Chapter One

Staying Gray

Ponyboy woke up to a loud bang and dragging sound. He squinted his eyes against the sun that shined through the window and groaned slightly. He knew this day would be just like any other day, it would be long and drawn out. It was going to be miserable again, he knew this. He was miserable every day, he knew how it was gonna play out. He knew that in a couple of minutes Sodapop was gonna come in and tell him it was time to get up, he knew he was gonna be lead to the kitchen where Darry would sit food in front of him but he wouldn't eat it, he knew he was gonna follow the guys around the whole day, and he knew it was all gonna happen again tomorrow.

He thought maybe he would change up the schedule and get up by himself. He grabbed some fresh clothes from the chest of drawers and went to take a shower. He turned the faucet as hot as it would go without scalding himself. He let the steaming water fall over his body and semi-relax his tense muscles. He never relaxed completely not ever since a certain night that had enabled him to relax ever again. No matter how much the guys tried to talk him away from the memories he couldn't forget. He couldn't seem to forget the jeans jacket folded and laying in a small box at the bottom of his closet or the half filled journal and packet of half used ink pens under his mattress.

The numbness that worries Sodapop and Darry was what was helping him cope. Talking less was definitely helping too. Sometimes Ponyboy felt like if he opened his mouth to say one word he might lose it. The guys tried to get him to talk and he wishes they would stop but telling them so would cause him to speak and if he'd try to explain he would fall apart. He knew the guys would understand but he still couldn't talk about it. It hurt way too much.

Despite Pony not talking though, he had a feeling the guys had the gist. The guys knew about everything else anyway. Yes, the guys knew about Ponyboy and Johnny, that's why they were so gentle with Pony. Even Steve and Dally were nice about it. No one had seen anyone get so cut up about anything in their lives, they were upset too but Ponyboy was taking it hard. They all understood when Pony had mumbled what happened in his half-conscious stupor. They had been shocked but they didn't mind, which was surprising.

Sometimes Pony would just get angry. He would slam doors and punch walls; there were actually a couple of dents in the wall of his room where he hit really hard, so his knuckles were always bruised. He would laugh bitterly at Johnny's last words… Stay gold, he thought with venom, more like 'Staying gray'. Because that was all he was doing. His life was just a gray haze that he didn't want to pay any mind to but it kept sucking him back in and he couldn't control it. He didn't want to get up in the mornings and he skipped classes. He shouted threats and stole, especially cigarette's but not Kool's because they reminded him too much of burning churches. Ponyboy was becoming a real hood and that worried the rest of the guys.

Pony dried off, got his clothes on then went to the living room which to his surprise was empty. He thought about calling for someone but that would've been stupid so he followed the crash and drag that rang through the air. It led outside so he walked out into the thick, blistering air of Tulsa, Oklahoma. The sun was shining and the pavement burned his bare feet but he didn't care about that. Where was everyone? There was another crash, bang and drag and Pony twisted around to see all the guys walking in and out of the garage of the used-to-be vacant house. They were carrying boxes back in forth between an old beat up car and the small garage.

Ponyboy stood there confused and dumbfounded. Were they actually helping someone right now? Finally Darry noticed him standing there and called him over. "Come and help us with this. We got new neighbors." Ponyboy didn't ask questions and he didn't bother to object so he started to pick boxes up. He figured some heavy lifting and sweat would do him some good.

As he walked in and out of the cluttered garage he noticed the faces that were staring after him. All of the guys were looking at him worriedly but not the usual looks, these were different and that confused him. Ponyboy tried to ignore them and took out his frustration by picking up his own weight in boxes. He was really starting to work up a sweat when a lady with dark hair and a thick Jersey accent came out with a tray of lemonade.

"I thought you boys would like some refreshments." The woman said. She went around the semi circle of hoods handing out glasses of iced lemonade but she ran out by the time she got to Ponyboy. "Oh! I got a new helper. I'm sorry I'll poor you a drink." She rushed into the house. Ponyboy sighed and leaned against the wooden paneling of the house. Soon the woman came back and handed him a drink. "I'm sorry Daniel isn't out here helping you." Pony didn't miss all of the guys' heads snapping toward him. That was weird. "He's just very tired from the long ride from California. He'll be out soon."

Ponyboy took a sip of his drink then remembered to thank the women. "Thank you Mrs…"

"LaRusso." The woman finished for him with a smile.

He gave her a small smile so not to seem rude. "Thank you Mrs. LaRusso."

"No. Thank you." She said to all of the boys and that's when the conversations started going and Pony's role in the current situation faded. The rest of the gang chatted with the nice woman as Ponyboy leaned back and continued to sip his drank. He could feel the stick sweat on his back and run down his neck.

"Hey Daniel! Glad you could join us." Pony opened his eyes to see who Mrs. LaRusso was talking to and there he was…

The dark hair and eyes, the tan skin, the baby face and the delicate build. It was Johnny. The shock and the pain humming through Pony at this point were hard to contain. He almost dropped his glass but luckily Sodapop, seeing his distress, came to sit next to him and caught the glass before it slipped out of Ponyboy's hand.

Soda put his hands on Pony's shoulders trying to calm him down but it was too late. Only Soda knew what was going on but it was only a matter of time before Pony lost it.

"Johnny…" Ponyboy whispered so quietly only his brother could hear. His lips were quivering and his eyes stung. What he wanted so badly was standing in front of him and he couldn't reach out and take it.

"I know he looks like Johnny but you gotta calm down." It was getting hard for Pony to breath and he kept repeating Johnny over and over in a hush whisper. Soda looked back at the gang; he had to get Pony away. "I'm gonna take Pony back home. He's had too much sun." The gang knew what he was talking about and nodded.

Soda pulled his little brother up and gently led him to the house. He helped Ponyboy undress and made Pony lay down because he was gonna need to rest now. Soda leaned down and kissed his baby brothers head before leaning against the headboard of their bed, he wasn't gonna leave Pony like this.

Pony layed there, silently crying before falling into an uneasy sleep. Living next to that boy was gonna kill him.