"I did?" Tara asked, sauntering towards and standing in front of her girlfriend.
"You did," Willow grinned, her hands moving to the back of the brunette's thighs, "And I wanna claim my time now."
"Well who am I to deny my beautiful girl anything?"
Tara grinned as well, kicking off her shoes and pushing Willow back on the bed before flopping down beside her, both of them on her sides. The brunette ran her hand down Willow's arm and smiled when she felt goosebumps appear under her touch before leaning forwards and capturing their lips.
Willow sighed happily as Tara leisurely kissed her and she kissed back, the brunette's hand moving from her arm, to her back and then eventually to her butt; a part of the redhead Tara apparently enjoyed touching very much since her hand almost always ended up there during their make out sessions.
As soon as she felt the touch though, a thought crossed though her mind, one she'd been thinking quite a bit since they'd furthered their physical relationship to the point of touching. It had been plaguing her brain and she decided she needed to get it off her chest.
"Tara?" she asked quietly, pulling away from the kiss, "Can I...can I ask you something?"
"Sure," Tara replied, her gaze automatically drawn to her girlfriend's kiss-swollen lips, "Anything."
Willow stayed quiet as she processed her thoughts for a moment before she started speaking again.
"You don't have to answer this if you don't want, I won't be offended or whatever, I just...I've been wondering...how far you went with your other girlfriends? Not that it matters, I know you're mine now, it's just, you know..."
"Willow, what are you talking about?" Tara asked in complete confusion, "What other girlfriends?"
"Well girlfriend then," Willow amended, "I wasn't sure how many..."
Tara stared at the redhead for a moment before blinking a few times.
"Honey, I usually pride myself on the fact that I can follow your random segues and conversational jumps but I can honestly say at this moment I have no idea what you're talking about."
Willow sighed, regretting having brought up the conversation at all but figured she had to go through with it now.
"Tara I'm asking if you actually had sex with your other girlfriend. But you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. It's none of my business really. I'm sorry I brought it up."
"Willow..." Tara said softly, moving her hand up to stroke the smaller girl's hair, "You're my only girlfriend."
"Well I know I'm your only girlfriend now. But I mean the one you had back in Alabama."
"No, Willow," Tara tried again, "You're my only girlfriend. Ever. I thought you knew that."
"Oh," Willow's brow crumpled in confusion, "Were you...were you with a guy then?"
Tara's face grimaced at the thought for a moment before she shook her head into the pillow.
"Willow, listen to me, there's never been anyone but you. The night I had that nightmare was my first ever kiss. What on earth's prompted all of this?"
"I just..." Willow replied, taken aback slightly by this newly revealed information, "I've been kinda worried 'cause I'm a virgin so I'm probably not gonna be that good at you know, stuff. And you said the reason your Dad sent you here was 'cause he caught you in a compromising position. I thought that meant he caught you, you know, being intimate with someone."
Tara blushed bright red at the mention of the 'compromising situation' that had prompted her being sent to boarding school in the first place but tried to control it.
"Well he didn't. 'Cause you're my one and only. Ever."
"Oh," Willow replied, before her smile beamed, "Oh. Good. Great. I meant what I said though, it wouldn't have mattered 'cause I know you're my girl now, but um...wow. Yea. So, wait, what did your Dad catch you doing?"
Tara internally groaned and closed her eyes, biting her lip for a moment before speaking in an embarrassed whisper.
"He caught me looking at my brother's Playboy."
"Oh," Willow replied and Tara ducked her head at the tone, "I didn't know you were into that kind of thing. Not that there's anything wrong, to each their own, that's what I say."
"I'm not into that kinda thing," Tara replied, through gritted teeth, her eyes closed, "I was just curious. About my own body. And girl's bodies in general. You grow up in small town Alabama and there's not really many resources out there when you realise that firm pecs do nothing for you but boobs make your heart race."
Willow took her girlfriend's hand between them and gave it a squeeze.
"Hey, Tara, it's okay, I wasn't judging. I, um...I took a sneaky peek at a pic or two online when I was figuring myself out as well."
"You did?" Tara asked, chancing opening her eyes, relief flooding her when she saw only a look of love on Willow's face, no disgust that she'd been expecting, "Really?"
"Yea. It's normal. Like looking at other girls in the locker room or something," Willow replied with a shy smile, before giggling as she thought of something, "Wait, that means...that means that your Dad's way of trying to turn you straight...was to send you to an all-girl's boarding school?!"
Tara burst out laughing and nodded her head.
"Yea. Not the smartest move in the world."
"Not even a little," Willow giggled before moving her head closer to the brunette's and kissing her softly, "And, jeez, that's a bit of an overreaction. Sending you away just for normal teenage curiosity?"
"He didn't really see it like that," Tara answered with a blush, "I think he kinda suspected I was...different...and that was just the nail in the coffin."
"Oh," Willow replied before shrugging, "Well it all worked out, really. We're together. Now c'mere."
Willow latched her lips onto the brunette's and Tara relaxed into the kiss for a few moments before her mind started going into overdrive.
She was worried...she was worried that she's a virgin and she wouldn't be good...I'm sure she'd be amazing but that's...I'm not...And I don't know the first thing about...not really...
"Willow?" she asked, but her voice was lost in the kiss so she pulled back, "Willow..."
"Mmhh, Tara," Willow replied, going back in for another kiss, "Mmhh..."
"No, Willow..." Tara responded, pulling back and holding the redhead's shoulder away from her, "Sweetie..."
Willow opened her eyes and frowned.
"What's wrong?"
"Will, honey, I'm not..." Tara stopped for a moment, looking down, "I'm not ready to..."
Willow continued to frown for a moment before she realised what her girlfriend meant and rushed to reassure.
"Oh baby, that's completely fine. I didn't say that stuff before because I was trying to start something...it was just because I've been feeling kinda insecure. There's no pressure from me, okay? Not even a little. None."
"It doesn't mean I don't love you," Tara said quickly, "I do, so much, I just-"
Willow put a finger against the brunette's lips and smiled.
"Tara, when we're both ready and the time is right...we'll know, okay? I'd wait forever for you."
"Okay," Tara nodded with a small smile, relieved and reassured, "And it won't be forever. And um...you're definitely the one I want it to be with. The only one."
Even if I completely mess it up because I have the faintest clue what to do...I still want it to be with her. Before I have to leave her forever.
Tara felt a lump come to her throat at the thought but didn't let it show and Willow just grinned at the brunette's words, before their lips met again, slowly and softly but quickly building in intensity before Tara pulled away again, feeling her body respond to their kisses.
"Willow..."
"Baby, no pressure," Willow said quickly, her breathing heavy, "Just kissing."
"No, I know," Tara said with a small giggle before a light blush rose on her cheeks, "I just wanted to say that just because I'm not ready to actually... It, um...it doesn't mean we can't do...stuff."
Willow's brow crinkled in confusion.
"Stuff like what? We can still touch, right?"
Tara's blush deepened but she moved so that she was straddling the redhead and took a deep breath before cautiously and shyly unbuttoning her shirt, slipping it over her shoulders and dropping it on the floor. Willow audibly gasped and Tara took that as a good sign, getting a sudden surge of confidence as she reached behind herself and snapped her bra off, letting it land with her shirt on the floor.
Willow's mouth hung open and her eyes were wide as she watched Tara reveal a new part of herself, blown away by the trust her girlfriend was giving her but more astounded at that very moment by the two full, luscious breasts hanging above her, dark nipples already pointing out at attention.
When Willow just continued to gape at her, Tara started to think that maybe it hadn't been a good gasp that had come from her girlfriend's mouth and self-consciously started to reach down for her shirt but the redhead grabbed her wrist before she could reach it.
"Please don't," Willow whispered in awe, her gaze never leaving the taller girl's chest, "You're just...you're so beautiful."
Willow snapped her eyes up to meet Tara's and quickly sat up so their faces were just inches apart.
"I love you."
She captured the brunette's lips before Tara had a chance to react, letting the tension between them evaporate slowly as their lips moved before pulling back and putting her girlfriend's hand at the hem of her own shirt.
Tara's eyes widened as she understood the gesture and shakily began lifting Willow's t-shirt over her head until the redhead put a hand on hers and stopped her.
"I'm not stopping you," she said quietly when she saw Tara's face fall, "I um...I'm just not...very well-endowed. Just so you know."
Willow knew Tara had already felt her breast through her shirt countless times in the couple of weeks they'd been shyly touching so probably had a good idea of her size, but still felt nervous about what she perceived an area she was lacking in.
"Willow..." Tara replied, surprised that her normally quite-confident girlfriend had any issue with herself and quickly pulled the rest of her t-shirt off. She took a moment to just look, captivated by the redhead's beauty before bringing her hand up and gently cupping her bra-clad breast, speaking in a quiet tone, "Look at that. You fit perfectly in my hand."
Willow looked down and smiled when she saw her girlfriend was right, then bit back a moan as Tara's thumb brushed across her nipples, but couldn't help arching her back into the touch.
"You can...you can take it off."
Tara's breath hitched again and she looked up into the smaller girl's eyes for reassurance, which she got in abundance. She reached behind Willow, keeping their gazes locked and tried to unhook her bra, blushing profusely when she managed to just fumble.
The redhead just gave her an encouraging smile and Tara reached her other hand around, loosening the fabric easily. Willow let it fall off of her and watched as Tara stared at her naked chest, just as enthralled as the redhead had been earlier.
"Can I touch?" Tara asked, aware that she'd already felt her girlfriend's breast, but not completely unclothed.
"Yea," Willow answered softly, "Can I?"
Tara looked up at the smaller girl and nodded quietly.
Both sets of hands started moving towards each other's chests, shyly exploring one another with gentle squeezes and soft caresses until Willow started giggling in a release of nerves, Tara following soon after as they fell back alongside side each other on the bed.
"I like 'stuff'," Willow whispered with a grin before glancing down and giggling again, "I can see your boobs."
Tara blushed despite herself before shuffling their bodies closer together and running her hand down Willow's naked back as she caught the redhead in a heated kiss. Their chests thrust into each other as the kiss deepened and the redhead moaned at the feeling of their breasts rubbing against one another until the she brought a hand between their bodies and started greedily palming Tara's breast, still amazed at the soft feel beneath her touch.
"I love you," Tara said easily when they pulled away for air, blushing when an errant moan escaped her lips as Willow toyed with her nipple, "Sorry."
"Sorry?" Willow asked in confusion of the apology, stilling her hand but not removing it, "Do you want me to stop?"
"No," Tara admitted, her cheeks flushing some more, as her voice lowered to a whisper, "I just kind of moaned...really loudly."
A small grin played on the redhead's lips as she pinched the brunette's nipple between her fingers again; making Tara jolt, her eyes fluttering in pleasure as another moan left her lips.
"Hmm...I think I kinda like that sound," Willow said, her grin getting wider as she repeated the motion and brought her other hand up to do the same to the taller girl's other breast, "You like that, right? It feels good?"
Tara couldn't help the string of moans that left her mouth as the redhead toyed with both of her nipples and her chest thrust forward of its own accord.
"Feels...good," she managed in answer as white-hot jolts of desire and pleasure coursed through her, "Really good."
Willow beamed and shivered in delight as she felt the buds in her hand harden beneath her touch. Tara felt the shiver through her girlfriend's fingers and forced her eyes to open fully, biting her lip as she timidly reached her hand forwards as well and lightly took one of Willow's nipples between her fingers.
"Holy..." Willow groaned, loudly, "Mmhh, god yea, mmhh, baby, so good...pinch me harder..."
Tara felt herself go red at the request but dutifully tightened her hold on the ever-hardening peaks, making Willow throw her head backwards.
"How does that feel so good?" Willow panted in disbelief. She'd explored her own body before but had never felt any great pleasure from playing with her own breasts. Tara doing it however...that was better than anything she'd ever felt.
Tara felt herself grinning at the reaction her girlfriend was having to her touch and was very glad that she'd gotten the sudden confidence burst earlier that had lead to this form of touching. Part of her desperately wanted to continue to explore everything they were both feeling and to give over to sensation, but she knew she wasn't ready to make love yet.
Not until I can stop being a coward. Until I can tell her everything. I can't make love to her...with her...not with the lies...it's not fair...When am I ever going to be able to tell her though? I can't tell her. I can't make love with her. Maybe it's better that way. If we don't share that, it'll be easier for her when I go. I want it to be with her so badly...but it's just not fair.
Tara's grin faltered completely as her thoughts yet again overtook her. But she'd become quite adept at trying to ignore the bad thoughts over the months and so took it upon herself to force the smile back on her face before Willow noticed and made her mind focus on the good.
Come on, Tara. You're lying with the most beautiful girl on the planet and sharing something with her neither of you have shared with anyone before. What have you got to frown about?
She couldn't help it when her mind answered her own question.
My gutless self.