Welcome to, Chaos On Deck Part VII...
You know the spiel, I do not own Star Wars, Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, The Stormtroopers, the Death Star, these are all copyrights of LucasFilm Ltd. I also do not own any other references in the RP such as Beauty and the Beast, any Lady Gaga Songs, Star Trek. As this is a spoof things are going to happen in extremely bizarre ways and totally different from the story line.
This spoof in particular is taken from a roleplay the people listed below and I did on Neopets, and is THE FIRS TOFF DEATH STAR ROLEPLAY YET!. Now on to the participators...
Marly_Hugo35 (Me) - Darth Vader, Lumiere, Sam the PA Guy, Garbage Disposal DeathStarians
bugsbunny7117 - Chef, The Emperor
tyheamma- Captain Kirk, Spock, Sulu
O.k., so guess what? Did you guess? O.k., this is it, the first "Off Death Star RP" to come from our group yet, it occurs on Endor and is not the one we've promised you for so long, that's coming, later, but it's coming. So read on, and don't forget to rate , comment, and review...
"Frank, do you think Honey Roasted Chestnut or Honey Roasted Almond would look better on the tables?," Vader said as he walked alongside the maintenance man holding up two pieces of brownish cloth, almost identical. "Almond, it looks more delicious and comforting." "Your right," Vader said as he tossed a piece behind him and walked on, "Now what's your opinion or Turduken?"
The Emperor wandered up from his nap to his apprentice, "What about turducken?" he asked sleepily.
"Oh Steve, I was just wondering if Turduken would be good for dinner tonight," Vader asked as he pushed Frank out of the way and into the garbage chute. "AHHHHHHH! NOM NOM NOM." "Sam, send down another maintenance man, it seems Frank forgot about the garbage disposal monster," Vader murmured into his helmet-com.
The Emperor shrugged a bit as he listened to the monster crunching of Frank, "What's with the fancy dinner?" he sniffed around a bit, there was food cooking...and LOTS of it. "Is it somebody's birthday?
"It's Thanksgiving Steve, also Calvin said something about he's 23 now, the oldest clone on the ship or something...," Vader said as another maintenance man walked up, "Ah! Joey, Plan 26-B?" "As ya wish," Joey said as he took the fabric and walked off singing something about being put in the movies.
"Thanksgiving? What's that?" he said tilting his head, "It's not another one of those sappy holidays about peace and love and joy is it? Where we decorate things funny and make a whole crudload of…" "Food Your highness! Isn't it wonderful?" the Chef practically sang as he waltzed out of the kitchen, partnered with a soup ladle. To put it simply the Emperor face palmed.
"Ah Chef, everything's going well I trust?," Vader asked as several SprinkleTroopers (They had been demoted for bad conduct) walked by carrying cornucopias. "HELLO! GUYS? I'M F-FINE DOWN HERE! I MANAGED TO COWER INSIDE AN ABANDONED REFRIGERATOR FILLED WITH APPLE BUTTER!," came the voice of frank through the garbage disposal. "Frank? Is that you? Oh dear he's went all Jedi blue ghost thing on us."
The Emperor looked down the Chute, "No he didn't! Look! He's got a blue flashlight! Oh here comes the monster...opps... there goes Frank, No wait he's alive!... No that's just an arm… oh but it moved!" Eventually the Emperor just shut the chute door leaving Frank to live or die as Dianagga pleased. "Immensely well, Lord Vader! The turducken is ready to go in the oven if that's what you want."
"Oh, I guess that is just a blue... HOLY FORCE THERE'S TWO BEASTS DOWN THERE, OH MY JEDI!," Vader exclaimed before he turned away and looked towards the chef, "Ah very well, continue with Operation Turduken." He then turned back to his master, "You know things seemed to have quieted down recently no..." "ATTENTION! ASUNCION! HDFHDFFJO! THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL BEASTS HAVE BECOME INTELLIGENT AND HAVE RECOGNIZED THAT THEY WISH TO EITHER BE RECOGNIZED AS INTEGRAL PARTS OF THE SHIP OR THEY WILL EAT MOST OF US AND LEAVE ONE POOR SOUL TO DEFEND THE ENTIRE STATION, "BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR ANYTHING THAT LOOKS LIKE TENTACLES, MOVES, OR MAKES A GURGLING NOISE FOLLOWED BY A HA-CHA!THANK YOU! GRACIAS!," Sam announced over the P.A.. Vader followed the remarks with a facepalm.
The Emperor also facpalmed, "Vader, Helmet phone Sam and tell him to tell the Garbage monsters we recognize them and…, "the holiday slowly sunk into his understanding, "...and tell them we're THANKFUL FOR THEM!" he announced proud of his new understanding.
"As you wish my master," Vader replied before a ringing could be heard from inside the helmet before a metallic voice answered, "Hello, Imperial Control Center, would you like to speak to Sam, o.k. then, please hold..." Melodious hold music filled the air with the sound of the Imperial March before a click sounded and another voice broke in, "You got Sam!" "Sam, inform the Garbage Disposal Beasts..." "They prefer the term, Garbage Disposal DeathStarians" "Fine, tell the Garbage Disposal DeathStarians that we recognize them as integral and are thankful for their existence." The phone clicked and then Sam returned, "They say they know it's Thanksgiving and demand more Apple Butter..." "Well Chef, we got some?," Vader asked in response.
The Chef went too look in the fridge and came back out after a moment in a wild rush, "THERE'S NO MORE APPLE BUTTER!" he said panicking slightly.
"Samuel? Samuel? There's um... no more Apple Butter...," Vader said into the phone as the sound of an intercom being dropped echoed inside Vader's helmet. "Oh Force!," came Sam's reply, "ATTENTION! ASUNCION! THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL BEA..." "GURGLE!" "DEATHSTARIANS HAVE DECIDED TO DECLARE WAR ON THE INHABITANTS OF THE DEATH STAR VR. 78.2843, PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE NEAREST SHUTTLE AND LEAVE!"
The Emperor Gawked for a moment, "QUICK CHEF! What do you need to make that much apple butter?" The Chef pulled a recipe form his pocket, "2 tons of Endorian apples!" The Emperor shook his apprentice, "TELL THEM WE'LL GET IT JUST GIVE US TIME!"
"SAM? Tell them we'll get them their apple butter, just gives a little while," Vader said as a Stormtrooper nearly bowed him over pushing shopping carts full of electronics, "HEY COME BACK! I think he just raided the Wal-Mart." His answer came when a rather rotund security guard came waddling up screaming, "HEY THAT'S WAL-MART PROPERTY PUNK!" "How are we going to get that many apples?"
The Emperor whipped around to the Chef "HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET THAT MANY APPLES?" The Chef gawked "Um... That happens to be a very good question… um... firstly we'll need to get to Endor!" The Emperor was still frantic, "And then?" The Chef shrugged, "I don't know we'll cross that bridge when we come to it!"
"Um.. I have another question, every shuttle on board was just taken to escape, the flight personal probably left, and this battle station isn't exactly approved for landing on planets yet, how do we access Endor?," Vader ventured before the sound of Sam packing a suitcase broke in. "Lord Vader, should I pack for warm weather or cold?" "Where are you headed?" "Hoth" "Do you really have to ask?" "No"
The Chef wondered this himself..."What about that old clunky thing?" he said referring to a beaten up battle worn shuttle deemed long ago too unsafe to use but might be their only choice...did I mention it was painted psychedelic?
"Hmmm the Dream Machine?," Vader asked as he thought of the old shuttle rotting away on the flight deck two levels above them, "It might work, but we'd have to find enough Tie-Dye to power it to the planet's surface."
The Chef thought for a moment, before darting off to his room. He was back in a moment carrying some brightly colored clothing..."I was kind of weird during the sixties..." he admitted sheepishly, "Will it be enough?"
"Maybe... we'll have to see, to the FLIGHT DECK!," Vader called before Sam broke in again. "Vader? Have you seen my can of Wampa-Be-Gone?" "No Sam, did you check the supply closet?" "No..." "Wilkins keeps some there in the event of a Wampa attack" "A Wampa attack on the Death Star?" "Hey, we're being attacked by Garbage Disposal DeathStarians right now" "Touché"
The Chef and Emperor darted to the flight deck and opened the pilot's door. The Chef had opened it for Vader, but Palpatine hopped right in, "Sweet ride!" The Chef yanked him out of the driver's seat and into the back, which was carpeted all along the floor and walls, even CEILING in neon pink shag.
Vader rushed into the flight deck with his pilot goggles on and hopped in the pilot's seat as a bedraggled Sam ran up from a hallway, "PLEASE LET ME RIDE WITH YOU?" "As you wish," Vader replied as he snapped the goggles across his plastic coated eyes and started the engines with a sputter, "Activate Tie-Dye engines! Prepare to launch!" Sam got in, "Um, what about Barney and Wilkins?" "Please, they have training. LAUNCH!"
Palpatine grabbed about as much shag as he could as the rickety old thing rattled out of the flight deck "Oh Geeze I hate flying!"
"You sound like Obi-Wan..." "May the Force be with you" "Shut up my old master, I killed you" "So? Have you seen what your driving, your gonna need all the help you can get" The ship then floated out of the hanger before the engines cut and they plummeted towards Endor, "OH FORCE!" "Yeah, not so sure of ourselves now are we!," rang Obi-Wan's voice as they fell.
Palpatine screamed at the top of lungs, "AND THIS IS WHY!" The Chef swam through the zero g's and drop kicked the dashboard, somehow causing the engines to start again...at the very least for a millisecond...
"THUNK, THUNK, VR-VR-VROOM!, the engines burst into life just long enough to level the ship out and decrease their speed before they found themselves buried in a mound of dirt on Endor. "See, everything's fine... BOOM!"
Palpatine Jumped "What was that! The Chef lifted his head off the floor. "Probably the engine exploding... Palpatine facpalmed.
Vader then turned around to face the passengers, "Attention passengers, we have landed safely... BOOM! On Endor, you may now unfasten your seatbelts and exit the ship as you see fit, I hope you all purchased one-way tickets, because by the looks of the engine cavity, we won't be leaving anytime soon, thank you."
Palpatine sat up stiffly and rubbed his head, "What seatbelt?" he said wryly. At any rate he and the Chef got out, took a map from his pocket and pointed dramatically, "THAT WAY!" he marched for a few moments, stopped flipped his map over and turned completely around, "Sorry. THAT WAY!"
Vader followed with Sam on his tail with a 30 pound backpack on his back, "Are we even sure that Endor has an apple orchard?" "Of course Sam, Ewoks love apples, and bacon... Eh, we'll be fine though so long as we don't have bacon on us..." "Uh-huh," Sam said warily as he brought up the rear.
The Emperor turned to his apprentice, a small strip of bacon just sticking out of his pocket, "What about bacon?" he said suddenly very fidgety.
."Ewoks go mad over it, it's not uncommon for entire battalions of troopers to go missing delivering bacon to the shield generator," Vader said as he passed his master and crested a small hill to look down into a valley filled with apple trees, "But you'd now that if you ever read the invoices. Ah, it seems we've found them."
Palpatine felt his pocket's cautiously, and gave a small nervous laugh, "He-he Riiiight..." he suddenly heard a small twig snap behind him, "What was that?" And then the world went black.
."GOOD FORCE MAN!," Vader exclaimed as more of the Ewoks emerged from the trees pushing past Sam who's large backpack caused him to topple over the hill towards the orchard. "H-E-LP-ME! I-DON'T-WAN-NA-DIEEEEEEEEEEEE... THUD, BOOM!" "I told him not to pack the Reddi-Whip," Vader said as he pulled the Ewok off his master and flung it towards it's brethren, "HA-CHA!"
The Chef turned and ran to help Vader...if only he'd taken some baguettes with him..."Wait that's it!" The Chef bolted down the hill towards Sam, took two baguettes out of his backpack, made sure he wasn't dead, and then proceeded to run back to Vader to smack a few Ewoks away from the Emperor.
"Ah, the naturally enemy of the Ewok, the baguette," Vader said as he drew a baguettesaber from his cape. He fought off several of the Ewoks before the remaining begun to retreat inside the forest cover. At this point your probably imagining a 10 foot tall baguette traipsing through the Endorian forest in search of little Ewoks to snack on, this image is sadly completely correct and is the reason why so many Ewoks die out every year, please donate to the Save An Ewok Foundation by calling the toll free number below: 1-700-I -WANT -TO-GIVE -MONEY-TO -SAVE- THE-POOR- LITTLE- DEFENSELESS-EWOKS- FROM-THE-BAGUETTES. "Are you alright my master?," Vader exclaimed as he hissed, growled, or somethinged at a retreating Ewok before rushing to his master's side.
Palpatine slowly lifted his head off the forest floor, "Where am I? ...Who am I? Who are you and? ...Why can the teddy bears move?," He suddenly gasped and sat bolt upright, " I KNEW THEY'D take over they world some day! ...I think..." The Chef turned to Vader, "Uh oh…"
"Um, your Steve... I mean Emperor Palpatine, DARK EMPEROR LORDY THING OF THE SITH!," at this point lightning lit up the forest behind them, "And your um.. on Endor. I'm Dark Lord Awesome, but do call me Vader, and those Teddy Bears were actually... you know what, yeah those were teddy bears they came to take you stuffing."
Palpatine hugged himself defensively and whimpered in a most pathetic voice, "But I LIKE my stuffing." Suddenly there was another flash of lightening and The Emperor shook his head, his memory returning, "Oh… ah… WOW!" he said blinking heavily, "What Happened? Nevermind I don't want to know...where's Sam?"
"I'm down here, oh no I think my stuffing's leaking! Oh wait, never mind it's whipped cream," Sam called from the base of the hill. "Come on Steven," Vader said as he helped his master up before heading over to survey the orchard, "Come on, we got to hurry before the sun sets, that's when the baguettes come out." "Oh dear, this is cold, is this what it feels like to live on Hoth? I changed my mind, I want to live on Mustafar, I hear the lava rivers are lovely this time of year." "DING!," went the microwave in his backpack as Vader reached the man. Suddenly the Hot Pocket inside the device exploded and hot, red sauce trickled down Sam's face, "OH FORCE! Is this what Mustafar feels like. I'm never going there again!" "Tell me about it," Vader said as he helped the man up.
The Chef helped Sam up "Sam...How many apples do you think that backpack can hold?" He asked he had to wonder also though... How were they going to get back to The Teal Star? I mean, the engines were little more than metallic dust... although he figured tat Vader could fix that but where were they going to get enough tie-dye to power them UP to home? He shook his head, if they couldn't carry the apples…
"Oh, I'd say around 1.99 to 2.00003 tons of apples, easily, and that's with the emergency tie-dye stores in, why?," asked the PA guy as Vader rushed off to the nearest tree and looked up. "Um, not to poke holes in your plan, but what about those things?," he said as he pointed up to a weird little teddy bear like thing sitting on a tree limb.
The Emperor looked up at the Ewoks, "Oh Frap." And then the world went... well not black... he was conscious... but it became rather brown and fuzzy...
"UGH!," Vader exclaimed as he fell underneath the weight of the Ewok and lost sight of the sinking sun as it disappeared below the tree line and everything went dark. He chalked it up to the large mass obscuring his vision through the mask until the ground trembled and a loud, "BAAAAAA-GEEEEEEEE-T," sounded throughout the forest. The Ewoks scattered like ants from the water hose, like flies from a swatter, like Lady Gaga from normal clothes. "HOLY FORCE THE BAGUETTES ARE COMING!"
The Emperor screamed, "NOT AGAIN! Wait...baguettes can move on their OWN!"
"You haven't been reading 'Teal Star Quarterly' recent have you, master?," Vader asked as the ground shook once more, "Well apparently our dear friends in waste management, namely Barnabus, have been tossing baguettes exposed to main reactor radiation into space for weeks. The sad news being that Endor's magnetic field has caused the baguettes to gravitate towards the planet. Once they land on the planet, the combined magic of the radiation and the power of the Ewokian priests transform them into monstrous beasts." Just then a tee hurtled towards the group and was stopped millimeters away from Sam's face by Vader, "See? Not to be toyed with, their only weakness is muffins, and Cher music. They break down crying at 'If I Could Turn Back Time'," Vader said as a sob sounded nearby.
The Emperor looked up into his apprentices "eyes", "Oh Sweet Force...", he pointed behind his apprentice "Look behind you!' He himself got up and bolted in the opposite direction.
"What are you... Holy Jedi Of Tatooine!," Vader exclaimed as he turned to see the giant baguette stalk out of the tree cover brandishing what could only be called a rather crude version of a lightsaber made out of wood. At the sight of the monstrous beast Vader and Sam ran off into the orchard whimpering, "If I could turn back time, if I could find a wayyyy, I'd take back those words that would hurt you, and you'd stay..." As they turned tail and fled the baguette threw the saber causing a large thud and Sam's unbalance followed by more shouting, mangling of Cher, and a snowball effect roll down a rather pointy rock strewn hill. "Ugh, I take it back Sam, all the words that I said, I should have let the beasts take the Teal Star," Vader muttered as he lay back.
A Rope suddenly appeared around the baguette's er... "neck" and the Chef was on the other end! "DOWN YOU MONTEROUS HEATHEN DOWN!"
"Take that, and that, and... not those, I might need them," Sam said as he tossed several muffins from his pack before noticing that the next item to be thrown was his pink undies. "Quick thinking Chef!," Vader called as he watched the man grappling with the beast as it slunk closer to the forest under the onslaught of muffins.
The Chef Fought with the beast, finally pulling it to the ground, he slowly moved to it's "muzzle" and began to stroke it calmly, "There now, that's better, easy there boy, shhh..."
What are you waiting for?," Vader exclaimed as he made his up to the beast and the Chef, "KILL IT! Use my lightdagger." He then drew a mini-lightsaber handle and ignited the miniature blade. Whilst this happened Sam happily picked apples singing something about "disco sticks" to himself.
The Chef turned to Vader and whacked him in the head with one of his normal baguettes, "No! This guy just needs a little taming is all, besides," he patted it on the muzzle, "He might be our ticket home!" The Emperor could only Gawk at the idea.
"OW!," Vader exclaimed as he rubbed his helmet where the bread had struck, "That's absolutely preposterous! He... She... IT'S a giant baguette that has no sign of flight capabilities! Hoe do you expect him, her, IT to get us off of this Force Forsaken planet?" "I think it can do it,' Sam muttered as he put the last apple in the 1st ton in the bag.
"Who's the Chef?" asked the man, a bit boldly, Vader WAS his superior officer after all. "Besides I've been looking up the effects of Reactor radiation on French goods, he patted the...beast again, "Should work! I mean- look at Lumiere and Cogsworth!"
Hmmm, you do make a point... can you have it up and flying in an hour?," Vader asked as he examined the large beast, "After all, I've been doing research as well, and after these things are left stationary for an hour or more, the giant bacon monsters come to eat them." He then glanced worriedly from side to side as the organ played, "Duh Duh DUH!"
For months now, the Enterprise had been lost. In an attempt to escape a fierce Klingon fleet, Scotty had re-jigged the engines enabling them to travel at faster warp speeds. Unfortunately, they had been traveling in the direction of a black hole. Caught up in the heat of battle and traveling at faster speeds meant they had not noticed it. Much of the crew had escaped in familiar territory via shuttles. The captain and few loyal crew members were all that was left. "Are we there yet?" Kirk asked with a sigh. "No. Not yet," replied Spock, also sighing. "How much longer?" the Captain asked, adding an elastic band to possibly one of the biggest elastic band balls anyone could ever have imagined. /What happens when I run out?/ Spock bit his lip in an attempt to hide the anger bubbling inside him./I must not show emotion/ Hearing this question repeatedly for the past six months was driving him insane. One neck pinch and... "How much longer?" the captain asked again, now turning to his first officer. Just before Spock burst into a raging fit of anger he was interrupted. "Uh, sir, a planet..." Sulu began, unaware if this was just a trick of the mind. "What, where?"
the captain asked, standing to his feet and juggling his elastic band ball."Right there!" Sulu exclaimed, pointing at the huge orb in front of them."WOOHOO!" the captain exclaimed ecstatically. For the entire time they had been lost, they had not come found any planets at all. "Life signs too," Spock explained. Without hesitation a few crew members rushed down to the transporters and beamed down to the where they going to find here?
The Emperor was distracted from the extraordinary situation by some bad sixties sound effects and turned to see the three of them beaming down, "VADER!" He flailed, running to hide behind his large Chef nodded and started to coax the beast to an upright position when the Emperor had his little episode.
What is it Steven?," Vader said as he turned around to face the new comers, "Um... O.k.? They obviously have technology more advanced than anything we could ever imagine..." He gave a slight wave as he thought, 'Good Force, please don't let them say "We come in peace".'
Kirk gasped at the sudden encounter with some rather strange looking... 's life Jim, but not as we know it," Spock -ll-o" Kirk began, speaking slowly so the aliens could understand him, "We, come, in, peacee. He turned to his crew. "Phasers on kill boys, these folks look dodgy," he said out loud to his crew. After all, these guys wouldn't understand English. Surely?
The Emperer facepalmed "Good lord he thinks we're morons... someone go talk to him and tell him we speak English?The Chef walked up to them and waved casually, "Sup?"
"What did I tell you Vader, ignorant fools quoting B-Grade alien flicks," Vader said to himself after he removed his palm from the black helmeted forehead and raised it as if he had a question, "Um... yeah... Hello, um... how are you? Might I ask why your talking like Barnabus? And um you dare set your phasers to kill in my presence?"
Kirk, Spock and Sulu all muttered amongst themselves as one of the aliens approached."Sup?" Kirk repeated, "Sup?". Once again, he turned to Spock. "What is this strange alien language?" he asked, scratching his head. "I couldn't say," Spock replied, hands on hips."Um, a gift," Kirk smiled, offering the alien his prize possession, the elastic band ball.
Kirk soon snatched the ball back however, as the cloaked individual began to speak."You, you speak English?" he exclaimed, "Why didn't you say so?"He looked a little shifty, slightly embarrassed, the 'aliens' had understood every word.
The Chef stared at it apathetically… he then looked back to Vader as if to say, /Who are these wierdos?/
"Um... it didn't exactly come up?," Vader ventured as Sam approached with a backpack full of apples. "I got em' Darthie, all 2 tons of em'," the PA Guy said as he inspected the men who had just arrived. "Very good," Vader said waving him off, "Put them on the baguette and fasten your seat belt."
"Yes, well. So's your face," Kirk replied, a smug look on his face. Spock took out a notebook and began to write about all these weird and wonderful events unfolding in front of him. Timidly, he walked over to the baguette. "Hmm, fascinating," he said, poking it with a pen a few times. Meanwhile, Sulu walked over the to emperor, examining him closely. Phaser in hand, he poked him a few times.
The Emperor decided to have some fun and snuck around behind Spock and shocked him a tiny bit, "muahahaha..."
Caught by surprise whilst examining the baguette, Spock squealed a little. A squeal that anyone would have previously thought could only come from a young girl."You!" he growled, glaring at him.
The Emperor fell to the ground laughing "Oh my gosh! You react even better than Vader! Bahahahahaha!" The Chef patted the baguette to calm it, "Please don't poke Quasimodo…"
"STEVEN! Theses men are guests on our terribly dangerous Bacon and Baguette monster inhabited planet, we must...," Vader suddenly trailed off as the helmet phone began to ring, "Hello?" "Gurgle" "Um, about that, we're on our way to make it now..." "Gurgle" "Fine, eat Calvin he does nothing anyway" "Gurgle" "Bye!," Vader said as the phone clicked, Um Emperor, we might have a slight problem..."
As he had done not too long ago, Spock bit his lip again./I must not get angry. I CAN'T get angry/ His knuckles turned white as he curled his hands into tightly packed fists. His body began to tremble and his face turned red. /So, I've been stuck on a ship with a complete idiot for six months, /six/ months and now I'm stuck with these goons?/ That was the final straw. Breaking a branch from a nearby tree he began to attack the Emperor with 's laughing now, hey, hey?" he yelled.
The Emperor managed to get up and ran behind his apprentice "HELP!" His anger kicked in and he began to shout, though he was clearly physically outmatched, "How dare you beat the Emperor of the galaxy with a stick!"
Spock chased after him, branch still in hand. "Oh, I dare!" he yelled, swinging at him hadn't noticed Sulu behind him, simply staring at the sky, and accidentally whacked him to the floor too.
"My master? Was it not you who provoked this chain of events?," Vader asked as he tore trees from the ground and made them circle him and his Emperor, "And besides, we have much larger... garbage disposal beasts to fry." As if in response to the insult a loud, "GURGLE," rang out across the planet.
Kirk shrieked at the noise. "What, my darkly clad friend was that?" he asked, looking at Vader with a petrified expression. The noise had also stopped Spock and his attack. Gasping, he looked around him. Sulu, still on the floor, continued to stare at the sky.
The Emporer looked at his aprentice indignantly, "I am old and senile, you know I can't be held responsible from my actions" The Chef facepalmed. The both suddenly looked up as the Gurgle sounded..."Vader...What was that?" asked the old man cautiously…
"Um... well..., the Garbage Disposal.. Bea..." "Gurg..." "DEATHSTARIANS!," He said before the gurgle could be finished, "Are a little angry at our prolonged departure, they want their apple butter and they want it now." The trees then fell to the ground as Vader rushed to the Chef, "Chef, old buddy old pal, how much longer will it be till she's ready to fly?"
The Chef began flailing wildly, "As soon as we can stop the insanity and get ON!" This being said he hoped on, reigns in hand, and waved them over. He then turned to the trekies, "Come with me if you want to live!"
"Your silence says it all," Vader exclaimed as he hoped up onto the baguette beside Sam as the sound of the bacon monsters came over the treetops, "I wish you a happy demise and a safe trip to the big Fancy French Baguette Room in the sky!" As he buckled his seat belt he waved at the trekies, "Punch it Chefie!"
"Hya!" cried the Chef raising the four of them into the air "Go Quasi go!" The Baguette flew obediently into the air and soon enough they were home. "Good Quasi! Here's some bacon!," he said as he snatched the piece out of the Emperor's pocket and threw it to the baguette monster. "Hey!"The Chef reached over and shook him, "WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS MAN!" "Be my guest..."
"TO THE LAB! I MEAN, TO THE KITCHEN!," Vader said as he grabbed Sam's hand and raced off through the hanger bays into the deserted halls towards the kitchens and their newly added Apple Butter vats. "Sir? What if the Garbage Disposal DeathStarians have infiltrated the kitchen and deprived us of the other Apple Butter making supplies?," Sam asked before he was smacked. "Optimism Sam, optimism!"
The Chef skidded into the kitchen and grabbed all the sugar he could get, "To the Vats!"
Vader burst through the doors to the vats and hurriedly begun flinging the apples into them straight from Sam's backpack. "Um... Sir? Shouldn't you peel and quarter those?" "Please Sam, they inhabit the garbage disposals, I don't think they need perfectly made apple butter, besides, it's a high source of fiber."
The Chef began pouring in whole bags of sugar, and in a matter of about 3 minutes they had all the ingredients in to be mixed, "Vader set the mixer to ludicrous speed!
"Sam set the mixers to ludicrous speed," Vader said as he popped his mechanical knuckles and pulled a pair of goggles over his helmet. "As you wish, Lord Awesome," Sam said as he turned the dial and the mixer slowly started up. "Prepare to make the jump to ludicrous speed!," Vader said as the mixer spun more rapidly...
The Chef and Emperor both hung onto the railings next to the vats. "Oh My God! The Mixer's gone... PLAID!," cried the old man. "OK! TURN IT OFF!," called the Chef.
"AS YOU WISH!," Sam cried as he fought against the vortex to reach the dial, suddenly a loud crunch sounded, "Um... I THINK I BROKE THE DIAL!" Vader facepalmed as he activated his suction cup boots and made his way to the dial, "WE'LL HAVE TO FORCE AN EMERGANCY SHUT..." He was cut short by the sound of a Garbage Disposal Beast getting it's tentacle caught in the mixer causing it to stop.
The entire station stopped with a huge jerk and the Emperor was only saved from falling into the vats by the Chef's quick hand. Slowly he looked in and saw the mangled remains of a Garbage Disposal DeathStarian. "Woah…," he turned to Vader, "...Now what?"
Vader managed to pick himself up off the floor and remove the suction cup that had attached itself to Sam's helmet, "Um... I'm not sure... perhaps we serve it to them anyways?" Sam then leaned over the vat to take a look, "Um... it's not there anymore?" "WHAT?," Vader rushed over and looked into the empty vats, "Gooood, now we just have to wait for the explosive powder I added to take effect..."
The Chef jerked his head up to look at Vade, " HOW LONG HAS MY SUGAR REALLY BEEN EXPLOSIVE POWDER!" He'd been doing a lot of baking lately, not that he himself had actually gotten to eat any but still...
"2... maybe 3 weeks tops," Vader responded as he looked hopefully into the garbage disposal, "We must be ready for an event such like this at any moment, but don't worry it was only the bags you just got, except for last week, poor Joshua..." Then all of a sudden a loud gurgle sounded before a loud BOOM filled the air and smoke billowed out of the garbage disposal, "GOT EM'!"
The Chef fell flat on his back in relief "We did it" he sighed completely content, "We finally-" suddenly he sat straight up, "THANKSGIVING DINNER!"
As if the word dinner was a magic summoning charm, the hanger bays suddenly filled with TIE-Fighters and Stormtroopers as they rushed into the cafeteria. "Um... o.k., montage speed?," Vader said as he turned to face Chef.
"Credit montage or normal montage? 'Be Our Guest' either way?," the Chef said grinning big inside his helmet.
"Hmm... let's go with credit montage, Lumiere?," Vader asked the candelabra on the counter. "On your word monsieur," he replied. "Let's wrap this mother up!," Vader said as he spun and transformed into beautiful mauve garments, "Hit it Sam!" At that the candelabra started singing as the montage began and the credits rolled.
And so we end the first off Death Star RP and the longest one so far,
But I'm sure you still have questions like:
What will happen next?
Will there be more Disney allusions and cameos?
What has happened to Dr. Fragglehorn?
What about Barney and Wilkins?
What about this new plot, where is it at?
The answers to these questions and more in the next installment... hopefully...
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