A humorous, yet confusing interlude… nevertheless, I hope you'll enjoy it.

The Day of Doom

Sasuke Uchiha was unofficially (by the Piglet Mail) requested for a personal meeting (concerning some unknown life and death dilemma as it was stated in the dubious message) with the Hokage in half an hour. That is why the abovementioned young ninja had to immediately abandon his current mission (A-ranked, no less) and was swiftly walking (grumbling, with his hands buried in the pockets) towards the reconstructed administration institution. While heading for his dreadful point of destination, he was being absorbed in thoughts. More specifically, Sasuke was struggling with a coherent answer to a single important question, which was posed by the rare duet of his reason and intuition.

"What the hell is happening?"

But apparently, his rational mind remained mute, not being able to comprehend any of the awkward circumstances (like flying pigs, for example), while his subconscious was bombarding him with a powerful feeling of threat, thus, signaling its owner to turn and flee to the farthest corner of the continent. Suddenly, Sasuke stopped all of his movement, even ceased breathing, and frowned. Any other victim in his place would have pulled out their eyes and started screaming but being the last Uchiha he could not afford to lose his dignity and openly show the degree of his initial shock.

"Hn, strange… " he calmly (sweating underneath his clothes) stated.

"Horrible, it is horrible, admit it", objected his inner Voice, sounding half-astonished and half-sardonic.

Indeed, it was a truly terrible sight, because instead of the familiar round building there towered an eerie massive… erection, for the lack of a better definition, well, an erection, painted in the brightest orange, which reminded of a giant radioactive carrot. At that exact moment Sasuke inwardly wished the tribunal had sentenced the former renegade to blinding. He hypothesized that the authorities had plotted from the beginning to strip Uchiha of sense by much crueler methods, such as making him contemplate the meaning of phallic symbols in the architecture.

"An idiotic genjutsu?" he assumed carefully, still believing in his own sanity (ignoring the annoying Voice in his head) and the necessity of a reasonable explanation.

"You should start chanting your salutary "I'm Uchiha" mantra", the Voice suggested wisely.

Unfortunately, due to his sealed sharingan Sasuke had only one option to examine the doltish illusion: to enter the abomination and personally investigate its interior. It could be some sort of a funny challenge, and he would not (could not) back down, for he was…

"Born Uchiha dies Uchiha, I see. Don't blame me, I tried to warn you", the surrendered Voice sighed.

Having plucked up his spirits, the young man decided on the most secure route and approached the construction guardedly. Yet he wasn't prepared for the soon following event. The front doors vanished from his sight and instantly reappeared opposite the ninja, opened like big jaws and closed with a clank: the tower had swallowed its guest. Sasuke found himself glued to a wildly moving staircase that was attached to a meaty wall.

"Welcome to the Wonderland", the Voice snickered.

"It looks more like the Wackyland to me", he corrected, trying to gain his orientation in space.

"Hey, you have just joked, haven't you?" the inner interlocutor was perplexed.

"Who do you think I am? Sai?" Sasuke answered in an exasperated tone.

All of a sudden the "escalator" stopped (throwing its passenger on the floor) in front of another pair of doors with a golden inscription "Abandon brains all ye who enter".

"What an optimistic way to greet visitors! Then again, you should listen to your heart occasionally", the Voice commented.

Sasuke was frantically analyzing alternatives, at the same time suspecting that he was, probably, doomed, to put it bluntly. He had to go through that doors. Neji Hyuga would have added that it was fate!

"You'll be late if you continue imitating the statue of the Thinker", another voice idly observed from somewhere above.

Sasuke stood up and searched for the source. It turned out to be Kakashi Hatake who was hanging down from the ceiling like a big grey bat, with his nose in some lecherous novel. Sasuke began to grasp the situation from the wrong end. At last, he solved the mystery of Kakashi's special upright hairstyle. The illustrious jounin prefered to read head first. He eagerly counted to oneself: four or five mysteries were left to expose.

"Cat got your tongue, boy?" his senior inquired without tearing his gaze from the pages. "You should feed your pets better".

"Kakashi-sensei! What…" Sasuke attempted at getting useful information from someone reliable.

"Sorry, Sasuke, I have already used up all my excuses for tardiness today. You should fabricate your own", interrupted Kakashi and disappeared in a poof.

"How about teamwork now, sly dog! Or do you consider the late arrival a strictly personal problem?" the Voice perfectly conveyed Sasuke's feelings.

"Be quiet! I'm thinking!" the ninja ordered.

"Just go inside, chicken-kun!" the offended Voice snapped.

And so he went in and almost nothing happened. Sasuke was met by one empty bureau and a funny looking dummy behind it.

"Hn… Tsunade-sama?" he called just in case.

"She retired yesterday, I'm the Hokage now and that is why everyone must acknowledge me", someone in a black cloak (decorated with red characters saying "The Magnificent") stated in a monotonous manner.

"Shino?" Sasuke incredulously indentified the man who unexpectadly popped up at his side and, overall, expressed the silent determination of a maniac. He was wearing his trademark black glasses and pacing.

The lord of bugs gave him a satisfied smile and transformed into…

"Knucklehead!"

"Ha, teme! You fell for it!" Uzumaki chuckled and sat down on the table.

"Naruto, why was I called here and where is the real Hokage?" Sasuke asked impatiently.

"Right here, teme. I was partly serious when I introduced myself to you!" Naruto proudly announced his new position.

"It is an idiotic genjutsu", the Voice confirmed. Sasuke agreed.

"I summoned you in my office to have a private talk about an issue which has been troubling my mind for a while," Naruto got down to business and added "I want to put you in charge of my new project "Tomato Paradise", a vegetable plantation in my mother's honor. Yamato will assist you with the process of growing."

"Why?" the question emerged naturally.

"You are the most deserving candidate. You like tomatoes more than anyone else in the village", argued the blond. "Of course, I'll let you have your share. It's a very gainful offer".

"Well, that's interesting at least. You should ask him what he smoked", the Voice advised.

"And the second pressing issue would be the revival of your clan. I pondered over different methods and found the most effective solution", Naruto said with a sadistic grin.

The last Uchiha suddenly felt a slight chill in his spine. The next thing Uchiha saw was a yellow flash and then he discovered himself tied to the metal chair with chakra threads.

"Knucklehead!" Sasuke growled.

"Ladies! He's all yours!" the Orange Hokage declared, letting in a huge squealing mob of faceless fangirls. "Sorry, Sasuke, it is for the benefit of your clan", his "closest friend" apologized and evacuated himself. Sasuke Uchiha was about to experience the quintessence of horror and despair.

"Narutooooooooooo…"

"Narutooooooooo…" Sasuke screamed and woke up, coated in cold sweat. He was lying on a hospital bed, furiously gripping sheets.

"A nightmare. Relax, it was just a nightmare, the worst one in your life. Naruto would never humiliate you in such a deranged way. He's better than that. Even if you did try to kill him several times that doesn't necessarily imply that the knucklehead will pay you back. He isn't rancorous (the merit of his poor memory) or vindictive. He isn't, is he?" Uchiha reasoned with himself. Anyway, he refused to fall asleep for the time being.

In the evening Sakura came to visit, carrying a basket, filled to the brim with her home-made pills, and a pot with tomato soup. With a gentle smile the ecstatic kunoichi told brooding Sasuke a secret which she thought would lighten his mood.

"Naruto got an idea how to restore your clan, he is currently discussing it with Tsunade-sama".

Another ear-piercing yell resonated through the hospital, frightening all other patients.

"So you suggest that we should rebuild the Uchiha district?" Tsunade asked (not without a drop of scepsis) and Naruto nodded with a content smile.

"You'll be surprised at my generosity, Sasuke! I guarantee it".