Disclaimer: I do not own Saw, Adam, or Lawrence.
Author Note: Thanks for the reviews everyone! So, I know I kind of skipped over the big important first kiss scene. I got a little caught up in the Christmas spirit I guess….you can blame my favorite Christmas movie "Love Actually" for that. So anyway, here is another big important first not to be done without a little bit of angst. OK…maybe a lot of angst. But you get the point. Enjoy!
First Seduction
Lawrence worked a lot. It was part of being a doctor. He worked different shifts all of the time sometimes getting home before dawn and other times not until rush hour. It had been a problem when he was still with Alison. She would complain that he was never home in time to tuck Diana into bed or to spend time with her in the way that married couples should. With Adam, it wasn't as much of a problem. Adam was a chronic insomniac and usually would not even try to go to sleep until Lawrence came home from work. Lawrence suspected that it was partially because of Jigsaw and the nightmares of being trapped in a dark bathroom alone – waiting to die. Adam never talked about it and Lawrence never forced him to. He figured that one of those times when Adam woke up screaming he would tell Lawrence everything. One of those times when his comforting arms and "I love yous" weren't enough to make his heart stop racing and that raspy voice stop playing over and over in his head.
It wasn't a day he looked forward to, though, because then he would have to be faced with the reality of what happened in that room after he left his best friend alone and bleeding. He knew that it must have been hell and he was thankful every day that Adam had been able to forgive him for crawling away when he needed him more than ever.
That day happened on New Years Eve, of all days. It was a late night for Lawrence and he knew that Adam was particularly disappointed that they couldn't spend their first New Years together. He didn't show it like Alison did, nagging and fighting. Instead, he sulked around the apartment and stayed to himself even before Lawrence had to go to work. It was his longest shift ever, or it seemed like it. He wanted to be with Adam more than anything and, eventually, his sulking around the doctor's lounge was enough to get his colleague to cover the remainder of his shift so that he could rush home before the ball dropped.
When he finally arrived at the apartment, around eleven thirty, Lawrence found Adam in their makeshift dark room that they had made out of their walk in closet. Somehow, space for their shoes wasn't nearly as important as Adam's photography and this was understood from the time Adam moved in.
"Hey Adam, I'm home. I got off early." He tried to contain his excitement to see the young man. Not wanting to disturb the process, he stood outside of the door and spoke into it. He could her Adam shuffling around and the sound of metal things being banged against other metal things. He felt worry settling in until the younger man came out of the room a few minutes later, clad in his usual black T-shirt and pajama pants.
"Hey man." He tried to express excitement but Lawrence could tell that something wasn't right. His eyes, usually bright in a childish way, were dull and sad. His hair was messed like he had woken up from a long sleep and his voice was hoarse.
"You ok?" On reflex, Lawrence reached out to pull his boyfriend into an embrace. He felt a pang in his chest when Adam backed away instead.
"Yea, I'm fine." Adam walked past him and sat down the nearby bed. Lawrence could smell the vinegar wafting off of him. It was Adam's smell and it always pushed his buttons in just the right way. He moved over to the bed and sat down next to Adam. He could see the pain in the younger mans face and it pained him as well. He knew what had happened because this was how he always looked after he had a nightmare.
He must have fallen asleep trying to wait up for him.
Cautiously, Lawrence reached over and brushed a strand of hair from Adam's face. He felt him pull away even more at the gesture.
"Do you want to talk about it?" There was a lump rising in this throat. He hated when Adam was in pain. He hated that it was, most likely, because of him.
Adam shook his head in response and then dropped his face into his hands.
"Why did you leave?" The words were barely audible through his palms but Lawrence could make out the pain in them regardless. He closed his eyes to stop his own tears from producing.
"I'm sorry, Adam. I didn't want to…" Abruptly, Adam stood up and walked to the center of the room.
"I know, I…" He stopped, trying to choose his words. His voice came out angry but it was only to cover up the pain. "I know you had to. I know we both would have died. But I was alone for an entire night, Lawrence, and he was there." He paused to look up at Lawrence. Lawrence saw the brown eyes that he loved – the same ones he'd crawled away from in the bathroom. "And now he's here, all the time. In my head – in there." He pointed towards to the darkroom with one hand still covering his face.
Lawrence looked from Adam to the darkroom, trying to rationalize what he was saying. The very idea that Jigsaw had been in the bathroom with Adam, when he was completely helpless, was almost more than he could handle. He flexed his hands into fists and felt a sudden urge to punch the closest object. He was so angry at Jigsaw for doing this to them. He was so angry with himself for leaving Adam, again and again.
Standing up, Lawrence marched towards the darkroom with a fury that engulfed him and tore the door open. Inside, the red light illuminated everything. It was a mess. Adam had clearly torn through it in anger searching for his demon. Photos lay along the floor, some of them torn to pieces, while others still hung on the clotheslines above. One photo caught Lawrence's attention most of all – it was a photo of a man in a pig mask. He remembered the mask from the parking lot on the day of his abduction. Adam must have seen the same thing when he was abducted. Covering his mouth with his hand, Lawrence took a deep breath and inhaled the familiar vinegar scent.
How had he not seen this? How had he never bothered to ask Adam about any of this? He loved the man more than his own life and yet he hadn't even opened his eyes to the hell that he went through every single night that the nightmares came back.
Turning back towards Adam, he saw the horror written on the young man's face. It was a mixture of embarrassment and fear. Marching towards him, he took his face in his hands and kissed him with more passion than he ever had before. Adam's lips froze for a moment before they responded but Lawrence only pulled him closer. When they finally pulled apart it was only briefly and because Lawrence had something he needed to say.
"I can't say that I'm sorry that I left you that day because, if I hadn't, then you wouldn't have made it and I'm not sure that I could handle that. I am sorry, though, that I couldn't protect you from him. I hope that you know that I'm here for good this time." He paused when a small smile grew on Adam's lips. His own smile followed. "You're stuck with me, buddy, so you'd better get used to it."
Adam's smile grew wider and his eyes filled with the childish joy that Lawrence loved to see. He was so transfixed by them, in fact, that he didn't even notice that Adam was untying his tie. And then, when that was loose enough, he began unbuttoning his shirt. Lawrence felt his heartbeat quicken and caught the younger man's eye.
"Adam, what are you doing?" His shirt was now completely unbuttoned and Adam met his gaze with a daring stare. His eyes were an even darker brown and the way his messy hair fell into them only served to make Lawrence want him more.
He reached out and held his boyfriend's face in his hands, gently directing him to meet his own blue eyes, and felt his own lust increase with just that simple touch. "You sure? I don't want to do this unless you're ready."
Adam put his own hands on Lawrence's face and kissed him. It was a hard kiss but with the soft undertones of love intermixed. The smell of vinegar was all over him and Lawrence couldn't remember ever wanting anybody so much as he did right then. Adam's T-shirt flew across the room and soon his pajama pants, along with Lawrence's tailored Dockers, rested somewhere out in the hallway. Boxer shorts decorated with smiley faces wearing stethoscopes, a Christmas present from Adam, joined the mess in the dark room and knocked over the picture of the man who had brought them together.
When the New Year rolled in, it found Lawrence and Adam wrapped in each other's arms without a stitch of clothing between them. Lawrence was running his hands through a sleeping Adam's hair and Adam was lightly snoring as he burrowed further into Lawrence's chest.
Lawrence took one last glance at the dark room before focusing back on the man sleeping on top of him. He whispered one last thing.
"He won't hurt you again. This time, I'll be there to stop him."