Disclaimer: Victorious was once owned by me, but I traded it for a delicious sandwich. I regret nothing.
Cat
You wake up. Not that you don't usually wake up, or that the way you do it this particular morning is anything exceptional, but you wake up with your eyebrows furrowed, the tattered remnants of a dream rapidly fading in your mind, and you try to pin it down, because you remember how it made you feel, even if you don't remember why. You can still feel it, this heavy weight in your stomach, that's almost like hunger, but not for food. It's no good, and you know you can't force yourself to remember it. You've tried before, and all it did was give you a headache.
You get to school early. It's funny, sometimes you're early and sometimes you're late, but you're never on time. It depends how you're feeling. You feel good today, like there's a smile not only on your face, but plastered across your brain as well. You've always thought of your brain as having weather, because sometimes your mind feels cloudy, or everything feels grey and rainy, even if it isn't outside. Today is sunny, both in your brain and outside, and you always like it when the two match up.
You like Hollywood Arts. The actual class time you don't like so much, but the buildings you love. You're creative, and you can appreciate the graffiti and art everywhere, even if you've never painted anything yourself. You've tried before, but what you want always changes, and you end up with something that's neither one thing or another, and it made you feel like Frankenstein, because you hated your creation. You're better at singing, because there you can paint a picture with your voice, and it's already decided what it's going to be in the music and the lyrics. You're just the paintbrush, or maybe you're the paint. Either way, you're just an instrument that can be played.
You're excited today, you remember suddenly, your memory jogged. You're excited because you get to do a duet. Well, technically everyone in class pairs up to do a duet. You like doing duets because it's like acting as well, your other passion. You're singing, but you're singing to someone. You're having a musical conversation. You smile at that, amused by the thought of everyone singing instead of talking. You start giggling once you think of animals doing the same, little mice with squeaky voices singing about their love of cheese. You wish that were real.
You jump when the bell chimes, startled to find people rushing around you, heading to class. You don't know where the time went... you never do, but it always seems to go so fast. Except when you're with Tori. It's weird... it's like she slows time down, like watching a tortoise walk; everything's in slow motion with her. You like it... it's an oasis in your day. You feel like you can take a breath when you're with her, you can stop and think for a moment. Although your problem is you think too much... but when everything is slow like that, you can actually grab onto a thought and follow it through.
Class time is the worst. It feels like forever, but when the bell chimes, it seems like only a moment. You wish they could just pick how fast time is supposed to pass... it confuses you, and you never get anything done when you want to. The worst part is, no one understands when you try to explain it at lunch, gesturing with a sandwich in your hand. Jade's staring at you like she didn't think anyone could be this stupid and still be alive, and you know she's staring at you like that, because she told you that's what that stare meant, and she's giving you that stare. "Cat, time doesn't change. It's the same. The clock doesn't speed up or slow down. A second is a second."
You sigh. It's... that's not what you meant, and you wish you could explain yourself better, but big words scare you. They go on too long, and you trip over the syllables in your head. They're the Godzilla to your Japan of a brain.
"No... I think Cat meant like... when you're really bored time seems to go really slowly, but when you're interested in something it goes by too fast. Like Robbie's stand up act... it felt like it'd never end, but it was only twenty minutes."
You ignore Robbie's protest, staring at Tori. She gets it. Your cheeks start to feel hot, and you put a hand to them, confused. You're blushing. No one... no one understands you, and you don't mean that in angsty way, it's just they don't. They don't follow your twists in thought, preferring to plough through in a straight line.
You stand, excusing yourself briefly, your face blazing. It's not the first time you've rushed off in the middle of lunch with little to no explanation, so no really takes any notice. It hurts you a little bit, that no one notices. You suppose it makes sense; most of the time nothing is wrong, but you wish they'd care a little. You notice Tori looking over at you when you glance back, but she doesn't get up. It's for the best. You can't control your feelings right now; this odd clenching in your chest, and when you reach the bathroom finally you look into the mirror, your cheeks flushed. You put a hand to your chest... it's like a clenched fist inside, and it almost hurts. All you can keep thinking, over and over in a tone of awe, is that she understands you. You splash water on your hot cheeks; you don't understand. It shouldn't mean this much, that Tori understood one thing you said, but you can't help the way you feel, and it's just confusing you more and more. Sometimes you just can't stand to be around her. This, you think, is one of those times, and it's happening more and more often.
You take a deep breath, bracing yourself against the sink and closing your eyes. At first you thought it was Tori... she was different from all your other friends. She was different in that she was actually nice to you, invited you over to her house for sleepovers, helped you when you had a problem. She was your best friend, and it was the first time you ever used that 'best' and meant it. She treated you like you were a person, whereas so many other people just treat you like a pet.
You sigh. You're too here again. You can't deal with all this emotion that's throbbing through you – you just don't understand why. One plus one is two, that makes sense, but this... this is more like algebra, and you've never been good at that. Tori is x, you're y, and you have no idea what you equal, if you equal anything at all. You let yourself drift among numbers, turning the number nine on it's side. It looks like a tadpole, and you follow that thought, because it takes you away, makes you feel happy and uncomplicated, and you don't realise you're still gripping the edges of the sink, so tight your knuckles are tensed white. You've moved onto frogs and princesses by the time the bell chimes, making you jump and wonder why your hands are hurting, wiggling them in front of your eyes.
A/N: Please to review. I apologise for the lack of action of this chapter, I'm still in the awkward infant stages of this fic, and the chapters will get longer and more eventful (also... I'm still getting used to switching between characters). So review and let me know I'm doing okay, and I'll do my thing and write sexually confused, angsty fiction. After all, it's what I do best. XD