A very long introductory A/N: Right, so this is my first foray into writing Harry Potter fan fiction, so I hope it's okay! Any reviews or feedback - positive or negative - would be wonderful. Anyway, about this story: the memories will be written with normal third person narrative, as I felt having to write-in grown-up Astra watching it all might be a bit distracting. As well as these memories (of which there will be quite a few if all goes as planned) there will be stuff in the "present" and "future" so-to-speak, showing how Astra and Sirius' other friends are coping in the years after his death as well as during and after the war - obviously the books were about Harry, and thus I thought it would be interesting to see in-depth how the other characters, Lupin for example, were managing. The chapters won't necessarily be this long again - there'll be random drabbles as well, and potentially a song-fic or two. There's a possibility you'll find this too focussed on Astra and her background, but I decided I wanted an actual character to explore Sirius through and do justice to him, not just some random Mary-Sue - as such she needs a story, a personality etc so yes - she is a character. Oh, and although obviously there is an OC and her family, the story as a whole will be canon-compliant. That's about it really - I'll do my best to update as often as I can although I should warn you from the off-set that there maybe long, update-free periods (if you are here to rage at me due to lack of updates in another one of my stories, I will shortly be posting up an explanation and can only hope you accept my apologies). Right, so - here we go, and if you have the time I would love to hear your thoughts. I hope I've done justice to the characters we all love so much.
Oh right, and a disclaimer, and I'll only write it once so make sure you understand: I don't own any of this universe, or any of the characters in it except for - obviously - Astra and her family. If I did, Sirius, Fred, Lupin and Tonks would defs all still be alive. And maybe even Snape... Ooh and Dobby.
Jack and Farah Tallis led their daughter through the ticket barrier onto the hidden platform, both the little girl and her mother finally unscrunching their nervous faces – both had been convinced they would crash into the wall - and now looking somewhat awestruck. Jack, meanwhile, had a nostalgic, somewhat wistful smile on his face as his ivy green eyes took in the bustling crowd and the great scarlet engine in front of them. He then glanced at his wife and daughter and grinned at their identical expressions of wonderment, before noting the time on the golden watch which adorned his wrist. "Right, the train leaves in fifteen minutes so you probably ought to get on soon if you want a good seat."
His daughter was frowning slightly at this, and made no move towards the train.
"Astra?" Jack Tallis crouched down on his spindly legs and met his daughter's eyes with a twinkle in his own, his hand squeezing her shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting gesture – eleven years of parenthood, and he still felt out of his depth most of the time.
"I don't want to go", the girl's bright green eyes, so similar to her father's, were glazing with tears.
Jack's knowing grin up to his wife was so brief, Farah was never quite sure it had happened – she herself was biting her lip, nervously. Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea; perhaps Astra would do better at a muggle school.
Jack was voicing exactly the same thought, to Farah's relief, although he was extremely doubtful of such a plan ever being successful – Astra's uncontrolled magic had never gotten too outrageous at school, true, but there had certainly been incidents enough to raise eyebrows amongst the muggles – "If you really don't want to go, you don't have to – we're not going to force you. We want whatever you want. You can always carry on at the local comprehensive with Briony and Eva?"
Yes, thought Farah, obstinately; the idea of her only daughter leaving the realms of the only world she truly understood was slightly too much for her. She loved Jack a stupid amount, and his being a wizard didn't change that – but as soon as Astra had got her letter from Hogwarts, it was like her daughter was being unceremoniously stolen from her, something she wasn't sure she could take. They were still struggling to cope with having their young son cruelly snatched away, and although it was completely different – Farah knew that death and going to magical boarding school were hardly in the same boat – it still felt horribly familiar. But then she looked down at her daughter's face, gazing longingly at the huge steam train, and couldn't help but smile back at her husband – he was right; if Astra was happy, then so were they. And it looked as though their daughter would be more than happy to go to Hogwarts.
Farah crouched down next to her husband, a familiar blush creeping into her cheeks as her knee bumped against his and she felt his eyes on her – it didn't matter how long she'd known him, with Jack Tallis she always felt like a teenager in love. She smoothed Astra's dark, wavy hair; the exact image of her own and spoke in a soothing voice, "Only, it did seem like you were very excited to go to Hogwarts and learn to use magic when you got the letter. And when we were buying all your new school stuff you seemed so happy, and you said you were so pleased that you were going to be just like your dad."
Astra giggled embarrassedly as her dad's eyes widened – "Astra, you never told me all this! Not that I'm surprised, of course", he added with a wink, "How could you not want to be exactly like me?" He spoke in a purposefully carrying whisper, "I think everyone knows I'm the more hip parent."
"Eurgh, dad – don't use words like 'hip'! You're way too old for that", his daughter scowled at him, eyes no longer full of tears but still a bit red. Before Jack could launch into a mock-speech about how offended he was, and how he bloody well was hip, not to mention young (which would have led to Farah laughing and hitting him playfully on the arm for using the word 'bloody' in front of their daughter, no matter how many times she'd heard it now), Astra continued, "Besides, I don't want to be exactly like you. I want to be a healer."
Jack and Farah exchanged a sad glance, all too aware of their daughter's reasoning for wishing to be a healer. Refusing to get upset about the matter right now, Jack continued, "Well, sweetheart, if you want to be a healer you will sort of have to go to Hogwarts, which preferably means getting on the train within", he checked his watch again, "ten minutes."
Astra looked at her feet, and said in a small voice, "I do want to go. But I don't want to leave you both. Not so soon after-", but she broke off, tears more resolutely glistening in those green orbs this time, and both her parents couldn't help but feel she was far too young to be having to worry about these things. Farah too looked liked she was about to cry, while Jack suddenly found it very difficult to form words.
Eventually he said, "We'll be okay, Astra. I can't promise we'll be fine, but we have to keep going. I don't reckon Peter would've wanted us to sit around moping all the time, do you?" He sighed and shut his eyes for a second, before opening them and smiling at his little girl. "Stop worrying about us and go and fulfil your potential; go and enjoy yourself – Merlin knows you deserve to."
Astra grinned through her tears at her dad's offhand use of the name "Merlin", realising she'd have to get use to that sort of thing now, before giving both of her parents a tight hug, and whispering surprisingly emotional, "I love you"s before lifting her trunk off the trolley and dragging it along the ground towards the train as she smiled at them.
"Write to us when you know what house you're in! We'll write to you every week."
"Twice every week", Farah corrected her husband with a smile.
Astra rolled her eyes with a grin, and shouted one final goodbye before getting on the train – she looked out of the window to see her parents smiling sadly and then taking each other's hands, highlighting the contrast between Jack's creamy white skin against Farah's golden brown, the resultant mix being Astra's own olive skin. Smiling, and knowing her parents would be okay, she began to determinedly drag the heavy trunk through the crowded carriage. After passing busy compartments of loudly chattering and laughing older students, she had to stop to rest her already aching arms. The next compartment looked to be empty, and she just about managed to drag her trunk inside, but was unable to lift it onto the luggage rack. Struggling and wincing, she had twice dropped the trunk on her right foot when a pale boy with bags under his eyes and mousy brown hair peered in, and smiled mildly, "Do you need a hand?"
Nodding gratefully, the pair of them managed to lift the trunk onto the rack, before another boy – short, with beady eyes – looked in, grinning slightly nervously, "Wondered where you'd got to, Remus! I told James and Sirius I'd seen you but will they believe me until they've seen you themselves?"
The boy called Remus' eyes widened momentarily, and in retrospect Astra couldn't help but think that his expression radiated a thrill at the idea of having friends waiting for him; he merely chuckled in response to Peter, however; "Of course not. Well, let's get going then; wouldn't want to keep their royal highnesses waiting. I was just helping out, er-?"
"Astra", she spoke, hurriedly, "Astra Tallis. Thanks so much for your help! It was nice to meet you – Remus?"
The boy nodded, "Remus Lupin", and then glanced over at his friend, "And this is Peter-", and if either of the boys noticed her tense slightly at the name Peter, both of them were kind enough not to mention it, "-Pettigrew. We're both second year Gryffindors", he said with a discernibly proud note in his voice.
Peter looked at her inquisitively, speaking in an oddly squeaky voice which was definitely nervous, "I'm guessing you're a f-first year?"
She nodded, at the same time starting slightly as the train began to move. This was it.
"I'm sure you'll be fine", smiled Remus, warmly, apparently finding some worried apprehension in her expression.
As they nodded their goodbyes, the two boys walked out, leaving Astra to sit down and stare out of the windows. Within a minute or so a round-faced, nervous looking girl with dark hair appeared at the door, clutching a basket which – judging by the bright yellow eyes staring out from it – contained a cat.
"Can I-?" The girl gestured at the seat opposite Astra hesitantly.
"Of course!" Astra nodded enthusiastically, and after a minute or so of slightly sheepish small-talk, the pair were soon deep in conversation. The girl – who was a fellow first-year – was called Alice and she had been sat with her elder cousin and his friends, but had found them impossibly loud and so she had walked out in search of peace and better company. She was just informing Astra that both her parents had been to Hogwarts and had absolutely loved it, when the door slid open again to reveal a haughty looking blonde girl and her auburn-haired companion, both with expressions of contempt plastered on their faces – Astra would perhaps have been affronted, if it did not seem as though these were their normal expressions.
"Did you say all your family's been to Hogwarts? Well, that's reassuring", the blonde girl sat down, eyeing Alice in an appraising manner, "I was getting worried about the sort of people they'd be letting in. Good to know there'll be some other first years of decent stock."
Sniggering, her auburn-haired friend spoke, "You won't believe what happened in the compartment we were just in – there was a mudblood. Don't know how we didn't spot it earlier; he was stinking out the place." Both of the girls scrunched up their noses, leaving Astra looking confused but Alice looking outraged.
Before Alice or Astra could get a word in, however, the blonde-haired girl was speaking again, "Anyway, I'm Hester Greengrass and this is Arabella Rantzen. You are?"
"Alice Goodwin", said Alice, stiffly, which surprised Astra as the girl – although nervous – had seemed incredibly friendly before.
"Er, Astra Tallis", Astra said, somewhat confused as to what was going on.
"Tallis – that's a wizarding surname too, I think", the girl called Hester was looking with relief at her friend Arabella, who nodded. "So you're pureblood too?" She appeared to be smiling, but privately Astra thought it did nothing to improve her bony features.
Astra wasn't really sure what that meant – what was the difference between a pureblood and a mudblood? "Well, my dad's a wizard, if that's what you mean. But my mum's a muggle." Astra frowned - as far as she was aware, there was nothing wrong with having a muggle for a parent – her dad clearly didn't have a problem with it, and all her parents' friends from the wizarding world seemed to love Farah as much as they did Jack – however, judging by the reactions of the two new girls, there clearly was a problem here.
Arabella looked disgusted, while Hester made some clucking, patronising noises which were presumably meant to be sympathetic.
"There's nothing wrong with not being pureblood", Alice snarled her expression suddenly extremely dark. "It's people thinking like that who cause trouble – that monster, You Know Who. That's what his lot believe in." Astra did not know a lot about You Know Who, but she did know he was a very dark wizard who her parents seemed to equally loath and fear.
"And so what if he does?" Retorted Hester, unflinchingly, "Perhaps the Dark Lord's got the right idea."
"You're sick", spat Alice.
Before the tense conversation could continue, however, the door slid open again, and two dark-haired boys ran in, hastily shutting the door behind them panting and laughing.
"Do you reckon", the boy with glasses gasped, struggling to speak he was laughing so much, "They knew it was us?"
The slightly taller boy next to him spluttered, "With the size of Snivellus' greasy nose? He's bound to have sniffed us out." Whoever or whatever Snivellus was seemed to set the boys off laughing again, and they crumpled on the floor, tears streaming down their faces.
The door opened again, and for a moment the boys looked up, the one with glasses looking slightly aghast, whereas the boy with grey-blue eyes looked somewhat defiant – this was until they realised who was at the door, and began roaring again.
Remus and Peter closed the door behind them, and surveyed the pair for a moment.
"Chucking dung-bombs at him, I ask you?" sighed Remus, in a chastising tone which did not quite match his concerned but amused expression, "Where's the subtlety?" The boys on the floor continued guffawing.
Peter meanwhile was looking at the boys with intent admiration, although his eyes kept twitching towards the door, as though concerned that whoever Snivellus was would be seeking revenge for the dung-bombs incident.
"Oh, give it a rest; Pete", said the boy with grey eyes, sitting up at last, joined almost immediately by the boy in glasses. "I'm sure Evans isn't gonna let Snivelly do a thing to us while we're in a compartment full of innocent first years!"
Grinning, the boys all casually got into the remaining seats in the compartment, muttering to each other as though sitting with a group of complete strangers who seemed to have been incongruously tense was nothing of particular consequence. Remus gave Astra a nod and slight smile of acknowledgement.
"Er, what-?" Alice had begun, clearly confused as to who Snivellus was, and why these older boys were now sitting with them, but Hester too had started speaking, and with far more conviction, eyeing the boy with grey eyes with a smile playing around her lips.
"You're Sirius Black", she stated.
The boy in glasses sniggered, while the boy who was apparently called Sirius ran a hand through his floppy dark hair, a slight smile laced with arrogance filling his face, "Erm yeah, that's me."
"Hester Greengrass – you probably don't remember me, of course; it has been quite some time. My family always used to come to your house for meals, I remember your mother was a charming woman – I trust she's well?"
Sirius' grey eyes had clouded over as though in a storm at the mention of his mother, although at the time Astra was not quite sure why. He spoke, shortly, and his voice was no longer full of exuberant laughter, "You're right; I don't remember you."
If she was taken aback, Hester did not show it, as she carried on speaking loftily, "Well, I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to get reacquainted." There was a nasty smirk on her curled lips, "Us lot have got to stick together, you know; especially when there's such filth about."
There was a tense silence. Astra, like Hester and her friend Arabella, misinterpreted the boys' looks of disgust, coming to the conclusion that Astra was about to become ostracised because of her apparently unacceptable parentage.
Sirius spoke slowly, eyes still ablaze, "What, exactly, do you mean?" His friends too were glowering, the boy with glasses looking ready to hurt someone, Peter shaking slightly, while Remus – although angry – looked a bit worried too.
Hester nodded her head towards Astra, that horrible smirk still plastered on her pale face, "That one. She's a half-blood."
Sirius looked briefly at Astra, who was determinedly looking at the floor, shaking ever-so-slightly but refusing to start crying because of something so petty. He then turned to his bespectacled friend, speaking with a strange calmness, as though discussing the weather, "James, did I just hear that right?"
The boy named James, whose knuckles were now white, met Sirius' eyes, "You know what Sirius, I'm pretty sure you did hear that right."
Arabella smirked, assuming the boys were just as disgusted as they were by this filthy half-blood girl. "Can you imagine having a muggle for a mother? And to think, I thought this one smelt decent."
In the blink of an eye both boys had withdrawn their wands, and Astra flinched, now close to tears despite herself – offensive as they clearly found her presence, surely threatening her or, even worse, actually attacking her, was a bit much?
"Get out", the two boys spoke simultaneously with a threatening edge to their voices, and just as Astra made to hastily get-up, she realised that they were not talking to her at all, but rather to Hester and Arabella.
Both girls looked taken aback, Hester beginning to query what was going on in a far-less confident voice, "What-?"
"How can you not realise blood means nothing?" James spat.
"It's who you are that matters", put in Peter, squeakily.
"And frankly if this is what you're like, no wonder I forgot you", Sirius growled in a vicious tone, "As a rule of thumb, I try to block-out prats like you."
Hester frowned, beginning to speak, "I just thought that-"
"That what?" Sirius snarled, "I'd be just like our ridiculous, bigoted families? No chance."
Remus then spoke quietly, but his voice was surprisingly sharp, "It's probably for the best if you leave. You're not the sort of company we enjoy frequenting."
Looking sheepish Hester and Arabella got up and walked away, murmuring faint apologies and avoiding eye-contact with the boys, but still managing to glare at Astra, who had by this point looked up in astonishment.
As the door slid shut, paving the way for silence, the boy called Sirius placed his hands behind his head with a cool smile as though nothing had happened, while James grinned, pushing his messy hair from his eyes, before turning to Astra and raising his eyebrows with a warm smile, "You alright?"
Astra managed a strained smile – she was relieved, and grateful, but still a bit shaken, "Thanks, I just – I mean, I guess I should've realised – it just never really occurred to me that it made a difference if you weren't pureblood."
And while it seemed that everyone in the room was about to say something, it was Sirius who captured her green gaze with his own steely eyes and said in a stern voice, "Don't let me hear you talking like that again; it makes no difference whatsoever."
"Yeah", put in James with a cheeky smirk, "The only purebloods who care about that stuff are insane anyway – probably a result of being so inbred."
Sirius looked over at his friend, chuckling but also hitting him lightly on the arm – unbeknownst to Astra at this point was the fact that if there was anyone in this compartment whose family was beginning to borderline on inbred, it was Sirius'.
Alice was just about to say something when the door slid open yet again, and a girl with fiery red hair and eyes a slightly darker, more vivid emerald than Astra's own leafy green stood, arms crossed, with a similarly peeved looking boy next to her with unkempt – though not with the same air of nonchalance of Sirius and James' - black hair, dark eyes and a rather large, hooked nose.
Their appearance caused James and Sirius to plaster innocent expressions on their faces while Pettigrew's eyes had widened whilst he chewed his lip worriedly – Remus meanwhile was looking at his shoes with a newfound interest, a blush creeping up his cheeks.
"Evans", began James conversationally, "What brings you here?"
"Don't play innocent with me, Potter; I know it was you and that idiot friend of yours", she glared, allowing Sirius sufficient time to look offended, "And you can stop pretending you have no idea what I'm talking about, Remus", she scoffed incredulously, "Good effort on trying to stop them".
The boy with the large nose's lip curled and he muttered something to the girl, causing her to grin.
"Oi Snivelly, what's so funny?" demanded James.
"Nothing that concerns you, Potter, and don't call him that", the girl snapped, before turning to Alice and Astra in a suddenly sweet, warm voice, "Girls, you wouldn't mind moving to another compartment would you?"
The boy whose real name Astra realised could not actually be Snivellus, added, with a sneer, "Yes, it seems that Potter and his gang are so gutless they have to resort to hiding with first years to try and avoid the consequences of their childish actions."
James immediately yelled an outraged retort, leading to a shouting match between everyone in the compartment except for the two bemused first year girls. Indeed, as the argument continued, Alice and Astra crept out of the compartment, unnoticed by anyone except Sirius who was pretending to listen patiently to the red-headed girl's explanation as to exactly why he was a spineless dolt, and upon seeing Astra's amused expression his eyes twinkled playfully and he gave her a quick wink. She had smiled back and mouthed, "Good luck", before heading to a new compartment where they met several other excited first years and forgot all about the drama they had left behind, save for the sound of an explosion and an incensed roar – it seemed one of the boys had set off another dung-bomb.
That was the first time she had met Sirius Black.