"Can't you help me as I'm starting to burn?
Too many doses and i'm starting to get an attraction,
My confidence is leaving me on my own,
No one can save me and you know I don't want the attention~"
Avenged Sevenfold bat country. Fucking sweet song. I let out a breath. Music was the only thing that gave me peace these days, that and smoking. I play a little guitar myself. I remembered the time that me, Henrietta, Georgie and Evan entered the school's talent show with our song 'Talent shows are for fags.' We showed them. Evan had a good voice, steady and deep. I would definently have his songs on my i-pod. I slapped my hand over my eyes and groaned. There I go again with my Gay conforormist thoughts. I knew that if I kept this up, I would just bring myself more pain and suffereing. I got off my bed and walked across my bedrom floor. I picked up a small black leather book- my poetry book, and flicked through the pages, stopping at a certain page, I cleared my throat and started reading the poem out to myself.
"His voice is like whispered secrets,
The only murmer unheard by everyone around me,
He's like the only light in a poor of darkness,
I want to swim towards him but I know the light will fade,
I want to be swallowed by this endless pit of black,
Or be drowned in this sea of pain,
Because I know that it will be less painful,
then becoming your tortured soul~"
That was just one verse of the many poems I'v written, obviously, based on Evan. He's the only good thing in life, and I tend to steer clear of good things. I glanced at my alarm clock. '8:40'. Fuck. I was going to be running late to Benny's. I kept my black skinny jeans on, but changed into a fresh grey shirt, raked a comb through my fringe and scruffed up the top layers with hairspray. I lent in close to my mirror and re-applied my eyeliner, making my eyes as dark as charcoal. I slipped into my purple shoes and shoved my money and keys into my jeans pocket as I walked out the door. Benny's might just be another place that the corperate used to get money, but it was the only place in South Park that wasn't crawling with the conformist kids that went to our school. I stepped inside and walked over to our usual booth where the others were already sitting. "Dylan, your late." Henrietta stated. "Sorry, I got sort of, sidetracked.."
Evan smirked. "It's okay, we just got here too." I sat next to Evan and we ordered our usual six dollers worth of coffee from the crankey old bag of a waitress who told us to get a life, as usual, and Evan called her a conformist bitch, as usual. A few minutes later, she returned with four mugs of coffee, put them on our table, glared at us and walked away. We sat there for a while, warming our hangs with our mugs. I held mine tightly until the heat seaped through my skin and stung my fingers and palms. I closed my eyes and a feeling of relief ran through me. When I re-opened them, Henrietta pulled out a mirror and started to re-apply her black lipstick, Georgie was staring down into his coffee and was slowly stirring it with a spoon. Evan was aimlessley staring at the empty booth next to us. I also looked at the booth. I couldn't help but remember the time that Mike and his conformist friends decided to buy a bunch of clothes from hot topic and pretend to be douchey little vampires. They even started coming here, but they didn't drink coffee because they said they were too young to drink caffine. They didn't smoke either. "Fucking assholes" I murmered.
"Who's an asshole?" Said Henrietta.
"Oh, I was just thinking about the time that those douchey little vampire kids tried to take over our hotspots" I said. Evan casually rested his head on his hand and looked at me. "OH? I was was just thinking about that too. Fucking conformists."
"Yeah, what douchebags" I agreed.
Evan chuckled. I felt a small smile on my face, which is a bad thing to do when your goth. happiness in general was a bad thing. I coughed akwardly and Evan looked back down at his coffee, I looked at Henrietta who was also looking down at her coffee. she had a small smile on her face like she knew something that we didn't. We all sat there in silence for a few minutes beofre the silence was broken. Kids from our school came in and walked up to our table. They were all in my grade so I recognized them. Stan Marsh, that fat kid Cartman, the poor kid kenny, that jew kyle broflovski and four other douchebags Craig Tucker, Clyde Donovan, Token Black and Tweek Tweak. I remembered Stan Marsh the most. He was once one of us. His girlfriend dumped him and he became a tortured soul, just like us. We welcomed him with open arms, we gave him the name Raven, we dressed him like us and he even drank coffee at Benny's with us. And then one day, he realized that he liked life, so went back to his conformist friends and his conformist lifestyle. I was glad to see the back of him to be hinest, I almost thought that him and Evan had something going on. Evan gave him his cane and looked after him. "What do you conformists want?" I asked.
"Look," Stan began, "Wendy's having a huge party and everyone's invited." Evan rolled his eyes.
"What makes you think that we'd want to go to some conformist party filled with loads of Justin and Britney wannabe's?"
"Look, everyones invited, meaning Goths, nerds, jocks, everyone. No doubt alot of these guys will stay home. You guys stay home, and you'll be conforming to them." Stan just played our conformist card against us. I glared at him. "Your all just a bunch of Nazi conformist cheerleaders." , said Georgie. Georgie was pretty young, and his insults were pretty...odd, but he still told them. "Fine." Said Craig. "You guys just stay home like a bunch of conformist pussy's" And with that, they walked out. Henrietta rolled her eyes. "As if that Craig kid even knows what the word 'conformist' means."
Evan looked at me.
"I think we should go." He said seriously.
"What, your kidding right?" I said in disbelief.
"Think about it, If we don't go, we'll be admitting defeat, it's like when we sang in the talent show to show everyone that we can own talent shows and thet there for fags." He said.
I looked at Georgie. "Maybe we should go, it would be really unexpected." He said. I looked at Henrietta, hopeful that she would take my side. She just shrugged. "Do go, don't go, it doesn't matter to me." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I turned my attention back to Evan. "Fine, you go to a fucking conformist party full of stereotyping douchebags. When did you start caring about what other people think of you? Soon you'll be a fucking conformist yourself." Evan looked completley taken aback. I stood up.
"Dylan, don't go, please..." I ignored him and started walking briskly towards the exit, not once looking back at his beautiful, desperate face.