I satisfy their needs by simply wearing skimpy outfits and seductive faces.

Innocence is tarnished…

I'm not touched by their vile hands, but just the thought of them stripping me naked with their eyes…repulses me.

I've no choice…

He left, and now he's back. He's there to witness what I do for those people. I feel embarrassed, foolish…

I'm drowning in the pool of mistakes…

. . .

I couldn't get him out of my mind.

His green eyes—they penetrate through my soul. That night, I will never forget the words he said—"Seems like you still don't need any protecting"—and I wish he had said more. I yearn for his voice even though it sounds incredibly cheesy and pathetic. Questions float around in my mind, questions I want to ask him.

"Why are you here?"

"How did you find me?"

"Do you forgive me?"

"What…do you think of me now?"

I don't whether or not he'll shrug off those inquiries and just give me that reassuring smile—or will he just glare and walk away? After what I did to him back then, it's hard to believe he'll forgive me so easily. I don't know if he's a grudge-holder, but I know how much he must be hurting right now.

Because of me.

But I mustn't let him cloud my mind, take over my mind. He's probably gone now, or he was just a figment of my imagination that night. I won't see him anymore, and if I do, it'll probably be a huge happenstance or my mind is playing tricks on me yet again.

"Oh, Misaki-san," someone says behind me. "You're quite early."

I turn around and smile at Naeko. I pick up another glass and start cleaning it more sufficiently. "I don't have anything better to do tonight, so I came to work early. Sato-san gave me some spare keys… What about you—why are you so early?" I ask.

"Well, I always come early. I don't have much to do, anyway, too." She walks up to me and sets her bag down on the counter. She grabs a glass near me and a rag, and starts cleaning. "What time are we opening up today now?"

"Ten o' clock."

"Ah, so I'm thirty minutes early…"

I accept the silence that comes. It's nice having Naeko around. She's like an older sister to me, but she's also someone I take care of. She's a naïve person, so I watch out for her. Vulnerability is what these freaks that comes in love. It makes them feel strong. I have to protect her and all of the other girls. There aren't many bodyguards around here, because Sato-san hates bodyguards, and she doesn't want to waste any money. I guess that's why she hired me.

Time goes by fast, unfortunately. Sato-san immediately arrives and so do the other girls. She tells us to hurry up with the polishing of the glasses, because the men that are waiting outside are getting edgy, impatient. I wish I could clean it slower, but Sato-san will scold me. Naeko tells me that she's going to change since she's up first again. I sigh, putting the glasses back. I go inside the dressing room.

Many of the girls are changing. When I first started working here, I would always blush at the sight of the naked girls. But now I'm used to it; I'm okay with it. They're girls like me. They have breasts like me—except bigger ones. The girls are confident on stage, and some of them enjoy being up there, dancing for those men. I don't understand why, but I know I'll never understand.

One of the girls is putting on my makeup for since I don't know how. Sato-san comes in the room, yelling for everyone to shut up.

"The backroom is open now; the carpenters fixed it up just this morning," she announces proudly. "So that means a lot of you will be going there. Satisfy those men good, ladies. I expect some tips, all right? If those men handle you the wrong way, you already know the moves Ayuzawa taught you. That's all. Give me some money!" She leaves.

I hope they remember, I pray silently. I once recently taught them some self-defense moves. They were awed by my knowledge and skills. Some of them struggled, but they caught up easily. They needed to know this.

I hate the backroom. I don't like being in one room with one guy. The room would be dim and "comfortable." Either the guy wants you to dance in front of him, a private show, or he would want you to give him a lap dance. Luckily, I was never picked. They mostly picked Naeko or the other girls.

I grab the notepad from one girl and start taking orders. Naeko is dancing gracefully and sexily up on stage. She doesn't like this job, either, but she sure dances amazingly. I go to the bar and start getting bottles of beer. I stack them on the tray, and, easily, I balance it and carry it to the engrossed customers. I still remember some tricks I learned in…Maid Café. Just the thought of my old job makes my heart ache.

Someone grabs my arm. I look back and see Sato-san.

"Give that tray to some other girl; someone wants you in the backroom," she informs me, smirking. "You should hurry. That man is waiting."

I give the tray to another girl, and I walk to the backroom reluctantly. I grab a masquerade mask and put it on. I don't want the guy to see my face. I go inside the quiet and solitary room Sato-san told me to go to.

The room is dim. There is a vanity mirror in the side. Plushy chairs are in the other side. The room is small; the ambience is uncomfortable. A man is sitting on one of them. His face is turned towards me. I don't see his face, but I could feel his stare. I don't know why, but his stare makes my cheeks burn. I take a deep breath and walk towards him. The man leans back, and I assume he wants a damn lap dance. I put wrap my arms around his neck, and, slowly, I go on his lap. My knees are resting on his thighs. He doesn't grab me, doesn't move. I know he's looking at me, though.

I hesitate.

And then I spin my hips seductively, unhurriedly. My fingers stroke the nape of his neck, pulling him closer. His very presence makes me uncomfortable, but I feel…okay. I thrust my hips forward a bit. I go up. His face is directly towards my chest, but his gaze is on me. His gaze…is…making me want to do things to him.

I notice that he lifted his head up. I'm looking down on him, and our lips are just inches apart. His hands go on my waist, bringing me close. My hips are moving side to side, dipping down, going up. His fingers are playing with my bare stomach. They go up even more. My heart beats faster and faster.

He takes off my mask slowly, gently. His fingertips brush against my cheek as he pulls it off finally. My skin tingles from where he touched. That single touch sends fire throughout my entire body. The feeling…is…so familiar.

For some reason, I kiss him—and he kisses me back. Our bodies are touching, my chest squashed against his. My hands are tangled in his soft locks. His large hands are on my back, rubbing it up and down. His kissing is so familiar; it's like I've kissed him before. The only person I ever kissed was…

"Usui," I gasp against his mouth. "Usui!"

He chuckles.

I don't want to pull away, but I do. I bring his face closer to see his green eyes. I do. Those green eyes…

I'm not going crazy. This is Usui. I know how his eyes look like. I know that he's the only person ever to make me feel this way. No other person would make me kiss him. If I am assigned to a different person, I wouldn't do my job well; I wouldn't kiss him.

I stifle the tears coming out. "Please say it's you," I whisper.

"It's me," he replies, "Ayuzawa."

The way he said my name makes me know that it's him. Only he can say my surname in that voice of his. He had many nicknames for me, but even though we were close back then, he would always call me "Ayuzawa."

Sato-san barges in, turning on the lights. Her eyes widen at our position, but she shakes her head. She grabs my arm, telling me that I have to do something important.

"Stay there," I manage to say to him.

"Of course."

Those words make me feel happy and relieved. I follow Sato-san out to the main room.

I see two guys; their noses are all bloody, and they both look beaten up. I shrug out of my manager's grip, and I march right over to them. How dare they interrupt my time with Usui? How dare they act idiotic at the wrong time?

I grab both of the men's arms and pull them outside. As soon as I close the door, I punch them in the guts and their faces.

"You drunk bastards! You are hereby banned from this place, ya hear me?!" I screech at them. "You guys have no right to"—interrupt my reunion with Usui—"scare the girls here and start an unnecessary ruckus. If I see your faces here ever again, I will BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU! NOW SCRAM, YOU IDIOTS!"

They both run away, looking frightened as hell. I let out a satisfied smile, and I go inside. Everything is back to normal. A girl is still dancing up on stage. Sato-san runs to me, asking me what happened. I tell her that I handled it and that they aren't going to come back anymore. She thanks me and leaves.

Quickly, I head towards the backroom. I want to see Usui. I need to see Usui.

But he isn't there.

. . .

Confusion fills my mind. Sadness tortures my heart. Anger runs through my veins.

There are so much emotions floating around in my system. I'm not sure what the main emotion I'm feeling is, but I don't want to know. I don't want to dwell on the fact that Usui is, indeed, messing around with me. It's good to know that I'm not living in the world of insanity, but he picked the wrong time to mess with me.

What the hell does he want? I can't believe he even thinks that he can play around with me. We're not in high school anymore; we have to act like adults. But I guess he didn't get the memo, I think, my fist clenching. What does he want?! Damn guy…

I scrub the dishes harder, oblivious to the fact that Suzuna is looking at me. That damn Usui is just making me all riled up. Is that his grand master plan—making my mind all messed up for the sake of his utter amusement? I'm not stupid. I'm never stupid. I know what goes on. I'm not oblivious to obvious crap. He thinks that I'm so absentminded or naïve, right? Well, I'll show him. I'll—

What makes you think you'll ever see him again?

This is the second time I've seen him. Of course, he must've planned everything. I know that I'll see him again. He likes to finish what he started—sometimes. He won't just leave it at that. He won't leave his damn trash behind and expect me to clean it all up for him. He's not like that. And besides, he—

A splatter of redness grows on my entire face.

—kissed me.

Shit, I curse internally. And I liked it. I allowed it and liked it. What the hell? Was this some kind of game to him? He and I kissed… It was amazing… I wanted more… More… His lips were so soft, so inviting, so tempting… His tongue was about to—

"Nii-san," Suzuna says beside me, "you look drunk. Drunken people aren't allowed to handle fragile things. Dishes are expensive nowadays; we can't afford to break one now."

I gasp, and I apologize quietly. He isn't here, and he's affecting me greatly. My own sister notices it—even though she doesn't know the real reason. But, nonetheless, she knows that something is bothering me. Someone is bothering me, and he needs to be tortured a lot. I may sound like a sadist, but it's true. That Usui…grates me. I just hope he's not perverted like back then…but there's an off chance that he might be.

After helping Suzuna wash the dishes, I immediately go up to my room to study for an upcoming quiz. I pull out the chair from my desk, sit on it, and start opening some books. My eyes skim the pages, but I'm not focusing on the words. Every word I see…transforms into the word "Usui."

"Methodically, scientists often preserve the Usui, though some do it Usui. Usui, Usui, Usui, Usui, Usui… USUI, USUI, USUI!"

"What the freaking hell is going on with me?!" I hiss to myself. "Stupid idiot! That alien… I can't believe—why the hell does he—jeez, how am I going to study—ugh, that moron! It's like he lives in my brain—" I slam my forehead on the desk, muttering profanities about a certain person.

I'm more mature than this. I shouldn't be obsessing about some guy. I mean, sure he was a big part of my life back then, but…it's not like he can show up and just pretend as if what we had was nothing.

You caused this. You did.

I kissed him. So what? I felt that amazing spark. So what? I felt relieved around him. So what? I missed him. So…what? Right? I may still have those feelings for him, but it's not like anything's healed. It's my entire fault; he's not doing anything about it, though. What the hell's the matter with him for not scolding me or giving me the cold shoulder? He's…forgiving me. He's brushing everything away… Why?

"I'm a monster," I whisper. "A monster…who shouldn't be forgiven, Usui…"

I just don't know. I'm living a somewhat peaceful life, and when he shows up, emotions and inner conflicts get in the way. There are too many obstacles. Everything's…tumbling down. I don't like it. But I want him to stay. I want him to stay.

Does he feel the same?

My eyes catch a folded up paper near me. Hesitantly, I grab it and unfold.

Ayuzawa,

Tomorrow morning meet me in that playground near your house. I'm sure you know where; I want some rabbit apples, as well. Ayuzawa's rabbit apples.

If you don't come, I will find you.

And do things to you.

Usui.

P.S.

You look nice in lacy clothing.

I grit my teeth. My negative and uneasy feelings immediately wash away and are thrown in the trash for a short time. I quickly crumple up the paper and throw it to the ground roughly.

So does that mean I go? I've been given this chance by him. That means he wants to talk to me; that means he doesn't hate me (maybe); that means…he forgives me?

But wait—how did he get in my bedroom, in my house? I think. Does he have the spare keys? Or…wait, don't tell me.

I push my chair back a little and turn my head to the right. My window is slightly opened. I can't believe I missed that. How the hell did he get in? The window was locked securely before I left the house. I would know… But Usui is the person who can do anything. He's a pervert…who went inside my room.

I mutter nonsense to myself and try to study, hoping the words won't change into that dreadful person's name.

For some reason, I feel excitement…and fright.

[Thank you for the reviews, people; they are greatly appreciated.]