Updated again. Thank you to everyone who read the first chapter and to the lovely reviews, you are all too kind. Big John jumper huggles to you all :D xx. Right on with the story.
Do what he says. You might get out of this. You have to live. Just play along. For god's sake just play along. Give him what he wants. Then he will leave. He will leave and you will live. Just play along. Just play along...
Google was not Sherlock's friend. So far he had deduced that he had what was called a 'crush'. He had all the symptoms, the butterflies, the pounding heart, difficulty thinking straight, the daydreams. However what the internet could not tell him, was how to get rid of said crush. They lived together so it wasn't as if he could simply avoid John. He also had the added difficulty of John being straight and in a relationship. Then there was the high functioning sociopath part. Sherlock was not what was referred to as 'a good catch'. No one wanted to introduce their new boyfriend to the family, only for the new boyfriend to turn out to be a 6ft androgynous alien who could tell your life story by the colour of your underpants.
The sun is coming up, it's almost over. He has to leave now, tell him to leave. No wait don't. Don't anger him, stay calm. You have always been cool, calm, collected, you can do this. You can live.
Even if John did have bi sexual tendencies, and that was a very big if, he would have suppressed them long ago. His sister Harry was gay, so he would have felt pressured to be the straight sibling. Besides even if John did return his feelings they could never be in a relationship together. Love would just get in the way. He would have a weakness. A weakness criminals could use. What if they used John against him? They could threaten him, kidnap him, all sorts. They knew Sherlock wouldn't let John be hurt, so they could use him as leverage. Then there were the trivial matters. How could he concentrate on the work when he would have to use precious brain power on other things? Like making sure that John felt loved? That they went out on dates and had amazing sex. That Sherlock comforted him, listened when he had a bad day, and didn't put eyes in the microwave. No. He couldn't be the world's only consulting detective and be in a relationship, he couldn't. He would be out all day while John would be stuck at home wondering where their relationship was going.
He said he loved you. He sitting there, planning your future. Don't panic, stop panicking. He will go. Don't cry, don't cry, don't let him see you cry. Stay strong. Stick to the plan, the plan will keep you alive.
Sherlock paced around the flat. Having decided that there could never be a Sherlock and John he expected these new feeling to simply vanish. However they didn't. They hung around like a bad smell from one of his experiments. Some more internet research and he deduced that he could not control his heart. That once you fall for someone these feelings does not simply disappear. Some silly website quoted 'the heart wants what it wants' That wouldn't do. But he could get over that. After all, it was simple biology, and he managed to control all the other things. Like hunger and sleep. This was easy, it was new but it was not different.
I can't breathe. His hands on my neck, squeezing hard. Oh god I can't breathe.
But what if? What if John knew? Had sensed something? Had found out about his crush on him? John would be angry, upset, confused. He would leave. He couldn't let John leave, he was the only friend he had. The only friend he had ever had. He would have to throw John of the scent.
The amount of times John had to explain to people that their relationship was purely platonic, meant John was more aware of how their relationship was being perceived by others. If homosexuality was so blatantly referenced around them, it meant it wouldn't take much for John to start to wonder if Sherlock did want to sleep with him. While this was true, and that the idea of John, sweaty and moaning in pleasure as Sherlock moved on top of him, did excite him more than any other. John couldn't know. He must never find out. How must he convince John that Sherlock was his friend, his friend and nothing more? A thought struck him, they didn't have a very conventional friendship. They lived together and caught criminals together. This wasn't the norm. Maybe if he could prove to John that they had a typical, non romantic, manly relationship, then he would believe that there was nothing between them but friendship. There was only one thing for it. He would have to be normal. Normal. Just the word made him shudder.
Still can't breathe, oh god, I'm going to die, I'm going to die.