Hidden Feelings
Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who reviewed/favorited/alerted! I am forever grateful and honored. Sorry if it took me a while to update; my brain has been working overdrive with all the math & sciences! I hope you all like the second installment, and if any of my grammar mistakes offend you, well I apologize for that as well. I write these things in the middle of the night. :)
Chapter 2: The Cardinal Rule
Lois Lane never cries over men.
If there's one thing Lois learned about being a Lane, it's that you never let your emotions get the best of you, never let them consume you. Don't ever show your weakness, the General always reminded her and Lucy.
It was the one cardinal rule Lois knew with all her heart; the one she followed religiously. All before last night's humiliating episode, that is. All before she met someone named Clark Kent.
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Groaning, Lois woke up to the sound of her alarm clock.
Ugh, what time is it?
Checking the antique-looking alarm clock that sat on her nightstand, the short arm pointed on the 9 while the longer arm extended its own on the 6. The rays of the sun made its way through the curtain in Lois' bedroom, but Lois turned around in her bed, trying to dodge it. As she moved her head in a more comfortable position, she noticed dark streaks of black stains cover one side of her pillow. Her eyebrows immediately weaved in confusion.
What the…?
Sitting upright, Lois removed the sheets covering her to check if there were other stains on the bed. Surprisingly, there were none. Upon careful investigation, however, she noticed some faded streaks were also present on the comforter.
And if that wasn't enough, Lois was puzzled as to why she was still wearing the orange dress she wore to Chloe's wedding. What happened?
Trying to remember what happened the night before, Lois came up with nothing. It's almost as if someone took her memory and wiped it all out. She couldn't, for the life of her, remember what had happened, and it was beginning to frustrate her.
Okay, okay. Calm down, Lane. Try to remember…
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(Flashback)
"And remember what the General always says: 'Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.' You can edit that last part out, right?"
Everyone in the room laughed as the video finally finished playing. Jimmy landed a soft kiss on Chloe's lips, tracing her jawline with his thumb. Smiling, he got up and took the microphone, catching everyone's attention.
"I swear, Colin should start running if he knows what's good for him," Lois said, bringing the glass to her mouth to taste the sweetness of the champagne.
"Oh, come on Lois, that was funny," Clark replied.
Lois shot Clark an I'm-going-to-kill-you-if-you-don't-stop look. It wasn't funny. Not for her, it wasn't.
"I just want to say thanks to everyone that was in the video, you should know we appreciate it very much. Now, I'd like to take this moment and dance with my wife, who just made me the happiest man in the world."
As "aww's" and "mmm's" made its way around the tables, Jimmy took Chloe's hand and swept her to the dance floor. He stared deeply into her eyes, tattooing her face to his memory. He loved her so much, and he couldn't picture himself being without her.
"I love you, Mrs. Olsen."
"I love you too, Jimmy," she smiled at him.
"Now we'd like to ask Chloe's escort to join her on the dance floor."
The couple both glanced towards Clark, who was standing on the stairway, watching them.
"Hey Clark," Chloe held up her finger, motioning for Clark to come and dance with her.
Moments after Chloe shared a dance with Clark, Jimmy interrupted them, demanding that he wanted to dance with his wife once again. As the lights dimmed a bit more and the music sounded more romantic than the previous, Clark saw Lois, standing on the side, watching others as they danced…
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Lois paced back and forth in her bedroom, trying to uncover more of what happened the night before. Once she remembered the dance she shared with Clark, she stood there, frozen, almost as if she just had an epiphany.
"Clark," she whispered in the air.
Before filling in her thoughts with more of Clark, Lois ran to the bathroom. She wanted to dismiss the idea in her head; she just wanted to make it all disappear. There was no reason for her to get caught up over a guy who didn't even reciprocate the feelings she had. She didn't want to remember what happened after their "moment" was interrupted. Not that she could remember much of it, anyway.
Turning on the lights in the bathroom, Lois was surprised to see the appearance that stared back at her in the mirror. The reflection had dark streaks running down her face, identifying the tears that were stained from the mascara. Its hair was also tangled up in a messy wave, as if a hairstylist decided to make a bird's nest out of it.
It wasn't the reflection's appearance that disturbed Lois the most. It was the fact that the reflection looked hurt, broken—defeated. That's not who Lois was, at all.
Being a Lane didn't just mean that you had a father who was respected by everyone in the military. No, that was just a title. Being a Lane meant that you were strong enough to not get carried away by your emotions. If things didn't turn out the way you'd hoped for them to be, you wouldn't mope around and sit on the corner. No, you try to make the best out of every situation, no exceptions.
Lois wiped her face on a towel after successfully washing out the mascara stains that ran down her cheeks. She took a look at her self again on the mirror, the reflection that appeared before her earlier now just a figment of her imagination.
Okay, Lois. Wake up. Forget every bit of romantic feeling you ever had for Clark. He already has Lana. He doesn't need you.
And at that, Lois turned off the lights and walked out of the bathroom. She removed the stained pillow case wrapped on her pillow, along with her comforter, to wash them out. She needed to get on with the day, putting the confrontation behind her.
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Swooooooosh.
Clark removed his jacket and placed it on the coat rack before making his way up the stairs. He was going to check up on Lana, but instead he heard what sounded like a pan sizzling coming from the kitchen. He went in to investigate.
"Good morning! Would the Red-Blue Blur like to eat some breakfast?" Lana asked, a dash of grin hinted at her lips.
"Lana. W-what's all this?"
"I'm sorry if I helped myself with what's around the house. I just wanted to do something for you, for letting me stay here last night."
"You didn't have to do all of this, you know. You're always welcome," he replied, pouring some orange juice on a glass. He was parched.
"Why don't you," she smiled, forcing him to sit on one of the chairs on the dining table, "sit here, while I prepare you something to fuel you up for the day?" She ran back to the kitchen, making sure that whatever it was she was cooking wasn't burnt.
Lana finished cooking the eggs on the frying pan and served them on a plate. She then toasted some bread and pulled out the butter from the fridge. Clark sat on the wooden chair, watching her intently, remembering the days when Martha used to prepare him his breakfast. It was good to have Lana back. He had missed her when she left.
"Here we go, some eggs, sausages, and toast, with a spread of butter," she mentioned, as she laid out two plates, one for each of them, to eat the breakfast she'd prepared.
As Lana joined Clark on the dining table, sitting herself down on the chair next to him, Clark took her hands and held them delicately. Startled, Lana's eyes followed where their hands laced together, smiling down on it.
"I've missed you so much, Lana. You don't know how happy I am to have you back."
Without a word, Lana tilted her head to meet Clark's eyes. In his eyes, she could sense the longing, the silent desperation, and the loneliness he felt when she left him.
"Me too. I'm glad to be here."
Clark and Lana had gone through a myriad of trials together, some that tested their relationship, and some that tested their character. She never thought that after all the things that'd happened between them, she would be where she was at that moment, with Clark.
As promised, Lana talked to Clark after the wedding reception the night before. She explained the reason why she left, and why, out of all the months she'd been gone, decided to come back to witness Chloe's wedding. She'd also mentioned to Clark that she'd been keeping an eye on Metropolis' new hero, the Red-Blue Blur. She was proud of him for taking on bigger responsibilities, and even though she was miles away from Clark, she admitted that her feelings for him never changed.
"I want to help you, Clark."
"What do you mean?"
"Save the world. Together, we can make such a big difference. We can help so many people."
"Lana, your safety means more to me than anything. I can't ask you to do something that'll put your life in danger."
"No, you don't understand. I want to help you. I've been—I've been reading about your miraculous saves, your heroic acts…and it got me thinking. With the resources I have, we can work together, side-by-side."
"I-I don't kn—"
"You're amazing, Clark. You inspire me to do things I never thought I could do before. Now that there're no secrets between us, I could be there for you. Together, we could inspire the world, just like you've inspired me."
Stunned at Lana's words, Clark didn't know what to say. He cared about her, so much, and there was nothing he wouldn't do for her. He couldn't ask her to put her own life in jeopardy; he would never want to lose her. Though it was a selfish desire, he didn't want to lose the woman he thought he'd lost forever.
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A loud knock banged on Lois' door.
"Coming!" she yelled out, as she finished pouring herself a cup of coffee. To her surprise, the person on the other side of the door turned out to be Oliver, the last person she thought would pay her a visit. Actually, scratch that. She could think of another person who would be the last to give her a visit.
"Ollie."
"Hey, Lois. Mind if I come in?"
"No, not at all. Come in," she opened the door wider, motioning her arm for him to come in.
"So, what did I do to deserve a visit from Metropolis' richest bachelor? You do know that Jimmy and Chloe are in their honeymoon," she reminded him, aware of the fact that Oliver always looked for either Jimmy or Chloe for reasons Lois never understood. It was what it was.
"Yeah, probably sunbathing and drinking out of their little Tiki cups in a remote beach in Tahiti," he shrugged.
"Please, like Jimmy could ever afford something that extravagant. I love him and all, but ever since they got engaged, he's been living here with us. Thank God I've never walked in on them doing the you-know-what."
"Well, between you and me, the honeymoon was my wedding gift. It took a while to convince Jimmy to accept it, but he caved in eventually."
"Ah. That explains why the guy's been so jolly whenever the honeymoon issue came up," Lois walked towards the kitchen and grabbed her cup of coffee. She took a quick sip.
"So, forgive me for being so frank, but why exactly are you here?"
"Well, I was around the area, and I wanted to see how you're holding up."
"Holding up? What could possibly be wrong with me, Ollie?"
"Come on, Lois. You're telling me you can't remember that little number you gave that farmboy last night?"
"Whoa there! Okay, I appreciate you caring about my well-being, but I'm drawing the line here, Ollie. I'm a big girl, and the last time I checked, I can take care of myself."
Oliver danced around the couch and made his way on to the front door. As he reached for the doorknob, he turned around, his eyes following Lois.
"Look, Lois. I get that I may be the last person on Earth that you'd want to run to for relationship problems, but I'm just a friend who's concerned about you. I think we should graduate past the awkward ex phase."
"I assure you, Ollie. I don't have relationship problems."
"You really think I would believe that? Come on, I've seen the way you look at Clark," he blurted out, hitting Lois straight to the heart.
Surprised to hear Oliver's last comment, Lois looked up and met his eyes. She didn't think it was obvious at all. Sure, she had feelings for Clark, but she made sure it was never that way when she was around him or around others. She must've really messed up last night. It was too bad she couldn't remember what happened after she was humiliated.
There was no reason to hide it from Oliver any longer. As surprised as she was, denying it in front of him wasn't going to make it go away.
Oliver moved a step closer to the door. Since Lois didn't reply to the last thing he'd said, he thought there was no way to get to her. She could be so stubborn.
"Clark…he doesn't need me," Lois admitted, her index finger circling around the rim of the coffee cup. She looked down and frowned.
"I think we both know that's a big lie. The guy would still be a mess if it weren't for you."
"It's just," she continued, now looking straight at Oliver, "we would have these moments. At first, I didn't think much about them, but the more time we spent together, they intensified even more. I couldn't keep lying to myself. These feelings—they just kind of crept up on me. I didn't see them coming, at all."
"Some things do come unexpectedly in our lives, Lois. It's just a matter of how we handle it," he reminded her.
"Well, I'm afraid there's not much handling on this one."
"I don't know…something tells me otherwise."
"What makes you think that?"
"Because I know Clark," he finished, smiling slyly.
Just then, Lois' heart-to-heart conversation with Oliver was interrupted as a beeping sound from her cellphone went off. On the screen, it read "1 New Message". She pressed a button to open it.
"Speak of the devil, it's Smallville."
Lois, your car is still parked in the farm. You're free to come and pick it up whenever you're ready. –Clark
"Well?"
"Hm, think you can give a girl a ride to the Kent farm?"
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The drive from the Talon to the Kent farm was surprisingly silent. Neither Lois nor Oliver really said much, almost as if they each had something big bothering them that they didn't want to share with the other. For Lois, she just kept replaying the conversation over and over in her head. I don't know, something tells me otherwise. What could Oliver possibly mean?
After vowing to herself that she would completely dismiss her feelings for Clark, Lois found herself still caught up in the middle of it all. She was so stubborn sometimes, but that didn't mean that she wouldn't keep trying to honor the promise she made.
"Aren't you coming down?" Lois asked, bending down to see Oliver's face through the rolled down windows. It took them less than a few minutes to get to the farm, thanks to Oliver's sharp driving skills.
"I have to meet with the board in less than an hour in Metropolis. Just send Clark my regards," he replied, punching in some letters in his phone. He had to leave as soon as possible.
"Hey, Lois!"
Without even looking back to check who screamed her name, Lois knew exactly who it was.
"Thanks, Ollie," she waved as Oliver backed up his car and drove off. After a good minute or so, all she saw then were specks of dust.
As she turned around, Lois saw Clark walking down the steps of his house, making his way towards her.
"Hey, what's with Oliver?"
"Oh, he uh, he's running late to a meeting."
"Mm. And how about you? Are you okay?"
"Of course! Why wouldn't I be? Now hand over the keys, Smallville, this girl still has to get through an entire list of errands today."
If Clark didn't know any better, he felt as if Lois was acting differently. Typically, whenever she visited the farm, she'd help herself inside the house and go straight to the kitchen, raiding his fridge. She always blamed it on the fact that she was hypoglycemic.
"Well, actually your car keys are inside the ho—"
"Lois!" A woman's voice interrupted Clark mid-sentence. That voice could only belong to one person, and Lois knew exactly who it belonged to: Lana.
"Why hello … Lana," she uttered, a little surprised.
"I didn't see you at all yesterday! How are you?" she asked, squeezing Lois with her hug.
Jeez, must everyone remind me about yesterday? Where's the rewind button when you need it?
"Oh, you know…the usual. Busting my butt at the Daily Planet to catch the latest stories here with Clark." She patted him on the shoulder.
"I've read some of your articles regarding the Red-Blue Blur. He's really something, isn't he?"
As Lana asked the question, she grinned at Clark, which bothered Lois a little. It seemed as if they had an inside joke going on and left her on the outside loop. She continued to play along and pretended she didn't see the conspicuous grin Lana gave Clark.
"Yeah, the Red-Blue Blur. Someone has to share to the world his everyday acts of heroism we all seem to take for granted nowadays. He's a symbol of hope for this town."
Lois didn't understand why, but right after she gave that speech about the Red-Blue Blur, she could've sworn she saw Clark smile sheepishly. It was almost as if…
"So, why don't you two chat for a bit, and I will grab your keys," Clark said, turning around when suddenly, a hand stopped in front of him.
"Why don't you two talk, I'll get it," Lana offered, making her way back inside the farmhouse. Now everything turned silent, except for the birds tweeting on the trees, and some in the sky.
"Wow, you sure jumped straight back into her arms when she came back, huh?"
"It's not what it looks like, Lois."
"No need to be modest around me, Smallville. I get it. I know what's going on."
"Look, Lana was planning on going to a hotel after the wedding, but it ended so late, so I told her it'd be better if she just stayed the night and find one the next day."
Just as she was about to comment on Clark's explanation, Lana came down the steps and held out her hand. "Here you go," she said, handing over the keys.
As the three stood on the outside of the farmhouse, the awkward tension grew a little stronger it became almost impossible to avoid. Before someone even dared to address it, Lois pushed a button on her key, unlocking the doors of her car.
"Well, I oughta get going. These errands aren't going to do themselves. See you tomorrow at the bullpen bright and early, Clark."
As the car's engine roared to life, Lois pulled the seatbelt over her shoulder and clicked it into place. She placed her foot on the pedal and accelerated the car, moving slowly. Looking at the rear view mirror, she saw Lana's hand reach out for Clark's, intertwining them together. Refusing to witness more of it, Lois focused her eyes on the road. All of a sudden, for some reason she couldn't explain, she felt sick to her stomach.
Author's Note: Yeah, as you could see, I included some flashbacks from the wedding, and there weren't as much Lois & Clark interaction, but it had to be done. I'm not sure when I will update again, since midterms and finals are starting to pile up! Majoring in NPB is serious business. At least they are, for me. Gooooodnight!