Chapter 8.
Ikuto
"Ahhhhh!" I screamed into the air violently. After all these years of wishing! After all these years of praying I'd find her again and I was stupid enough to mess it up. To LIE to her! I don't know why I lied to her, her! Of all people I had to lie to!
I lied to Ren about most of my past and I lied to everyone I knew when they asked me why I traveled the world so much. I told them all I was trying to get my violinist career off the ground but the truth was I could get a career in the snap of my fingers but I didn't want to be tied down to one place recording when I could spend every minute of everyday looking for the love of my life!
Lying to Amu was just another reason to hate myself. I hated myself for letting her pull that trigger. I hated myself for letting her change and I hated myself for doing this now! I was so stupid!
I thought of Yoru and a couple years back when I finally woke up one morning to see he was gone. I thought of what he would say in this situation. He'd probably sulk and tell me how stupid I was then sit on my shoulder and hug my cheek as I rolled my eyes and sighed in annoyance.
I sat on the top of a box on the top of my apartment complex's roof and sighed in frustration. I thought of Amu and what she would've done if I had ever lied to her when she still remembered me.
I thought of her beautiful face turning into a cute little pout while she stuck her bottom lip out a little and crossed her arms over her chest. She would've cursed me under her breath or screamed in my face. Either way it would've been so Amu and then her little Chara's would giggle from behind her and then she'd scream at them and they'd scream back then the tables would turn on me.
I laughed at the though then sighed as I opened my eyes to the darkened and dulled sky above me. I was too upset at myself for letting sentimental things I knew wouldn't be able to come back, resurface again. I was basically ripping the healing scar off of my heart again by letting these little things enter my mind and letting it bleed. But the truth was…it never really healed, even remotely close.
I could hear the rumble of thunder somewhere off in the distance while the traffic below became even louder as everyone tried to get home before the storm came. I didn't care though. I was in thee mood today, or the past few years, for dark, depressing rain. I needed something to related my sorrows too and the sky understood my pain. Rain was the sky's tears and right now it felt my pain and longing for the one I loved.
"Why can't she just remember…?" I whispered to the sky once again as I felt a drop of rain hit my shoulder with a little "plop!". It was going to be a massive storm but I didn't care. I could sit in the rain for hours and never care. I needed some sort of release emotionally and this would be it. No one could see my tears of sorrow if I was drenched in rain also.
I started humming a tune I had played for Amu before a thousand times when finally I felt it. Hundreds upon hundreds of huge droplets of rain started falling onto the earth and my face and body. I thought of everything now. Every memory, every kiss, every song…everything that could bring out the sobs that had been locked inside my heart for so long hoping to be released.
I screamed into the sky in perfect unison with a loud crack of thunder and lightning lighting the blackened sky. I screamed until all I could do was gasp and sob until my throat burned and lungs stung. I breathed in the air that smelled of nothing but rain and soon I was just sitting there letting the tears stream down my face shamelessly.
It wasn't fair. It wasn't fiar that I had to lose her like that. It wasn't fair that after everything I couldn't just simply have her back. It wasn't fair that she didn't remember me and it certainly want fair that she fell for someone else! My best friend in fact.
I had met Ren in college and he was always known as the guy who got any girl he wanted whenever he wanted. He was always cheating on one girl with another and some how he would always pin the sadistic ways of his own cheating on the girls. And they believed him. But when I met up with him a few weeks ago, he had really changed. He said he had met the perfect girl and soon he understood what true love meant.
He said he still couldn't help getting his "needs" fulfilled but apparently this "wonderful" girl he loved so much knew that he had his mistresses and she was okay with it. I didn't understand how any self respecting woman could be okay with that but apparently Amu did.
That's when everything hit me. I could show her real love. A love that didn't mean having to share someone…a true love. I had to and maybe, just maybe, she'd remember.
I loved amu and no matter what…I would get her back!
Next chappie will be up tonight!J