Hello loyal readers! I say loyal because, if you are reading this, you clearly don't detest me for killing Merlin... or at least are interested in what's going to happen next. And there are those of you who don't like me for killing him, which I'm okay with too. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion. So, yeah, the story isn't over quite yet. Please, keep reading and reviewing! You have no idea how much I love reviews... they're like chocolate.

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CHAPTER 5: THE BOOK'S DISCOVERY

A week from that fateful day when everything changed, Morgana found herself dressing for dinner with the king. Gwen said nothing as she finished tying the sash around her slender waist. It was gold, the dress green. For Merlin, Morgana thought, smoothing it with her hands.

"There," Gwen said, stepping back. "Beautiful."

"Thank you." Morgana splayed her fingers across her stomach unconsciously. She had not yet confided in Gwen, perhaps out of fear that the servant would let something slip to someone without noticing, but mostly because she loved her delicious secret. The child was hers, her only reason to go on besides her oath to Merlin. "You may go." Gwen curtsied and left, looking over her shoulder.

Morgana took a deep breath and put her hand on the door handle, preparing to leave her sanctuary for the first time in almost a month. As she walked through the castle halls, she thought that castle was exactly as she remembered it. She could almost imagine that she would turn the corner and Merlin would be standing there, a flower in his hand and a smile on his lips. He would pull her into a hug, kiss her while no one was looking. She pulled herself from the daydream. Merlin was dead – gone. That was the long and short of it.

The guards opened the doors to the hall and she entered. Uther sat at the head of the table, a feast spread before him. To his right sat Arthur, and on his left sat an empty chair. "Ah, Morgana," the king said, standing up as she entered. "Are you feeling better?" he asked, as though nothing had happened.

"Yes, my lord," she replied, taking her seat. The king sat down as a servant pushed in her chair. "Much."

The meal passed uneventfully. Morgana said little, letting Arthur and the king make awkward small talk as they shared the mostly boring recent news of the kingdom. She excused herself early, claiming to not be fully recovered from the flu.

"Let me escort you to your chambers," Arthur said eagerly, jumping to his feet. His underlying distaste for his father had been evident, to Morgana at least, for the entire meal.

"No thank you," she returned. "I believe I shall go see Gaius first, ask if he has something to help my stomach." She hurried from the room, hating herself for sitting so quietly beside Merlin's killer. Gaius's door was cracked open, and she slid inside, clicking it shut behind her.

"Morgana," he said, standing up. "I was expecting you a little later."

"I couldn't sit there, Gaius, I just couldn't. How can he expect everything to be the same? It will never be the same." She could feel tears pushing at her eyes, but forced them back angrily. Taking a deep breath, she steadied her feelings. "Can I see his room?"

"Here," the physician said, standing up and moving towards a small set of stairs in the back. She followed him into a small, rather messy room. "I haven't the heart to clean it yet."

Before he left, she called out to him. "Gaius!" He stopped and turned around. "Why didn't I see you when Merlin-" She couldn't finish the sentence.

He looked deeply sad. "Merlin was like my son. I couldn't have watched him die. He understood."

"Thank you," she said, quietly. He nodded and left, closing the door and leaving her alone in the room. Slowly she paced the small room, looking with vague interest at the clothes scattered across the wooden floor. She paused by a small cabinet, and heard a slow creaking. The board beneath her foot wobbled slightly. Her interest piqued despite her attempts to repress it, Morgana knelt down and pulled at the wood. It came up easily, revealing a cloth-wrapped parcel. Carefully, she pulled it from the cubbyhole and put it on the unmade bed.

Her heart beat faster in anticipation as she fingered the rough cloth. What was it that Merlin was hiding? she wondered, intrigued. It looked like a very large book, and when she pulled back the covering, her suspicions were confirmed.

The book was light brown, worn through years of use. Without even bothering to read the title, Morgana opened the book and flipped through it. It's a book of magic, she realized with wonder at Merlin's daring.

She didn't read it though. She couldn't bring herself to, as a fresh wave of grief at Merlin's passing overtook her. It felt raw and new, as though she had just seen him die again. She crawled onto his rumpled covers and drew the book into her, cradling it against her chest as though it were the most precious thing in the world. For the first time since his death, Morgana allowed herself to cry. Great sobs wracked her body and she shook with the force of them. When she had cried herself out, she fell asleep, still wrapped around the book, in Merlin's room.

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A little bit of a short chapter I know, but the next one is longer, I promise. By the way, did you all notice that thing between Gaius and Morgana? If you didn't, and you don't know what the heck I'm talking about, read it again... if you care, that is. But it is a little important – to me if to nobody else. Well, and possibly to the future of the story. :)