Author's Notes:
Sorry I'm late. Good news is, school's finally over, so I can take more time to write :D Although I don't think the next update will come before Christmas, it'll come before the New Year for sure :3
Alright, so this chapter has a lot of angst to it. I tried to add some humor to dilute all the angstyness but it doesn't look like it worked out O_o Anyways, hope ya like it.
As usual, a huuuuge thanks to all my wonderful, beautiful, amazing reviewers, who were kind enough to take the time to leave their thoughts ^^ Thanks, Sath-chan-Blues-Kitty, Kakushi Miko, Razzer, Yamapikarya, deadpoolhulk, CoolGirl150, Kyrial Halcoryn, Hotaru-Jaegerjacquez and Pantera-6 :D Really nice reviews, really appreciate them ^^
Warning: swearing in this one ^^ Don't mind it, though, and enjooy~
"I want more sake!" Grimmjow groaned as he rolled over on his stomach, holding out his cup for a refill. Matsumoto cheerfully poured him some and giggled as he drank hastily and groaned, slamming his head back down on the sheet they were all sitting on.
Basically, it was more of a drunk-fest than a party. Kyoraku's courtesy, of course. Ichigo stood away from the drinks as he was clearly underage, but Ulquiorra accepted a couple of shots. Grimmjow, on the other hand...
"Watch out!" Matsumoto laughed, suddenly tripping and falling over the Arrancar. Grimmjow's eyes went comically wide before Matsumoto fell on him, crushed by her weight. He coughed and flailed his arms from under her while she simply laughed.
"Damn it, woman, get off me!" he wheezed, trying to push her off as she simply laughed. The two struggled for a while until the watchers decided to help the poor guy. Kira got up and struggled to pull Rangiku and all her weight up while Ulquiorra grabbed Grimmjow and pulled him out from under her.
"Well then, that was... interesting." The blue-haired Espada rubbed his temples, feeling a headache creeping into his drunken mind.
"Oh!" Matsumoto finally sat down, and when she did, she tipped the bottle upside down, only to find that only a drop of alcohol was left. Her face immediately changed into one of disappointment. "The sake's finished!"
"Why is the sake always gone?" the Sexta whined, hitting his forehead against the ground once before laying still. His cheeks had taken a light pink tinge and he swayed even while sitting.
"I know, right? That's exactly what I was thinking!" Matsumoto gasped.
"Ah, Nanao-chan, could you go get more sake for our guests?" Shunsui hiccupped, poking his lieutenant.
"Yes, Taichou..." The girl sighed in desperation and got up to fulfill her captain's wishes.
"Oi, how about you stop drinking and start talking?" Hitsugaya finally interrupted, annoyed at how close the Arrancar's reactions were to his own lieutenant's when she was drunk.
"What am I supposed to talk about? Hi, I'm Grimmjow Jaegerjacques, I died and became a Hollow seventeen years ago, and so, I'm seventeen years old, I live in Ichigo's house with my best friends and I like cats and destroying things." He hiccupped. "Done."
"Not introductions, baka, talk!" the tenth squad captain growled, burying his hands in the opposite sleeves.
"Grimmjow, I do believe they mean information about Aizen." Ulquiorra whispered in his ear, slightly tipsy. Ichigo simply face-palmed from their side.
"AH, Aizen-teme." Grimmjow stood unmoving for a second, gathering whatever blurry memories he had. "He hides that jewel, what's it called again? Holoku? Jojyoku? Go-"
"Hogyouku." Ukitake sighed desperately, sweat dropping as Shunsui laughed drunkenly.
"Ah, yeah, the Hogyouku." Grimmjow nodded and pushed himself up in a sitting position. "I remember that the one he hides in that secret box thing in his room isn't the real one." He turned to Ulquiorra for guidance.
"Yeah, I think... Right, right." Something clicked in his head. "I do remember seeing him with the Hogyouku implanted right in his chest. He's already absorbed it, I believe, and is waiting for it to awaken."
"Damn it." Hitsugaya gritted his teeth.
"We're too late..." Komamura mused out loud.
"Ne, ne, Grimmjow-kun." Kyoraku laughed, ruffling said-Arrancar's hair. The latter was simply too drunk to swat him away correctly. "Why are you so willing to share critical information like this to us? Just curious."
"Bastard's tried to kill Ulquiorra and I, why in hell wouldn't I turn on him?" he seethed, clutching his fists tightly.
"Betrayed by your superior." Hinamori simply whispered for the first and last time in the entire conversation.
"Like bloody hell." The blue-haired teen growled.
"What about Tousen?" Hisagi asked warily.
"Tousen was like his friggin lapdog or something!" The blue-haired Espada fell back against the ground, slamming his spinal area on the thin sheet with a dry thud.
"Oh yes, I agree, for once. Tousen followed him around everywhere." Ulquiorra agreed with a shaky nod. "He really did look loyal at 101 percent. He did everything Aizen asked him to do and followed the rules to the letter. I don't think I've ever felt so... choked before. With someone else than Aizen, of course."
"Tousen friggin cut my arm off once cause he felt like it!" Grimmjow imitated a choking hold. "It all went 'Hi, Tousen! How are you today?' and he went '...Bitch.' and POOF, next thing I know, my left arm is a pile of smoldering ashes on the ground." He growled, clutching said arm self-consciously.
"Thank Kami for high speed regeneration..." the Cuatra simply commented.
"Kami?" there was an amused glint sparkling in Ukitake's eyes as he questioned him.
"Yes, Kami. God. Why?" Ulquiorra blinked, finally catching on. "You were expecting me to say Aizen, right?"
"Yes, somewhat."
"Not anymore. Never has been and never will be." Grimmjow spat, refusing to say the defected shinigami's name.
"Was Gin also that sticky to Aizen?" Rangiku silently questioned.
"Gin was different. If I didn't know better, I'd say he never actually liked Aizen and was maybe forced to comply?" his eyes darkened. "Just like most of the people who lived in Hueco Mundo..." he added in a breath just above a whisper.
There was an awkward, uncomfortable silence as the two defected Shinigamis' friends debated what they'd heard, coming up with more or less satisfying conclusions.
"What about Hueco Mundo? What's it like over there?" Kiyone completely changed the subject seeing as none of the captains and vice-captains present had anything to add.
"It's boring as hell." Surprisingly, Ulquiorra was the first to reply. "It's just sand outside the walls of Las Noches. Sand, sand, sand as far as the eye can see. Below the sand is the Menos forest, not exactly a charming place, though. It's always night there, it's depressing, truthfully." He whispered.
"Coming from the most emo Arrancar of them all." Grimmjow snickered drunkenly.
"Shut up, you loud-mouthed bastard." Ulquiorra cursed, making Ichigo gasp. Never had he heard the Cuatra say such things before.
"Las Noches is pretty much the same thing." Grimmjow moved on. "It's big, with walls plain white and black ornaments. There are no decorations, all the windows have bars on them, and it's too complicated. And boring." He growled in frustration, ruffling his hair. "And the dorm rooms, ugh, worst places ever."
"Oh yes, small, damp rooms with creaky beds and tight bathrooms, a small barred window and one closet." Ulquiorra shuddered.
"And then you wonder why he's so emo." The Sexta chuckled, getting the Cuatra to sloppily punch him in the upper arm. "Then again, can't blame him, the food's disgusting." He stuck a tongue out and crossed his arms.
"Ideally, Hueco Mundo is not the best place to go on a honeymoon vacation." The Cuatra quipped silently, cracking a few smiles in the audience.
"What about Gin? And Tousen? How did they go about on their normal lives?" Kira asked shakily.
"Uhhh..." Grimmjow massaged his forehead. "Tousen was stuck to Aizen 24/7, but Gin was the lively one around the place." He relived wistfully.
"Oh yes, Ichimaru-san..." Ulquiorra whispered nostalgically. Everyone massed around them noted the honourable suffix at the end with surprise. "He had more privileges than us, so he caused chaos around Las Noches to entertain us to some degree, that is, until Aizen-teme told him to stop goofing around. He'd just restart a couple of days later, though." He smiled lightly.
"Oh yeah, once he shot a Hado or something at one of the towers and blew it up just cause he felt like it. Bet Aizen was pissed as hell even though he never showed it." Grimmjow laughed.
His laughter slowly died down, though, as he recalled Gin's dead eyes, open wide as he was tossed onto the ground in front of the fleeing Espada, causing them to panic and try harder to escape. His throat locked, and he decided not to talk too much to avoid sounding so choked up.
"And then he just went up and died." He simply added, hanging his head.
A dead silence followed them, infecting the entire crowd of high-class shinigami around them.
"Then tell us, Grimmjow, Ulquiorra." Ichigo's voice made everyone's heads fly up to look at him, surprised. "Was it really THAT hard to live in Hueco Mundo?"
"It was already bad enough even before we met the bastard, and it only..." the Sexta's voice dropped down to a mere pained whisper. He was too drunk to even think correctly, so it felt like the words just fell out of his mouth. "It only got worse." He suddenly clutched his heart and winced, doubling over. Ulquiorra quickly kneeled at his side and bent over to gaze impassively at his scrunched up face.
"What's wrong, Grimmjow?"
"Sake's probably just getting to my heart." He growled. "Fuck! Ah, it hurts!" he hissed.
"I think you drank enough for today." The older Arrancar decided, pushing away all nearby bottles.
"Fuck, no, if I drink, the pain will leave. It's always been like that!" he reached out for a bottle, only to be tackled down by the Cuatra, who sat on his stomach a bit further up from his Hollow Hole and pinned his wrists to the ground.
"That's enough, Grimmjow. You are a living being, and are prone to physical malfunctions as any other soul is." He berated, making the Sexta huff out. The Cuatra simply sighed and got off him, turning around. "It seems like Grimmjow, and even I, a little, have had too much sake to behave coherently anymore. We'd require taking our leave promptly before any of us gets violent-" he had to stop to push Grimmjow back down to the ground with his foot. "And breaks anything, or anyone."
"Alright, you can use one of the rooms in my mansion, if you like." Kyoraku suggested, pointing backwards at the large building.
"Thanks. I'll escort them." Ichigo got up and watched in slight amusement as Ulquiorra bent down and picked Grimmjow up on his shoulder, ignoring him as he cursed and repeated he could walk.
Obviously, he couldn't, which is why the older Arrancar made the effort to carry him. He briefly turned around and bowed.
"Excuse us."
And with Grimmjow wiggling in his grip like vice, Ulquiorra walked off behind Ichigo, leaving behind a whole bunch of pondering, surprised and amused shinigami to watch them leave.
Ichigo escorted them inside and into an empty room, opening the sliding door to reveal two bedrolls. Ulquiorra headed for one and dropped Grimmjow roughly on one, watching him wince and whine before laying down on the bed next to him.
"What the hell was that for, Ulquiorra?" the blue-haired teen growled, glaring.
"You are too drunk to control your limits, Grimmjow. You said your heart hurt, right?"
"Right..."
"You know why it's hurting, right?"
"... Right..."
"You were about to tell the entire world why your heart hurt. Would you like that to happen? Cause I can just throw you back out there unsupervised, and the moment you get your hands on a bottle of sake, poof: all our secrets are gone. What will we be left with? Nothing. We'll become lowest of the low, even dirtier than we already are, do you want that to happen, Grimmjow?" he questioned aggressively, ignoring Ichigo, who was calmly listening to their whispered conversation, assessing their words.
"N-No... Never..." the Sexta's eyes widened, and he dropped his gaze to the ground shamefully. "Thanks, guess I owe ya again."
"No, no, it's fine. If you can't protect yourself, Sexta, it is my duty as the ex-Cuatra to protect you."
"Why?" he suddenly screamed, slamming his fist on the ground, splintering the wood. "Why do I always have to be protected? I hate this feeling of being weak! I don't wanna be protected anymore!" his fists clenched and unclenched and he calmed down gradually, panting. His head hurt, and he didn't even wanna think about the upcoming hangover.
Ulquiorra simply waited calmly until Grimmjow was done, watching him coolly. Ichigo took a step forward, going unnoticed by the two Ex-Espada, wondering just what the hell was going on as a subliminal message between the two.
"Are you done?" Ulquiorra finally asked.
"Why?" he simply whispered out with a shuddering breath. "Ulquiorra, do you think I'm really that weak?" he raised his eyes and pleadingly looked at the Cuatra's face, making the latter's heart leap.
"My head says yes, my heart says no. Up to you to choose which one to believe in." He shook his head negatively.
"Why?"
"You are only younger than me, Grimmjow, it's natural that you have had less time to train and grow. Besides, you were only taken in by Aizen when you were 15, I've been training for him ever since I was 8. There is a large power gap between us..." he gently put a pale hand on Grimmjow's hand, offering comfort. "But don't despair. I know that neither one of us can come close to defeating Aizen right now, so it should be our primary goal to get stronger. We're not alone, Grimmjow." He let himself offer the distraught Espada a smile, making those blue eyes widen in surprise. "Not anymore, we aren't..."
"Everything is..." the Sexta gulped down and looked away with a slight blush. "It's changing so quickly... I don't think I can keep up anymore..."
"Of course you can. All you need is a nudge in the right direction." The Cuatra sighed and looked behind Grimmjow, out the window, watching the white blossoms float down from the trees, swept by the breeze. "That's why we're here, Grimmjow. They're the ones who are gonna nudge us in the right direction. The Captains, the Vice-Captains... Ichigo... They're all gonna be there to show us what way to go now that we've lost our black light in the dark."
If Grimmjow wanted to reply, he never got the chance because Ichigo's footsteps finally clattered audibly as he dropped down next to them, glaring.
"I'm tired of you two keeping secrets from everyone and expecting them to help without knowing what to help with." He simply stated like it was nothing at all. "Tell me. This pain you're always talking about. Tell me what it is. I can't alleviate it, I can't share your burdens if you don't tell me what they are." His chocolate brown eyes softened, melting the rough facades the Ex-Espada had been keeping up. "Please... Tell me what's on your mind..."
"It's very hardcore..." Grimmjow snorted, turning his eyes to the wooden ceiling.
"Yes, it's not a pleasant fairytale." Ulquiorra morosely agreed with a nod.
"I can take it. It's your pain. If it's that bad, why should you bear it alone? You don't deserve that. I want to understand you... Both of you." Ichigo half-pleaded gently.
"Well then, Ulquiorra, should we tell him?" Grimmjow whispered, once again delving deep into his isolated world with his fellow Arrancar, blocking out the young shinigami for the moment.
"I don't know, Grimmjow, do you feel comfortable?"
"This is Ichigo we're talking about. We can trust him."
"He used to be your greatest enemy, you know."
"He never was."
"Well then."
The two of them suddenly turned to Ichigo, staring straight into his eyes, startling him with their gazes.
Pained... no, agonising, was the word that best described them. The blue and green eyes that were staring at him, they'd lost their shine a long time ago. Glazed over, unfeeling, cold. Just by looking deep into them, one could tell of the hardships they'd come to pass, and the pain they'd come to endure. Such young, pure, innocent, beautiful, tainted eyes. Having witnessed so much bloodshed and horrors that they no longer knew what to react to. They briefly glinted in the sun, giving them a pale, energetic glow, but looking deeper, you could easily tell that was not the case.
"How should we put this in a way that won't make us look like totally incapable, weak and defenceless victims?" Grimmjow ruffled his hair, looking kind of embarrassed.
Ulquiorra decided to cut to the chase and finally broke the ice.
"Aizen is a manipulator. And not just that, but a sick-minded, psychotic, evil, sadistic, abusive compulsive manipulator."
If Ichigo was surprised, which he surely was, he didn't show it, striving to keep up a cool front in front of the obviously-embarrassed Espada. He had to make them feel safe if he wanted to share their pain.
"He likes order and calm, and will stop at nothing to get it. He also does not tolerate weakness and will punish anyone who shows weakness. He shows general 'care', if that's what I can call it, for everyone in Las Noches, but in truth, he's just playing with our minds. He likes discovering and experimenting, even if it costs a lot for other people. He doesn't even care about anyone but himself. He'll kill, hurt, torture, just to get what he wants." Ulquiorra summed up.
"Punishment..." Ichigo slightly dwelled on the word, making Grimmjow wince visibly. "Y-You mean-" Something, an old remark, clicked in his head, but before he could say it, Grimmjow beat him to the punch.
"Yes, most of the time, it was corporal punishment. He beat, kicked, whipped and cut anyone who did something that went against his rules."
"T-That's what I saw that other time." Ichigo whispered in a trembling voice, eyes wide. "T-Those marks on your backs when I healed you the first time, t-they were-"
"Whip marks, yes." Grimmjow ruffled his hair, embarrassed that they were actually telling Ichigo all their secrets.
"Is that why you were so aggressive towards me? So you didn't show weakness and consequentially avoided punishment?"
"Yes, and no. I was aggressive cause I knew that I was being compared to you. That you were stronger than me and made me look weak in Aizen's eyes. And that weakness was what caused me pain time and time again. So I swore to defeat you so that I could escape that pain. That is all." He muttered, embarrassed. The ever so violent Sexta Espada, pouring his heart out to his sworn enemy? Yeah, for a moment there, Grimmjow thought he even saw a green pig fly by their window.
"Sorry..." Ichigo self-consciously lowered his head, feeling guilty.
"Why in hell are you apologizing for being strong?" Ulquiorra sighed, face palming. "You should be happy to know that even Aizen recognized your strength."
"Aizen's views mean nothing to me. I hurt you two, and that's all that counts." He muttered, downcast.
"Stupid, don't you realize it yet?" Grimmjow smacked him over the head, receiving a surprised glare from the orange-haired teen. "This pain was what made us aim for greater heights. It's thanks to this pain that we grew. It's thanks to you that we became stronger."
"If you say so... Is that all?" Ichigo inquired.
"No, well, Aizen also experimented on Arrancars' abilities, frequently using Espada as test subjects, and sometimes even just hit us cause he felt like it, but asides that, nothing much." Ulquiorra shrugged.
"That really does sound unfair." Ichigo winced. "But is that all? Are you sure you won't hurt anymore if I let you go in the state you are now?"
"Yes... but no." Ulquiorra sighed. "It's not all, and yet, there is no way any of us can formulate the words to tell you the rest as it would hurt too much."
"I don't think I could say anything more without losing the nerve to look you in the eye ever again." Grimmjow agreed with a nod.
"Then how am I supposed to help you lift your burdens?"
"Close your eyes." Grimmjow instructed. "And I'll give you thirty seconds. What do you think of when I pronounce the word... pain?" Ichigo's brows immediately scrunched as he imagined all the things that led him to that word.
Horrible, sadistic, scary, bloody things were going down in his mind, and he shuddered, wondering even how he even had the nerve to think up of all those atrocities. Was he as far gone as Aizen? Had he really the heart to commit all those horrible things if he could imagine them...?
"Stop. Open your eyes." Grimmjow finally ordered, getting Ichigo to look at him with a gasp, horror swirling in his eyes. He dreaded what the point of the exercise was as he already had an idea of Grimmjow's next words. "Everything you imagined in these mere 30 seconds, that's what Aizen did to the Espada during his free time." The Sexta smiled sadly.
"I... I see..." Ichigo nodded, shaken. Unwilling to admit he truly was horrified of what his mind had concocted up, he simply shook his head and tried to clear the shroud of darkness in his mind. "Well then, I do hope that is all..."
"Yes." Ulquiorra suddenly let out a short laugh, as if amused by Ichigo's reaction, also drawing a surprised look by both of his companions. "That is all. No need to poison your mind any further."
"True, true..." Grimmjow stretched and suddenly flopped down against his sheets, turning away from them. "Alright then, Imma catch some sleep now. Beware the hangover, Ulqui-kun."
"Baka." Said Espada offered Grimmjow's back a light smile and amusedly punched him in the arm. He then turned to Ichigo and lightly bowed his head. "Alright, I think I shall retire as well." Ulquiorra nodded and flopped down next to him, giving his back to Grimmjow's back, facing Ichigo.
"Alright." Ichigo slightly moved to retreat in the corner, and wrapped his arms around his legs, watching the Espada drift off to a drunken sleep. "Don't worry. We'll get stronger, we all will. With Soul Society's cooperation, we can gain access to many different sparring partners and lots of training facilities. One way or another, we will ban this weakness of which you are afraid. I myself will personally make sure that you never hurt ever again..."
His eyes wandered to the peaceful Espada. They looked so calm... at ease... It felt kinda weird, knowing that only a month ago, they were the ones who would've done anything to have his head roll on the ground. Then again, he enjoyed the feeling of ease that washed over him as he stared at their gently rising and falling chests, he enjoyed it almost as much as the thrill of the fight.
All that, and still no movement, asides from their relaxed forms. He didn't know if they were already asleep or if they were listening to all his random spouts of hope, but it didn't matter to him as long as he heard it coming from his own mouth. He had to make sure he'd actually sworn it and not just imagined it.
This time, it was a promise he couldn't afford to break.
Author's Notes:
"Why is the rum always gone?"~ Jack Sparrow. Yey for references ^^
Matsumoto rape Grimmjow. The pairing name would be MatsuGrimm xDD Poor Hitsugaya, he must be like "UGHHHH". Also, I ADORE Gin (SQUEEEEEE, GIN~~), and I HATE bastard Tousen (mainly for cutting off Grimmy's arm so unfairly Q_Q)
I think this is the before-last chapter ._. I mean, I don't really have much left to say, I just wanted lots of Espada angst |3 Sooo... next chapter will be the last... I guess. I wanna finish this story before the new year so that in 2011, I can start a NEW Bleach fanfic, more like an AU highschool one this time :D There just aren't enough good ones these days Q_Q
I know that totally wasn't what you were expecting. It wasn't what I was expecting after all. I thought I'd have an entire chapter on the party, but guess not. I don't like how this turned out, but hey, the story's drawing its end, so I guess the suckishness can be neglected this time xD
Rawr, okay then, too much seriousness makes my brain hurt. I should lighten up. After all, this was only a practice fic.
Are you gaping yet? Yes, this is just a practice fic. Like a doodle or a sketch. I just wrote this fic cause I wanted to practice my skills with the Bleach fandom before starting my real, main story. I already have a title in mind, it's gonna be called "Behind Tinted Windows" or the abbreviation, BTW (which is also the word for By The Way xD)
Anyways, I won't spoil it for ya, but I do hope you'll follow that story too, unless you don't like highschool fics D: Oh, and guess who the three main chars are, plus a surprise appearance from someone I really really like as well. Send in your guesses by reviewing! Whoever gets all four of them right can have a virtual cookie and a hug *_*
Anyways, thank you soo much for the awesome reviews, and could I ask you one before-last time to review? If you do, I promise that money will rain from the sky~ Also, Merry Christmas in advance since I know I won't be updating till after Christmas xD SO yep, yep, PLEASE REVIEW, HAPPY HOLIDAYZZ, AND THANKS FOR READIN' :3