Disclaimer: I do not own South Park, admit it, if anyone but Matt Stone and Trey Parker owned it, it would probably suck.

"Hey Chef." called Stan cheerfully, picking up a brown cafeteria tray. Since the school had fired the old cafeteria lady and hired Chef, the majority of the students had started eating again.
"Hello children, how are things?" asked Chef "Good, Kyle hit Craig with a chair." reported Stan.
"Outta my way jew." said Cartman, pushing past Kyle.
"Hey! Fucking fattass." muttered Kyle, he briefly considered hitting him over the head with his tray.
"Now why would he do that?" asked Chef, he added an extra spoonful of potatoes to Cartman's tray. "Hey had Stan pinned to the wall." explained Kyle.
"So now Stan's the girl?" asked Kenny while reaching over Stan's shoulder to steal his bread roll.
"Khyl's dick isn't big enough to fuck Stan with." laughed Cartman. Kyle threw his empty tray at Cartman's head, unfortunately missing.
"Speaking of fucking, I know who Cartman was practically molesting during first period." said Kenny with a smile.
"You guys are holding up the line!" complained a ginger kid behind them. They took a table and continued the discussion.
"Who was unlucky enough to be harassed by Cartman?" asked Stan.
"Butters, and he seemed to really be enjoying it." said Kenny smirking at Cartman.
"Kinny, unlike Khyl and his faggy boyfriend, I'm no fucking fag!" snapped Cartman in between bites. "Can't deny it, I saw you two sucking face." grinned Kenny.
"Whatever dude, Cartman couldn't make it with Butters. Have you been smoking his mom's crack?" laughed Stan "Ay!" said Cartman angrely "If I wanted Butters I could have him." "Prove it." challenged Kyle.
"Butters! Godamnit Butters get your ass over here!" shouted Cartman. Butters hurried over from where he was sitting with Pip and the Goth-kids. Ever since he helped them destroy hottopic they hadn't demanded he go to hell whenever they saw him. "Wha-what is it?" asked Butters nervously.
"Butters if I told you to have sex with me would you do it?"asked Cartman, already knowing the answer. The girlish blond flushed bright red.
"Of course...did you want to?" asked Butters. That was met with an insane amount of laughter from Kenny. "Of course not! Now go away." growled Cartman, he turned back to face Stan "Told ya"
"Ok now I believe Kenny." admitted Stan "Whatever, I don't need to prove anything to you. Screw you guys, I'm going home." said Cartman angrily. As he stomped off Kenny stole the remains of his lunch. "Did you really see them?" asked Kyle.
"Swear to god." replied Kenny, he reached out his left hand and grab onto Wendy's arm as she passed by, almost as if he had planned it. "Girls my offer on a three way still stands."
"Go to hell." snapped Bebe pulling Wendy's arm out of his grasp.
"Been there, done that now I want to do you." said Kenny with a seductive smile. Wendy rolled her eyes and they walked off together. "Man Wendy has become even more of a snob since she hooked up with Bebe." complained Kyle. "At least Bebe isn't after your ass anymore." laughed Kenny. Stan smiled and slid his hands under Kyle's ass, lifting his boyfriend onto his lap.
"It's my ass now." laughed Stan flicking his tongue out against Kyle's ear.
"Maybe you should tattoo your name on his ass." suggested Kenny "Please don't." pleaded Kyle "That sounds painful."
"Not any more than getting your cherry popped." explained Kenny "and I know you've done that to him."
"Why is our sex life in constant discussion?" asked Kyle, tipping his head up to nip at Stan's lips.
"Because if we discussed Kenny's we'd be here all day." answered Stan, even Kenny had to laugh at that.