Chapter 2: Let go

"Team two, Francis Cornelius reporting. Sir Kisaki, I think we found the guy you were looking for. Blue hair, in a red uniform, around the age of a high school student. Hmmm, hey…he kinda looks like Alex…Anyway, he's accompanied by a girl a little younger, maybe middle school kid, in green uniform."

"Good work. Commence retrieval."

"Yes sir, but only one problem, the medic says we can't move him like this, he's a bag of broken bones. He was hardly breathing when we found him anyway, the medic said something about a broken rib piercing through some membrane. He's coughing up blood."

"How bad is he?"

"According to the medic, he is probably not going to make it if he isn't treated soon. He smells like barbeque well-done. Basically, whoever sent to kill him has done a pretty thorough job…"

"You sound like you don't want to save him."

"Honestly. I don't. Why Zaft wants to kill their own soldiers is none of my dog-gone business. I'd rather go home and plot on assassinating the rest of the Serians."

"Cut the crap. Send me your location and I'll send a team to pick you guys up. Save him. This is an order."

"While you're at it, why not order the medic to save the boy and order the boy to rise up and walk?"

"Unlike you. The medic probably knows to do that already."

"Fine fine, can't you just ask nicely? I can still thwart your plans by letting the reef snakes take a bite out of him, you know…Hey, wait…"

"What now?"

"He's holding something…I can't seem to get it out of his hand…it's…MY goodness. In heaven's name, it's the freakin' pendant that our lady gave to Alex years ago!!"

"Haumea's pendant…? It's still with him?"

"Apparently. It's really ALEX!! HURRY UP AND SEND THAT BLOODY RECON TEAM!!"

Oooooo

Athrun knew he was lying on the ground, and strangely, he had absolutely no idea where he was. He was in the midst of an impenetrable, whitish fog which appeared so dense that he could not quite breathe, and cannot really see for more than a few feet into the foggy gloom. There was no weeping sky above him, no greenery beneath him, yet he could tell that he was lying on something quite soft yet rather cold. He thought that if clouds had texture, this is probably what it will feel like. Maybe the ground was not cold, but he certainly was.

It felt queer, because his sensory perception was somewhat confusing and jumbled up; like a mixed-up jigsaw puzzle; like a large pot of coffee and milk. In this world, nothing seemed complete, nothing seemed right, yet he could not quite put a finger to what was wrong. He could feel, but not really see. He could hear disoriented sounds that resembled pulsating, mecha cicadas, they sounded tired. Even the taste of the air did not seem right, the breeze that blew into his face seemed somewhat too clean; somewhat artificial. Resultantly he was confused by the cocktail of signals his brain was receiving, and it left him rather nauseous and disoriented.

It made him feel sad.

Someone was coming.

Anxious, his hand tightened around the pendant.

Crap.

The invader stared at him, and he stared back defiantly. He realized he had said the word out loud; which was so uncharacteristic of him.

The guy looked amused.

You didn't want to see me.

Kisaki was smiling, and Athrun cringed guiltily.

Kisaki hardly smiles, and when he does it tends to look a little creepy; though Athrun will never tell him that to his face. Also, Athrun wondered where he was, his voice appears to be coming from way above though he was sure the other man was only less than half meter away. It was a curious sensation.

He had been hoping to see Cagalli. But it appears that he was not going to get lucky.

I didn't…

Well, you'll just have to make do.

Athrun shook his head wearily, allowing his disappointment to show plainly on his face. There was no reason to be nice to an in-dream Kisaki. What's the point?

He looked up to his ex-superior, and for some strange reason, opened his mouth to say…

…Sorry.

For what?

Giving you guys so much trouble.

Athrun almost blurted out, 'Killing Kira.' And the expression on his face must have revealed the anguish in his heart, for Kasaki remained silent, then gingerly laid a hand on his left shoulder.

It's not your fault…

After a moment, Athrun nodded slightly, he himself had no idea what that gesture meant.

Kira……Where…?

You're going to see him soon.

That confirmed it.

Athrun is dead.

But oddly enough, he felt no sadness, only a small expectancy of meeting Kira. And he was surprised at himself, at how he embraced the fact so readily. Perhaps it was the pain, maybe it was despair, he did not know why he was so relieved. But the fact remains that he had indeed. Died.

Just as Kira had done a few weeks ago.

Athrun sighed in a small and sad way.

He will be ready for whatever Kira wants to do to get even. But there wasn't such a thing as a second death if Kira decides to kill him, is there?

It was as if Kisaki had read his thoughts. For he gripped his shoulder gently to get his attention.

…He doesn't blame you.

Athrun looked steadily at Kisaki, meeting his eyes.

He never does.

Athrun replied, his voice barely above a whisper and quivering ever so slightly.

Sometimes I think he should.

The fog swirled around him, clouding his dark thoughts.

Athrun had indirectly caused his death, whether Kira would admit it or not. His choices had led to one tragedy after another; yet he never turned back, never realized that he was being cornered, that the Chairman had been intending to murder his friends one by one. He had in fact, aided in the destruction of his friends.

First Lacus, then Kira.

…and Cagalli.

Cagalli.

Is she alright!?

The lady?

Athrun nodded, heart in mouth. The dead weight in his chest intensified, and he felt so afraid.

Yes. So far…

Kisaki was hesitant about something, and he stopped in midsentence. It made Athrun more worried. Yet he could not bring himself to ask, because he knew that even if he found out; he cannot do anything about it. He's…in a different world now, and he's helpless; the notion pained him in a way he never knew. The anguish that filled his heart now is just indescribable. And in the literal sense, he felt his heart break.

It scared him to know that he will never see Cagalli again, and he can never be there for her; just to stand beside her and protect her and hold her.

He had lost her the moment he boarded the shuttle and headed for PLANTs.

He recalled the moment where they met on the cliffs, and she was still wearing the ring despite everything; that ruby ring that Athrun had given to her.

It made him sincerely happy.

He clenched his fist.

It was red like blood.

Then he realized there was something held within. And he remembered suddenly, he held Haumea's pendant tight in his palm.

His eyes felt hot.

'You…seem like quite an unlucky guy, maybe this will protect you.'

Kisaki…

Athrun gazed at the gift, for the last time.

Can you…return this to her?

With difficulty, he inched open his hand. For some reason, it felt painful.

Why?

Athrun did not reply, he could not. Tears had pooled in his eyes, and he was afraid that a sob will escape his lips the moment he tried.

You still love her, don't you?

Athrun gasped softly, Kisaki had openly identified the source of his pain, and the moment he said it, it magnified; and became unbearable. He could not bring himself to admit it. He let out a shaky breath, struggling to express himself.

I…

You still care. You still love Lady Cagalli.

It was not a question, it was a statement. Kisaki was probing him, and helping him along.

…Always.

Athrun's voice escaped from his lips as a breath, a sound barely above a whisper.

…Then why?

…I……

Athrun swallowed the lump in his throat, attempting to shed the thickness in his voice.

I wanted to protect her…

He shook his head slowly.

But I can't.

He breathed out, his voice was quivering, it was so unlike himself. He sounded so broken, so shattered. His chest for some reason, felt tight and constricted.

So…return this to her. Please.

Kisaki hesitated. After a few heart stopping moments, Athrun felt the weight of the stone being lifted off his palm, and somehow he knew that Kisaki had conceded to his ridiculous request. He felt immensely grateful for it, for some reason, it was an incredible relief, a weight off his chest.

Do you want me to say anything to her?

Athrun was surprised at the offer.

It pained him to the deepest parts.

What can he say to her that still matters? What could he offer if he told her that he loved her, and was thinking of her all the while, even till the very end. What good will it do her if she understood even a tiny fraction of what he was feeling and experiencing? How can he still protect her when she does not need him anymore?

The answer stared at him plainly in the face.

It will be so simple, so easy. Yet so cruel.

Nothing.

She should be free to love. He has lost his freedom, but he will give her wings to fly.

Don't tell her.

Then after a while, she will forget that he ever existed. And she will move on in life, she will rule Orb well, she will marry a good man and be happy. Her world will be beautiful and complete without him.

Cagalli will be better off without him.

Really?

Athrun bit his lip, and nodded after a few moments. The action was short and simple, but it took almost all of his will power to force himself to do it. Because he knew there was no point in fighting. There was no point in screaming and shouting when nothing mattered anymore.

In the end, he just had to let go quietly.

So he did.

Oooooo

Kisaki looked at the pendant.

Athrun was unconscious again, and was breathing weakly into the oxygen mask cupped over his nose and mouth. His breaths were whispery faint and strained that they barely registered as vapor on the inner surface of the mask; it was a bad sign.

He was brought aboard 26 hours ago, sedated and his wounds treated. And all the while, he maintained a death grip on that pendant; even when the paramedics and doctors tried their very best to pry it out of his grasp. In the end, they lost; they had to cut the cord from around his neck to reach the wounds on his chest.

After surgery, Athrun remained in critical condition; he was injured too badly and had lost too much blood. His body needed time to recover, but beyond that, it needed healing that had to come from within. Sometimes it does, sometimes it does not. Sometimes it did not matter if they were Coordinators or not.

Sometimes people die.

And all Kisaki could do was to hope that he lasts long enough to be returned alive to the Archangel; where a pair of anxious twins were waiting.

Though of course, this idiot does not know about it. Come to think of it, he probably does not realize that his best friend was still alive and waiting for him. And of course, does not know that the Lady too, was crying when Kisaki told her the news.

And the semi-conscious, heavily-sedated idiot just gave the pendant to him.

Kisaki wondered what he should do, he wondered whether Athrun was actually lucid and coherent enough to understand all that he had said, especially when he did not even open his eyes. Kisaki was especially mindful about Cagalli's feelings.

Initially, Kisaki had assumed that the boy had been cheating on Cagalli all along when he suddenly left to rejoin Zaft.

Kisaki had sworn to kill him -for real- once the opportunity arises. Firstly it is because he had wounded Cagalli deeply with his sudden departure and subsequent betrayal. Kisaki had carried a deep resentment towards Athrun ever since and it escalated especially when Cagalli was forced to carry out the ceremony with Yuna. Kisaki understood her need and reasoning, but was somehow angry at Athrun for not being there for her; if he was there, he could have saved her, or at least ease her suffering. She tried to hide her pain, but Kisaki had never seen her so devastated.

He had never seen her cry like that.

And he renewed his resolve to make him pay.

Secondly, he was an obvious threat to national security. Skilled and deadly as he is, he was useful as both an assassin and aide, and when he left, he took Orb's military secrets with him. Kisaki had wanted to trust him, but seeing his absolute obedience towards the Chairman of PLANTs, he had his reservations.

He wanted to believe that Athun will never betray them, not completely.

But it appears that it was real after all; if his love for her extends even to these moments. The Athrun lying helpless before him was still the same Athrun who had devoted himself to Cagalli and sworn to serve her and her only for as long as he lives.

Seeing the young couple's love for each other brought back memories of romances he had had, and had lost. They had understood what Kisaki had not when the woman he loved did something he could not forgive.

They understood that it was precious beyond measure to find someone to love and cherish more than life itself.

Sadly, many people love for what the other party does, and not what he or she is. And in the end, there will be nothing left but selfishness and regret. But this young couple did it; they have chosen to love each other at the expense of themselves. They have found something so true and pure that it was worth dying for. They have found each other.

With the other hand not holding the pendant, he lifted a hand.

He ruffled through Athrun's slightly damp blue hair, careful to avoid agitating the wounds on his head. Kisaki was smiling slightly.

It was nostalgic, for it felt like two years ago again.

When Athrun was still shorter than him.

"Don't give up…" He said, half to himself, because he had no way of telling whether Athrun could still hear his voice. And in all probability, he had better luck talking to a tree trunk.

"She…still loves you."

A moment of silence, all except the heart monitor which was beeping insistently, hopefully.

He wondered if it were just his imagination. For thin trails of moisture made their way down the sides of Athrun's face.

Ooooooooooooooo

This is chapter 2, I hope u guys like it. Also, I uploaded a 7-step illustration of Athrun in the first chapter. If interested, please go to .com and search for my user name 'Mingathur', the title of the deviation is 'Fading Lights'.

Till chapter next! jyaa ne!

Ming