Part Three: The Burning Ones
Pairing: Juliark (Clark/Julian)
Julian Larson, Clark Sawyer and the Daltonverse plotline are from CP Coulter's "Dalton".
"Ten minutes for you guys, okay, Clark? Julian?" called one of the assistants.
Clark rose from his seat at the green room, but as expected, Julian remained sprawled on the couch, only acknowledging with eyes lifted momentarily. The assistant ducked away out of the doorway, and Clark headed to go. Julian looked up and said, "Where are you going? She said ten minutes."
"I always wait in the wings when they say ten minutes." Clark ran a hand carefully through his perfectly styled hair. "I know you don't get up until they say five, so I'll wait for you out there."
Clark hadn't spoken a word since they hit the studio, and their people descended to help them get ready. Julian was pulled away by his publicists and managers, who were taking turns in briefing him on what was going to happen and berating him for being out of contact all night, and now very clearly hung over. Julian had just winced irritably at them, letting them take the dark glasses from his eyes, and looked up when he saw Clark being pulled away by his own people, Clark listening patiently with that partially confused look in his face as usual.
Julian, still apprehensive by Clark's strange reaction in the Bentley, had waved a little in goodbye to him as they were taken to their separate dressing rooms, but Clark didn't see him as he spoke to his people.
Julian may have been in the industry longer (since childhood), but Clark was more used to the whole process. Ever since Julian had begun going to high school, his in-and-out dives in Hollywood always had him adjusting and re-adjusting to the environment. Clark lived in it full time, so he was always, always "on". He knew what he was doing and almost never had to be told too long what was expected of him.
And here was where Julian felt a pang for lashing out at him. He didn't know what Clark had going for him, but for him to remain as that perfectly amiable person amidst all the hot lamps and the perfectly crafted image (which, as it would appear, was not a front—it really was him) was a feat. He was really trying to help when he spoke to Julian in the car, because he really did reach out when he could. To anyone who wasn't fake, like him.
And Julian was hardly ever fake when he was with him. He was only fake in front of the camera. And Julian realized that Clark knew him far far better than anyone in Hollywood did. And, as it would seem, better than anyone at Dalton as well.
The tall popstar now stood at the door of the greenroom, pausing momentarily with his hand on the doorknob. He glanced back to Julian slightly. Clark's eyes rested on the phone that was abandoned on the table again. Julian looked deep in thought.
And Clark decided to do the non-shitty thing—and not have Julian remain near, in this world, when he deserved better. "…you should know that…he's looking for you."
Julian, who was seemingly deep in thought, glanced up, a little distracted. "Sorry—what? Who?"
Clark immediately panicked as sanity set back in. What was he saying? Julian would know that he'd been in his phone if he told him. He'd never trust him again and while Clark was willing to let him run off, he didn't want to lose himentirely. "I meant—I meant Everly. Everly is…looking for you. He…wants to…talk to you about some scenes he wanted." And he hastily left, heart pounding in his chest.
It wasn't often that he had momentary lapses of judgment, but though he meant well, Clark couldn't possibly let the ever-private Julian know that he's been digging into his phone out of sheer jealousy as the case may be. He was only human for heavenssakes. He fled the green room like it was on fire. He had to get his head straight.
Julian stared after Clark, who was acting even more strangely than usual, as he disappeared. Now what did he miss? And how could he have missed it, he was thinking about the guy the whole time! Fucking hangover, I can't catch a break—
He jumped when his phone rattled on the table. Another message. He rolled his eyes and scooped it up. It probably was Everly, like Clark said. Well whatever Academy-award-winning-Director wanted, he'd get…
Julian looked into his inbox and stopped at the name. It was from "Logan W."
Again.
He closed his eyes. Please, please stop haunting me.He hissed to himself, pushing the sight of green eyes away—
—and realized he had a memory of a pair of blue ones amidst the amber light of his bedroom. So very…very close. Warm breath over his lips, his hand having the physical memory of a warm cheek.
And it wasn't from this morning.
He opened his eyes. He looked back down at his inbox and saw something odd. Logan's message was marked unread, but the one right below it was. And Julian hadn't read a single message from Logan since he'd left Dalton. His brow furrowed. Had he opened this one last night? Was this what was bugging him?
He opened it and read the same message Clark had opened in his moment of weakness.
And everything fell into place.
The comments about him not going back to school, about Logan, and why he said that someone was looking for him and why he'd said it in that soft tone—and most importantly—
—last night.
Julian dropped his phone. That expression. That look on Clark's face when he said he didn't want to remember. It came back in a foggy blast that left Julian sick to his stomach. Oh no. Oh no, oh no…
"Clark!" Julian hurled himself out of the couch, going so fast that his still hungover self hurt everywhere. He reached the door only to have it opened by Jessica, his publicist. "Julian!" she gasped. "Come on, five minutes! Go, go!" and she grabbed his wrist and pulled him out of the room.
"Clark."
The popstar smiled as Julian breathlessly came up next to him. "Hey. You're almost on. You go out first, you're the higher billed." He grinned easily.
"Clark, I have to talk to you about—"
"—stars of South of Heavencoming out this summer—Julian Larson and Clark Sawyer!"
The girls in the brightly colored studio erupted into screaming at decibels that could've sent lamps smashing into the ground. Julian felt Clark's warm hand on the small of his back, urging him forward into the light. In the blaze of the lamps, Julian felt a little disoriented, and the wild screaming in the studio rose even further.
Clark stepped in behind him, and the screaming worsened as the fangirls caught sight of him—all of it did nothingfor Julian's hangover.
Coming up next to the heavily made-up and bubbly hosts, Julian and Clark smiled to the fangirls, waving to them as clips from the trailer played back in the large screens around them. After the customary exchange of greetings and hugs to the hosts, they both took seats on high stools, Clark looking even more long-legged that way as his feet still nearly touched the floor, and Julian sending girls into fits of wild screaming as he merely brushed back his brown hair.
The interview proceeded with the regularity of every single interview they've had before: the same questions about the movie, how relationships are with the cast, what they think of the talk in Tinsel Town about the movie. Julian was asked how it felt to be working with Everly for the third time, and having Alicia as his leading lady and bride-to-be. Clark was asked about how it felt to have his first real blockbuster, and working with such a prestigious director.
There was the talk of Julian and Alicia going out for real ("We're just great friends—Alicia's a really talented actress."), and Clark getting rumors of leaving his band ("I'm still working very closely with the group and my phone is full their daily supportive messages."). And this led to one of the hosts joking that Clark might be getting rusty, and ask if he would sing a song for them? Any song?
The studio nearly collapsed with the screaming as Clark laughed and nodded. Julian was mildly amused, smiling as one of the assistants immediately came forward with a guitar. Another chair was put down in the middle of the studio, and Clark smiled as he got off the stool and went to that one, guitar in hand.
He strummed a little for a moment, testing it, before he nodded to the fans in the room. They started screaming again. Julian almost laughed, but he was surprised when Clark met his eyes and smiled in a different way from his "stage" smile. It didn't reach his eyes.
As the noise died down, Clark leaned forward to the microphone as be began to sing:
Closed off from love; I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough and it was all in vain
Time starts to pass, before you know it you're frozen
Blue eyes lifted to Julian, whose heart practically stopped.
But something happened for the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground; found something true
And everyone's looking round thinking I'm going crazy…
Julian forgot he was even in a studio. He stared, wide-eyed and mouth open slightly, face flushing under the makeup, as Clark sang in his beautiful tone:
But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing
You cut me open and I…
Keep bleeding—Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding—I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding—Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open…
Never in his life had this ever happened to Julian. He heard of it happening all the time in Warblers, and Logan, Blaine and Kurt must have done it a million times to one another, to each other, but never had a song been directed to him before.
And Julian had to wonder if the song was meant to empathize with him, if Clark was trying to sing something that was meant as Julian's own personal catharsis, or…if it was meant for him. Clark's eyes glanced to him slightly again.
Trying hard not to hear but they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears, try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal is to keep me from falling…
Julian rose from the stool, hand gripped on the microphone. He wasn't going to just sit and listen. He brought the mic to his lips and, to the wild screaming of the fans, moved towards Clark as he sang.
But nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness I see your face
Yet everyone around me thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe…
Clark's look of surprise as Julian moved to him was worth it. Julian smirked a little as he kept singing, giving him a sidelong glance as he turned to the fans, singing along with Clark and sending the fans into a frenzy. Their voices rose and melded together:
But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing
You cut me open and I…
Keep bleeding—Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding—I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding—Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I…
They both looked at each other only for a moment—not just enough for people not to take notice, but just enough for the other to know—as they sang together.
Keep bleeding—Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding—I keep, keep bleeding love…
That brought the house down. Julian smiled to the fans as Clark rose from the stool and waved to them, the hosts crowing in delight, "Give it up for Clark and Julian, everybody!"
The screaming became louder, and Julian became aware of an arm going around his shoulders. He smiled as Clark gave him a quick, firm hug, and returned it, patting the other boy's arm, before the two of them released each other and waved again to the fans.
"I think I'm going to pass out."
Clark laughed as Julian flopped down on his back onto the couch back in the condo. The afternoon sun streamed into the windows as the breeze fluttered the curtains, and everything was wonderfully quiet.
At the wake of the sudden, impromptu Clark-Julian performance (only Clark had been consigned to sing, so Julian joining him caused quite a bit of a ruckus), their publicists repeatedly begged them to please warn them the next time they planned on doing such a thing. It was already all over the place, and the internet had exploded. Their fangirls had the video up on youtube almost immediately after the show, and the two were able to watch it on the phones. And they were actually very good together.
Their managers agreed to set them loose for the afternoon—they wouldn't be needed until a red carpet event tonight. But they wanted them in the salons by early evening. Giving Clark and Julian a few precious hours to themselves.
"They want us to sing again," Clark remarked with a smile as he looked down at Julian form. "As least, that's what Lacey told me. Apparently it was promotional gold,what we did. And the producers for Something Damagedhave gone off the wall. They want us to sing together in the show. The scriptwriters are on it already."
"Everyone gets overexcited way too easily around here—it was one song," Julian said, eyes closed as he lay down on the couch, sprawled, shirt riding up a little and looking far too luxurious for Clark's comfort. The older boy would have turned away, but he stopped when he saw Julian lift his hand to him, arm extended as though beckoning to him. "Hey."
A little puzzled, Clark moved to him and took the lifted hand, the fine hairs on Julian's arm glimmering gold through the afternoon sun. He looked as beautiful as ever, dappled like that.
Julian thought the same of the all-too-human angel standing over him, holding his hand firmly for a moment, eyes half closed. He kept their hands together for a moment, and murmured, "Thank you."
"For what?" Clark smiled.
Julian stared at him for a long moment. Clark really was going to let last night go by without a word. It was just the way he was. But Julian wasn't going to be the one to pretend. Not anymore.
Clark felt the tug of Julian's weight and supported it as Julian used his strength to get up from the couch and onto his feet. Julian stood right up next to him, as close as they had been last night. Clark loosened his hold, expecting Julian to let go, but when Julian's hand tightened on his, he responded to it.
The sun blazed between them as Julian lifted his head up to look at Clark, who was looking a little confused. Julian lifted his other hand, putting it at the back of Clark's neck, pulling the other boy down to him a little. Eyes fluttered closed, brushed with golden afternoon light, Julian carefully pressed his lips to Clark's own.
He felt Clark tense beneath his hands, and for some absurd reason, tears stung under Julian's eyelids as he kept his hold firm, begging Clark not to pull away, to please, for the sake of his sanity, please stay and kiss him back—to reassure him without saying a word that he hadn't lost him.
A warm hand slipped around his waist, pulling him closer as Clark responded to the kiss, his other hand moving into Julian's brown hair. Julian breathed out in relief as he continued to kiss him, the lips against his own moving with tender restraint that he'd never quite been able to master.
So this is what kissing Clark Sawyer is like… he wondered, losing rational thinking. …warm.
They parted from the kiss and Julian stared up at Clark, who looked at him with an expression that could've only been tender longing. The younger actor smiled faintly. "…I'm sorry I'm late. But I am hung over."
Clark was a little surprised, but he smiled a little now. "…I thought you…" He shook his head a little. "I was happy with whatever you were happy with."
"Then it's this." Julian tightened his hold on Clark's hand. "I was an idiot earlier this afternoon. I…I didn't mean what I said. Can I…" he swallowed. He looked up with misted, determined eyes. "…Can I take it back?"
"You're not an idiot…" Clark admonished softly.
"You're supposed to agree with me," Julian prompted, frowning.
"But—"
"Just please let me take it back. I'm only going to ever apologize to you, Clark Sawyer." Julian's eyes were rapidly filling in spite of his determination to keep the tears in. He was starting to feel a little desperate, hands shaking. "And I'm doing it because it's you. Because I've given up everything else. I'm willing to let all that go, I damn well am, but I refuse…" He took a shuddering breath as the tears won out. "—I fucking refuse to give you up too. I can't lose you out of something as idiotic as a hangover."
Clark smiled as he lowered his eyes, a soft, short laugh escaping his lips. This was the strangest confession anyone had ever given to him. The strangest, the best, and it came from the one he never expected it from.
It was perfect.
He pulled Julian against him. "I would've still stood by you, you know. You didn't have to do this."
Julian was aware he was getting Clark's shirt wet. "Yeah well…I have to start somewhere. That really stupid thing that happened to me…I wasn't going to just let it happen to you. You're too nice for your own damn good—you're like a three-year-old. I know too well how shitty having to pretend it's nothing feels."
Clark just smiled, holding him close. "…you are too good for him."
"Who?"
Clark didn't answer. Julian pulled back and looked up at him. "I'm not going back to Dalton, Clark."
The taller boy looked at him intently. Julian already knew, presumably, so maybe he could just say it. "…he wants you back. He wouldn't be calling you off the hook otherwise."
"He doesn't want me back because he feels the same way. He's never looked at me, I told you."
"He could. If you told him. …the way I told you last night what it was like for me."
Julian lowered his eyes, and Clark smiled sadly at him. Julian had loved Logan for years. Clark had to make sure that he had a chance at happiness—
"You really are an idiot."
Clark stared. "What?"
Julian lifted his hands up to Clark's head, pulling him to him again. "You just answered it yourself. He could love me if I told him, the same way you told me. Yes. You took the chance and told me. …and that's why I'm with you now." Julian kissed him lightly one more time. "…stop hurting yourself and pushing me away. I want to be here for once in my life. Be selfish for once…and tell me you want me."
Clark's hands tightened on Julian's waist. Give or take—heaven or hell—human or angel—out the window and into the sky. It didn't matter anymore. This is the only thing that did. "…I do. I have for while."
"All I needed to hear…" Julian whispered, kissing him again, harder this time, which Clark responded to so strongly that Julian thought they'd both catch fire. Bodies pulled tight against each other and kissing with the hunger of unrequited gazes, Julian's hands fisting into Clark's shirt and Clark keeping Julian firmly against him, they did look as though they were on fire against the afternoon sun.
It was a start. It was definitely, definitely a promising start.