Nikki pondered the day, as she sat on her couch that evening trying to read her book. She couldn't concentrate. All she could think about was Harry and how they had worked together all day. How they had sought each other out, how they had poured over reports together and done a PM each, side by side. Nikki had seen Leo but he had mostly left them to their own devices. And Nikki was in turmoil. Her heart had soared at seeing Harry again and working with him again. The banter was there, it was like old times, yet she wondered how long she could bear being so near to Harry without bursting. Yes, for today it had been wonderful being with him again, tomorrow would be wonderful too but in the long run could she bear being so near him and yet not being with him? How could she just be a friend, watch Harry flirt or fall in love with other women and pretend not to care? How could she remain distant when all she wanted was to have him close, when all she wanted was to be allowed to touch him or hug him or kiss him when she felt the urge? No, 3 weeks away hadn't been enough to steel her heart. She had returned because she had missed him and Leo but maybe it was wiser to go away and stay away. She couldn't deal with this heartache and confusion every day. Better to not see Harry, but then, oh, how she'd miss him! Should she stay and live with this heartache forever? Or should she go and hope for her heart to heal in time? Harry had asked if she wanted to go out for drinks after work but she had blown him off, she had virtually raced away from the Lyell Centre to get home again, trying to order her thoughts and feelings. Her thoughts were going around and around in circles now and she was getting a headache. She finally gave up trying to read, popping in a DVD instead to try and get her mind off these thoughts. It didn't work, her thoughts kept on trailing back to Harry, she completely lost sight of the film. When she finally gave up and decided to go to bed, even sleep was illusive but finally in the early hours of morning she dropped off.

When she woke up the next morning her thoughts just continued right there where they had left off the night before. Nikki knew that if this preoccupation, this ache, continued it would exhaust her. She would have to talk to Leo. Maybe she could do so this evening? Leo and Janet had invited her and Harry over for a welcome home dinner for Nikki. Maybe she could hang around after Harry left and talk to Leo then? Maybe he could help her make a decision? She didn't particularly want to leave the Lyell Centre but it was getting increasingly hard to stay. In the meantime she decided to make the most of enjoying Harry's company with the pretence of being able to distance herself from him.

Nikki was finishing off the afternoon's work in the conference room, studying images on the big screens, comparing them when the door opened and by the sound of the step, movement in the air, the breeze, she just knew it was Harry. And she was right. He came to lean on the table, right next to where she was leaning, folding his arms across his chest and looking at the screens with her. She felt his closeness in every fibre of her body and it took all of her willpower to not snuggle up to him right then and there. Oh my goodness, she thought, this is even worse than before I went to South Africa! To break the urge of wanting to snuggle she suddenly jumped up, walked to the screen and let slip, "I really need to talk to Leo!" She wanted to kick herself just after she uttered that.

"Can't I help?" Harry asked and she realized that he thought she was referring to what she was studying on the screen when she had in actual fact been thinking she needed to talk to Leo right away about her future at the Lyell Centre.

Nikki turned and smiled at him, "Thanks, that's alright. Anyway, this can wait; we need to leave for Leo's soon."

"Hmm, yes," Harry said, holding her gaze, "I just hope it's Janet cooking and not him!"

Nikki gave a little giggle, then broke the look. Her heart seemed to be constantly beating in her throat every time she looked at Harry or spoke with him. She slowly switched off the laptops in the conference room and then went to the screens to switch them off as well, all the while feeling Harry watch her. It was unnerving.

When she had finished shutting everything down, she said, "Well, come on then, let's find Leo!" and she made her way to the door. Harry didn't seem to hear; he didn't budge and was still watching her when she turned to see whether he had moved at all.

"Come on, then, Dr. Cunningham! We all know how much you love your dinner!" she said as lightly as she could under his scrutiny, waiting at the door, her hand on the light switch.

"I couldn't let him do it…" Harry said, getting up slowly, walking towards Nikki.

Nikki didn't understand, "Couldn't let who do what?"

"I couldn't let Leo hire anyone while you were away because I couldn't bear the thought of seeing anyone else sitting at your desk," Harry said as he came to stand right in front of her, his eyes never once leaving her face.

Nikki felt her eyelids flutter under his stare. "Oh… well… I'm glad you two managed," she said, trying to sound matter of fact and turning away to look at the light switch.

"I missed you!" he said simply, covering her hand on the light switch with his. Nikki closed her eyes, her heart thumping in her ears. Didn't he realize what he was doing to her when he was close to her like this and touching her? He must realize by now, why would he torture her so? No, she couldn't do it! She couldn't be just friends with him with such close physical contact. Nikki pulled her hand away from under his, the light switching off as she did so and faced him with as brave a smile as she could, "Well, I'm here now. Let's go," and she took a step back, right into the doorway to create a distance.

"You don't understand, I really missed you," Harry said, taking hold of her wrist so she couldn't step away further. "It made me realize that as terrified as I am of you, as I terrified as I am of hurting you, destroying you, what terrifies me even more is not being near you…"

Harry searched her face for a reaction and Nikki froze. She slowly looked back up at him, incredulously. What was he saying here? What was he really saying here?

"I want you to stay here, with me, forever, Nikki," he said softly.

Tears sprung into her eyes and she sighed. No, she couldn't do this, not this 'only friends, let's be close friends and work together forever' business. She knew now with certainty that she could not stay at the Lyell Centre like this anymore. It would break her heart but she really had to leave. For her sanity.

"I… I will be handing in my resignation to Leo soon, Harry," she said, "you will have to find yourself a new colleague and friend. I can't play this game anymore…" and she tore her wrist from his grasp, starting down the hall but Harry was fast. He stood in front of her again in no time.

"Nikki, you don't understand!" he said urgently, blocking her way as she tried to push past him, her tears now freely falling.

"I can't bear this any longer, Harry, please leave me be!" she pleaded. Harry acted fast, gathering her into his arms, pressing her head close to his heart which to Nikki seemed to be beating quite fast.

"I want you to stay here with me forever, Nikki, because I love you!" he whispered into her hair. Nikki stopped struggling as he continued, "I love you, I hardly know when it happened, but I have loved you for years. I tried to fight it in every way I knew how. I am still terrified of breaking you in some way, down the line, but now I can only be selfish and not care about that. I need you in my life, dearest Nikki, and not just as a friend. You being gone these past few weeks, with your future here uncertain, it has made me realize that without you I am miserable…"

Nikki couldn't believe what she was hearing. Was Harry really saying this or was this some feverish hallucination? No, it couldn't be real. Nikki slowly pulled away from Harry's grasp and looked at him. He held on to her with one arm, while his other hand reached up and he gently wiped away a few tears on her cheeks. He was so tender, he looked so sincere, raw emotion in his face and eyes as he was looking at her. "But, I thought…" she began, still unsure, trying to take in ever detail of his features.

"Shh," Harry said, now placing a finger on her lips. Nikki closed her eyes to gather herself for a moment. "I have been a fool," he went on and she opened her eyes to look at him again, "I told myself you didn't care for me like that and then when I saw you again in Budapest and held you and realized that you feel for me so strongly in one way or other too, I freaked. The women I have been with, the Rebecca's and Anna's and Kate's of this world, the other flings, that was me trying to prove to myself that I could build a life without you, so that I would not have to hurt you, the person I care for most in this world. But now, something has snapped. The only way I can go on is to have you with me. I need you in my life. It is selfish; I can never be good enough for you, but I had to…"

Nikki had been studying him so closely while he spoke, she could hardly believe she was hearing all this and feeling him so near to her. She had never seen him bear himself like this to her, without a joke as deflection, with all this raw emotion and now she had to cut in.

"Harry Cunningham, what on earth makes you think…?" she started softly, reaching up to brush his hair back. Before she could say any more, however, they heard footsteps in the hall and quickly Nikki jumped away from him, Harry still looking at her questioningly, both of them feeling and looking very flustered.

Leo came around the corner. "Ready?" he asked cheerfully, as he looked from Nikki to Harry, now beside him, and back. He then hesitated when he saw their faces. "Everything alright?" he asked, concern in his voice.

"Yes, fine," Nikki smiled, trying to find her equilibrium again, "I just need to get my things!" She quickly pushed past Harry and Leo to go to her office.

"Harry, what did you do to her?" she heard Leo ask accusingly as she walked off but she didn't hear Harry's reply.