Chapter Twenty-Two: Sleep

Elphaba lay in bed, eyes closed, listening to Fiyero breathe. She snuggled nearer to him so she could feel his chest rise and fall along with her own. Though she hadn't had any trouble making love with him since "the incident", Elphaba only slept when there was light outside, and that was an hour or two before Fiyero woke up. He was unaware that she wasn't sleeping, though he noticed that she'd become increasingly weak and tired and he was rightfully concerned. But she didn't tell him what it was. His only response would be to try and comfort her, and she knew it wouldn't help. Pulino was dead, but that didn't mean Elphaba could sleep any easier.

He shifted beside her and Elphaba lay still, alarmed that he might notice that she wasn't asleep. She heard him move beside her as if he was sitting up slightly. A hand touched her cheek and caressed it softly, "I love you," he whispered.

Instinctively, she whispered back, "I love you, too."

He jumped, "I didn't realize you were awake."

She propped her head up on her arm, "Well, I am."

"It's funny, that happened the other night, too. You're always awake when I wake up in the middle of the night."

"Maybe I'm psychic," she teased. "Is something bothering you that you keeping waking up, love?" Maybe if she focused the concern on him, she could avoid her problem for the time being.

"This entire issue we've been discussing with my mother and uncle. With my father dead, I should technically take the throne, but we have to complete our last year at Shiz."

"Well, I know you don't like the idea, because there's a danger of being overthrown, but isn't your uncle perfectly capable of ruling? He doesn't seem like the type that would overthrow and exile you or anything, love."

"My father taught me to be watchful of that sort of predicament, Fae."

"And look where he ended up," she tried to say it gently, but it was harsh reality and they both knew it.

He sighed and pressed his chin to the top of her head, "I know, I know."

"Besides," Elphaba kidded, "if that does happen, then I can be Eminent Thropp and we can live with my family for the rest of our lives!"

They both fell into laughter then, Fiyero laughing so hard he had to wipe tears out of his eyes. "Sweet Oz, I love you," he told her.

She was glad to see him happy. With everything as it was - his father dead, his guilt over the death, his concern about her, his concern with the kingdom - she'd rarely seen him smile recently, and at the moment, he was. It was evident in his voice. Elphaba found something to do as she stayed up dark nights, and it was watch over and tend to him.

Sometimes, late at night, she'd get up and wander over to the window seat in their tower room and look out, only for a moment or two. It was at this point that Fiyero woke one night, "Fae?" He did not like waking up without her while they were at Kiamo Ko.

"I'm over here," she murmured.

"Oh, okay, good," he sat up, "What are you up for?"

"I don't know," she lied.

"You're always up."

She didn't answer.

He got up and collected her in his arms, carrying her back to the bed. "Why don't you ever sleep, Fae?"

"Don't be silly, Fiyero. I've never slept well, you know that."

"Not like this," he insisted. When she didn't say anything, he realized, and sighed, "Fae, he's dead. He can't hurt you."

Knowing that he'd figured it out, she groaned. "I hate you."

Fiyero, being sensitive, would normally have been hurt by this comment, but he knew what she meant, "You hate that I can learn what's wrong without you having to say anything?"

"Yes, because you don't need to worry about it."

"Would you worry if I wasn't sleeping?"

"I would. But see, Fiyero, you're you, and I'm me."

"Thank you for that wonderfully enlightening discovery," he remarked sarcastically. After a pause, he said, "Please, Fae, don't let this get to you."

"How can I not?"

He noted that she never slept with her back to him anymore. They'd used to fall asleep curled in the same position, only he'd be hugging her close. But she couldn't allow that anymore. Now they slept facing one another, her head buried in his chest, as if hiding from something. "You know I'd never do that to you. I'd never do anything you didn't want me to."

She shook her head.

"Okay, maybe if it was for your own good, but that's an exception. Fae, are you afraid of me?"

"You're nothing like him, but you are his son. Sometimes, in the dark, when I've just woken up, I don't realize it's you beside me, and it scares me. There's a slight resemblance. The moment I see your eyes, I know it's you. But even if it's just for a second, I don't want to feel panicked like that again…"

It was moments like these that he could swear he was almost happy he'd killed his father rather than just wounded him. He kissed her forehead and pulled her against him, "I know you don't like that, but you said, it's just for a second, and I think, that after a while, when you get used to the fact that it's always me, it will go away, but only if you let yourself sleep and go through that little second you don't like."

"I hate feeling weak," she admitted.

"I know, baby," he cupped her cheek in his hand and looked at her seriously, "but eventually, you won't. Because after a while, you'll get used to it being me, and you've got to know I wouldn't hurt you. I killed my father for you…" Fiyero cut himself off. He'd never said that out loud before.

Elphaba took his hand in hers, "I'm sorry that happened."

"Sometimes, I think about it, and I can't believe I actually killed him. I certainly didn't mean to do that. I was so caught up with protecting you; I didn't focus on where I was aiming…"

"It's not your fault, Fiyero," she nuzzled her head against his chest. "I just wish… if it weren't for me, you'd never have had to do that."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Are you trying to tell me that you think it's your fault? Because that's the craziest thing I've ever heard."

"Obviously, you haven't listen to half of the things I've said in the past year, because that is certainly not the craziest thing I've ever said to you."

Fiyero didn't laugh at this. He knew her too well to fall for the whole "she's joking around so it's okay now" trick. "It's my father's own fault, and you and I very well know that," he reminded her.

"But if he hadn't gone after me…"

"Oh, no, no, no!" Fiyero almost put his hands over his ears. "Stop that. He would've done something to someone. My father was asking for it, Fae. But that's not the problem. We've got to get you sleeping."

"We?" Elphaba challenged.

"Yes, we. I'm a part of this, too, you know. If you were sleeping alone, you wouldn't wake up next to anyone and therefore would not have to worry about waking up afraid." Fiyero bit his lip, hoping he hadn't given her any ideas. He didn't think he could bear sleeping without her. Because being beside her was the only way he knew she was safe, and after the whole ordeal, he didn't think his mind would be at ease any other way.

Elphaba didn't pick up on the idea Fiyero had worried she would, and she only stared at the ceiling, thinking aloud, "I can't. Every time I try to sleep, I remember that when I wake up, I'm going to have to check my surroundings again, and in the dark, that makes it a longer period of uncertainty. So if I wake up at night, then I have to endure that, and I just can't…"

"You can, Fae. I'm right here, and you have to get that through your head."

She was stubborn as all hell, but (at least, with him) she would always give in. Fiyero didn't sleep the first few nights of this. He stayed awake and watched her. The moment her eyes began to open, he'd whisper to her that it was okay, that he was right there, and he knew that made it easier. Elphaba would often smile at that, and kiss him deeply, inviting him into her body (and invitation he simply could not decline), and she'd be so exhausted afterwards that she wouldn't wake again until morning.

"Oh, Yero, I love you. You don't have to stay awake, though," she told him in the middle of one night after they'd made love.

"But I do. Besides, your little rewards give me quite the incentive," he murmured into her ear, nibbling at her earlobe seductively.

"Not again, oh, I don't think I can stand it!" But she began to kiss him again, and eagerly straddled him, moaning softly.

He grabbed her hips and slid them back and forth, closing his eyes and listening to her whimpers and cries. Fiyero heard her breath catch and he knew she was going to lose it.

"Please," she gasped, unable to keep herself moving, hands on his shoulders, locking eyes with him.

Fiyero arched his back slightly more and tugged roughly on her hips, pulling her down as far as physically possible and she screamed his name. That was enough to make him reach climax as well, and he lay there, staring up at her, still inside her, smiling at the sweat that trickled down her forehead. "See?" He grinned, "I do have to stay awake. I can't miss that."

She shuddered just thinking about it and slid off of him, mewling as she felt him leave her body. Elphaba nestled herself in Fiyero's arms, also damp from sweat, and relaxed, closing her eyes, "I'm glad I make it worth it."

"You're worth it, with or without the lovemaking, Fae."

"But it's so much better with it, isn't it?"

"I can't say it isn't a lot more fun," Fiyero laughed. "Go to sleep, love. I'll watch over you, I promise."

"You are the most wonderful man in all of Oz," Elphaba declared.

"Only for you, Fae, only for you."

She kissed him softly one last time before she closed her eyes and fell into a very peaceful sleep.