December 1, 2010
Here's a fun chapter. I've been reading English scanlations of Naruto and Bleach since I discovered how many manga references I'd need to use in this fan fiction. To make it easier for readers, I'm starting to use brackets [like this] to name the manga titles I reference.

*Minor corrections made.*

Thanks for reading this! The corresponding chapter of the public domain Don Quixote translation that I'm using is at {www. online-literature. com/ cervantes/ don_quixote/ 9/} (cut and paste inside the {funky brackets}, and remove the spaces to get the correct web address).

Dan's Mishap Continues
Chapter 5

As Dan writhed in pain, he rolled into a puddle of rainwater.

"The swamp of the underworld," Dan muttered, recalling the Gallant Jiraiya and Uzamaki Naruto, when the six paths of Pein left the hermit sage dying [in the manga Naruto]. This was a story known to manga lovers the world over, as fantastic a story as the exploits of Genji Monogatari [in Gekka no Kimi].

Feeling like he was suffering the fate of Jiraiya, he pondered the third person perspective of the manga and expressed the words that Jiraiya would have uttered, had he known.

Reading your book in the village,
- - My reflection appears!
What stirs in your heart, my lady?
- - Does this confirm your fears?

He continued making up his own ballad and was blathering away until he declared:

Tale of Gallant Jiraiya …
- - Destined child Naruto!
-

Now it just so happened that another homeless punk was ambling through the grassy park just as Dan uttered those words. This kid was a homeless tent city vagrant, like Dan. He was returning from a morning shift as a dishwasher at an internet café, which didn't pay enough to rent an apartment anywhere near Tokyo. He knelt down in the wet grass and tried to figure out what was wrong with the boy rolling around. "What happened to you?"

Dan opened his eyes. "Naruto? You look … different."

The guy got the "you look different" treatment frequently in the land of the rising sun, being of African origin and other mixed ethnicities.

Dan assumed that this was indeed Naruto, so he continued with Jiraiya's never-before-spoken final words as Naruto's teacher. Dan spoke of the love that the Hokage and Naruto's mother had. He spoke of the friendship of the Hokage to him, and the kind words spoken about his novel. And he admitted he never truly saw Naruto as the destined child. Not until death!

The punk had been rendered immobile by Dan's weird babbling. But lunacy was common among tent dwellers, so he tipped back Dan's baseball cap so that he could look more closely at the guy on the ground. He used a rag pilfered from the café to wipe the mud and grass from Dan's face. And what do you know? A familiar face after all! "DX?"

Apparently Dan had thought that 'Daniel X' as a name wasn't cool enough, so he had persuaded all the tent city dwellers to call him 'DX'

"Did someone rough you up, dude?"

Dan kept going with the charade. So the kid ignored the incoherent gibberish and made sure that Dan was okay … no broken bones, at least. No bruises on his head or anywhere else, as far as he could tell without violating Dan's decency. And there wasn't any blood. No broken nose, to be sure.

Looking around, he grabbed Dan's cap, to make sure it didn't get left behind, and then he hoisted Dan to carry him piggy-back. It was easy to get Dan mounted on his backside. It sure was easier than carrying Dan bridal-style! The punk double-checked to make sure Dan hadn't lost anything on the ground. He would have even picked up Dan's pocket lint if there were any. Finally, with Dan hugging his chest, he righted the bicycle and walked it along the path.

It was a sorry scene with Dan going on and on with his ridiculous ranting. At times, Dan seemed lifeless, barely clinging to the poor guy, sliding further along, practically riding his butt at times.

Sometimes Dan sighed in dramatic despair. So the punk would ask again, "What the devil happened to you, man?"

And the devil was in the details, most certainly. For Dan forgot all about Jaraiya, and now imagined that he was Sen when Swordfish, the sly prison boss with a 200-year prison sentence, rescued him after Lain's torturous treatment [in the Mature Adult manga Under Grand Hotel (aka, Under Ground Hotel or UGH)].

Of course this innocent kid knew nothing of Dan's state of mind. So when he asked the innocuous question, "How are you feeling?" Dan responded just as if he were in Under "Grand" Hotel. "Don't touch me, Sword! I thought you were straight. And married. With a kid."

"What the eff?" the kid grumbled. "You read yaoi? You're a loony toon, you know that?" So he picked up the pace and trotted next to the bike, with Dan hugging his back, to reach the tent city on the other side of the park.

"Sword," Dan said with passion, "I need to tell you my secret. You see, the woman I love, she really is Dana. I would do anything for her, Sword. I am intrepid and audacious in the fantastic deeds that I have done, and in the phenomenal acts I do now, and even in the astounding feats I will accomplish in the future!"

"Dude!" the punk said in exasperation. "DX," he said more kindly, "I can't say I've never been the 'Q' in GBLTQ, but can't you see that I'm not a homophobic bi … I'm not Swordfish! It's me ... Willy. The tent city, dude! And you're definitely not Jaraiya and I doubt you'd even make a good cosplay Sen. You're Daniel X, Friend. Wake up and smell the asphalt in the afternoon heat."

Dan hugged Willy's chest more tightly, cinched himself up higher on his back, sniffed his nostrils indignantly, and said. "I know who I am."

Willy looked behind him to glimpse the "long time ago in a galaxy far, far away [Star Wars IV: A New Hope]" look on Dan's face. Dan continued his proclamation. "I could be anyone I've mentioned. I could be the twelve members of the Akatsuki [in Naruto]. I may even be the Seven Samurai [1945 Akira Kurusawa film]. Everything I've accomplished on Terra Firma demonstrates that my strength is even greater than each and every one of them."

Feeling sorry for Dan, Willy waited until the daylight began to fade before bringing him into the tent city while he was having such a ridiculous rant. So, walking the last stretch of sidewalk, Willy carried him to section of the tent city where he'd seen Dan overnight on occasion.

A man named Graff and a woman named Altrelda were shuffling around the tents, wringing their hands, and generally looking distraught by the time Willy brought Dan back.

"Where could that kid be?" Graff bemoaned, scratching the blonde white of his receding hairline.

"Three days is such a long time a for Daniel to be gone," Altrelda sighed, straightening her auburn hair into a ponytail holder. She leaned against the man, resting her forehead on his shoulders and sighed. "And he took his bike and cap, too," she said, wiping a tear from her face. Graff nodded, patting her shoulder. "You don't think? … Oh, no, it couldn't be!"

The man touched Altrelda's arm and said, "Anything's possible. Tell me."

She straightened up and drew her long bangs off her face. "Well, he's been reading so many manga recently. It's really gotten out of hand, to tell you the truth. Why, he even said the other morning that he was going to go all shonen and find his own action adventures. Cursed be that Ryuk and Light Yagami [of Death Note] with those magazines that have ruined the sanest mind in Tokyo!"

A girl shuffled up, twisting her shirt around her fingers. "Oba-sama," she addressed the woman, "sometimes DX went to the internet cafes and read for two whole days and nights. And then he sometimes would throw a book against the wall and stand on the table and jump around. Then he'd get all breathless-like, and he'd tell me that he killed four aliens that were pretending to be skyscrapers. And if he was dripping in sweat, he'd say, 'Don't mind the blood, I'll live.' Then I'd give him some water to drink and he'd calm down but he'd pretend that he was drinking an elixer from his home planet, Alpak Nok." She shook her double ponytails on each side of her head, looked at the hole above the big toe of her left shoe and sniffled.

"Oh, Brenda," Altrelda comforted her, hugging her close.

"It's all my fault," Brenda sobbed into the woman's stomach, clutching her legs. "I should have told you how freakish DX was getting. Then this never would have happened! And we could have ripped up all the magazines and stayed warm, burning them in a trash can!"

Graff came to the girl and lifted her in his arms so that she could rest her head on his shoulder. He comforted her, "Now, now. We'll deal with the manga trash first thing in the morning. And by nightfall we'll have ourselves a toasty fire and then we will give a warning to every boy and girl in Tokyo of the dangers of reading these tomes."

Willy had watched the spectacle and he realized what was going down with Dan. "Hey!" he shouted. "This is Jiraiya, breathing his dying breaths, and Naruto Uzamaki. And this is also Sen Owari and Swordfish of Under Ground Hotel, ready to take good care of Sen in prison."

Graff lowered Brenda and glanced at Altrelda before swiftly walking over to Willy. The woman took Brenda by the hand and hurried after the man.

"Wait!" Dan said, lifting his head off Willy's back. "My bike threw me off, and I must retire to a tent with the List and Young Magician [Shounen Mahoushi] to lift my spirits. It's my only hope."

Altreda huffed, hands on hips. "See what I mean? I told you so. And as for you, Daniel, into the tent you go. But no manga for you, young man. To think those drawings have corrupted your mind so! And forget whatever list you're mumbling about."

Willy carried Dan into the tent that Graff pointed out and deposited him on a piece of cardboard. Using the light from Daniel's cell phone, Graph and Willy checked Dan to see if he really was hurt but didn't find anything serious at all. Dan sat up and with dramatic flair regaled them of his adventure when he wiped out on his bicycle Roc while battling ten giants the size of Mount Fuji.

"Is that so?" chuckled Graff. "We'll have Yu Kanda [of D. Gray Man] come and take care of 'em, how 'bout that?" he snickered.

Dan smiled in contented agreement. Willy shot him a look that said, That was stupid. Can you say, 'Enabler?'

Graff sighed and urged Dan, "Come on, kid. Tell us what really happened. What did you do for the last three days? Can't you remember anything?"

To each question Dan waved him off. "If you want to help me, then give me some food. I'm starving. And then let me sleep. Sheesh!"

Graff dug through a bag and found a convenience store meal of inari, half an egg and a rice ball, which Dan gratefully accepted. Then Graff left the tent with Willy. "I've seen you around before, haven't I?" Graff asked, inviting Willy to hunker down next to the tent on a stool.

"Yeah, I got a tent in another corner of the park." Willy pointed it out.

"So, how'd you find him?"

Willy shrugged. "He was lying in the grass in the middle of the park."

"When?"

Willy looked at his watch, which he realized he had pawned off, and looked out into the park. "Some time this afternoon. He was talking crazy. I kinda wanted to lay low before bringing him back here."

"Was he saying all that weird shi… I mean, stuff?" Graff asked.

"Yeah. He was telling me I was Jiraiya … Naruto's teacher, ya know. And then he went all UGH on me."

Graff kindly looked away when Willy blushed. "Can you believe him talking trash to me, like I'm some prison boss that will save his sorry ass…assets?"

"Sadly, I can imagine it," Graff said. "Don't take it personally, kid."

"Yeah, you're right," Willy mumbled. Then he stood up. "I guess I'll be heading over to my own cardboard palace."

Graff stood and shook Willy's hand. "Thanks for bringing him back."

"Later." Willy started to bow and then realized that neither of them were Japanese, so the formality was a bit unnecessary. He walked off, patting the back pocket of his jeans, finding it empty, and wishing he had a pack of smokes.

Graff checked on Altrelda and Brenda, who were already asleep in a tent nearby. Graff pulled an orange tarp over a bench and a hedge of bushes. He matted down the sheets of thick plastic and lay down, thinking about his plans to deal with Dan in the morning.