the door for her and she climbs in, wafting the air with her hand. "It fucking stinks Ken."
"Deal with it." I reply. "My truck, my rules." Geez, would we be this curt with each other when the baby was here? I started the truck and pulled out, starting the drive to Hell's Pass. You know the great thing about pregnant chicks? Boobs. They get fucking huge. I'm sure Marnie's were twice the size they'd been a week ago.
We arrive and she gets out quickly, before I even have chance to kill the engine. I follow her into the hospital where a nurse leads us straight to the room where the ultrasound will be performed. The nurse then asks Marnie to lie down on the bed, where she props her up so she can see. She makes Marnie pull up her top over her stomach, and I could see a small bump. My baby. The gel was applied and the transducer passed back and forth over the bump, pretty much like you see on TV. There was a black and white monitor set up next to the bed, and a little image flickered onto the screen.
Marnie's name was printed in block capitals in the upper left hand corner, BARDE, MARNIE and then, in the center of the screen; was a tiny person. I'll be honest, it looks a little bit like Craig's guinea pig, a tiny creature with even tinier hands and feet.
"Wow.." I hear Marnie mutter and I have to agree. This is one of the most incredible things I've ever seen. Something's flickering in the middle of the baby, and the nurse points to it. "That's the baby's heartbeat." she says, and I can't help but smile.
"You know, thanks to new equipment, we can determine the gender at twelve weeks although it might not be a hundred percent accurate." the nurse continues, pausing mid scan. "Do you want to try?"
I glance at Marnie who stares at the television monitor, transfixed. "No thanks." she says after awhile. "But I want a picture."
I help Marnie clean herself up and we sit in the waiting room while the nurse prints the pictures.
"This is wierddddd." she sighs staring at the wall across from us. "Now I've seen it, it feels more real y'know?"
"Yup." I nod slightly, before sighing myself. "This means we have to tell our mothers." Nope, we hadn't told them yet. It was like I was hoping the nurse would go 'there's no baby, are you high?' and send us away and that would be it.
"Lets tell them today." Marnie says quickly. "Maybe the pictures will make it easier."
I understand what she means. The thought of us having a baby together seems so surreal, but when you look at the scan and the pictures; its all so mesmerising and magical.
"Barde?" We both looked up to see the nurse leaning through the doorway, she held out a white envelope with what I assumed was Marnie's name, scrawled across the front. Marnie stood up and took them from her, before stuffing them in her red POP bag.
You know those films on TV where the teenage girl says 'I'm pregant' and the parents go ape-shit? They're completely spot on,except,of course, if your Jayne Barde. She sat back on her tatty brown checkered couch and proclaimed that as a Roman Catholic abortion was wrong, and we were doing the right thing. What the fuck, like her daughter Jayne seemed oblivious to the fact Marnie had already had sex before marriage.
"If you plan to stand by her and help raise the baby, there's not alot more I can ask of you is there?" she said and continued watching Judge Judy in Spanish. My mother was the polar opposite. I left Marnie at her house once we'd broken the news to Jayne, as I thought it would be better to tell my mom alone.
I got in to find her also on the couch, reading a magazine that was barely in one piece.
"Kenny what are you doing home?" she asked and I sat next to her turning my body to face her. My heart was slamming against my chest getting faster and faster, so much so that it became painful. I'd taken all of this business in stride and now it came to telling my mother I felt like a pathetic weakling, but if I didn't tell her it would also make me a coward.
"Mom I need to talk to you." I licked my dry lips and cleared my throat. "You know..you know how I take responsibility for my actions right?" I had no idea what to say, I was trying as hard as I could just to get words out of my mouth.
"Kenny what is it?" my mother could sense something was wrong and became panicked. "Is it Kevin? What happened? Kenny what's happened to your brother!"
"No! No, mom, its not Kev." I grab her hands which are flailing about, the magazine slides off her lap to the ground with a harsh slap.
"Is it you Kenny? Your okay aren't you?"
"Well..." I cleared my throat. "I'm okay, but do you remember me telling you about that girl, Marnie, the one who came over once or twice?"
"Yeah well sure I remember, why? Are you dating? Is that it?" my mom's expression softened and she looked relieved. I couldn't keep beating about the bush, I had to be a man and own up.
"Well she's pregnant." I say quickly my throat going dry. "And its mine. I'm the father." She stares at me blankly, no expression of any kind- it freaked me out.
"What did you say?" she whispers and her face creases, she looks pained and in so much agony.
"I'm the-"
"You dickhead." she moaned standing up and walking to the kitchen quickly. I followed her, leaks from the ceiling hitting the linoleum and echoing. I saw her reach for the cupboard under the sink where I knew she kept her not so secret stash of booze.
"Mom." I warn stepping forward as she produced a full bottle Southern Comfort. She held a hand up to stop and silence me. Then she unscrewed the cap and took a big swig of the drink, then lowered it to the counter with a clunk. Then again she raised the bottle neck to her lips before she paused, then flipped the bottle upside down and I watched as the golden liquid poured from its container into the tin sink, making the sound of pans crashing together. My mom then threw the bottle into the sink, clasped her hands together and leant on the counter. "Forgive me Lord." she said and turned suddenly, slapping me across the face. Pain flared up in my left cheek and I said nothing as I stared at the wall. I know I deserved it, and weirdly I'm glad that somebody is taking this situation as serious as it is.
"What're you gunna' do huh?" she made a derisive noise and stared at me again. "You were my little star Kenny, comin' through for me though your just a kid, and that's it- your just a darn kid. " She snivelled close to tears. "Your just like your father." Ow.
"Call me what you want. " I said coarsely. "Say what you want. But do not-do not compare me to him." I rebuked before guilt grabbed me and began to smother me. "Please."
My mother is a proud woman. She's spent her life caring for her family, living off pop tarts and toaster waffles, only to have her husband leave her and her sons turn into epic disappointments. Out of all of these let downs though, I have never once seen her cry. But now she burst into tears in the middle of our miniscule kitchen, bawling her eyes out. She said she had hopes for me, that I was going to make something of myself. Now I was exactly where my father was eighteen years ago.
"I'm going to look after her mom, I promise." I reached into my pocket and retrieved two of the four pictures I had split with Marnie. My mother saw them in my hand and turned away. "I don' wanna look at em!" she sobbed, "Not now, just not now."
This news had come crashing down on her and she needed time to take it in and to calm down. "Okay," I reply preparing to reason with her. "I'll go stay somewhere for a day or so, and I'll take Karen to the Tucker's for tonight, just relax-please?"
My mother wipes her eyes and nods her head slowly. She says nothing but I know this conversation has ended and its time for me to leave. Putting the photographs back into my pocket I retreat outside to my truck and climb in.
I sign in at the administration office when I arrive at school, and find the halls silent with only minute noise buzzing from behind the doors. On the way to my class I pass the lockers and pause, focusing on Butters's locker. He'd been so adorably excited about seeing the pictures, how happy would he be if he opened his locker and found one inside? I walk over taking the pictures from my pocket again and take the best one, and then I slide it through one of the vents at the top of the door. Then taking a deep breath, I turn and walk away.
At lunch I go outside with Craig for the usual cig. Despite clocking each other we're totally fine, but I must have caught Craig better than I thought cause' when I saw him today he had a black eye. I laughed for a bit while he flipped me off, and laughed harder when I heard he'd told everyone he'd walked into a door.
"Can Karen stay at yours tonight?" I ask him, "I told my mom about my 'mini me' and she's really upset."
"Really?" Craig says sarcastically and I glare. "If you don't shut up I'll give you a matching left eye."
"Just bring her round later." Craig ignores my threat. "My parents love her, it'll be fine."
We people watch for a bit, bitching about nearly everyone like Jimmy's new annoying habit of tripping people up with his crutches, and laughing at Goth girl's new lesbian haircut. We watch as Clyde walks past, his hand down the back of Bebe's jeans.
Despite the conversation we'd had about Clyde, he never acted the slightest bit gay although he'd been sucking Craig's face at the party. I don't know what happened, but this morning's gossip was that Clyde was in a relationship with Bebe again. Craig said nothing, and as far as I could tell; he was cool with it. It surprised me really, just when I thought that our whole grade, or even generation; was turning gay for each other, a straight couple teamed up.
"But can you count it as straight?" Craig said to me. "Bebe's game for anything that can fuck."
I laughed but I didn't say anything, who are we to talk? I know Craig fantasises about having a polygamous relationship, or at least a threesome; while I fucked girls but preferred to have a boyfriend. Welcome to South Park.
When the final bell goes at the end of the school day I find Butters quickly, and walk with him to his locker. "I put something in there for you." I smile as his eyes light up excitedly.
"Aw gee, really?" he asks inquisitively as he opens the door. Just as I planned the photo floated down and landed at Butters's feet. What I didn't plan on was the gust of air the locker next to Butters's would make as it closed, sending the photo skidding across the hall and stopping at the worst place ever. Cartman picked the photo up and examined it closely. "What's this Kenny?"
"Give that back Cartman you fucking fat piece of shit!" I shout, panicked, which is a mistake as it catches the attention of everyone in the hallway. Cartman is glaring at me with that murderous need for vengeance flaring in his eyes.
"Lets see..." Cartman says in that tone of voice that lets you know he's plotting inside his head.
"Cartman I'm warning you!" I can't let everyone find out. Not like this. It's degrading and just not fair.
"So I'm guessing this is yours?" he turns the picture around so everyone can see. "The date is today, and thinking about it... you weren't in for the start of the morning were you Kenny?" He checks it again before nodding. "Marnie? Yes, I remember now, that's the broad you were screwing wasn't it? Weren't very careful were we?" I'm going to kill him. I'd already have punched him right now if it had been worth it. But what would I gain from punching his smug double chin? Everybody would still know, there's no going back now. I guess in the bigger picture he's done me a favour, but again, its embarrassing, the stares and the mutters; because despite how much we deny it, we do care what others think of us. Butters tugs on the sleeve of my jacket, a way of telling me that I should just walk away. But I can't leave Cartman with the photo of Marnie's sonogram, God knows what he'd do with it. I'd rather die. Again.
For once I'm in luck, and Craig walks by, plucking the picture from Cartman's hand he looks at it; before walking over to us.
"Are you coming? Because I'm not walking both our sisters home." he says flatly and I leave with him, still feeling the stares burn into my back. We head down the road to South Park Elementary where our sisters attend. Usually they find their own way home, but I need to explain to Karen going home isn't the best option right now, and Craig came with me out of what I assume was boredom. The three of us wait outside for twenty minutes, as the younger kids finish half an hour later than we do. Karen runs over to me, elated I came to see her. Ruby trails behind her, blinking as if she can't determine weather or not Craig is a mirage. They stare at each other momentarily before flipping the other off and stand around silently. I don't tell Karen anything as we walk together because I know she's easily upset by these things. I receive full permission from Mr and Mrs Tucker who are happy to have Karen, whose to distracted playing Singstar with Ruby.
"Don't freak her out with whatever weird stuff you do at home right?" I say to Craig on my way out. "Or I'll kick your ass." He rolls his eyes and flips me off, before slamming the door so hard it rattles. I can briefly hear Mrs Tucker shriek 'CRAIG!' as I walk down the path. Butters, whose been trailing around after me quietly, laces his fingers between mine and squeezes my hand.
"Uh, Kenny if you need a place to stay tonight...my p-parents are outta' town..."
"Don't worry Butters, I was planning to." I laugh. If his parents are out of town, even better. His house is no different to the other bland houses in South Park but I cant describe how happy I am to be there, alone with Butters. The early hours of the evening go casually, Butters finds us something to eat and we sit on the couch watching old cartoons. Gradually Butters slides more and more across the couch until he's leaning against me, his head on my shoulder. I blow raspberries into his hair absent minded, when the question comes out of nowhere. "Do you think I'll be okay?"
Butters sits up and turns to look at me. "W-what do you mean?"
"Do you think I'll be okay?" I repeat. "With whats happening." Butters stares at me looking empathetic.
"Of course you'll be alright Ken, your a big toughie remember?" I shake my head quickly, not to disagree but to get ahold of myself. I can't let Butters see me like that, I'm the stronger one, I'm the one who takes care of both of us. Instinctively I raise my hand and cup Butters's chin, pulling him toward me I kiss him jubilantly, and push him back onto the couch. If someone interrupts us again I might just have an aneurysm. Slowly I kiss down his neck to the base, and my hands reach for his belt, undoing it expertly.
"Wha-What are you doing?" I hear Butters say but he makes no attempt to stop me. I smirk whipping the belt off with ease and reply, "What all teenagers do when their parents are gone."
I checked it over and ran spellcheck but this was posted at 1am, so please forgive any mistakes for now. Please read and review !