Hello again! Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed 'Already Gone', and special thanks to my new beta reader, Holly (happyeverafter72)- who's also written some wonderful Ashes fics, check them out!
Anyway- this is set in The Railway Arms about two weeks after Alex and the others first entered the pub; please let me know what you think of it!
xoxo Gee

Hell Of A Paradise

Alex Drake sat in a corner of The Railway Arms alone, wishing the wine bottle in front of her wasn't empty. Why did the wine have to run out? What kind of Heaven was it if you had to get up and get another bottle- it wasn't like they were going to run out of it any time soon; though, with the amount she was drinking, most pubs would be completely out of stock by now. That was the thing, though- The Railway Arms couldn't be compared to most pubs. Most pubs could be exited as well as entered- The Railway Arms couldn't. Alex Drake liked most pubs, but she hated it here. Gene Hunt was allowed in most pubs, but he wasn't here; which was why Alex loathed it. The problem was that she was the only one- even now, as she gazed absently at her surroundings, she was aware of the laughter and noisy chatter coming from all the other coppers Gene had helped. They were watching the 2010 World Cup and cheering loudly; they'd moved on just fine- why couldn't she?

As she contemplated possible answers to the question she'd been asking herself since she first got here, she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see a pair of blue eyes gazing down at her. For a split second, she thought they were Gene's, although she quickly realised they couldn't be- those eyes could never compare to the Guv's, but they still belonged to one of her dearest friends.
"You okay?" Ray asked softly, although he already knew the answer- he knew she'd say yes, but make it quite clear that she meant no. This time, though, Alex decided to change her answer.
"Not really." She replied, trying to sound light-hearted and failing miserably. DI Carling was shocked by her reply- it wasn't like it was particularly different to what he already knew, but he wasn't expecting her to be so honest about it.
"Fancy coming to watch the footy?" He asked. He just wanted her to stop looking so bloody miserable- he didn't know how to deal with miserable people. Normally, it would be Shaz or Annie standing here, but Alex had screamed at the two young DCs earlier on that day for constantly badgering her.
"Not really." Alex repeated, picking at the label on the wine bottle and waiting for Ray to go back to the match and leave her alone- although secretly she wanted him to stay with her for a few minutes; he wasn't Gene but he was better company than an empty chair.

As if he knew that Alex didn't really want him to go, Ray sat down in the chair next to hers, a stubborn look on his face which made it clear that he had no intention of leaving her alone any time soon. "Cheer up- look at this place, it's Paradise!" He sounded light-hearted and happy, but it was also pleading. He didn't want to see Alex like this; she was supposed to be happy here. She was supposed to be able to settle down, relax and enjoy it. However, Alex was in no mind to give in and at least pretend to like The Railway Arms. Alex gazed around the pub; it was exactly as Sam had described it in the tapes he'd made for her in 2007, though it hurt her to remember the tapes because of the memories they brought with them- memories of home, of a time and place where she knew exactly what was real, of her daughter.
Even in the dim light, it was clear that all the wood was extremely well-polished, in a way that made it look almost unreal. The rest of the pub, however, was very ordinary-looking; there was a dart board, which always seemed to half at least half a dozen men standing around it, and it smelt just like any pub. Sweat, alcohol and tobacco- the smells Alex had grown to both hate and love during her time in Fenchurch East CID- but it didn't smell quite right. There was something essential missing, something that made the smell comforting and familiar. The sounds were the same- it was normally 70's music, although music from her time was available; whatever was playing, it was always accompanied by chatter and laughter, usually sports related; just like it had been in CID, but it sounded all wrong. There was always one essential element- whether it was a voice, a scent, or simply a presence, and she knew all too well what it was. Until that piece was added to the puzzle, The Railway Arms would be a fragment of Heaven, and Alex would be a shadow of a soul.
"Empty wine bottles, cigarette smoke and football...hell of a Paradise." She replied with an indignant snort, which caused Ray to sigh sadly and look up at her, all traces of happiness gone.
"Seriously, Alex, what's it going to take for you to realise that this is the best place for you to be?" He asked, silently praying that the answer would be different to the one he was expecting.
"You know exactly what it's going to take." She replied coldly- and she was right, he did know. So did pretty much everyone else in The Railway Arms.

With a sigh, Ray reached for the empty bottle and got to his feet.
"I'll get a refill."
"Don't bother- I'm off to bed." Alex replied quickly, not even giving Ray time to walk to the bar. She then got up and made her way to the stairs at the back of the pub, wobbling slightly as she went. The second she looked as if she might fall, the pub went silent. Ray was at her side in an instant, although it looked like she hadn't noticed him or the sudden silence as she continued up the stairs, dozens of pairs of eyes following her, each one filled with pity.