Chapter 3 – "A bit of time..."

"Cas?" she repeated.

He still held her wrist above her head, her empty hand having gone limp in his grip. She started to tremble, her heart pounding a million miles a minute. She didn't know if she was sad or simply angry, relieved or glad; whatever she was actually feeling was lost as his hand let go of her wrist. It dropped limply to her side as his arms awkwardly settled around her shoulders.

She stood there, her spine as straight as a rod and her arms stiff, every muscle taught, but he didn't let go. He wouldn't let go, not until she had relaxed in his arms and had started to breathe again. Her shock slowly gave way to relief. Two single tears rolled down her cheeks as she hugged him tightly. Soon her shaking had subsided and she let out a long breath.

"Are you alright?" he asked quietly. She slowly nodded and his arms fell away from her. She released him in turn, relinquishing his warmth.

She watched him step over to her baby's crib, his hands settling on its edge. He gazed at the little sleeping angel for some time and Amy kept her eyes on his face, trying to read the expressions there.

He seemed to look right through her at first. Finally, his gaze focused and he saw her; she knew because of the smile she suddenly saw in his eyes, the way his shoulders relaxed as he watched her. This is how it should have always been. She couldn't help thinking that. She kept telling herself that she understood; this is how it would be. She couldn't ask for more, he wasn't even human – not anymore. And yet she knew that despite all she knew about heaven, she couldn't actually understand. She sighed and went to stand beside him, her hand coming to rest on his own.

"She's beautiful," he finally said, his eyes not leaving her, "just like her mother."

Amy felt the heat rise in her cheeks and couldn't help smiling timidly.

"But she's quiet," she started in a whisper, "just like her father."

He said nothing, but stepped away from the crib and walked over to the doorway. He was different. The strain of the now past apocalypse had been replaced by a new one; one she could easily guess if she knew the angels as well as she thought. His fingers brushed over the carvings in the doorframe.

She smiled down at her daughter once more before joining him in the hallway.

"So," she started, "you finally decided to come by."

He was avoiding her gaze. She stepped closer to him and when he finally looked up her face was a breath away from his.

"Amy, this isn't the first..."

"Oh," she said and it was her turn to look away. "But you never... you didn't want me to know?"

"I didn't dare stay here long; I can't. You of all people know the impact this secret can have on heaven."

"But this was love. The angels in old scripture were condemned for lusting after mortal women and getting them with child." She looked up at him, her expression one of distress. "This was different."

"It is only different if one can set apart love from lust; how many do you think would understand that?"

"You're right," she said after a while. She began to feel light-headed and lifted her hand to her temple, trying to massage away the headache that had started to form. Her other hand came to rest on his shoulder. His hands automatically moved to her waist to steady her. Worry had worked its way into his expression.

"I'm fine," she reassured him. "So what's going on?"

"It's civ-" Castiel began.

"Civil war up there." Amy finished. Castiel nodded. "It was after all a definite possibility when Michael fell into the pit. I know heaven's hierarchy and I've heard whispers."

"Do you know that Sam..." He began again.

"Is back," she nodded. "Like I said I've heard whispers; I found out a couple of months ago. Of course with Sam it was easier to confirm since he is on the hunt. He's banded with a group, but I didn't look much into it. I gave him a call once... I've got this weird feeling, it's just not right for him... you know. Anyway, I'm not getting involved, not when I've got my baby girl to look after."

"But you didn't tell Dean?"

"Same reason Bobby didn't; I wasn't going to be the one to tell him. He sounded... happy, for the first time in so long when I spoke to him last."

"Are you happy?"

"I'm," she chewed on her lip, "I'm content."

She looked away for a brief moment. When she turned back to him her eyes had filled with longing. Her hand moved up from his shoulder and came to rest on the back of his neck, her fingers curling through his hair. She pulled him to her before he could pull away and kissed him gently, almost chastely. Her other hand reflexively clutching onto his shirt. He didn't try to move away, but neither did he try to pull her closer.

She knew the turmoil she would be causing, what she could be starting again. He may be a full-fledged angel, but that did not spare him from the affections they once shared. Damn it all! She just wanted to be with him. She pulled away quickly enough, letting him know that she wouldn't force him more than that. Damn, how she wanted him! His expression had barely shifted, but she felt that his grip on her had tightened somewhat.

"Can you stay?" she asked, no longer looking at him. His hands fell away to his side and he seemed a bit taken aback. She sighed, anticipating his answer.

"Amy, you know..."

"I'm not asking you to sleep with me for heaven's sake!" she exclaimed. She realized her hand was still clutching his shirt and she relaxed her grip, her palm laying flat over his heart. Her voice quieted.

"I'm just asking for... for a bit of time."

She lay enfolded in his arms. Her head was nestled in the crook of his neck, her cheek against his skin. She could feel his slow, steady breath against her hair. Her eyes were shut tight, savouring every blissful moment. She thought of the trench coat draped over the chair by her closet and couldn't help by grin. If he thought that she would let him lie down with that thing on, he had been greatly mistaken. She had of course relieved him of his jacket and tie as well, and both lay neatly folded on the chair. He had spoken to her at length about the current situation both in heaven, and whatever he knew of earth. So the Winchester brothers had been re-united. He had finally grown quiet when he believed she had fallen asleep.

She lay awake a few minutes longer, breathing him in, before sweet sleep found her as well.

She woke up slowly, a sliver of sunlight shone through the bedroom blinds and she could feel its warmth across her cheek. She didn't want to wake up; not now, alone again. She closed her hers to relive the few moments she had snatched from fate in his arms. She felt the mattress shift and her eyes fluttered open again, blinking several times in surprise. She held her breath, not moving as his arm lazily came to rest across her waist. She chewed her bottom lip, suppressing shivers at the warmth of him against her back. Gently, she laid her palm over his hand. Her fingers intertwined with his and his grip reflexively tightened around hers. She held onto his arm like a lifeline, hugging it to her chest. He was still hers if only for a while longer. She slowly turned her neck to gaze at his face. He was still in deep sleep, so unlike the angel he was supposed to be. His brush with mortality the previous year had clearly not left him unscarred and for the millionth time she wished that he had remained entirely human.

She must have drifted off again for she was awoken once more by a soft voice whispering above her ear.

"Amy?" she heard him say and could just make out the unease in his voice. She smiled deviously without opening her eyes.

"Um, Amy?" he paused, "I need my arm back." In response she hugged it tighter against her chest.

"Are you awake?" he whispered, waiting for an answer. "My arm is feeling... numb. Please let go."

"No," she said, with laughter in her voice. She heard him sigh and gently try to pry his arm out of her grip.

She let go suddenly, rolled over and forced him onto his back. Within a split second she was straddling his hips. He blinked up at her, his face almost devoid of expression except for the glimmer of surprise in his eye, but she could feel the tension in every muscle of his body. Her hands were resting against his shoulders and she gazed at him for a while.

"Why are you always gone?" she asked. She shook her head and her voice dropped to a barely audible whisper, "Why haven't you come back to me yet?"

"I'm here, now. I've told you what's going on in heaven, I can't..." She raised her hand, interrupting him.

"That's not what I meant. Over a year ago, we were facing an apocalypse, but the few hours that we took to ourselves were only ours. You showed up here last night, for what? I know you Cas; I know when you're not really here. You asked me if I was happy. How can I be?" She paused and he opened his mouth to respond, but she started again before he could say anything.

"And don't tell me I'm being selfish," her eyes filled with tears. "This isn't a one way relationship and don't tell me that you didn't want this to happen. Why would you bother coming back? Are you just acting the messenger? To tell me that the Winchesters are coming? Damn it Cas," she closed her eyes to stop the tears, "I love you and I-I..."

His hands had come up to rest on her own shoulders and he pulled her down to him. It took her a moment to realize what had happened and in that moment his mouth took hers and he kissed her as deeply as he had the first night they had discovered one another. She melted into him and let herself be carried by the passion they had shared at one time.

They slowly, reluctantly, pulled apart. His hand rested against her cheek.

"Please don't cry," he whispered. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she wanted him with frustrating intensity. She could feel the twin beating of his own heart beneath her palm.

"Cas..." she began as the doorbell rang through the house. Her eyes grew wide, "Jae! I forgot... oh damn, it's late!"

She bounded off the bed landing in a tumble on the floor. She scrambled to her feet grabbing a sweater from her bedroom's window seat. From the corner of her eye she could see Castiel rising from the bed and reaching for his belongings. She heard Jae's knocking on the door.

"I'm coming," she cried. "Please, Cas w-" the rest of her sentence was lost as she pulled the sweater over her head.

She turned around brushing her fingers through her hair and her heart clenched as her gaze swept over the empty room. She looked up at the white ceiling.

"Castiel?" she called. Her gaze dropped to the floor after a brief moment. Despite her lack of surprise it still hurt to see him gone like that. She shook her head and hurried down the stairs to open the front door.

"You didn't seriously just wake up, did you?" Jae smiled down at her. She smiled back timidly.

"Yeah ok, just come in." He stepped in and gave her a great bear hug; she hugged him back tightly. They pulled apart and he held her at arm's length.

"Well, you look well rested."

"I did sleep well," she smiled feeling her skin heating up. "Want some coffee?" she asked, noticing how her voice had risen in pitch. She cleared her throat, mentally kicking herself.

"Sure," he said, oblivious to her state of mind and followed her through the house.

"Cool," she said looking at him over her shoulder. "Cream and lots of sugar in mine please. Baby girl's waking up and I've got to get dressed."

"Amy? Hey!" he called after her and she smiled back at him as she ran up the stairs.

End of Chapter 3