Chapter Twenty: No Other Way?

Fiyero thought he knew what was going on with Elphaba, but he didn't want to bring it up to her. She'd tell him in time, wouldn't she? After all, she'd have to know. That is, if it was what he thought it was. Could Elphaba possibly be… pregnant?

But she never said a word to him, and he was getting very tired to waiting for her to talk to him. So he decided to approach her that night. She went out to town that day, another behavior that was very odd, and came home late. There was a look in her eyes he suddenly didn't like. Elphaba seemed very disturbed. He moved to hold her but she pushed him away, mumbling, "Not tonight. I'm… bleeding."

He nodded, somewhat shocked, having become almost sure and somewhat excited about the pregnancy. His only word was, "Oh."

She cocked her head at him as she undressed and got ready for bed, "Is something wrong?"

"No," he lied.

She saw through that. "Fiyero," she said, getting into bed, "if you don't tell me, it's only going to get us into a fight."

"It's nothing. I just thought something and Iwas wrong, that's all."

She took a deep breath. He couldn't have thought… no. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, the way you've been acting lately. You hadn't bled for a long time. I thought maybe you…"

"Oh," she murmured softly. It was her turn to get uncomfortable. She turned over in bed and closed her eyes.

"What was that about?" He demanded, suddenly suspicious.

"Nothing, nothing at all."

"You're lying." Fiyero gently rolled her back over and looked at her, surprised to see tears in her eyes.

"I…"

"What the hell is going on?"

"Fiyero, I…" She hid her face in her hands.

"Tell me," he ordered.

"I was… pregnant. But… Fiyero, it would've gotten in the way, right now. I can't have a child now. I'm almost done with school."

Fiyero let go of her and swallowed hard. "No, you didn't, no… I can't believe… no…"

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Is that where you were today? Killing our child and not even telling me? You weren't even going to tell me, were you?" He grabbed her hands, wanting to shake her.

She struggled to get out of his grip. "It wasn't a child, not yet. It wasn't!"

She didn't have to struggle much. He loosened his grasp on her quickly, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach. "How could you?"

She didn't answer. Her body jerked involuntarily and she leapt out of the bed towards their private bathroom, retching.

At any other time, Fiyero would have gone to her, held her hair away from her face, stroked her back, but he couldn't go near her. He felt as ill as she was.

"Fiyero," she called softly, between heaves, "please…"

He walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Unsure of what to do, he knocked on Boq's door, "Can I stay in here for the night?"

Boq knew better at this point then to question Fiyero. "You'll have to sleep on the floor."

"I don't care."

In the morning, when he grabbed his books to head to class, Elphaba was gone. He didn't even care. She wasn't in class and he was grateful, almost. Fiyero didn't think he could look at her.

That night, when he went to bed, she was nowhere to be found. He wasn't concerned; he just fell asleep. When it occurred again the next night, he didn't even think about it.

The next morning, there was a knock on his door. He opened it and grunted, "What is it?"

Glinda stood there, biting her lip. "Is Elphie here? She hasn't been in class and no one's seen her so I figured she was sick in bed…"

"Nope, not here."

"Then where is she?"

"Hell if I know," Fiyero answered.

Glinda slapped him.

"What was that for?"

"I don't know what's going on, but Elphie's missing and you don't care. And I do know that the fact that you're not looking for her is wrong. I don't even want to know what's happening, but we need to find her and now."

"Have fun." Fiyero almost shut the door in her face.

"Fiyero! What if she's dying?"

Fiyero stopped the door right before it shut completely, the anger in his eyes suddenly panic. "What gives you that idea?"

"Elphie disappearing without telling anyone and being gone for as long as it seems she is could mean anything, Fiyero. We have to find her."

Fiyero rushed out of the building with Glinda and the two stood, lost and afraid, outside of the dorms. "Where do we go, now?"

"Where would Elphie go?"

Fiyero paused and thought for a moment. "Sometimes she liked to sit outside Dr. Dillamond's old abandoned lab, she said. I don't even know where that is; I wasn't here when he was alive…"

Glinda said, "That's over by Suicide Canal. Come on!"

The two darted towards the canal and no sooner was it in sight than they saw a lone green figure shuddering in the grass. Elphaba only had her dress and she'd been out there alone, for two nights, in the cold. At some point, she'd lain down, and the dew from the grass was burning her skin. She was unconscious.

Fiyero picked up the scraps of paper around her. They were all the beginnings of letters to him, trying to explain. In her knapsack, there was a notebook and a pen. That had been all she'd had for the past forty-eight hours. He scooped the shivering creature into his arms and Glinda grabbed her things. "We'd better get her to the infirmary, now!" By now, he'd stopped caring about what she'd done. For Oz's sake, she was his wife, and he loved her, and she was half-alive in his arms!

So they headed for the infirmary. Halfway there, Glinda began to scold him. "I don't know what you did, but look what you drove her to!"

"Glinda, you have no idea what happened, stay out of this!"

"My best friend might die and you're telling me to stay out of it? I don't think so. You are an asshole! Fiyero, you hurt her enough for her to… to…" Glinda started to sob.

"Stop crying. If you cry, you stop breathing as much, and then we won't get to the damn infirmary fast enough. Now shut up!"

When they reached the infirmary, the nurses sent them into the waiting room. The two glared at one another menacingly. It was more than an hour before one of the nurses came out, "Next of kin?"

Both of them stood up, but Glinda grimaced and sat back down. Fiyero said, "She's my wife. Please, tell me what's going on."

"She's going to be okay. Her body temperature is extremely low, but it looks like it'll get back to normal in time. But she's going to be in here for at least a week. You're lucky you found her when you did. If she'd gone any longer without proper care, she might not have made it."

"Hmph!" Glinda folded her arms across her chest. "Well, it's a good thing I got you worried in time, then, isn't it?"

Fiyero had no retort and ignored her. He asked the nurse, "Can I see her? Is she awake?"

"Yes and yes." The nurse led him back towards the inner workings of the infirmary.

Behind him, Fiyero heard Glinda stammer, "But she's my best friend! Can't I see her?"

Another nurse told Glinda, "Only the next of kin. I'm sorry, sweetheart."

Fiyero paused in the doorway and stared at Elphaba for a little bit. She wasn't looking at him, and she was shaking her head madly. After some time, he said, "Fae…"

She rested her gaze on him and seemed to shrink back in the covers. "Fiyero, I'm so sorry. I didn't want you to know because it would only hurt you. I couldn't have told you about it; you would've been mad."

He shushed her. "We'll talk about that later. What were you thinking? You almost killed yourself."

"I was wrong to do what I did, and I hurt you and you were angry with me. I couldn't deal with myself."

"So you ran off into the cold for two nights in a row?"

"Where did you think I was?"

He hung his head. "I wasn't really thinking about it at all. It was Glinda who decided to look for you, not me."

Elphaba nodded understandingly. "I'm not surprised by that."

Fiyero stepped closer to the bed. "I should've worried."

"No, you were pissed and didn't want to think about me."

"Had Glinda not come and made me look for you, Fae…"

"It's fine. You were mad and had a right to be. I'd be mad," she said softly.

"I love you," he blurted suddenly. "I know you think I hate you, but I don't… I'm hurt and angered by what you did, but I still love you. As much as I hate to admit this, I'm glad Glinda snapped me out of my rage enough to find you, or I don't know what I would do."

Elphaba was silent.

"I should've tried to be more understanding."

"No, I went off without your permission, even your knowledge, and did something that would hurt you. That's a hard thing to understand, Fiyero."

He knelt by the bed and took her hand in his. It was cold and clammy and he kissed it softly. "But I love you."

"I'm sorry I killed our baby."

"I know you are," he told her comfortingly.

"I never wanted to hurt you," she continued.

"It's okay. We can talk about that when you're better. Please never do that again. I would never have been able to live with myself had it been too late."

"I don't know if I can live with myself, now," she shuddered.

"No, Fae," he pleaded, "don't think that way. As much as I'm pained by what you did, I understand your reasoning, knowing you. You needed to finish school. I wish it hadn't had to be that way, but it was."

"Can I make it up to you?"

"You can start by getting better."