Disclaimer: No. Not mine. Still? I know, I know, I'm trying.
Cat
You pick at your lunch despondently. Your brain weather and the real weather aren't matching up anymore. It feels like it should be overcast, and you wish that sometimes the real world would listen to your brain. It doesn't feel right that things should be bright. And normally, lunch is your favourite time of the day. You love food, and even though all you have today is a salad, usually you'd have finished it in five minutes, and then started eyeing someone else's lunch. But you just... it doesn't taste as good today. It's like ashes in your mouth, because it doesn't taste like Tori, and every bite is taking the taste of her away from you, a little more each time. She's almost gone.
You're changeable. You know that... emotions are what you know best, you've had every one of them, but you're all over the place today, even more than usual. There's this hope flickering in you, and it keeps snuffing out and relighting and you wish it'd just make up it's mind whether to be there or not, because right now, there's a sunshower in your head, and your brain doesn't know whether to shine or rain. If you were a robot, you'd be shortcircuiting, and you sort of wish you were a robot, because at least they can't feel anything, at least they can't do stupid things like kissing their best friend and falling in love with them. At least robots don't make mistakes.
Tori hasn't been in class all day. She's not here now, and you wonder if she's gone home. If she's sick. Did kissing you make her sick? Do you make Tori sick? You put down your fork. You feel a little sickened right now. By yourself. You sigh, looking up and almost jumping. Jade's staring intently at you, closer to you than you thought. It's not that Jade's scary, it's just... no, she is. Jade the person doesn't scare you, in fact... you like that Jade a lot, it's just... how she looks. She's so... noticeable, and whenever you don't notice, it surprises you more when you do, because you're not sure how you missed it and she's there. And Jade's looking at you like you're a bug with a pin stuck in you, and she's shoving you under a microscope while you writhe. "What?" You say softly, your eyebrows turning up. You want to know why Jade's studying you. Are you starting to make her sick too?
"You've barely touched your lunch." Jade says, her eyes flicking down to your lunch before returning to you.
"So..?"
Jade raises a pierced eyebrow. "So you love food. What gives?"
You push your salad away from you further. "I'm just not hungry."
"Is it Tori?"
Your head snaps up to Jade. Does she know? Did... how does she know? Is it that obvious? Did everyone see it before you? Has everyone been laughing at you? What if Tori knew, and she was just playing with you? No. You need to stop those thoughts. It's not fair to Tori. She wouldn't do that, and you know it, but there's always been a part of you that whispered those dark thoughts. Its voice is just louder today. You open your mouth, and usually the words just spill out, and sometimes they're not even related to the subject at hand, but today, there's nothing, not even nonsense.
It's enough for Jade. "She didn't speak to you." Jade's face darkens, and you can almost see the thunderstorm in her head, and it makes you feel a little better, knowing that someone's else's brain is raining just like yours. But what she says confuses you. Why did she think Tori would speak to you? The last time Tori spoke to you it didn't go so well, or... maybe it went really well, at least for your lips... not so much for your heart.
"N-no."
Jade sighs angrily, putting a hand to her head. "I'm gonna fucking kill-" She trails off, something catching her attention behind you. You turn, wondering what's made Jade stop... who is she going to kill? Is it Tori? That's who she usually wants to kill. And it's Tori who's behind you, her eyes flicking between the ground and you, her hands drifting everywhere over her, like they're not sure where to rest.
"Cat..." Tori runs a hand through her brunette hair, and you wish you could see her eyes through her lowered lashes, just so you could see how you made her feel, to see if she was looking down because she can't bear seeing you, because it sickens her, or whether it's because she just can't stand it. And even now, you can't help but smile, even though your heart is twisting inside you. It's her, and your lips don't remember that they should be sad. "Can we talk?" She wipes her palms on her denim shorts, shifting awkwardly, and you nod, standing. Your words are still dried up, but you're sure they'll come for Tori, because there's a million things you want to say to her, and they can't just stay pent up in you.
She leads you behind the school, and you can't help but notice how good she looks in the sun. She belongs there, in the sunlight, against the green grass, and the blue sky, and the brown of her skin. She shines, just like she did that first time you saw her, like she does every day. You press your back against the cool, shadowed red bricks, staying out of the light. Maybe you belong in the sun too, but there's always a part of you in shadow. You're never just one thing, but you're closer to being whole when you're with Tori. She makes the pieces of you fit together, she keeps them from sliding apart again. But sometimes you need to be in pieces, because it hurts to be tied together and quivering, waiting for her to crush you, and make you into that many more pieces.
Tori's pacing back and forth in front of you, and you keep your palms pressed behind your back against the cool, rough brick. It keeps you from floating away, keeps you grounded. And you can't trust your hands around Tori. You know that now. You can't trust any part of your body around her; not your hands, not your lips, not your heart.
She turns to you finally, sunlight touching on her hair, and you think this is what your idea of angels will be now, because no one's more perfect to you than Tori. She always has been. "Cat... I'm sorry." Tori twists her mouth, moving closer to you, her hand half-raising like she's not quite sure what she wants to do with it, and for once, you're the still one while she's the restless one. "Before... in the janitor's closet..." She looks down again, and you wonder if she's ashamed, but you can't see her eyes, only the droop of her shoulders, the hang of her head. Her eyes flick up to meet yours, and you feel your heart jolt. You swear she has the sun in her eyes too, warm strikes of brown that you can't look away from. "I've been thinking, and... you're weird."
Your eyebrows pull up sharply, mouth dropping open. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Tori winces. "No, no... that's not what I meant. Dammit, I planned this whole thing out, and I've already messed it up." She puts a hand to her forehead, sighing. "I meant... you're different." She looks up at you again, biting her lip. "You're different from anyone I've ever met Cat. You're sweet, and you're kind, and... you're my best friend." She moves closer, and the shadows wash over her. She's joining you in the shade, and you swear you can feel the warmth still radiating from her skin, like she carries the sun with her. "At least... I thought that's what you were." Her mouth twists, and you feel your heart lunge painfully, and you hope she can't see it pushing it's way out of your chest. "Cat... I've never really had a best friend before. Back at my old school... well, I didn't fit in." Your eyebrows furrow... it's hard to imagine Tori not fitting in, not belonging, when she fits so well here. When she fits so well with you. "But Cat... I've been thinking... a lot, and... I don't feel about you like you do for a best friend. I know you don't like me, but-"
"I love you." You clap a hand to your mouth, but the words have already escaped, you can already see them crawling into Tori's ears and rippling across her face. You didn't mean to say it... it's true, but you didn't... it wasn't right. You wish you could suck them back up, push them down deeper, but it's already too late. You wanted words to come out, just not these ones.
Tori's eyes flick over you, lip wedged between her teeth, and she shifts closer to you, her hand reaching to pry your fingers away from your mouth, and you wonder if she realises how close she is to you. You certainly do. She lets go of your hand, fingers moving to brush under your chin, tilting your head up, her eyes still scouring you, and you wonder what she's looking for, and if she's finding it. Her breath shudders out, and you think she must've found it, because she's leaning in, and you feel like a squirrel, because your heart is racing and this is nuts. Your lips part slightly, and you want to say something, you want to say anything, but she's hypnotised you, with her eyes, with her touch, and all you can do is close your eyes, heart pounding. And when her lips finally brush yours, it's like your whole body is pushing up against her, like all your nerves are trying to crawl into your lips so they can feel this. You think it's working, because the rest of the world fades away, and it's just Tori kissing you, Tori's fingers on your chin, her hand on your shoulder, and nothing else. It's just her. You think your heart must've crawled into your mouth as well, because it's shaking your head and your brain with every beat, making your lips tremble against Tori's, and you wonder if she can feel it, if she can feel how hard your heart is beating for her. You think she must, because her breath is shuddering, and she pulls away slowly, almost reluctantly, and it's not like the other times you've kissed. There's no scrambling back, no panic, no confusion. Those kisses ended, whereas this just feels like a pause in between the next one.
Tori takes in a short, rushed breath, her shoulders relaxing, like there was some string in them pulled taut. "Cat... the way I feel about you... it makes me want to do this." She gestures between her lips and yours, a slight smile on her face. "I love you already as a best friend, Cat. A-and... I think I want to see if I could love you as... as my girlfriend, too."
You can't stop the grin from splitting your face, can't stop from bouncing on the spot. "You want to be my girlfriend?"
Tori shrugs, the smile on her face wider. "If you want to be mine."
Tori's eyes widen as your hands link around the back of her neck, pulling her to you. And finally, you can have that long, drawn out kiss you've dreamt of in your unremembered dreams, and it feels so familiar, just like breathing. And Tori's lips taste like so many things, but mostly, they just taste like Tori, and that's all you want them to taste like. You don't ever want to forget that you're kissing her, just her, and that she's kissing you, just you.
You don't know how you didn't see it before. You saw the pieces, but not how they fit together, and suddenly, it's so clear, and the puzzle is solved. The piece you were missing all along was Tori, and now you're complete.
A/N: We all know what this spot is for now. It's the place where I beg for reviews, and give you an insight into the twisted, awkward world I live in. I honestly don't mean that part... it just seeps into the review-begging.
So... please review? They're so very important. I did a one-man show on Broadway once, and not one person reviewed, and I had no idea whether it was good or not.
Okay, so it wasn't on Broadway.
… It was on Broad Street, a street in my town.
… And it wasn't a show so much as screaming and hurling bottles.
…. And I'm not one-man. I'm a woman, or... equivalent to five cats. Same thing, really.
… And I knew from the start it was fabulous.
But no, reviews are still important. So you should do that. Yeah.
Oh, and this is the end.
…
FIN.