Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight which belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I do own Ravenelle and the music box. No copyright infringement is intended.

My Time to Shine!

~5~

'Unknown Experience'

"Are you going to Port Angeles with us?" Jessica asked me as she soaked up the sun during lunch.

"No, I think I'm going to explore." I tapped my foot on the bench; I was sitting on top of the table while the others sat normally.

"Explore?" Jessica turned her head to me. "Explore what?"

"The woods," I pointed toward La Push. "Then maybe go to La Push."

"Don't get lost." Lauren sneered.

"Ohh don't worry," I smirked, "I'll be back to annoy you tomorrow."

After school Bella drove home with Jessica following slowly behind. When we got home Bella came in the house to say bye to Charlie in a note, gave me the keys, then left. Writing on the note myself, I told him I was going to La Push to take advantage of the sun. I didn't plan on mentioning the little detour I was taking first.

I marched out of the house to Bella's truck, turned the key in the ignition and was on my way down the road toward La Push. About half a mile away from the house, I parked the faded-red vehicle on the side of the road and tread into the woods.

The woods of Fork's were very green. The trees were tall and full, the ground felt damp and soft. Some trees had fallen over and there were signs of animal life. Daisy's peaked out of multiples of places, I was surprised they hadn't drowned and died but weeds are stronger then flowers. Carefully stepping over a tree root I followed down a manmade path.

After a full thirty minutes I came across nothing. Though what was I expecting, Leprechauns? No, but something more than greenery. Thirty more minutes later, I came upon a clearing; nothing special just a demented circle of space and a rock long enough to lie down on. Though I don't expect it would be too comfortable.

Sitting down on the most comfortable looking part of the rock, I starred forward elbows on my knees. Soon now I assume Bella would be encountering the most unpleasant of men, then Edward coming to the rescue. I sighed and thought for the first time I came here about the people of my world, wondering if they missed me, if they even realized I was gone. Then I speculated if time was even moving there.

Yea, cause the world really stopped revolving around the sun for me. I scoffed and kicked up some grass from the ground, leaning back on my hands; face to the sky.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, exhaled slowly. Heat and chills crawled up and down my spine. I tensed and spread my feet apart. Defense moves, that were too basic for me, passed my mind. Why would I think of those moves when I know the way to make a man twice my size freeze for three minutes? The face of a man presented itself to me smirking, coming closer. Why would I think of him I've never even seen him before. Bright lights blinded my view. My eyes flew open; I was still in the clearing, alone.

Confused I closed my eyes again, hoping that it would happen again and explain itself; Black. A growl rumbled in my throat. I breathed the air in deeply, my lung expanding till they could no more and then let it out.

Are you alright? The question echoed through my head. I was worried, angry; so angry I felt the need to kill someone. Frightened with myself I shivered. No, I'm hearing voices in my head, that's the first sign that one is not "alright". Then I'm seeing things but that could just be my imagination. Then I'm having feeling I've never felt before. Going back to my thoughts I concentrated.

The wind flew passed me as I ran faster than I could ever imagine. My feet never really touched the ground as I set off to one destination. Home. I swallowed as I stood up keeping my eyes open trying not to blink. These thoughts, these feelings, are not mine.

I walked back down the path as my eyes watered from not blinking. Finally I gave in and was relieved to find 'I' was still on the trail. Forty-five minutes was all it took to get back to the truck; I was in a hurry to get back. With only a few scrapes and bruises I was back home, smiling at Charlie I rushed up the stairs to my room.

Going over to the window locking it, making sure no one was in my room I hastily grabbed the rug flung it to my left and opened the up the floor board. Taking out the book I flipped to the last pages, just hoping, wishing, there was some explanation of what had just happened. Nothing, there was nothing.

Reading the pages over and over again I tried to come to some conclusion. Those three times, those three experiences, I was someone else. I don't know how but I was. The first one could have possibly been Bella, not positive but I was thinking about her before I went into the "trance". She is supposed to think about protecting herself. The second couldn't have been her because it didn't 'feel' or 'sound' like her. The third had to be something supernatural because no human could run that fast.

Feeling my legs cramping up I got up off the ground and sat on my bed; first putting the board back in its place as well as the rug. Pursing my lips my eyes scrolled the page but no longer reading the words. Giving up, the answer just wasn't in it, I closed the book dropped it in my lap and fell on my back. Thinking about nothing I looked up at the ceiling, keeping my mind blank. I heard Bella stomping up the stairs.

I need to do something to take my mind off this… What should I call it? Let just stick with "Trance". Getting up I unlocked the window and leaned out as far as I could without falling.

"Jasper," I whispered loudly. "Are you out there?"

I waited, straining my ears to every little sound.

"Edward," I called in the same tone. "Is there anybody out there?"

I listened quietly.

"Jasper," I shout-whispered toward the woods, "Oh crap I'm gonna fall!"

My hands slipped and my toes grabbed the edge of the window-seat. I whimpered as my hands reached back to grab the window ledge slowly, not making any fast movements, afraid to fall. I couldn't reach. The tips of my fingers barely skimmed the house and my ankles were starting to hurt. Trying to come back up with my knees I felt myself start to slip.

Starting to freak out I started cursing my luck and my short arms. "Please help me!" I called out quietly. "I don't want to die like this, I have something else planned!" Silently laughing in my mind, then it again became panicked.

Stretching my arms I reached for the window again. I felt my nails dig into a crook but took them back out feeling the ledge trying to tear them off. Huffing I gave up. I'm just going to have to flip in the air to land on my feet. I might not even have to break my legs and could just roll on the ground. Or I could die.

Planting my hands on the side of the house I dug my fingers under the panels, hoping beyond hope that gravity will hold me there until my feet face the ground. My ankles felt like they were about to break so, making a wish to make it, I relaxed them. Feeling my feet begin to slip I brought one toward my head and let the other one take its course. My body fell away from the house and before I even realized it my fingers let go of the house and I so close to being straight. At least my feet are closer to the ground then my head.

I closed my eyes and bent my knees a bit under me as I prepared to hit the ground. It didn't hurt as much as I expected it would but it seems I didn't even hit the ground. Peaking through one lid I saw a very stern looking Jasper.

"Well hey there."I smiled sheepishly.

Jasper gave me a sharp look as he set me on my feet and crossed his arms.

"Look, I did not mean to fall out of the window two stories high." I explained as I put my hands on my hips looking up at him. "It's not like I wanted to fly."

Still he just kept staring at me. I felt like a child, so small compared to him, but feeling even smaller now. Wanting him to forgive me I tried to work up some tears, but even before that they came and I looked down at me feet not wanting him to see real ones. I blinked furiously trying to keep them from falling and I felt a hand grab my chin. Closing my eyes I refused to look at him.

"Ravenelle," His voice rang through my head and my eyelids shot open.

He wore a pained expression as he pulled me toward him, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and laying my head on his stomach. I could tell he was tense and not breathing. I threw my arms around his back and held him as hard as I could. I was saved, Jasper, the one I was in love with, saved me. I didn't want to leave him, and I could have died. Two stories for a regular person were like four stories for me. I realized I wasn't crying because I almost died, it's because he saved me, because he cared. I mentally laughed at my over emotional thoughts.

"I'm sorry." My words were muffled by his close.

"There's nothing to be sorry about." He chuckled as he looked at me staring up at him, arms length away.

I smiled as I looked around. "How'd you get here? Why are you here?"

"I ran." He answered.

"And you're here because-" I waited for him to continue.

"Of Alice," He finished.

"Alice?" She can see me? "She's not here," Playing dumb I looked around. "At least I don't think so."

"She saw you." He inquired.

"Can I see her?" I looked up at him with puppy dog eyes.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He turned around and looked back at me. "Get on, and hold tight."

I squealed silently and jumped on his back, though he had to bend down some. Standing up strait again he shot forward through the trees which were now just a blur. Becoming overwhelmed and slightly dizzy I closed my eyes clutching Jaspers shoulders with my hands.

When he stopped he had to steady me after I got down I looked around and saw we were not at his house. I actually think were at the place where they play baseball. The field was huge, surrounding it were trees with moss and tall ferns. About a hundred yards away were rocks.

"What are we doing here?" I turned to him after observing the area.

"Were going to talk," He motioned a hand to the rocks. I went over and sat down.

"About what,"

He took a seat near me. "My family, me,"

"Us," I flinched.

"Us," he confirmed.

"Alright, let's talk."

"My family isn't very supportive about mine and Edward's situation."

"Bella and I you mean."

"Yes." He nodded, continuing. "Edward is supportive because he is in the same situation. Alice is the most supportive. She helped me a lot."

"With what?" I asked one thin brow rose.

"You,"

"How,"

"Before I tell you, you should know some things about me and my family."

"That Alice can see the future, Edward can reads minds, and you can feel and change emotions."

"How do you know that?" He furrowed his brows.

"I just know these things." I then thought about the "Trance". "Besides I am really, truly weird. But we'll talk about me later. So to continue, please tell me; How?"

"Well," Jasper, though seemingly reluctant, started. "The week that Edward and I disappeared we went to Alaska to stay with another vegetarian vampire family in Denali. Edward couldn't be away from Bella anymore so he went back. I wanted to go back as well but I thought it would be safer for all of us if I had just stayed. I could hardly control myself around you in that one hour. It was easier being in Denali, no humans came near the area, but it was also harder, being apart from my family. I thought that was the only reason but then I find out a van almost kills you and no one was there to help you, you had to save yourself."

He pauses, remembering that time with a scowl on his perfect face.

"I had to find out two days after the accident from Alice. She knew that I wanted to come back even before I did. Annoying really, how she knows these things. So on Friday after school she brings a few things that she thought would help me control myself."

"Like what?" I asked suspiciously after seeing the smile he was trying to hide.

"A few of your shirts,"

"What!" I shouted appalled.

He chuckled. "She said you wouldn't notice."

"I didn't but come on! They were new!"

"Well, then you won't like what you hear next. The first week all I did was rip them apart."

I blinked. "How the heck did I not notice all these shirts going missing?"

"When she saw you notice she would buy the same shirts, and some ahead of time. It took me awhile but I eventually got enough tolerance to be near a shirt for a whole day without attacking it. But it would be a lot harder to be near the real scent. So for the last week we had a lot more shirts with me in a closed room."

"And it worked." I stated.

"Yes, though it was hard it was exceedingly easier than the first day."

"But I still smell really good to you."

"Exceptionally good,"

I know it was bad but I loved that I smelt good to him; it's what pulled him to me. "Are you going to tell me about yourself, before you became a vampire and whatnot?"

I could see he was hesitant; he then looked at me as if it was the last time he would see me, and then nodded.

"First I need to tell you why this happened to me." He began. "For a lot of vampires the lifespan of the never-aging is weeks, and not centuries. To understand why, you have to look at the world from a different perspective. You have to imagine the way it looks to the powerful, the greedy, and the invariably thirsty.

"There are places in this world that are more desirable to us than others. Places where we can be less restrained, and still avoid detection.

"For instance picture a map of the western hemisphere, and every living human as a small red dot. The thicker the red, the easier we, vampires, can feed without attracting unwanted attention.

"Not that the covens in the South care if the humans notice or don't. It's the Volturi that keep them in check. They are the only ones the southern covens fear. If not for the Volturi, the rest of us would quickly be exposed.

"The Volturi is-

"I know what the Volturi are. And there not good guys either, though no government is I guess." I wrinkled my nose. The Volturi are one of the oldest operating vampire covens. Centered in Italy the Volturi take it upon their selves to make sure all vampires around the world abide by the oath to keep their existence a secret. There the vampire government. Although the Volturi have only the three rulers and their wives, the members that make up the guard are numerous and just as feared by other vampires. "Anyway you can continue." Even if I knew this story it was completely different hearing it straight from the source.

The look on his face made it clear he wanted to know how I knew all this stuff.

"The North covens are, by comparison, very civilized. Mostly we are nomads here who enjoy the day life as well as the night, and allow humans to interact with us unsuspectingly- Un-acknowledgement is important to us all.

"It's a different world in the South. Immortals come out only during night. They spend the day plotting there next move, or predicting the enemy's. Because it has been war in the South, been war for centuries, with never a moment of truce. The covens there notice humans as soldiers notice herds of cow by the wayside- food for the taking. They only hide from the notice of the herd because of the Volturi.

"Remember the map with the red dots?"

I nodded.

"The war they are fighting is for the control of the thickest red.

"As it occurred too many, someone thought if he were the only vampire in… Mexico City, well then, he could feed every night, twice, three times, and no one would ever notice. He thought of ways to get rid of competition.

"Others had the same idea. Some came up with more effective tactics than others.

"But the most effective tactic was invented by a fairly young vampire named Benito. The first anyone ever heard of him, he came down from somewhere north of Dallas and massacred the two small covens that shared the area near Houston. Two nights later, he took on the much stronger clan of allies that claimed Monterrey in northern Mexico. Again, he won.

"Benito had created an army of newborns.

"How can you win with a bunch of babies?" I grinned up at him trying to lighten the mood a bit. He chuckled, shaking his head.

"Newborn vampire's darlin', completely different to newborn humans; anyway he was the first one to think of it, and in the beginning, he was unstoppable. Very young vampires are volatile, wild, and almost impossible to control. One newborn can be reasoned with, taught to restrain himself, but ten, fifteen, together are a night mare. They'll turn on each other as easily as on the enemy you point them at. Benito had to keep making more as they fought amongst themselves, and as the covens he decimated took more than half his force down before they lost.

"Though newborns are dangerous there still possible to defeat if you know what you're doing. There incredibly powerful physically, for the first year or so, and if they're allowed to bring strength to bear they can crush an older vampire with ease. But they are slaves to their instincts and thus predictable. Usually they have no skill in fighting, only muscle and ferocity. And in this case, overwhelming numbers.

"The vampires in southern Mexico realized what was coming for them and they did the only thing they could think of to counteract Benito. They made armies of their own…

"All hell broke loose- and I mean that more literally than you can possibly imagine. We immortals have our histories, too, and this particular war will never be forgotten. Of course, it was not a good time to be human in Mexico, either.

"When the body count reached epidemic proportions- in fact, your histories blame a disease for the population slump- the Volturi finally stepped in. The entire guard came together and sought out every newborn in the bottom half of North America. Benito was entrenched in Puebla, Building his army as quickly as he could in order to take on the prize- Mexico City. The Volturi started with him, and then moved on to the others.

"Anyone who was found with newborns was executed immediately, and since everyone was preparing to protect themselves from Benito, Mexico was emptied of vampires, for a time.

"The Volturi was, let's say, cleaning house for almost a year. Another chapter in history that will always be remembered thought there were very few who witnessed and was left to speak of what it was like. I spoke to someone once who had watched what happened from a distance when they visited Culiacan."

I grabbed his hand expecting him to shiver, but all he did was smile at me halfheartedly and squeeze back lightly.

"It was enough that the fever for conquest did not spread from the South. The rest of the world stayed sane. We owe the Volturi for our present way of life.

"But when the Volturi went back to Italy, the survivors were quick to stake their claims in the South.

"It didn't take long before covens began to dispute again. There was a lot of bad blood, if you'll forgive the expression. Vendettas abounded. The idea of newborns was already there, and some were not able to resist. However, the Volturi had not been forgotten, and the southern covens were more careful this time. The newborns were selected from the human pool with more care, and given more training. They were used circumspectly, and the humans remained for the most part, oblivious. Their creators gave the Volturi no reason to return.

"The wars resumed, but on a smaller scale. Every now and then, someone would go too far, speculation would begin in the human newspapers, and the Volturi would return and clean out the city, But they let the others, the careful ones, continue…"

He looked down at our laced hands, and then looked up at me with an unreadable expression.

"That's why you were changed." He nodded.

"I was born in Houston, Texas in 1843. When I was almost seventeen I joined the Confederate army in 1861. I lied and said I was twenty." He smiled at the fond memory. "I was tall enough to get away with it."

I scoffed and he laughed at my reaction.

"My military carrier was short-lived but very promising. People always listened to what I had to say, they liked me. My father said it was charisma but I now know that it was something more. Because of that reason I was quickly promoted through the ranks, over older, more experienced men. The Confederate army was new and attempting to organize itself, which provided opportunities. By the first encounter with Galveston I was the youngest major in Texas, not even including my real age.

"I was placed in charge of evacuating women and children from city when the Union's mortar boats reached the harbor. It took a day to prepare them, and then I left with the first column of citizens to transport them to Houston.

"I remember that one night very clearly." His hand gripped mine tighter though not enough to hurt. "We reached the city after dark. I stayed only long enough to make sure the entire party was sagely situated. As soon as that was done, I got myself a fresh horse, and I headed back to Galveston. There wasn't time to rest.

"Just a mile outside the city, I found three women on foot. I assumed they were stragglers and dismounted at once to offer my aid. Nut, when I could see their faces in the dim light of the moon, I was stunned into silence. They, were, without question, the three most beautiful women I had ever seen,

"They had such pale skin, I remember marveling at it. Even the little black haired girl those features were clearly Mexican, was porcelain in the moonlight. They seemed young, all of them, still young enough to be called girls, I knew they were not lost members of our party. I would have remembered seeing these three.

"'He's speechless,' the tallest girl said in a lovely, delicate voice- it was like wind chimes. She had fair hair, and her skin was snow white.

"The other was blonder still, her skin just as chalky. Her face was like an angel's. She leaned toward me with half-closed eyes and inhaled deeply.

"'Mmm,' she sighed. 'Lovely.'

"The small one, the tiny brunette, put her hand on the girls arm and spoke quickly. Her voice was too soft and musical to be sharp, but that seemed to be the way she intended it.

"'Concentrate, Nettie,' she said.

"I'd always had a good sense of how people related to each other, and it was immediately clear that the brunette was somehow in charge of the others.

"'He looks right- young, strong, an officer…'the brunette posed and I tried unsuccessfully to speak. 'And there's something more… do you sense it?' she asked the other two. 'He's… compelling.'

"'Oh, yes,' Nettie quickly agreed, leaning toward me again.

"'Patience,' the brunette cautioned her. 'I want to keep this one.'

"Nettie frowned; she seemed annoyed.

"'You'd better do it, Maria,' the taller blonde spoke again. 'If he's important to you. I kill them twice as often as I keep them.'

"'Yes, I'll do it,' Maria agreed. 'I really do like this one. Take Nettie away, will you? I don't want to have to protect my back while I'm trying to focus.'

"My hair was standing up on the back of my neck though I didn't understand the meaning of anything the beautiful creatures were saying. My instincts told me that there was danger, that the angel had meant it when she spoke of killing, but my judgment overruled my instincts. I had not been taught to fear women, but to protect them."

"Are you kidding me? Women are terrifying!" I threw my free hand up in the air.

"I know that now." He smiled. "You're constantly terrifying the hell out of me. Like with the window."

"Sorry."I made a face but couldn't help but smile, but too soon it dropped. "Maria changed you."

"Yes," the look on his face made him seemingly made of stone, marble. "'Let's hunt, ' Nettie agreed enthusiastically, reaching for the tall girl's hand. They wheeled -they were so graceful! - And sprinted toward the city. They seemed to almost take flight, they were so fast - their white dresses blew out behind them like wings. I blinked in amazement, and they were gone.

"I turned to stare at Maria, who was watching me curiously.

"I'd never been superstitious in my life. Until that second, I'd never believed in ghosts or any other such nonsense. Suddenly, I was unsure.

"'What is your name, soldier?' Maria asked me.

"'Major Jasper Whitlock, ma'am, ' I stammered, unable to be impolite to a female, even if she was a ghost.

"'I truly hope you survive, Jasper, ' she said in her gentle voice.'I have a good feeling about you.'

"She took a step closer, and inclined her head as if she were going to kiss me. I stood frozen in place, though my instincts were screaming at me to run. "

Jasper paused, his face thoughtful. "A few days later,"

I put my hand up to stop him."Wait! What aren't you telling me?"

"It's better if you don't know."

"It hurt, as if you were on fire, right. For three days."

His face became exasperated."You shouldn't know these things."

"I know." I closed my eyes as he continued listening to him continue.

"I was introduced to my new life.

"Their names were Maria, Nettie, and Lucy. They hadn't been together long - Maria had rounded up the other two - all three were survivors of recently lost battles. Theirs was a partnership of convenience. Maria wanted revenge, and she wanted her territories back. The others were eager to increase their . . . Herd lands, I suppose you could say. They were putting together an army, and going about it more carefully than was usual. It was Maria's idea. She wanted a superior army, so she sought out specific humans who had potential. Then she gave us much more attention, more training than anyone else had bothered with. She taught us to fight, and she taught us to be invisible to the humans. When we did well, we were rewarded. . ."

My eyes were open by then and I almost grinded my teeth. It just did not sound good. I might be a bit perverted. From the corner of my eye I could see him looking at me.

"She was in a hurry, though. Maria knew that the massive strength of the newborn began to wane around the year mark, and she wanted to act while we were strong.

"There were six of us when I joined Maria's band. She added four more within a fortnight. We were all male - Maria wanted soldiers - and that made it slightly more difficult to keep from fighting amongst ourselves. I fought my first battles against my new comrades in arms. I was quicker than the others, better at combat. Maria was pleased with me, though put out that she had to keep replacing the ones I destroyed. I was rewarded often, and that made me stronger.

"Maria was a good judge of character. She decided to put me in charge of the others - as if I were being promoted. It suited my nature exactly. The casualties went down dramatically, and our numbers swelled to hover around twenty.

"This was considerable for the cautious times we lived in. My ability, as yet undefined, to control the emotional atmosphere around me was vitally effective. We soon began to work together in a way that newborn vampires had never cooperated before. Even Maria, Nettie, and Lucy were able to work together more easily.

"Maria grew quite fond of me - she began to depend upon me. And, in some ways, I worshipped the ground she walked on. I had no idea that any other life was possible. Maria told us this was the way things were, and we believed.

"She asked me to tell her when my brothers and I were ready to fight, and I was eager to prove myself. I pulled together an army of twenty-three in the end - twenty-three unbelievably strong new vampires, organized and skilled as no others before. Maria was ecstatic.

"We crept down toward Monterrey, her former home, and she unleashed us on her enemies. They had only nine newborns at the time, and a pair of older vampires controlling them. We took them down more easily than Maria could believe, losing only four in the process. It was an unheard-of margin of victory.

"And we were well trained. We did it without attracting notice. The city changed hands without any human being aware.

"Success made Maria greedy. It wasn't long before she began to eye other cities. That first year, she extended her control to cover most of Texas and northern Mexico. Then the others came from the South to dislodge her."

He brushed two fingers along the faint pattern of scars on his arm. "The fighting was intense. Many began to worry that the Volturi would return. Of the original twenty-three, I was the only one to survive the first eighteen months. We both won and lost. Nettie and Lucy turned on Maria eventually - but that one we won.

"Maria and I were able to hold on to Monterrey. It quieted a little, though the wars continued. The idea of conquest was dying out; it was mostly vengeance and feuding now. So many had lost their partners, and that is something our kind does not forgive. . . .

"Maria and I always kept a dozen or so newborns ready. They meant little to us - they were pawns, they were disposable. When they outgrew their usefulness, we did dispose of them. My life continued in the same violent pattern and the years passed. I was sick of it all for a very long time before anything changed . . .

"Decades later, I developed a friendship with a newborn who'd remained useful and survived his first three years, against the odds. His name was Peter. I liked Peter; he was . . . Civilized -I suppose that's the right word. He didn't enjoy the fight, though he was good at it.

"He was assigned to deal with the newborns - babysit them, you could say. It was a full-time job.

"And then it was time to purge again. The newborns were outgrowing their strength; they were due to be replaced. Peter was supposed to help me dispose of them. We took them aside individually, you see, one by one . . . It was always a very long night. This time, he tried to convince me that a few had potential, but Maria had instructed that we get rid of them all. I told him no.

"We were about halfway through, and I could feel that it was taking a great toll on Peter. I was trying to decide whether or not I should send him away and finish up myself as I called out the next victim. To my surprise, he was suddenly angry, furious. I braced for whatever his mood might foreshadow - he was a good fighter, but he was never a match for me.

"The newborn I'd summoned was a female, just past her year mark. Her name was Charlotte. His feelings changed when she came into view; they gave him away. He yelled for her to run, and he bolted after her. I could have pursued them, but I didn't. I felt . . . Averse to destroying him.

"Maria was irritated with me for that . . .

"Five years later, Peter snuck back for me. He picked a good day to arrive.

"Maria was mystified by my ever-deteriorating frame of mind. She'd never felt a moment's depression, and I wondered why I was different. I began to notice a change in her emotions when she was near me - sometimes there was fear . . . And malice - the same feelings that had given me advance warning when Nettie and Lucy struck. I was preparing myself to destroy my only ally, the core of my existence, when Peter returned. "Peter told me about his new life with Charlotte, told me about options I'd never dreamed I had. In five years, they'd never had a fight, though they'd met many others in the north. Others who could co-exist without the constant mayhem.

"In one conversation, he had me convinced. I was ready to go, and somewhat relieved I wouldn't have to kill Maria. I'd been her companion for as many years as Carlisle and Edward have been together, yet the bond between us was nowhere near as strong. When you live for the fight, for the blood, the relationships you form are tenuous and easily broken. I walked away without a backward glance.

"I traveled with Peter and Charlotte for a few years, getting the feel of this new, more peaceful world. But the depression didn't fade. I didn't understand what was wrong with me, until Peter noticed that it was always worse after I'd hunted.

"I contemplated that. In so many years of slaughter and carnage, I'd lost nearly all of my humanity. I was undeniably a nightmare, a monster of the grisliest kind. Yet each time I found another human victim, I would feel a faint prick of remembrance for that other life. Watching their eyes widen in wonder at my beauty, I could see Maria and the others in my head, what they had looked like to me the last night that I was Jasper Whitlock. It was stronger for me - this borrowed memory - than it was for anyone else, because I could feel everything my prey was feeling. And I lived their emotions as I killed them.

"As you said I can manipulate the emotions around myself, but I wonder if you realize how the feelings in a room affect me. I live every day in a climate of emotion. But around you I barely feel any emotion at all. In the class room I thought that that would be a relief. I could kill you without feeling anything." He looked into my eyes. "But I couldn't, even when the monster inside me fought so hard, no matter what, I just didn't want to kill you. To me you were the perfect alcoholic drink in a room of cold stale beer. And I was a deprived alcoholic just come out of rehab."

"I know you want be to be scared about that, but I just feel flattered." I smiled sheepishly at him.

"Again, you're terrifying." He shook his head but tightened his hold on my hand. He was relieved. Relived I hadn't ran away.

But I actually wondered; I looked at my hand that was still laced in his; would he actually let me go?

"For the first century of my life, I lived in a world of bloodthirsty vengeance. Hate was my constant companion. It eased some when I left Maria, but I still had to feel the horror and fear of my prey.

"It began to be too much.

"The depression got worse, and I wandered away from Peter and Charlotte. Civilized as they were, they didn't feel the same aversion I was beginning to feel. They only wanted peace from the fight. I was so wearied by killing - killing anyone, even mere humans.

"Yet I had to keep killing. What choice did I have? I tried to kill less often, but I would get too thirsty and I would give in. After a century of instant gratification, I found self-discipline. . . Challenging. I still haven't perfected that."

His desolate expression he had gained as he was talking smoothed into a peaceful smile. I was a little worried about this part. I changed this part.

"I was in Philadelphia. There was a storm, and I was out during the day - something I was not completely comfortable with yet. I knew standing in the rain would attract attention, so I ducked into a little half-empty diner. My eyes were dark enough that no one would notice them, though this meant I was thirsty, and that worried me a little.

"They were there, Alice and Liam - expecting me, naturally." He chuckled once. "Alice hopped down from the high stool at the counter as soon as I walked in and came directly toward me.

"It shocked me. I was not sure if they meant to attack. Liam stayed back; he most likely knew I was a bit wary. That's the only interpretation of her behavior my past had to offer. But she was smiling. And the emotions that were emanating from her were like nothing I'd ever felt before.

"'You've kept us waiting a long time, ' she said. I ducked my head, like a good Southern gentleman, and said, 'I'm sorry, ma'am. 'She held out her hand, and I took it without stopping to make sense of what I was doing. For the first time in almost a century, I felt hope. Liam was smirking at me. 'Keep your hands off my lady.' Even as he said it he felt no ill will to me.

"Alice told me what she'd seen of Carlisle and his family. I could hardly believe that such an existence was possible, vegetarian vampires! But Alice made me optimistic. So we went to find them.

""Scared the hell out of them, too, Emmett and Edward were away hunting. I show up, covered in battle scars, towing a very energetic Alice, who greets them all by name, knows everything about them, and wants to know which room she can move into; and Liam.

He laughed as I smiled.

"I like the ending."

"I do to."

Now it was time to ask the question that had been running through my head ever since it was mentioned. "Who's Liam?"

"Alice's mate, almost her complete opposite. But it was like they were made for each other."

Well then I don't feel so bad.

"I should get you home." He got up, gently pulling me up with him.

"Yeah," I got onto his back and closed my eyes before he shot of toward my home. I felt the air whip around me and felt like I was flying. After maybe three minutes I felt up come to a stop and opened my eye seeing up in my room.

"Goodnight," He whispered.

"Jasper," I looked up at him. "No matter what you do, you will never be a monster to me. You will never be anything but Jasper."

He looked troubled, he came over to me grabbed the back of my head and attentively kissed my forehead.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Promise?" I asked looking up at him in a daze. Sure it was just a kiss on the forehead but to me it was bliss. "No matter what?"

"No matter what." He confirmed and went over to the window. "Go to sleep, we'll talk more later."

"Night," I breathed out.

"Goodnight," He said again with a small smile.

After he left I went and took a shower because I had a strong feeling I was going to be late tomorrow for school, got dressed in black pajama pants and a big t-shirt and got into bed, quickly falling asleep.

~Shreba