Prison of Darkness

Disclaimer: I still don't own Castle.

Note: I don't remember the name of the hospital in the season one finale, so I made it up. Oh, and thanks to those of you who reviewed. You made me happy.

Chapter 2

When the time came, Martha and Alexis both refused to go home to bed. Kate considered leaving, but the thought of going home almost physically hurt, so she ended up staying with them. Eventually, Martha and Alexis were allowed in to see Castle, and Kate, left to worry by herself, felt very alone.

Esposito and Ryan came and went, balancing their processing of Finke with their concern for Castle. In a way, Kate wished she were able to go back to work, to shove everything down and work until she was numb. But she just couldn't do it. She couldn't leave until she knew that Castle was going to live.

It was three thirty when Martha and Alexis emerged from Castle's room. Kate was waiting in another waiting room, as dim and as white as the first. She looked up from a six month old Entertainment Weekly. Martha looked as if she had aged a hundred years in one night. Her face was haggard and worn. Alexis's eyes were red and puffy, and it was obvious she had been crying again.

"Bad?" Kate asked softly.

Martha nodded. "But alive."

"Are you okay?" she asked Alexis.

"No," the girl admitted in a shaky voice, "but I will be."

Martha put her arm around her granddaughter and squeezed. "Good girl."

Kate briefly wished she had someone to give her an encouraging squeeze.

"Did you want to go in?" Martha asked.

"Me?"

"Go in, Kate. He'd want you to."

She didn't need any more prodding. As she passed Martha, she touched her arm gently, conveying what support she could. Guilt threatened again, but she swallowed it. There would be time for self blame after she was sure Castle would be all right.

Kate had started quickly, but the closer she got to Castle's room, the slower her feet went. Her mind started thinking about what she would see once she entered his room. At the door, she hesitated before putting out her hand and firmly opening it.

What she saw was as bad as she had feared. Tubes and wires covered him-over, under, and through his body, it seemed. His face, what she could see of it, was the color of porcelain, and her eyes flicked quickly to his chest to assure herself he was still breathing.

Shutting the door behind her, she moved further into the room. The beep of the machines and the quiet sighing of the respirator were the only sounds in the still room.

"Hi," she said softly, wondering if he could hear her.

There was a chair by his bed. She moved it closer and sat. She placed her hand beside his but didn't quite touch it.

"I have to tell you, you look awful."

This comment was more for herself than for him. It helped to ease the tension in her head and in her chest.

"I want you to know," she continued more seriously, "that we got him. He's rotting in a jail cell, and there's no way his lawyer can get him out of this. The girl you tried to save, she's okay too. You did it. She's home with her family. Her mother came to check on you. She's grateful..."

Kate trailed off as her throat tightened. There was so much she wanted to say, but she didn't think she'd be able to say it. She wasn't the word smith that Castle was. She knew that if she were lying there in that hospital bed, he'd be telling her tales of his outrageous exploits. Kate didn't have any outrageous exploits she wanted to share. She couldn't even summon the words to tell him that somehow he had become her best friend and that she was terrified that she would be lost without him. Those weren't the things Kate Beckett said-at least not to Rick Castle.

Tiredly, she rubbed at her eyes and tried to think of something to say that wouldn't thicken her throat or make her eyes burn.

It took awhile, so she just sat there watching his chest rise and fall. The beeping of the machines became less jarring and almost soothing.

Eventually, she cleared her throat and said, "Ryan and Esposito were here. They wanted me to tell yo to quit lying around and get back to work." She paused, then continued, "You'd be proud of Alexis. She's a very strong girl."

Suddenly, a memory flooded through Kate's mind. She had been here before, in this same hospital, feeling these same feelings of crushing guilt and fear. It had been another man who was shot, another man fighting for his life. That was the first time Castle told her she was extraordinary. That day, and the days that followed, held both good and terrible moments. She thought she was going to lose so much-Will, her sanity, Castle himself. Even so, that one moment with Castle had made her realize that they had moved from colleagues to friends. It was also the first time that she really realized what he thought of her. She wondered now if, almost a year and a half later, she had ever tarnished his vision of her.

"You know," she said softly, "this is the point where you'd usually tell some silly story...or go completely against character and do something sweet. I'm not like you. I don't always know the right thing to say. I just know that you'd better not die." She forced her tone lighter. "You'd better not die, Castle, or I'll kill you."

There was a soft knock on the door, and Kate turned. Her hand brushed Castle's, and she was tempted to clasp his fingers, but she didn't.

"Detective Beckett?"

"Yes?"

"Mr. Castle should rest now. You can come back to see him in a couple of hours."

"Okay," she answered, both reluctant and relieved.

The nurse went out and Kate glanced at her watch. Four thirty. Just three more hours until daylight.

"Come on, Castle. Three hours. You can make it."

This time, she did touch his hand. It was as covered with wires and tubes as the rest of his body, so she gently ran her fingers over his. Then, feeling very foolish and slightly embarrassed, she bent forward and placed a kiss on his forehead. Her cheeks flamed, but she was still glad she had done it.

XXX

Another hour later found her sitting with Alexis and Martha. The girl had once more succumbed to sleep, but this time she slept on her grandmother's shoulder. Kate sat on Martha's other side, fighting sleep herself.

Martha hadn't slept a wink either. Her face had gotten more pale and drawn as the night progressed. Kate had tried to keep her talking to keep her mind off of what was happening just a hallway away. The older woman smiled occasionally, but Kate knew her efforts all ended in failure.

Now, the two of them were mostly silent. The only sound was that of Alexis's soft snores.

"You can't blame yourself," Martha's voice came to Kate softly.

Kate started slightly at the unexpected sound and turned to look at the woman beside her.

"He was my responsibility," she answered lowly. "It was my job to keep him out of the line of fire."

"We both know Richard goes where and does whatever he wants. You can't take the weight of this on your shoulders."

"I left him in the car," Kate said.

"Of course you did, dear. And he probably got out as soon as your back was turned."

Kate's eyes left Martha's face to stare at the hands twined in her lap.

"You are a good woman, Kate."

Her eyes went back to Martha's. Not Detective Beckett. Not dear. Not the loving kiddo. Kate.

"Richard rarely bring home someone with as much character as you have, and he certainly doesn't become friends with her when he does. Somehow, you were different." Kate didn't know what to say to this, so she was silent while Martha continued, "You are a good influence on my son. You ground him, make him think. He's so impulsive that he needs someone to slow him down." She placed her hand over Kate's. "I think he's good for you too."

"Me too," Kate admitted in a whisper. She thought about all the times Castle had saved her life, and she thought about their talk after she shot the man who had killed her mother. Her words then had been true. Castle brought the smile and light that she hadn't even realized she needed into her life. Without him, she, ironically, probably wouldn't have opened up enough to try with Tom Demming or with Josh...

Kate's eyes flew open, and she was no longer sleepy.

"My God, Martha, we forgot to call Gina."

Castle's mother looked as surprised as Kate felt, so she knew it hadn't been a purposeful oversight.

"I'll do it," Kate offered, since Alexis still clung to her grandmother, even in sleep. She got up slowly, stretching stiff limbs. Before making her way to the little alcove hiding the phone, she put her hand on Castle's mother's shoulder. "Thank you."

Martha managed to smile warmly through her worry, and Kate smiled back.

She didn't realize it wasn't quite six yet until she started dialing. Being a cop, she was used to being awake and on the run at different hours of the day or night, and she sometimes forgot that other people didn't keep that kind of schedule.

"Hello," a sleepy voice answered after the forth ring.

It was a nice voice, she thought. Gina hadn't really seemed like a real person to her before. Despite meeting her at a couple of writer functions of Castle's, and of course that one day last spring, Gina had always seemed more of an idea than a living, breathing woman.

"Gina?"

"Yes, this is Gina."

"Gina, it's Kate Beckett. Sorry about calling you so early."

"Kate Beckett?" Gina's voice was suddenly more alert. "Is this about Rick?"

"Yes. I have some bad news."

"Oh, my God." She sounded breathless, afraid. Kate suddenly knew for certain that whatever else Gina's thoughts and feelings were for Rick, she genuinely cared for him.

"Castle was shot last night..."

"Shot?" Gina interrupted. "Is he dead?"

"No." Kate had to stop to clear her throat. "No, he's still alive, but it's still touch and go. They're pretty sure that he'll live, if he can just last through the night."

"Where are you?"

"St. Michael's Hospital."

"I'll be right..." Gina started, then stopped. After a pause, she asked, "Do you think Martha and Alexis would mind..."

"The more support, the better," Kate said firmly.

"Okay, I'll be right there, and, Detective Beckett?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

XXX

By the time the sun was coming up, the small waiting room was strewn with bodies. Not only had Gina arrived, and been warmly welcomed by Alexis, but soon after they were joined by Ryan and Esposito.

When the doctor appeared, Kate was talking to Esposito about Finke. Gina was softly talking to Alexis in one corner, gently trying to get the teenager to eat, and Ryan had taken it upon himself to distract Martha.

All voices ceased as the petite blond doctor approached.

"He's stabilized," she said abruptly. "As long as he doesn't have a set back, he'll make it."

At first, you could have heard a pin drop after her announcement. Then, the silence was broken by a single rough sob from Alexis.

Martha rushed forward to hold her, while Gina stood and asked, "Is he awake?"

"No," the doctor admitted, "but that's not necessarily a bad sign. Sometimes, the body needs to sleep so it can heal."

"Will we be able to see him?"

"We're moving him to a different room, but, in and hour, after everything's settled, he should be able to have visitors, as long as you are quiet and don't stay long."

Kate suddenly felt numb. She knew she should be smiling as widely as Ryan and Esposito were. Instead, all emotion and all tension melted out of her body, making her feel limp. In fact, her legs were so shaky that she almost collapsed. She sank into the nearest chair with one thought on her mind.

Thank God.

Alexis still had tears streaming down her cheeks, but she was smiling so wide that her dimples were in full view. Martha's face was slowly starting to retain some of its color. Unknowingly, she echoed Kate's thought aloud.

"Thank God."

Gina seemed isolated, and Kate, despite herself, wanted to reach out to her. Still, she didn't know what to do or say, and she didn't know if a gesture from her would be welcomed. When Gina's eyes met hers, Kate made an attempt to smile. Gina's smile was just as feeble, but it was there, and it was genuine.

After the doctor left, Ryan and Esposito went up to Martha and Alexis. They each said something so quietly that Kate couldn't hear them, but she did see the gentle hand Ryan placed on Martha's forearm.

When they were through, Esposito said, "The Captain doesn't want to see you today, Beckett. Get some sleep and come back tomorrow."

His eyes searched her face in a way she wasn't sure she liked before he and Ryan turned and left.

Gina left soon after to go to work, but Kate stayed until she didn't think she could go for another minute without sleep. She left, promising Martha and Alexis that she would be back to check on Castle in the evening.

It was noon by the time she got home, or as close to home as the hotel room she had been living in for six months could be. As she stumbled in, she realized that it had been thirty one hours since she last slept.

Without the pressure of work or worry, her body and mind decided they needed to sleep. Her eyes felt dry and gritty, and she blinked them. The room swam a little, so she locked the door behind her and headed straight to the bed. She shed her coat and shoes on the way, leaving them where they fell on the floor. At the bed, she slid out of her pants and wiggled out of her shirt. Though it was November, she didn't bother with pajamas. She was too tired for that.

She was asleep almost before her head hit the pillow.

As Kate slept, she dreamed. There were images. Voices. At one point, she thought she heard Castle calling her name. She chased him through strange fields and dark wooded places. She ran and ran but never caught him. Her running grew more frantic and she started screaming his name. There were other voices, other shadowy shapes. She wasn't sure who was friend or who was foe. She didn't know if they could even see her at all. All she knew was that she had to get to Castle. She had to catch him before something terrible happened and she lost him forever.

It was seven hours later when she woke again, the urgency in her bladder making it impossible to sleep any longer. Her head, muddled with sleep, was filled with strange images and strange noises. She could still hear Castle's voice in her ear. And there was another voice. Though it had been in a dream, the memory of the second voice brought goose bumps to her skin.

She shook her head trying to completely cross from the land of sleeping to the land of waking. Her body cried for both the bathroom and a shower. Her stomach growled and added its voice to the mix. Even so, the first thing she did was reach for her phone and call the hospital.

"St. Michaels."

The voice sounded too cheery.

"This is Detective Kate Beckett. I'm calling to check on a patient."

"Are you a relative?"

"No, but he's my..." He's my what? She wondered. My writer? My friend? My annoying know it all? My one person I think I can depend on? She settled for, "He's my partner."

"We cannot divulge status over the phone to non family members."

Kate sighed. "Fine. There's a Martha Rodgers in the waiting room on this floor. May I speak to her?"

"One moment, please." The voice was no longer cheerful.

Still, it was only a few minutes later when she heard, "Kate?"

"How's he doing?"

"Mostly the same, but they say he's getting stronger."

"Has he been awake yet?"

"No, but they don't seem worried."

"How are you doing?"

"As well as can be expected."

"I'm just going to take a shower, and then I'm coming to check on him in person."

"You're a good friend, Kate," Martha said sincerely, then paused.

"What is it?" She frowned, worry making her tense slightly.

"I want to bring Alexis home so she can sleep. The poor girl is exhausted, but I don't want to leave Richard alone. I don't want to impose..."

"I'll be there as soon as I can," Kate promised her. "I won't leave him."

"Thank you."

Once Kate was reassured that Castle was still stable, her bladder once more made itself known.

She was still in the shower when the phone rang. Afraid that it might be about Castle, she quickly turned off the spray and leaped from the tub. Not even bothering with a towel, she hurried to the main room and reached for her cell phone.

With relief, she noted that it displayed Lanie's name and number right before she answered with, "Beckett."

"Kate? It's Lanie."

"Hi, Lanie."

Kate suddenly realized how wet and naked she was. The air in the room was brisk because she hadn't bothered much with the heat. Her hair clung to her face and shoulders, steadily dripping water over her face and down her body. There was a small continuous chorus of pattering sounds as water droplets hit the carpet.

"Where are you?"

That was an odd question to ask, but Kate knew why she asked it. "I'm home. I'm going to be heading back to the hospital in a few minutes. You heard?"

"I heard. How's he doing?"

"He's going to make it." Kate hated the little catch that appeared in her voice.

"And?"

"It was a bad one."

"How are you doing?"

"Me?"

"Yes, you."

"I'm fine."

"Mmm hmmn."

"Really, Lanie. I'm fine."

And that's why she was standing in her bedroom, dripping a waterfall onto the carpet.

"Call me if you need to talk."

"I will. Listen, I've got to go. I'm kind of naked."

"Naked?" Lanie loaded a whole lot of questions into that one little word.

"I was in the shower."

"The shower, huh?"

"Yes, the shower."

"Okay, then. Call me later. Will you be home tonight?"

"It depends."

"Well, call me no matter what time it is."

"Okay. Okay. I'll call."

"And, Kate?"

"Yes?"

"Tell Castle I'm glad he's okay."

"I will." Kate smiled. "Bye, Lanie."