Big Time Rush

Big Time Reason to Stay

Chapter 4

Logical Logan

Authors Note: Big Time Apology for making you wait 5 months for an update!

Previously: Logan decided it was time to come up for air. When he resurfaced he was surprised to see Camille floating next to him. She gave him that smile of hers and he felt butterflies in his stomach.

"You were under the water for a little bit. I was worried," Camille said.

"I can hold my breath for a while," Logan said.

"Another thing I didn't know about you," Camille said.

"What's something I don't know about you?" Logan said.

Camille looked away briefly then looked into Logan's brown eyes "I can't do this anymore."

Before Logan could ask her what she meant, Camille was out of the pool and rushing to the Palm Woods lobby. Logan bobbed in the water. The butterflies disappeared.

He didn't move for the next couple of hours. He just stayed there trying to figure out why Camille didn't want him all of a sudden. What had he done wrong? He could feel his skin warming as sunburn formed on his shoulders and back. The only thought that was on his mind, Why am I not good enough, anymore?

Logan didn't see James approach him, and he barely heard his friend ask him if something was wrong. Logan held onto the side of the pool and bobbed in the water. This time James spoke more loudly "Logan, is something wrong?"

Logan didn't respond immediately but finally said "I'm swimming."

"You look like you've been here a while. Your shoulders look like their getting pretty sunburn. Why don't we go upstairs?" James said.

"I'm waiting for Camille to come back," Logan said.

"How long have you been waiting?" James said, sitting down next to Logan on the side of the pool.

"I think it's been a couple of hours. She told me she couldn't do this anymore. What were we doing?" Logan said.

"I don't know buddy, but if we go upstairs you can get dried off and then we can figure it out," James said.

"I should get out of the pool. It's illogical to think that she'll come back now if she hasn't returned all ready," Logan said. He climbed the ladder and got out of the pool. He walked silently past James into the Palm Woods lobby and stood in front of the elevators. He was aware of James' presence next to him as he waited for the elevator.

"What happened, Logan? You seem really out of it," James said.

"I need to take a shower so I can get working on that school project that's due on Friday," Logan said.

The two of them stepped into the elevator and Logan watched the doors close. He didn't want to admit it to James, but he felt out of it. Two hours alone with your own thoughts is too much time with them. They entered 2J and Logan immediately went to his bedroom to get new clothes. On his way to the shower he saw Kendall and Jo and Carlos and Stephanie on the couches watching a movie. He felt himself get angry, but he suppressed the feeling and closed the bathroom door before anyone could say anything.

Logan stood in his bedroom looking at himself in the mirror. He dried his hair with a towel and then put it in his laundry hamper. He had spent the 10 minutes he spent in the shower trying to make himself think that he was happy. He figured if he could convince his brain that he was happy then it would make him feel that way. He smiled at himself in the mirror and then frowned. He knew it was fake, and he knew Camille was the reason. He didn't want to be mad at her. He figured whatever charm Los Angeles had given him had worn off. Now he was back to being invisible Logan that he was back in Minnesota.

There was a knock on the door and Logan opened it. James stood before him.

"Hey man, what's up?" Logan said trying to put some cheer into his voice.

"Hey, I was just wondering if you were okay, you seemed really. I hate to use this word but, weird, back there," James said.

"I'm fine. No, it's just Camille left suddenly. I think I may have said something or she might have had an audition. Who knows with that girl, right?" Logan said.

"So, you're okay?" James asked.

"Yeah, I was just going to work on that history paper that's due for Friday. Since everyone is in the living room watching a movie I figured I'll just do it in here," Logan said.

"Oh, okay. You sure you don't want to join us? It's a really stupid movie, but it's pretty entertaining," James asked.

"That's okay. I really want to get this written because I know Carlos is going to need help on Thursday night with research and stuff. Plus we never know what to expect from Gustavo during the week," Logan said.

"All right. We'll be out here if you want to join us," James said.

Logan closed the door and found his back pack sitting on his bed. He opened it and found his notebook and stacked the history books that he had checked out from the library for his paper on his bed. He turned on his laptop and waited for it to load.

He didn't really want to be out there with the two happy couples anyway. They all knew that they were loved. Or at least liked. Sure James didn't have a girlfriend, but he knew there were like a 100 girls that would go out with him in a second at the Palm Woods.

Logan was trying to push Camille from his thoughts, but it was hard to do especially since they had spent so much time recently getting to know each other. He replayed that moment in his mind. She couldn't do what? He thought. He knew there was a logical explanation for her statement. He knew it probably had nothing to do with him personally, but he couldn't help but think that there was something that he had done that had made her run off.

He decided to make a list of possible reasons that she might have left. He grabbed a pen and put his laptop on his desk. He grabbed his notebook and sat on his bed with his back on his pillows.

Reasons I'm not good enough for Camille

I'm not impulsive enough.

I can't dance that well.

I'm not a great kisser.

I worry too much.

I'm not as funny as Carlos.

I'm not as protective as Kendall.

I'm not as good looking as James.

I'm just a Minnesota boy.

I'm too logical.

I'm just not the guy she wants.

Logan looked at his list and felt himself get angry. He couldn't believe he was being so negative. Sure, he could see the downside to a plan or worry about it's execution, but he was never one to be negative about himself. He liked who he was. He wasn't always so quick to go along with the plans of the others, but he never regretted it after they had done something. He threw the notebook to the ground near his desk and closed his eyes. He felt tired all of a sudden.

Logan thought he heard a knock on the door but he didn't respond. He tried to drift back to sleep.

"Hey Logan. Dinner's ready," Kendall said.

Logan rolled over. He didn't really feel like eating.

"Logan? What's this?" Kendall asked.

Logan's eyes snapped open and he shot up in bed as he realized that his notebook had been on the floor for anyone to see. He focused on Kendall and was relieved to find that he wasn't holding the notebook, but was instead looking at Logan's laptop.

"What's what?" Logan said as he stood and rubbed his eyes.

"This picture of you and Camille by the pool? You two look so goofy. What were you doing?"

Logan looked at the image on the screen and remembered the picture they had taken that night by the pool after the dance. They had both done their goofiest face. He smiled at the fact that they both had done cross eyes with their tongues sticking out.

"That's nothing." Logan said. "Did the girls go back to their place?"

"Yeah, it turns out they don't like fish sticks. Who knew?" Kendall said throwing his arms into the air.

"I'll be out in a minute," Logan said. He watched Kendall leave the room and he picked up his notebook. He tore the page from it that contained his list and folded it into a small square before putting it into his history book.

Logan joined his friends in the kitchen eating area and sat down.

"Did you get a lot of that paper written?" James asked.

"Ummm, yeah," Logan said.

"You were sleeping when I found you," Kendall said.

"I took a little nap," Logan said.

"I can't believe you were working on that paper instead of hanging out with Camille," Carlos said.

"Camille left the pool shortly after you guys did, actually," Logan said.

"But you were down there for like two hours after that. What were you doing?" Kendall asked.

"I was swimming," Logan said.

"Okay, I didn't think you liked swimming that much. You always get mad when we throw you in the pool," Carlos said.

"I wonder why?" Logan said.

After dinner the guys were getting ready to watch a hockey game before bed. Ms. Knight was allowing them to stay up a little later as long as they promised to get all their homework done right after school tomorrow, which meant Logan would spend most of that time trying to convince them to get the homework done while the other three played video games and Logan did it himself.

I think I'm going to go down to the lobby for a little bit. I want to get some fresh air," Logan said.

"You're going to miss the start of the game," Carlos said.

"I'm pretty sure I can get caught up. I'll just be a few minutes" Logan said.

Logan walked to the pool and took a deep breath as he stood outside looking at the moon reflected in the water. He couldn't believe how badly his shoulders hurt from earlier. He would have to have Kendall put some aloe on them later.

Logan sat down and closed his eyes.

"Logan, wake up. If Bitters finds you here he's going to give you guys another strike," Camille's voice woke Logan from his dream.

"Camille? What are you doing here? What time is it?" Logan said.

"It's almost 11. Come on you need to get back upstairs," she said.

"Are we going to talk about this afternoon?" Logan asked.

"Listen, Logan. There's just a lot you don't know about me and I don't want to give you more to stress about. You have a lot on your plate right now. We'll just be friend. It'll be easier that way," Camille said as she led him to the elevator.

He was still kind of asleep so he wasn't with it like he normally was. They stood in the elevator and he decided it was now or never. He leaned over and kissed her.

"I don't want to just be friends. I can handle whatever it is you have to throw at me," he said.

She touched his face gently. "I'm not a Minnesota girl, Logan. You really aren't prepared to deal with this," she said.

The elevator doors opened and she stepped into the hallway. Logan stared at the doors as they blocked his view of Camille and he had the sinking feeling that his list was more accurate than he thought. She had all but confirmed that he wasn't good enough for her. The elevator opened on his floor and stepped out of it. He walked down the hallway in silence and entered 2J. Without saying a word to his friends he went to his bedroom and closed the door. He got on top of his blankets with his clothes still on and put his head on his pillow. He felt his eyes fill with tears.

Authors Note: I'm so sorry for the long wait on this update. I really hope you think it's worth it. I tried to make it extra angsty. Poor Logan. I hope you liked the James interaction. I think there might have to be a double date with Kendall and Carlos in the next chapter. What's going on with Camille and why doesn't she see how perfect Logan is for her? Hopefully it won't take 5 more months to find out. Thanks for reading I appreciate it! Side note about Big Time Sneakers, anyone else think it was kind of odd that there was no song and they were all split up for most of it? It felt off because the four never interacted together in that one as a group. Maybe it's just me. Thanks again for reading!