"Shinji, Asuka, listen to me! I- I think there's something more than meets the eye with this contest.. Nerv could be in danger, and you two are not helping! For all we know, this could all be a plot against you and Rei- and call Rei! She still isn't here!"
Misato jumped up from her desk and shoved both Shinji and Asuka out of the room as Asuka whined indignantly. Slamming the door shut, she sank onto her swivel chair, an earnest expression on her face.
This is bad. Apparently whoever was behind the contest knew about Adam, and worse yet, she couldn't tell the higher-ups because she herself wasn't supposed to know about Adam in the first place. Should I call Kaji? No, I probably shouldn't be seen around him at work anymore. Things got uncomfortable once the Commander had found out about Kaji's second job. Besides, he was probably just waiting for the first excuse to sleep with her again. That asshole.
The only thing she could do now was find out who left the text message on Asuka's phone, call them up, and do some investigation of her own. If worst came to worst, she figured, maybe she could offer them a bribe; she already used the children's Nerv salaries to buy booze every week, anyway. She picked up Asuka's cell phone off her desk and scrolled through the caller ID to redial the appropriate number, putting the receiver to her ear anxiously.
A gruff voice with an Chinese accent greeted her at the other end of the line.
"Eh?" After a moment, the man bumbled out "What may I hope you?" in broken Japanese.
"Who are you, and who are you working with?" Misato demanded.
"This Huang, from Mintendo Corp! What your problem is, lady?"
"How much do you know about Nerv?" asked Misato, attempting to make her voice sound as authoritative as possible.
"Nerf? You mean giant robot people everyone hate? Very scary robot!" Misato heard a flapping noise on the line, but could not see the man thousands of miles away flail his arms in pantomime.
"What do you know about the Angels?" she said, almost shouting by now.
"Angels? Lady, we make video games where Mario head backwards and hamster wheels that no more work after week. I no see Angels here."
Misato groaned in frustration. "Six minutes ago you sent a text message to one of my pilots about something big with 'lots of legs'. Don't try to play dumb, sir."
"That? That no mean anything. It part of contest. Centipede have lot of leg too, yes? I no time to talk have. Capos cut off thumb if I no sell consoles. Very bad."
Misato opened her mouth to talk, but was cut off by a click on the line as the man hung up. She briefly reconsidered bringing Kaji or perhaps even Hyuga in on the situation, but thought better of it. She was already on thin ice, and didn't need this false alarm to reveal her knowledge of Nerv's secrets. This was nothing but a harmless contest run by the Chinese mafia, she reassured herself.
With that crisis averted, there was only the matter of how to deal with the kids and the aftermath of the mess they made downtown. Misato stood up from her desk and poked her head out the door, spotting Shinji and Asuka in the middle of one of their trademark arguments.
"It said 'lots of legs'! Not two of them, dummy!"
"Okay, so if the answer's not the Michelin Man, what is it? I'm tired of fighting about this, Asuka; why can't we just try that if you don't have any better ideas?"
Misato cleared her throat, causing the kids to jolt forward a little and bump into each other. "You two will have to finish your lovers' quarrel later," she said, smirking. "I'm not finished yelling at you."
Ignoring their groans and protests, Misato ushered them back into her office. She turned her back on them in order to seem more gruff and intimidating, a tactic she'd learned from the Commander. This parenting stuff was really pretty easy.
As they reluctantly followed her to their seats, Shinji and Asuka both noticed something unusual on the back of Misato's jacket, glancing at each other for a moment before Asuka removed the yellow post-it note to get a closer look. It looks like the other ones from the contest, even down to the stupid rhyming phrases, but..how'd it even get here?
"Misato, you've got a-" Shinji spoke up, interrupting her thoughts.
"Shh! Shinji, let's go!"
Asuka dragged Shinji through the door by his shirt collar, as Misato shouted after them before sighing and slumping back into her seat. Fine then, she thought. I'll take care of this public relations nightmare sooner rather than later, and I can punish them afterward. They can't possibly make more of a mess, can they?
"Ugh, what a dump. You sure this is the right spot?"
Shinji looked around the apparently abandoned field, unfolding the small sheet of paper from his pocket as he and his redheaded companion approached what appeared to be an old toolshed, and began reading off the clue that had been printed on it. "Well, let me see, uhm.. 'True, blue, dribble, dreven; pick up this pay-phone at a quarter to-"
"Shut up and let me see that!" Asuka scowled as she ripped the page out of his hands, stopping in her tracks to take a closer look at it. Narrowing her eyes in concentration, the girl pushed a few buttons on her cell phone, which chirped along happily as she checked their GPS coordinates before deciding that they were, in fact, in the right place. "Yep, this is the spot alrigh- Wait, be quiet for a second.." She turned her attention to a man's voice nearby.
It sounded familiar. Suave and mysterious, and adorned with a certain resignation—perhaps even a sadness—that seemed somehow out of place from what she had come to expect in it.
"..truth is with you; don't hesitate. If I can see you again, I will say the words that I could not say eight years ago..."
Turning the corner around the shed, Asuka gasped audibly as she saw the long-haired 30-year-old standing inside an open phone booth, a phone held to his ear. The man's eyes widened as he looked back at the girl, for a moment allowing his eyes to show an absolute horror he knew she could never understand, before attempting to brace himself for the inevitable running leap into his arms.
"Kaaaji!"
The pay phone dropped from his hand, suspended inches above the ground by its cord, as Ryoji Kaji flinched from the sudden contact. This was the last place he expected anyone to find him. Not now..not like this. This phone message would almost certainly be his last; how could he face the girl who had looked up to him as a guardian? The girl who he knew he was leaving behind?
She looked up at him pleadingly. "Kaji, we've got to use this phone! It's for the Super Megason!"
As Shinji approached, having watched the scene from afar, Kaji set Asuka gently back down and attempted to put on a casual mask, stepping outside the booth to greet them. "H-hey kids...the super-who? What are you two doing out in an old place like this?"
"We, uh..we didn't exactly expect to run into you here, either, Kaji.. Asuka and I wer-"
"We're..um, we're playing a game! I'm winning, of cours-"
"What? Asuka, I th..I thought we were working together now-"
Kaji held out his palms, in hopes of slowing them down for for an actual, coherent explanation. "Kids, kids, wait..what are you actually doing here?"
Asuka fished around in her pocket for the paper containing the clue, unfolding it and holding it out for the ponytailed man to read. "We're expecting a phone call, Kaji...see?"
Kaji squinted at the poorly-written rhyme. "You're really doing this, Asuka? It seems kind of childish, don't you think? 'True, blue, dribbl-"
"Fff- jus..just forget about the stupid note," she groaned, stuffing the page back into her pocket. "They could be calling us any second! We might already be too late, even! We need to use the phone! Pleeease, Kaji?"
Kaji pulled the phone up by its cord and set it back on the hook, sighing in resignation before he gestured to the phone booth, stepping away from its door. "Alright, alright. It's all yours."
Taking the cue, Asuka stepped into the tiny phone booth and was followed closely by Shinji, who shortly became the recipient of a few choice words regarding the propriety of the location of several of his limbs and even, in one case, an internal organ. The phone rang just as the boy finished contorting himself into what Kaji figured must have been an incredibly uncomfortable position, and Asuka put the receiver to her ear while Shinji attempted to listen in.
After a few moments of quiet crackling, a deep, electronically-altered voice came over the line, enunciating its words slowly and intently as though the speaker was attempting to communicate through a bucket of molasses.
"You have come far, but there are many more stops... Your next clue lies at Ted's Ice Cream Shoppe. Ted's Ice Cream Shoppe is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods, distributor of the official cheese-filled snack of Nascar. All rights reserved. This has been an automated call performed by GameWang Magazine on behalf of The Super Megason Corporation. The Super Megason Corporation is not associated with Hormel Foods, the Standard Oil Trust, Major League Baseball, or the Democratic People's Republic of North Korea. Fun to play with, not to eat. Game pieces do not actually talk. Ask a parent before-"
Asuka clicked off the receiver and dropped the phone to the ground, shoving Shinji out of the doorway as she turned to Kaji, stepping out of the booth. "Well, that settles it! Shinji and I are going for ice cream."
"You two going for a date?" Kaji smirked, raising an eyebrow, eliciting a squeak and a blush from the girl.
"N-no, of course we're not!" she hastily denied, forcing a laugh, "Like I'd ever go on a date with that idiot...even if he is kind of c- You know, Kaji, why don't you come along?"
The man shook his head sadly, trying to put on a smile for Asuka's sake. "I'm sorry, I couldn't possibly.. I've got important things I need to be attending to."
Mustering up her best pouty face, Asuka continued, "Come on, Kaji! It'll be great, you can do that stuff some other time... I mean, I uh..I need someone strong like you around to keep Shinji from trying to rape me!"
"You needing protection from him? Really, Asuka? That doesn't sound like the strong, self-sufficient girl I know at all!"
"I'd sooner attempt raping an electrical socket," Shinji quietly offered.
"You wha- wait a..." Shaking her head, she continued her cries of protest. "Come on, please, Kaji? We haven't gotten to spend nearly enough time together recently..."
Kaji sighed, realizing that in all likelihood there was no way he would be getting out of this. "...fine, I'll tag along if it'll keep you kids from killing each other."
"Lousy kids these days, with their i-Pods and Gamerstations and their...becoming God," Subcommander Kozo Fuyutsuki muttered to himself as the imposing Seele monoliths vanished from their positions around him with a metallic thud. The room he was in was cold and drafty, and the hard metal folding chair he was seated on hurt his posterior. Having rarely sat down since becoming Ikari's Subcommander, he had forgotten just how uncomfortable a poorly-manufactured chair could be.
Fuyutsuki wasn't worried...well, not a great deal, anyhow. After all, Ikari surely would not let his second-in-command disappear without a trace. Agent Kaji was probably on his way now. Then again, the Commander might not have have noticed his absence as of yet; Pilot Soryu had been living in Japan for six months, yet the Commander still referred to her as "the red one."
Shinji shook his head at his redheaded roommate. She had welded herself to Kaji's side, skipping and singing a song to the effect that she was with Kaji-san. She can be really childish sometimesfor a girl with an IQ of 250, Shinji mused.
Kaji ignored the loss of circulation in his right arm as Asuka clung to his side, pulling him along the sidewalk in the direction of Ted's Ice Cream Shoppe. A thought tickled in the back of his mind that there was someplace important he was supposed to be, but he couldn't quite recall what it was. It must be the stress getting to me.
The ponytailed man was jolted out of his thoughts by a squeal from Asuka. "We're here, Kaaaaji-saan! This is the ice cream shop!" Kaji turned to see a white storefront covered by a red and white striped awning. A large mechanical ice cream cone spun in front of the door; it was guarded on either side by two plastic candy canes standing sentry.
Kaji smirked at Asuka's enthusiasm. "Well, I hope you and Shinji-kun find what you're looking for."
"We still don't know what we're actually supposed to be looking for in here," Shinji noted.
"Huh? Shinji?" Asuka turned her head, loosening her grip on Kaji's forearm. "Oh, hey dorkface. Forgot you were there," she giggled.
Shinji rolled his eyes a little. "Thanks, Asuka."
"Oh, come on, Third." Asuka looked through the display window into the store interior, consisting of a circular ordering counter in the center of the room with several plastic cushioned red booths lining the walls around it. "It's not that big of a place; this should be an easy one."
Asuka tugged him into the ice cream shop while still remaining fused to Kaji's side, causing Shinji to stumble a little and grip a candy cane for support.
"C'mon, Third, help me scout the terrain," Asuka said, finally plying herself free from Kaji and shooting him a final, longing look.
Kaji pulled a cigarette out of his pocket, lighting it with a secret button located on his wristwatch and drawing yet another admiring squeak from Asuka. "I wouldn't mind buying you kids ice cream, you know, even though it looks like Katsuragi's been feeding you enough," he said, nodding at Shinji's stomach and winking, earning a confused look from the boy.
"Well, we should be looking for clues, but...ooh, ooh, I want the Swirly-Blasted Chocolate Cookieruption!" Asuka said, looking at the menu and grinning widely.
"Um...I guess I'll just have regular vanilla," Shinji mumbled uncertainly.
"Such a boring little boy," Asuka said, sticking out her tongue.
Shinji groaned. "Fine, I'll get the, uh..what's the one with..you know, the one with the dragon tattoo."
Asuka tilted her head sideways. "Shinji, I have no idea what you're talking about."
Kaji gave Asuka a condescending pat on the head and got in line to order their ice cream while Asuka and Shinji sat down at a booth by the window. "Okay, Third, we need a game plan," she said, tenting her fingers as a determined grin spread across her face. "You should do a dance or something to distract the cashier while I check the ice cream machines for clues."
"What? I'm not doing that. Besides, we don't even know where the clue is."
"Yeah, I know. I was just seeing if I could actually get you to do it," she giggled, playfully poking the tip of Shinji's nose with a plastic spoon taken from the table.
Kaji found their booth a minute later and sat down next to Shinji, handing the children their respective ice cream choices, a plain vanilla cone for Shinji and a bowl of ice cream for Asuka that resembled a violent industrial accident at a firework factory. Asuka eagerly began engulfing the mounds of sprinkles and golfball-sized chunks of cookie dough, while Shinji licked his cone demurely. Kaji took a drag on his cigarette and considered reciting a cynical-yet-cool aphorism, but then thought better of it.
Lifting another spoonful of sprinkles into her mouth, Asuka looked up to see Shinji widen his eyes and emit a pained rasping, heaving noise from across the table.
"Can't...breathe," Shinji choked out, dropping his ice cream cone onto the table. Kaji immediately pulled Shinji from his seat into a standing postion, put his arms around Shinji's stomach and pushed until a hard, round, phlegm-covered object flew from Shinji's mouth onto the table.
Asuka curled her lip. "That's revolting, Third."
Shinji slid back into the booth, holding his chest and panting heavily, nodding as Kaji asked him if he was alright. Asuka glanced briefly in Shinji's direction before renewing her commitment to her gigantic sundae.
Glancing across the table and narrowing his eyes at the metallic pog Shinji had choked on, Kaji considered the possibility of an attempt on the pilots' lives before looking more closely and recognizing that there appeared to be some sort of text printed on it, recalling the contest the children had mentioned. These prizes are really getting absurd.
Wiping the object down with a napkin, Kaji picked it up and read aloud, "Your quest continues after this delicious treat; the following clue awaits at the corner of Third and Tokugawa Street. This what you were looking for, kids?"
Asuka's face lit up. "It's the clue! Great job, Third!" she exclaimed, smiling.
Shinji blushed. "Well, I mean...I didn't really...er...never mind." It was nice to get approval from Asuka for once, even if it was for nearly choking to death on a pog.
Asuka finished her bowl a short while later, and the group exited the ice cream shop.
Standing with them on the sidewalk in front of the shop, Kaji smiled at the two. It's good to see them getting out and being able to act like kids for once. "I should get home and let you two go on your way," he said, much to Asuka's protests. "Try not to make too much trouble," he grinned, as he turned to leave.
"Kaji-san's so cute!" chirped Asuka, once the older man was out of earshot. "Why can't he see that Misato's all wrong for him?" she sighed, before bringing her attention back to the task at hand and nudging Shinji along in the direction of the Tokugawa-Third intersection.
Fuyutsuki squinted through his blindfold, but could make nothing out except a dim yellow light emanating from above. He thought he could smell baked dough..perhaps marinara sauce, but of course Seele had drugged him several hours earlier and his senses were unreliable. He scratched his chin in frustration. In the old days when he was always surrounded by a posse of unkempt graduate students, this could never have happened. Wait...had he just scratched his chin? Fuyutsuki suddenly realized that his hands were not tied, and furthermore, there was nothing holding him to the chair. He stood up and tore off his blindfold with a contemptuous grumble about the declining quality of cult membership. Fuyutsuki took a moment to straighten his collar and adjust his shirt sleeves; as Nerv's Subcommander, he was obligated to keep up appearances.
Glancing at his surroundings, the Subcommander saw stacks of cardboard boxes, a row of metal folding-chairs atop a push-cart, and a short man with a Roman nose holding a pepperoni pizza the size of his head.
"Herr Lorenz, I presume?" said Fuyutsuki in an even tone. After teaching biology for decades, living through Second Impact, and sending adolescents in fetish gear to fight aliens shaped like clocks and dildos, not much fazed the Subcommander anymore; still, there was a hint of fear in his voice that embarrassed him. "You look shorter than I remember. Did you always wear a chef's hat?" A horrifying thought struck Fuyutsuki: Was this Seele's infamous human-pizza fusion laboratory? He had hoped and prayed that it was only an urban legend.
Fuyutsuki frowned upon realizing that there had been no reply from Seele's Chairman. Come to think of it, he didn't seem to breathing, either. He poked Lorenz gently with his forefinger, narrowing his eyes as the German Chairman fell backwards and hit the floor with a hollow sound. Kneeling, Fuyutsuki saw that the man he had been talking to was a cardboard cutout with the words "Luigi's Pizza" emblazoned on his chest, and did not greatly resemble Herr Lorenz, either.
Unable to make sense of this new data, Fuyutsuki staggered to the door, clutching his forehead and trying to ignore his splitting headache. Surprisingly, the door was unlocked. Peering through the doorway, he saw only a halo of white light, his eyes reeling from the contrast to the darkness within the storeroom. Fuyutsuki heard a rough, gravelly voice calling to him from the other side and stopped in his tracks, his blood turning to icicles in his veins. Seele had caught him after all.
"Stop right there! Where do you think you're going?" the voice snarled.
"Ah! I was just..um..."
"Where are you going without trying Luigi's Delicious Pizza?"
His eyes having finally adjusted to the fluorescent lights, the Subcommander saw that he was standing in the middle of a perfectly ordinary pizza parlor. The man addressing him with the voice of a hardened serial killer was a store mascot wearing a plush pepperoni costume. All around him, scantily-clad teenagers were chatting at booths or playing on one of the ancient arcade machines that lined the wall. Damn youngsters...
"I said, where are you going without trying Luigi's Delicious Pizza, sir?" the mascot continued to growl.
"Oh! I uh...I'll take a whole pie to go, please," said Fuyutsuki, not quite unconvinced that the man was a Seele agent. After all, they must use this place as a front...
The pepperoni man slipped behind the cash register and handed Kozo a pizza box made semitransparent with grease. Unwilling to tempt fate any further, Kozo pulled out all the money in his wallet, plunked it down on the counter, and sprinted to the door, still cradling the pizza box.
Outside, Fuyutsuki ran until he was clear of the restaurant, not daring to look back. He found himself in a dirty, smoke-colored alley between two garbage bins and stopped to catch his breath, clutching his chest with one hand and balancing the pizza box in the other. He was far, far too old for this.
Just when his lungs had ceased to burn, Kozo heard a voice like sandpaper coming from the other side of the alley. He turned his head and saw the pepperoni mascot, half-concealed in shadows from an adjoining apartment high rise and flanked by two men wearing black suits and dark sunglasses.
"Sir, you forgot your change," said the pepperoni man, chuckling hoarsely. The two men in black cracked their knuckles and pumped their fists.
Kozo sighed wearily; it was probably time to think about retirement.