Chapter Two
November 13, 1873
Scarlett,
You were partially correct in your assumptions my dear; I did indeed entertain thoughts of consigning your missive to the flames. The only reason it was saved from such a fate was a pestering curiosity on my part. I must say, Scarlett, I am rather impressed with how astute you are to recognize when our marriage began its rather illustrious fall from grace.
I spoke the truth to you all those years ago, when I stated that I had waited longer for you than I had waited for any woman. Truth be told, even after our nuptials I was still waiting for you. I am not a patient man by nature. Men such as myself rarely are; but I attempted to be, in the hopes of one day holding your heart and your unscrupulous mind as closely as I held your charming body. I see now it was not to be.
The comedy in this whole sordid mess, is just how long it appears that we have been at cross purposes. It seems we both kept silent on many matters that we should have given voice to. No matter though; what is broken remains broken and cannot be mended.
I will admit that the ruin of us is perhaps not all yours to carry. I did love you, once. I kept that knowledge from you for my own protection. I will not regret concealing my true sentiments for you in the initial stages of our friendship and later, through the early days of our marriage. You would have undoubtedly used my love for you as a weapon, to bend and shape me to your will.
Could I have been mistaken? Was there a time that your heart had softened towards myself? If such a miracle transformation did indeed take place, I must say, I was blind to it. Of course, one must be looking for such things, to be capable of taking notice. I admit. I ceased looking some time ago.
For good or ill, I should have on some occasion or another made you aware of my love. I should have let the fear of your rejection, and your ever present infatuation with Mr. Wilkes, go and hang. My only excuse is that, as a gambling man, I was not prepared to lose. Well my dear, it seems we are both fools. We will both have to live with the destruction we have wrought on one another. We are you and I, both willful and prideful by nature, and those attributes have cost us much. While willfulness and pride have made us successful, they most certainly have cost us our marriage and our children.
It is no good, Scarlett! I simply can no longer love you. Loving you was at one time my greatest joy, but it led me to my greatest sorrow. Do you remember when I told you, heaven help the man who truly loves you? I fear there will be no help for me from above. If there is a lord, he most assuredly does not provide assistance to rogue's and blackguard's such as myself. My penance is to live with the losses my pride caused.
Write, if you must. You would do no other than what you felt necessary, even were I to say do not. I wish you whatever peace you may find in the endeavor. I will offer you this piece of advice; find enjoyment in those who remain. Wade and Ella need a mother, and the love of a child can numb almost any pain. I will of course, as I said return often enough to keep the gossip down, but outside of that, I can offer you no more. I cannot give what I no longer have.
Rhett
Rhett was seated at his large desk, looking at the words he had written. He was struggling to understand just why he had responded to her letter. "Because I am a goddamned fool, that's why" he angrily muttered to himself.
Sighing deeply, he folded the letter, put it in an envelope, and set it with the other things to be posted in the morning. Now that the unpleasant task of writing, Scarlett, was completed, what he needed was a drink. As he was pouring himself a brandy, he heard a light knock on the door. "Come in."
"Rhett dear, will you be joining us for dinner tonight?" his mother, Eleanor, inquired.
Although he didn't feel much like enduring another gathering with his mother's friends, he hated to disappoint his mother. She had been concerned for him since his return to Charleston the previous month. Many questions had been asked about his sudden appearance, and why, Scarlett, had not accompanied him. Although, Rhett was quite accomplished at keeping the truth from his feisty wife, the same could not be said about the very perceptive Eleanor Butler. She never questioned the vague excuses he gave, but Rhett felt his mother knew that there was something very wrong with his marriage.
"Yes mother, I will of course be joining you. I was just finishing with some business matters that required my attention." he said hoping she could not see just how out of sorts he was feeling.
A/N: So very sorry it took me this long to update. I've had this chapter finished for quite a while, but wasn't very satisfied with it. I was hoping I could improve it a bit. I'm finding it quite difficult to write Rhett. In the end I've decided to post it just as it was. Hopefully this gets easier with practice. Can't say when I'll be able to update, since school is keeping me pretty busy, but I will try to be quicker. As always any suggestions are more than welcome. Again, thank you very much to those who read and review. It truly amazes me that anyone finds this enjoyable.